Mercedes Email - Sickening

18 replies
In a previous life (before moving to Borneo) I was a customer of Mercedes, so they've sent me an email.

Damn does it suck... and to top it off, they used a small, light gray font!


"Dear Mr Carr,

Available from the end of March, the new generation of C-Class Saloons and Estates are even more impressive than their hugely successful predecessors.

The styling has been dramatically enhanced to give the new C-Class even more dynamic lines. Both the Saloon and the Estate have had their looks redefined by newly sculpted front and rear bumpers, a bold new aluminium bonnet, refreshed headlight design and new LED tail lights. All of which makes for a distinctive, arresting statement.

The interior is equally captivating, offering more dynamic yet luxurious touches throughout. The stylish new dashboard is more driver focused and features a larger integrated display screen for audio and navigation functions, including the all new, optional COMAND system (now with internet access and an SD card slot). A newly designed nappa leather steering wheel and new interior trim packages further enhance the dynamic qualities of this car.

The C-Class is also more efficient than ever before. The impressive twin turbo C 220 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY engine, with manual transmission and start/stop functionality, delivers all the power you need, yet offers remarkably low CO2 emissions (from 117 g/km combined cycle). If an automatic transmission is your choice the all new 7G-Tronic Plus 7-speed gearbox, also featuring start/stop technology, results in class leading CO2 (from 125 g/km combined cycle), an extremely responsive drive whilst still retaining the comfort for which our automatic gearboxes are renowned.

Make sure you're the first to know more about the exhilarating driving experience that is the new generation C-Class and register your interest today

Yours sincerely,

Ian Dutfield
Marketing Director"

If adjectives are lard, then this email as a BMI of 40+

"...features a larger integrated display screen for audio and navigation functions" Be still, my beating heart!

Leaving the reader to figure out the benefits for themselves has never struck me as effective copywriting?

Obviously they're relying heavily on customer brand loyalty and their name but this has actually, seriously, put me off the idea of another Merc'. I'm supposed to rush out and buy one, because they re-styled the tail lamps?

That came first, before the engine/gearbox changes?

Yeah, you can say its selling image rather than technology but how are the tech-challenged supposed to react to:

"...engine, with manual transmission and start/stop functionality..."?

No sh*t Sherlock? I presume they mean it cuts out at the lights and smoothly restarts for pulling away or something but jeeze..? Could they have worded it worse?

Perhaps they're too discreet to tell me the top speed, 0-60, the horsepower behind or it anything as common as the MPG - but I'm to buy a twin-turbo car because it delivers 117 g/km of CO2?

Twin turbochargers, to cram massive amounts of pressurized fuel through the engine for maximum performace.. CO2 - can we say marketing mismatch?

Feel not one but two whistling turbos kick in - and save the planet? What?

This is going in my swipe file, not because it's good but because it will make a great demonstration of why smaller, lesser-known companies need copywriters.

When you have the brand recognition and reputation of Mercedes you can, apparently, do away with such things.

Until then, you need a professional copywriter!



AC


PS: They got 3 things right, they spelt my name correctly, used closed brackets to try to create an informal air (and failed miserably anyway) and finished with a call to action.

It still gets a D-
#email #mercedes #sickening
  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    Originally Posted by AlanCarr View Post

    ...
    PS: They got 3 things right, they spelt my name correctly, used closed brackets to try to create an informal air (and failed miserably anyway) and finished with a call to action.
    Actually, I think they're down to 2...

    Originally Posted by AlanCarr View Post

    "Make sure you're the first to know more about the exhilarating driving experience that is the new generation C-Class and register your interest today..."
    Sure, Mr. Dutfield... I'd LOVE to "register my interest today"! Except...

    ... you didn't tell me how I'm supposed to do that. No phone #, nor email, no URL. Hell, not even instructions for a carrier pigeon.

    Oh well. :rolleyes:

    That really is a hilariously bad email. Def a swipe for the "Marketing Hall of Shame".
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      ... you didn't tell me how I'm supposed to do that. No phone #, nor email, no URL. Hell, not even instructions for a carrier pigeon.
      The goal isn't to get you to visit a site, email the company or call them - it's to send people to Mercedes dealerships.

      If a dealership sent the message of course they'd include their name, location, etc. If sent by the home office of a company with thousands of franchise locations, nope.

      I'd file this email under "gentle nudge". Just enough info to make status seekers wonder if their own Mercedes has now been "dated" by the new design. Could it be targeted only at the buyer demographic for C-Class? Or the first email in a new campaign? Or aimed only at those who bought sometime in years past?

      If you purchased the sports model, might the email be focused on speed and handling? Clearly, it's not a great sales email - but perhaps it wasn't meant to be that.

      kay
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        Great - they send me a personal email, then I have to fill in a form, including my name and email address?
        THAT needs some work. "Please sign yourself up as a warm lead so we can target you"???

        I wonder if Mercedes runs its own ad promotions or if they use ad agencies to create lead generators like this one.

        kay
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      • Profile picture of the author ECoatTech
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        The goal isn't to get you to visit a site, email the company or call them - it's to send people to Mercedes dealerships.

        If a dealership sent the message of course they'd include their name, location, etc. If sent by the home office of a company with thousands of franchise locations, nope.

