Please critique my first article

32 replies
This is my first article New Competition For UK Lottery Market. Please let me have your views and opinions on it. Writing isn't really my best skill so I know I probably need to improve. Any help is appreciated with this process. Link is to articlesbase, where it was approved.

Thanks.
#article #critique #first article help
  • Profile picture of the author brandonacox
    The link be dead, mate.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross James
      Originally Posted by brandonacox View Post

      The link be dead, mate.
      No No! The Link Be An Article Mate, This Is The Copywriting Section!

      -Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author wayfoward
    Oopps! Cheers Brandon. Missed out ("). Link should work fine now.
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  • Profile picture of the author wayfoward
    @Ross, sorry, where should it be posted? I thought writing your own article (not spinning) in effect is my own words, my mistake.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      The focus in this particular area of the forum is on 'selling with words'.

      That said, I presume you're trying to pitch this 'unlottery' thingy.

      I say 'thingy' because - honestly - much of what you wrote is pretty formal and techy-feeling.

      Here's some feedback:

      - Always define your target reader before you put the first word on the page.

      Hint #1: Your target reader is not you.
      Hint #2: Your average reader is going to come into your page with @ a 7th grade (3rd or 4th Form for the UK) reading level.

      Your reader is not you. Why? If they were, they would know what you know, and they wouldn't need to read your article (containing, presumably, information you know, but they don't).

      This doesn't mean you have to talk down to your reader. It DOES mean that you can't go wrong using simple language and unconvoluted reasoning in your article.

      - Your headline is going to be read waaaaay more if you include a benefit for the reader. Don't be coy here. Speak up.

      "New Competition for UK Lottery Market" may have an implied benefit. However, "New Way to "Win" UK Lottery Market" delivers an immediate reason for the reader to keep reading.

      So, don't wiffle. And don't assume the reader will make the same connections you do. Remember: the reader is not you.

      - Order your thoughts. For example, in your first paragraph, the thought in Sentence 1 (UK Lottery has new competition), doesn not connect with the thought in Sentence 2 (times are tight and people are looking for ways to make additional money).

      - Find the Big Idea. There's no Big Idea here. "New competition for UK Lottery" is not a Big Idea. It is a statement of fact.

      The Big Idea brings the reader a Big Benefit. So... backing up a bit...

      Nobody gives sh%t that there's an "unlottery". They do care that there's a new way to make quick money with better odds of winning than they'll get in the usual lottery.

      - Relax the writing. The whole thing reads like it's been written for a science thesis. Chill. Most people playing any lottery are not rocket scientists. They're playing their daughter's birthday, not solving quadratic equations. Write to that guy.

      Bottom line: you're not going to sell squit if you lose the reader in the first paragraph.

      And you're not going to get them to read the first paragraph if you don't use the headline to immediately answer "What's in it for me" [if I keep reading past this headline]?
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Oh great Monkey God of the Bayou...

    Why do you forsake us so?

    Won't you deliver unto us an ARTICLE WRITING subforum... so that your long-suffering subjects in the realm of Copywriting might please you greater?

    We humbly sacrifice yet another article critique in your honor...

    Please... Monkey God... your humble copywriting brethren beseech you.

    ; )
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    • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
      Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

      Oh great Monkey God of the Bayou...

      Why do you forsake us so?

      Won't you deliver unto us an ARTICLE WRITING subforum... so that your long-suffering subjects in the realm of Copywriting might please you greater?

      We humbly sacrifice yet another article critique in your honor...

      Please... Monkey God... your humble copywriting brethren beseech you.

      ; )
      Talking of the Monkey God, here they are in action, for real in Bali.

      Taken from the film, Baraka by Ron Fricke...

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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Thank God you said it Brian...'cause really...I'M SO SICK OF THESE ARTICLE-WRITING BOZOS posting on our beloved copywriting forum. Where's the gatekeeper?

    And why, for that matter, are you encouraging these guys Collette hmmm? They are scum (yes I'm joking...but really..c'mon...this is NOT the "I get $5 per" article-writing section. This is for grown-ups only (insert a friggin smiley if you must).

