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Critique of Headlines...Which Do You Prefer

by JamaulFinley
8 replies
Hi everyone,

This is my first post in the warrior forums even though I've seen this community for some time now. Thanks for all you do.

Will you please provide feedback on the following Headlines and rate which ones create an emotional response or desire to read more?

I appreciate it. You all Rock!

#1) Discover The Exact Blueprint To "Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing" And Uncover A Simple Behind-theScenes Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly.

#2) Discover The Exact Blueprint To Eliminate Your Attraction Marketing Struggles With And Uncover A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Naturally Attract More Leads

#3) Grab Your FREE FREE 7 Part Course Revealing How To Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing And Gives You The Exact Formula to Easily Attract Targeted Leads

#4) Grab Your FREE 60 Minute DVD Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly. You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads!

#5) You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads! Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly

#6) You Don't Have To Frantically Search Online Just To Find The Next Marketing Trick or Tip. Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly
#critique #headlines…which #prefer
  • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
    They're all one hec of a mouthful Jamaul.

    None of them stand out to me in the slightest.

    What's wrong with something much more simple and to the point?

    A strong benefit driven headline...

    Generate More Business Leads Easily
    Signature
    --->----->----->----->-----> MarkAndrews IMCopywriting <-----<-----<-----<-----<---
    http://www.IMCopywriting.com
    Mark@IMCopywriting.com
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Were these done with an article spinner? :confused:
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Originally Posted by JamaulFinley View Post

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first post in the warrior forums even though I've seen this community for some time now. Thanks for all you do.

    Will you please provide feedback on the following Headlines and rate which ones create an emotional response or desire to read more?

    I appreciate it. You all Rock!

    #1) Discover The Exact Blueprint To "Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing" And Uncover A Simple Behind-theScenes Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly.

    #2) Discover The Exact Blueprint To Eliminate Your Attraction Marketing Struggles With And Uncover A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Naturally Attract More Leads

    #3) Grab Your FREE FREE 7 Part Course Revealing How To Eliminate Your Struggles With Attraction Marketing And Gives You The Exact Formula to Easily Attract Targeted Leads

    #4) Grab Your FREE 60 Minute DVD Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly. You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads!

    #5) You Don't Have To Spend 5 Hours A Day Marketing Just To Attract 3 Measly Leads! Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly

    #6) You Don't Have To Frantically Search Online Just To Find The Next Marketing Trick or Tip. Grab Your FREE 7 Part Course Revealing A Simple "Behind-theScenes" Strategy to Generate More Leads Effortlessly
    I don't think your readers are staying up at night, wondering to themselves, "How am I going to eliminate my struggles with attraction marketing?!"

    Maybe they are. But this cowboy doesn't even know what the heck you're talking about. Is this, like, new-agey Law of Attraction stuff? Or some convoluted way to say "leads?"


    I highlighted the 4th one because I think it has a prayer of interesting me as a reader, with a little tweaking.

    The "behind the scenes" bit has me a *trifle* curious. Of course, right now, the curiosity isn't working in your favor. Because what I'm wondering is: "WHAT scenes?"

    What plugged-in insider group is using these methods, and why would I want to know them?

    I think if you want to keep your the language more-or-less as you have it, you could alter it slightly to say more like:

    Grab Your FREE 60 Minute DVD Revealing A Simple "Behind-the-Scenes" Strategy (Some person or group of people) Uses to Generate (some number of) Leads Effortlessly...Every Time.

    That might be enough to get me to give you my email if I were a salesman.
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  • Profile picture of the author sierracharlie
    To be quite honest, they are all terrible headlines. Too wordy and too confusing. How about

    "The Secrets to Business Lead Generation. Free 60 minute DVD"
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
    "Give Me JUST 60 Minutes, And I'll Give You A Proven Lead Gen Strategy That Sends 28 Daily Prospects - In ANY Market - For Less Than Your Morning Coffee. Enter Your Details Below For Free Instant Access..."

    Still wordy, and not very original, but makes more sense and is more specific. But make sure the claims are true and can be backed up in your copy/product/service.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    FREE DVD Shows You How to Get More Leads Than You Will Ever Need - FAST
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    • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
      Keep it simple man... or they will simply click away


      Stop struggling for sales...
      How To Get Lots Of Qualified Leads
      FREE DVD Shows You How
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  • Profile picture of the author TheOcarlsen
    Agree with those above. Too many words makes your selling points dissapear in trying to make sense of that long sentence.

    My 2p would be:

    *

    Today: no cost. Tomorrow: invaluable.

    1 hour method makes green leads COME TO YOU... in need!


    *

    Could also be more leads. I just like how green leads make people imagine.

    You could possibly also add this sub:

    ...behind-the-scenes video reveals how true attraction marketing is done !

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