Mercedes Email - Sickening

In a previous life (before moving to Borneo) I was a customer of Mercedes, so they've sent me an email.

Damn does it suck... and to top it off, they used a small, light gray font!


"Dear Mr Carr,

Available from the end of March, the new generation of C-Class Saloons and Estates are even more impressive than their hugely successful predecessors.

The styling has been dramatically enhanced to give the new C-Class even more dynamic lines. Both the Saloon and the Estate have had their looks redefined by newly sculpted front and rear bumpers, a bold new aluminium bonnet, refreshed headlight design and new LED tail lights. All of which makes for a distinctive, arresting statement.

The interior is equally captivating, offering more dynamic yet luxurious touches throughout. The stylish new dashboard is more driver focused and features a larger integrated display screen for audio and navigation functions, including the all new, optional COMAND system (now with internet access and an SD card slot). A newly designed nappa leather steering wheel and new interior trim packages further enhance the dynamic qualities of this car.

The C-Class is also more efficient than ever before. The impressive twin turbo C 220 CDI BlueEFFICIENCY engine, with manual transmission and start/stop functionality, delivers all the power you need, yet offers remarkably low CO2 emissions (from 117 g/km combined cycle). If an automatic transmission is your choice the all new 7G-Tronic Plus 7-speed gearbox, also featuring start/stop technology, results in class leading CO2 (from 125 g/km combined cycle), an extremely responsive drive whilst still retaining the comfort for which our automatic gearboxes are renowned.

Make sure you're the first to know more about the exhilarating driving experience that is the new generation C-Class and register your interest today

Yours sincerely,

Ian Dutfield
Marketing Director"

If adjectives are lard, then this email as a BMI of 40+

"...features a larger integrated display screen for audio and navigation functions" Be still, my beating heart!

Leaving the reader to figure out the benefits for themselves has never struck me as effective copywriting?

Obviously they're relying heavily on customer brand loyalty and their name but this has actually, seriously, put me off the idea of another Merc'. I'm supposed to rush out and buy one, because they re-styled the tail lamps?

That came first, before the engine/gearbox changes?

Yeah, you can say its selling image rather than technology but how are the tech-challenged supposed to react to:

"...engine, with manual transmission and start/stop functionality..."?

No sh*t Sherlock? I presume they mean it cuts out at the lights and smoothly restarts for pulling away or something but jeeze..? Could they have worded it worse?

Perhaps they're too discreet to tell me the top speed, 0-60, the horsepower behind or it anything as common as the MPG - but I'm to buy a twin-turbo car because it delivers 117 g/km of CO2?

Twin turbochargers, to cram massive amounts of pressurized fuel through the engine for maximum performace.. CO2 - can we say marketing mismatch?

Feel not one but two whistling turbos kick in - and save the planet? What?

This is going in my swipe file, not because it's good but because it will make a great demonstration of why smaller, lesser-known companies need copywriters.

When you have the brand recognition and reputation of Mercedes you can, apparently, do away with such things.

Until then, you need a professional copywriter!



AC


PS: They got 3 things right, they spelt my name correctly, used closed brackets to try to create an informal air (and failed miserably anyway) and finished with a call to action.

It still gets a D-