    "Articlebase where it was approved" - geeze must be a really good read then.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      ... And why, for that matter, are you encouraging these guys Collette hmmm?...
      Because there seemed to be an effort in the article (weak and misguided though it was) to sell something.

      And we're supposed to be about selling, yeah?

      Everything I told him applies to direct response copywriting. There are lots of ways to use direct response techniques to sell stuff (including ideas), that don't involve 5,000+ words.

      Also, far too many 'sales copywriters' here badly need some basic writing lessons.

      Frankly, many of those who post their absymal 'sales copy' for review in this forum would do well to learn the basic criteria for writing a good article. Before their unwieldy, hard-sell pile o' steaming crapola ever sees a glimmer of daylight.

      Because if you can't even sell a simple idea in 400 words - how the hell you going to sell any damn thing in 5,000+ words?
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      • "Because if you can't even sell a simple idea in 400 words - how the hell you going to sell any damn thing in 5,000+ words?"

        hear, hear
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  • Profile picture of the author wayfoward
    Thanks Collette for the constructive criticism. Thanks Brian for bringing up the fact that (repeatedly I guess) "ARTICLE-WRITING BOZOS" (like me in this case) post in a forum that's not the correct forum because as yet the correct forum doesn't exist.

    Some of you copywriting folk are sensitive / touchy little tinkabells aren't you? Collette, you are excluded from that last sentence, because "weak and misguided though my article was" you saw an attempt at something and offered advice on 'wot I rote'. That to me is 'Warrior Forum Member Spirit' so don't let other 'copywriting bozo's' put you down or get you down for trying to help 'newbies'.

    So while this threads going would anyone like to chime in for me and other non omnipotent forum members & state what copywriting IS and why writing your own article has nothing to do with it? Maybe then article writing will get it's own forum as sarcastic comments to the Warrior forum 'monkey gods of the bayou' don't seem to be heard. I'm sure Admin hasn't really forsaken you 'Copywriters of the Warrior Forum'. Just try asking admin nicely if they wouldn't mind starting an article writing forum for us 'article writing bozos'.

    Good job I'm English and brought up on a diet of Monty Python humour or else I could have been a little tinkabell myself and got offended. No more to add to the last bit or else I'd be talking politics and well that's same sh**, different party so no need for original copywriting there!

    Peace to you all, 'live long & prosper'.
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    • Profile picture of the author JonWebContent
      Originally Posted by wayfoward View Post

      Thanks Collette for the constructive criticism. Thanks Brian for bringing up the fact that (repeatedly I guess) "ARTICLE-WRITING BOZOS" (like me in this case) post in a forum that's not the correct forum because as yet the correct forum doesn't exist.

      Some of you copywriting folk are sensitive / touchy little tinkabells aren't you? Collette, you are excluded from that last sentence, because "weak and misguided though my article was" you saw an attempt at something and offered advice on 'wot I rote'. That to me is 'Warrior Forum Member Spirit' so don't let other 'copywriting bozo's' put you down or get you down for trying to help 'newbies'.

      So while this threads going would anyone like to chime in for me and other non omnipotent forum members & state what copywriting IS and why writing your own article has nothing to do with it? Maybe then article writing will get it's own forum as sarcastic comments to the Warrior forum 'monkey gods of the bayou' don't seem to be heard. I'm sure Admin hasn't really forsaken you 'Copywriters of the Warrior Forum'. Just try asking admin nicely if they wouldn't mind starting an article writing forum for us 'article writing bozos'.

      Good job I'm English and brought up on a diet of Monty Python humour or else I could have been a little tinkabell myself and got offended. No more to add to the last bit or else I'd be talking politics and well that's same sh**, different party so no need for original copywriting there!

      Peace to you all, 'live long & prosper'.
      What is with Monty Python that the Brits/English love so darn much? I love me some good comedy, but I have just never understood what is so humorous about their schtick. And this comes from someone that does enjoy some British humor. Just not Monty Python.
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      • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
        Originally Posted by JonWebContent View Post

        What is with Monty Python that the Brits/English love so darn much? I love me some good comedy, but I have just never understood what is so humorous about their schtick. And this comes from someone that does enjoy some British humor. Just not Monty Python.
        They're part of the institution. You have to be British to understand the sense of humour.