        I'd file this email under "gentle nudge". Just enough info to make status seekers wonder if their own Mercedes has now been "dated" by the new design. Could it be targeted only at the buyer demographic for C-Class? Or the first email in a new campaign? Or aimed only at those who bought sometime in years past?

        If you purchased the sports model, might the email be focused on speed and handling? Clearly, it's not a great sales email - but perhaps it wasn't meant to be that.

        kay
        Perhaps so. What part of this letter did you get that idea. There is a link that is click-able.
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        • Profile picture of the author Jess Alexander
          I love how nothing in the body suggests an "exhilarating driving experience." Yet that's what they push at the end.
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          • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
            So many bad sales letters and emails, crying out to be re-written ...

            ... so little time!

            Paul
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            If you want to learn the dark arts of copywriting to increase sales or set up a prestige business
            as a copywriter then click here. Or if you want it all done for you then click here.
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            • Profile picture of the author sayu88
              If all was perfect there would be no opportunities. What an overused word, but it's true. While you had your laugh with Mercedes, I'm getting no satisfaction with Lexus.

              What's the world coming to?
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              Brian DesLauriers
              YouTube Your Business

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  • Profile picture of the author AlanCarr
    My bad for not mentioning, "register your interest today" is clickable.

    After all, they're a hi-tec company doncha know?

    Mercedes-Benz - Find out more about the new C-Class

    Great - they send me a personal email, then I have to fill in a form, including my name and email address?

    That's usual enough but you don't buy a twin-turbo Merc' because they're normal. Is dynamically updating the form for me too much?

    I just replied:

    You know, I'm hurt.

    It's like finding out a good friend secretly hates you.

    We were entwined because of your love and appreciation of excellence. The pureness of your spirit, the determination to do it right, with cost a necessary but distant concern. You made a little Mercedes, just for me, a newer 'C' class, to replace my beloved190E.

    Price conscious yes, but a MERCEDES.

    Brutally efficient engineering. Cutting edge technology, safely sheathed yet razor sharp. Tested, tweaked, perfected.

    Comfort to enjoy the journey, power when you need the destination.

    My new Merc'?

    Styling? By all means fiddle but let's not change too much, OK? The badge says it all, because it tells a story, a story of uncompromising ideals of automotive excellence, from a 3-wheeled steam engine to todays...

    What? Re-styled tail lamps?

    CO2 emissions?

    It's OK, I get it now.

    I thought we were friends, twin spirits. On the road, we shared SO much...

    But you really think I'm a vain, fashion-conscious tree-hugger who only cares about your face-lift and that badge.

    Ouch.

    That's how you seduce me? Wave your cosmetic surgery in my face and tell me that, for a Mercedes, you don't fart so much?

    Perhaps you meant this email for my wife?


    Please remove me from your mailing list. We're not friends any more.



    Alan
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    www.copywriter-ac.com

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  • Profile picture of the author tofiq
    Wow can't believe the Mercedes company sent that, they are like in my list one of top car companies.
    But that shows, that the marketing world is something that it's competitive and not even the best companies can move forward without a good marketing team.
    Though they should hire some Warrior!

    Edit:
    Oh just saw that the link was click-able.
    That changes my opinion !
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  • Profile picture of the author Johnny12345
    Seriously? The car is called the "saloon"?

    Does it have woodgrain paneling on the sides and little horses on the hubcaps?

    John
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    • Profile picture of the author gekko2.0
      Originally Posted by Johnny12345 View Post

      Seriously? The car is called the "saloon"?

      Does it have woodgrain paneling on the sides and little horses on the hubcaps?

      John
      If it has swinging doors on it I'm buying
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  • Profile picture of the author AlanCarr
    Johnny, that's just localized English. It means the same as 'sedan' in American, likewise the use of the word "bonnet" (hood)



    AC
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    This man is living his dream. Are you...?
    www.copywriter-ac.com

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    • Profile picture of the author Johnny12345
      Originally Posted by AlanCarr View Post

      Johnny, that's just localized English. It means the same as 'sedan' in American, likewise the use of the word "bonnet" (hood)
      Oh... sorry to hear that.

      I was hoping the Germans had decided to give the 1971 Ford Pinto Station Wagon a run for the money.


      They just don't make'em like that any more.

      John
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      • Profile picture of the author jasdon
        Originally Posted by Johnny12345 View Post

        Oh... sorry to hear that.

        I was hoping the Germans had decided to give the 1971 Ford Pinto Station Wagon a run for the money.


        They just don't make'em like that any more.

        John
        Yep - there's a reason for that
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  • Profile picture of the author jasdon
    A few years ago Porsche sent me a nice hard back brochure when they were introducing the Cayenne GTS.

    "That's nice" I thought while trying to remember how long ago it was that I last test drove a Porsche - must've been 9 or 10 years prior.

    Reading through said brochure though wasn't so good. Several pages were out of order. Instead of biting the bullet and trashing the lot, they decided to send them out, probably to the ones on their list who they deemed least likely to buy.

    Even now, whenever I see a Cayenne GTS I think there's something not quite right about it; the piss-poor brochure tainted the product for me, as has your Merc experience.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    This thing reeks of 'committee.'
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  • Profile picture of the author bertyounger
    I know the agency that manages the direct campaigns for Mercedes in the US and they wouldn't release a mess like that. I taught him better than that. Or maybe he lost the account? I'm wondering what site the hyperlink goes to?
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