        Americans just don't get it. Not a slight on them, they're just well... different. By a long margin.

        If you want to hear some of the current top favourite comedians in the country check out this page...

        YouTube - live at the apollo

        Michael Mcintyre, Ed Byrne, Jack Dee, Russel Howard, Shappi Khorsandi, Lee Mack, Jimmy Carr etc etc... they're all hilarious.

        Enjoy!
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        • Profile picture of the author JonWebContent
          Originally Posted by 247Copywriter View Post

          They're part of the institution. You have to be British to understand the sense of humour.

          Americans just don't get it. Not a slight on them, they're just well... different. By a long margin.

          If you want to hear some of the current top favourite comedians in the country check out this page...

          YouTube - live at the apollo

          Michael Mcintyre, Ed Byrne, Jack Dee, Russel Howard, Shappi Khorsandi, Lee Mack, Jimmy Carr etc etc... they're all hilarious.

          Enjoy!
          Americans and Brits are more similar than they want to admit. We have too many overweight people. You guys have too many bad comedians! Other than that, we both speak the same language, we like similar things, we think we're much more awesome than we really are, and we both think that a British woman's accent is SEXY! And I will be making my first trip to England (well, first trip anywhere in Europe actually) in about 3 months and cannot wait! You guys won't kill me if I make fun of soccer, will you!?
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          • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
            Originally Posted by JonWebContent View Post

            Americans and Brits are more similar than they want to admit. We have too many overweight people. You guys have too many bad comedians! Other than that, we both speak the same language, we like similar things, we think we're much more awesome than we really are, and we both think that a British woman's accent is SEXY! And I will be making my first trip to England (well, first trip anywhere in Europe actually) in about 3 months and cannot wait! You guys won't kill me if I make fun of soccer, will you!?
            Americans, bless em, they like to believe that.

            But believe you me, we're as different as chalk and cheese. And we're a lot slimmer than you guys over the pond and not nearly as loud.

            As for comedy. No comparison. America is decades behind us on that front. Boy oh boy, are you in for a shock or what! As soon as you land here, you're going to be in for a lot of culture shock.

            Okay, we speak the same language, but even there, your English is a lot different to ours.

            I've travelled extensively across the western United States. My last holiday over there was for a full 3 months. Took in over a dozen states in total on just that one trip. Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Montana, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and further to the east, Illinois.

            Nowhere, I repeat nowhere bore any resemblance to life here in the UK.

            When you get nearer to taking your vacation over here, let me know what kind of things appeal to you and I'll be happy to give you a few suggestions to add to your itinerary. Of course, you might just want to stick to the usual American, Japanese tourist traps but if not... hit me up and I'll give you something completely different.

            Just tell me the kind of things you'd like to see and do.

            The offer is there if and when you need it.

            PS Des Moines, what the dickens do you know anyway, stuck in the middle of that giant cornfield?!
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            • You have to be British to understand the sense of humour.
              Ooooooooooooh, that’s not true, I love British sense of humour!

              My favourites are Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, Little Britain, Fawlty Towers, Allo Allo, and The Office. Keeping Up Appearances, Black Books, The Vicar of Dibley and Outnumbered are hilarious, too. And Mister Bean, of course, they know him all over the globe.

              I still watch some old comedies like Carry On movies or Pink Panther, and I cry of laughter every time. I remember watching Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines when I was in primary school, in Poland.

              I hate Four Weddings and a Funeral though, not funny.

              I agree that Monty Python's not for everyone, but then again not everyone appreciates Spike Milligan either. Or Da Ali G

              Jabberwocky and Time Bandits are brilliant. And one more – I know it’s not an English movie, just based on British tradition – Robin Hood: Men in Tights; I’ve seen it so many times and it makes me laugh every single time, it’s so absurd

              PS Sally, here's a little treat for you:
              Oh, Mr. Porter! : Free Download & Streaming : Internet Archive
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  • Profile picture of the author alcymart
    Originally Posted by wayfoward View Post

    This is my first article New Competition For UK Lottery Market. Please let me have your views and opinions on it. Writing isn't really my best skill so I know I probably need to improve. Any help is appreciated with this process. Link is to articlesbase, where it was approved.

    Thanks.
    Interesting concept though...If it was approved by articlebase, then no need to critique it. Spin it carefully towards ezinearticles now. I think I'm late in this thread, pardon me

    Take care,

    Bernard St-Pierre
    Marketing Consultant
    Copywriter/Teacher
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    This is the Sticky up above. In other words - it has the nod from Allen Says, the owner and is WF policy.
    If you're looking for article writers go this section of the Warrior Instead:

    Warriors For Hire - Programmers, Website Designers, Graphic Artists

    Please do not post them in this section. This section is intended for discussion about copywriting which is the writing of sales copy that gets people to take action (i.e. opt-in, buy, call your office, etc.). Hence the name "The Copywriting Forum"

    Hope that helps,

    Mike Humphreys
    There you go - "This section is intended for discussion about copywriting" NOT articles - no matter if there was a half-baked effort to sell something in the article. SEO sells something too. You want that lot to come over here too? I don't.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      This is the Sticky up above. In other words - it has the nod from Allen Says, the owner and is WF policy.
      There you go - "This section is intended for discussion about copywriting" NOT articles - no matter if there was a half-baked effort to sell something in the article. SEO sells something too. You want that lot to come over here too? I don't.
      I agree that the article, etc. guys need a section, because articles, etc. don't really belong in "Copywriting". However, the fact is, those people don't have a section. (SEO people, do.)

      "Warriors for Hire" isn't a place to have your work reviewed. It's a place to post your availability for work. So it makes sense that, if you want your writing reviewed, you would go where the writers are. Right now, the only place set aside for writers is the Copywriting Forum. The Article Forum is allocated for people posting articles for publicity and marketing purposes.

      And - maybe it's my inner Kumbaya, big tent, tree-hugging liberal - I just can't get my panties in a twist because someone has posted here with a geniune request for help to improve their writing.

      Most of the review requests here involve dirt-broke somebodies trying to peddle some GRQ BS, or people asking for help on their sales copy for their "copywriting" product.

      And, most of the time with the review requests, there is so much wrong at the most basic level, there's really nowhere to even begin to critique. Because the copy displays complete ignorance of the fundamental principles of writing any kind of copy.

      Advice on bullets, headlines, etc, aren't going to help 'fix' that level of writing. Yet, again and again, I see people giving copywriting advice for copy that doesn't meet the most basic standards for clear communication.

      Ignoring the fact that the writing sucks to begin with, and focusing on 'copywriting tips and tricks' isn't going to help these 'copywriters' one bit. Because being able to communicate an idea clearly is the most basic skill of a competent copywriter.

      If we started from a position where the writing was fundamentally sound, it would be immeasurably easier to help people more effectively. We'd see less crap here, and raise the calibre of the work submitted for review.

      My vote is to have a separate forum for articles, press releases, and other forms of copy.

      In the meantime, I really don't have a problem with people posting other types of copy for review - assuming that the resulting discussion is constructively related to writing copy. Seems to me that, in the long run, we all stand to benefit.

      P.S. Caveat to Article People and Similar: If you post your stuff here, you WILL get reviewed as brutally as if you were a copywriter. Don't think I'm advocating giving you a pass on your crappy writing just cuz it's an article or whatever. So if you post some keyword-bloated garbage you slapped together in 5 minutes, expect to get ripped a new one.
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      • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
        Originally Posted by Grazina Ajana Szewczyk View Post

        Ooooooooooooh, that's not true, I love British sense of humour!

        My favourites are Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, Little Britain, Fawlty Towers, Allo Allo, and The Office. Keeping Up Appearances, Black Books, The Vicar of Dibley and Outnumbered are hilarious, too. And Mister Bean, of course, they know him all over the globe.
        This stuff is all decades old.

        When I was in the States, no wonder some of you guys think that the British comedy scene is a bit behind the times with these offerings. But that's all you really get to see on the tv over there from my experience. No wonder you don't have a clue what's current over here.

        Mind you, having said that, the latest stuff is probably too risky to show to an American audience. Hence why you're fed with stuff that's as old as the hills.

        Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

        This is the Sticky up above. In other words - it has the nod from Allen Says, the owner and is WF policy.
        There you go - "This section is intended for discussion about copywriting" NOT articles - no matter if there was a half-baked effort to sell something in the article. SEO sells something too. You want that lot to come over here too? I don't.
        I absolutely agree with you Mal, which is why I'm posting so far off topic here on this thread.

        If discussions about article writing and content writing are allowed willy nilly, it won't be long before this section just ends up like the Copywriting section on DP. No decent conversations about copywriting would take place at all. It would be overrun with hundreds of people offering inane advice in no time at all.

        I'm all in favor of keeping this section here focused on nothing but copywriting and salesmanship-in-print.

        We don't want or need article writers questions on this part of the forum. It's not what it's intended for. It is not it's purpose.

        If they want their own section, they can put in a request for their own section.

        The last thing we need is thousands of threads discussing content.

        Originally Posted by Collette View Post

        So it makes sense that, if you want your writing reviewed, you would go where the writers are. Right now, the only place set aside for writers is the Copywriting Forum...My vote is to have a separate forum for articles, press releases, and other forms of copy.
        If they are allowed here in the interim, I'm telling you right now, they will dilute this valuable part of the Warrior Forum and it'll end up an unrecognizable mess after a few short weeks.

        The real copywriters here will be forced out by the sheer deluge of cheap foreign writers.

        It's really important to keep this section focused on what it was set up for in the first place. This is a marketing forum. Copywriters market goods, products and services.

        Article writers, sure many provide high quality advice but this is still not the section for them.

        A subforum within the new article writing section would be best suited to their needs. But that's their problem in requesting this - it's nothing to do with us.

        If anyone wants to call be elitist or wants to accuse me of socially excluding article writing threads and posts in this section... I'm fine with that.

        The last thing we all want is for our overall value to be affected by every Tom, Dick and Harry foreign article writer under the sun who can't write to save his bacon.

        And that's exactly what would happen here if we all allow them here.
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        • Profile picture of the author Collette
          Lord.

          Here's a thought for all the 'purists':

          If you don't want to critique a piece; don't. It will quickly sink to the bottom of the listings, never to be seen again.

          If you don't want to entertain a discussion on the lowly art of writing well, then don't enter the discussion; the thread will quickly sink to the bottom of the listings, never to be seen again.

          As for 'diluting' this 'valuable' part of the forum... seriously...?

          This valuable part of the Forum has been diluted for as long as I've been here.

          People use - and have used - the Copywriting Forum as thinly-disguised personal ads... they post crappy 'advice' borrowed second-hand and present it as brilliant insight... they start threads that deal with the business of being a copywriter, not the art and science of copywriting or salesmanship in print.

          Not to mention how a cacophony of inane and ill-informed copywriting 'advice' assaults our eyeballs on a disturbingly regular basis. The voices of the 'real' copywriters here have long been drowned out by a deluge of fakers.

          And don't even get me started on the myriad 'sales copy' posted for review by some Tom, Dick, or Harry, foreign or otherwise, who can't write to save his bacon. Much less a decent article. Yet who receives support and help where - in kindness - none should be offered.

          Yes, there is gold in here. But there is also an great deal of dross. It is riduculous to pretend otherwise.

          To get all prissy about keeping this part of the WF pristine and free from 'those people' and 'their kind' strikes me as the highest sort of hypocrisy.

          And it reeks of insecurity.

          One of the hallmarks of ALL the great copywriters is that they are insatiably curious, and borrow freely from everywhere - not just direct response.

          Almost everything around us has a copywriting lesson, if we stay curious.

          Another hallmark of ALL the great copywriters is that they censor nothing. Because censorship leads to narrow minds. A narrow mind is the murderer of creativity.

          When we surround ourselves only with people who think exactly like we do, do what we do, and go where we go, we will never discover anything new. And Discovery is the essence of Creativity.

          There are many ways to sell goods, products, and services. Direct Response is just ONE of those ways. And it is not the only way.

          We will all be better copywriters and marketers if we stay open to different influences, different perspectives, and different ways of selling and marketing.
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          • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
            Originally Posted by Collette View Post

            Lord.

            Here's a thought for all the 'purists':

            If you don't want to critique a piece; don't. It will quickly sink to the bottom of the listings, never to be seen again.

            If you don't want to entertain a discussion on the lowly art of writing well, then don't enter the discussion; the thread will quickly sink to the bottom of the listings, never to be seen again.

            As for 'diluting' this 'valuable' part of the forum... seriously...?

            This valuable part of the Forum has been diluted for as long as I've been here.

            People use - and have used - the Copywriting Forum as thinly-disguised personal ads... they post crappy 'advice' borrowed second-hand and present it as brilliant insight... they start threads that deal with the business of being a copywriter, not the art and science of copywriting or salesmanship in print.

            Not to mention how a cacophony of inane and ill-informed copywriting 'advice' assaults our eyeballs on a disturbingly regular basis. The voices of the 'real' copywriters here have long been drowned out by a deluge of fakers.

            And don't even get me started on the myriad 'sales copy' posted for review by some Tom, Dick, or Harry, foreign or otherwise, who can't write to save his bacon. Much less a decent article. Yet who receives support and help where - in kindness - none should be offered.

            Yes, there is gold in here. But there is also an great deal of dross. It is riduculous to pretend otherwise.

            To get all prissy about keeping this part of the WF pristine and free from 'those people' and 'their kind' strikes me as the highest sort of hypocrisy.

            And it reeks of insecurity.

            One of the hallmarks of ALL the great copywriters is that they are insatiably curious, and borrow freely from everywhere - not just direct response.

            Almost everything around us has a copywriting lesson, if we stay curious.

            Another hallmark of ALL the great copywriters is that they censor nothing. Because censorship leads to narrow minds. A narrow mind is the murderer of creativity.

            When we surround ourselves only with people who think exactly like we do, do what we do, and go where we go, we will never discover anything new. And Discovery is the essence of Creativity.

            There are many ways to sell goods, products, and services. Direct Response is just ONE of those ways. And it is not the only way.

            We will all be better copywriters and marketers if we stay open to different influences, different perspectives, and different ways of selling and marketing.
            Mulling this over for a day or so.

            You're right, I'm wrong. Well, sort of. To a certain extent anyway. I'll compromise.

            You actually raised a few good points Collette. Gave me food for thought. Challenged my way of thinking.

            I need to adjust my opinion slightly. Hence new signature.

            In afterthought...thanks.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jess Alexander
            Originally Posted by Collette View Post

            Another hallmark of ALL the great copywriters is that they censor nothing. Because censorship leads to narrow minds. A narrow mind is the murderer of creativity.
            Wouldn't it be better to qualify that? And say that they wouldn't censor what would turn a sale. Because finished writing of any kind is very much about censorship. Censoring what works against the piece's effectiveness.

            I'm sure as hell nearly every copywriter, master or hack, censors the curses and spite and frustration they have for those clients that are giving them special problems. And hands over a glittering letter of persuasion.
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            • Profile picture of the author Jess Alexander
              Copywriting & Article Writing
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              • Location: World Travelling
                You know where I pinched that from
                So who's a foreigner, and who's not? I'm lost.
                This stuff is all decades old.

                So is Casablanca. I still like it. Little Britain started only a few years ago, and Outnumbered is even newer.
                When I was in the States, no wonder some of you guys think that the British comedy scene is a bit behind the times with these offerings. But that's all you really get to see on the tv over there from my experience. No wonder you don't have a clue what's current over here

                I'm not in the States, Sally.
                Mind you, having said that, the latest stuff is probably too risky to show to an American audience. Hence why you're fed with stuff that's as old as the hills.

                I'm as old as the hills, too. Maybe that's why I choose the old comedies sometimes.
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                • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
                  My bad. Australians are amongst the most down to earth people on the planet. With a great can do attitude. I love them.

                  Since you're getting a bit 'wrinkly' you'll probably remember this old British classic too...

                  Only Fools and Horses


                  Or the very famous and most loved Del Boy Bar Scene...

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                  • My bad. Australians are amongst the most down to earth people on the planet. With a great can do attitude. I love them.
                    You're forgiven
                    And i love them, too, especially after that flood, great community spirit...

                    Thanks for the links, my friend who loves British comedies told me about this one (and To the Manor Born) but I've never seen them before.

                    I'm afraid that the bar fall scene is going to be one of these images that come to my mind out of nowhere when I'm listenig to some important person talking about serious stuff... It happened before many times
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                    I write articles, press releases, PLRs and sales letters that have a sparkle, too
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    • Profile picture of the author Jag82
      Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

      This is the Sticky up above. In other words - it has the nod from Allen Says, the owner and is WF policy.
      There you go - "This section is intended for discussion about copywriting" NOT articles - no matter if there was a half-baked effort to sell something in the article. SEO sells something too. You want that lot to come over here too? I don't.
      Hi Mal,

      You are correct. There's some distinction between
      articles and sales copy.

      With that said, I think Collette's point is about looking
      beyond the label of "articles", and that salesmanship
      in print can also exist as short letters.

      We have PPC Ads...email teasers...small ad spaces...
      all short forms that are part of the advertising (selling) mix.

      If you are look at David Ogilvy's classic ads,
      you will find that many of them are in editorial
      style.

      Highly informative.

      But does the job of selling (his firm and his clients') very well.

      I do know where you are coming from, Mal.

      Perhaps, the OP shouldn't have used the term "article".

      However, as long as the subject matter involves the use
      of persuasion, I think we can allow the benefit of some
      leeway here.

      - Jag
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  • Here's some of the most solid advice on writing content that I've ever received. I pulled this directly from the notes I've taken on Eben Pagan's Guru Blueprint Program. Follow these 4 simple guidelines and I know you'll kick some ass in the future...

    What do you need to include to give people a clear idea/concept?

    Introduce your idea:

     You must talk about what you're gonna talk about.

     Then you talk about it and give the conceptual and practical action steps

     Wrap up, summarize, and get the other person into action

    It's easy to forget that the person we're talking to doesn't have all of our experience and they don't have an on ramp to the ideas that were given to them. And so if we just toss them in the random puzzle pieces, they're trying to put them together blindly without seeing the cover of the box.

    When we give an intro, we say what we're gonna talk about and why it's important to listen, then we give some theory and then give some action steps, then summarize and get the person to take action, that's when our communication is complete.

    The 4 Learning Styles

    There are 4 different ways people learn and 4 different ways people teach and when we use all 4 of these, we dramatically decrease the possibility of misunderstanding and dramatically increase the chance that the other person fully gets what we're trying to communicate to them.

    The easiest way to understand these 4 learning style is to think of them as asking a question. Here they are...

    1. Why?

    Why do I need to learn this? You need to get them excited to learn. Tell them what's in it for them if they learn what you're about to teach. You also need to tell them what they're going to avoid if they learn it.

    You need to use both pain AND pleasure.

    Example: If you use what I'm about to teach you, you will lose weight. If you don't use what I'm about to teach you, you will not lose weight and if fact you will probably gain more.

    For the why learning style, they can't hear you until you've connected up what you're about to teach them with the benefit or the result that they want. So always explain, the outcome, the result, the benefit that the person about to embark on this journey will get.

    And also explain the pain and the frustration, the fear that they're going to avoid if they learn what you're teaching them.

    2. What?

    These are the theoretical types. They want to know what they're going to learn. They want the concept and the theory.

    This type of learner loves to know the history, the science behind what you're teaching. If you can talk about a study that was done about the topic you're discussing, they'll love it.

    You can also explain the history of how you figured out exactly how the system works. If you can, show them a map of how all the pieces fit together. You want to zoom out and give them a conceptual view.

    The example for a weight loss product would be explaining how the body puts fat on and how it sheds fat; the science behind it.

    3. How?

    And they need a recipe. They want specific action steps in order to learn.

    Each of the action step involved... 1, 2, 3...

    4. What If?

    What if I go out and do it? What will happen? This one is where they see themselves using it and the result that comes from using it and that's how they learn. And ultimately come to understand once they've used it in the real world.

    Everyone needs to do this.

    So at the end of your content you would summarize and say, "Here's what to go and do, right now to get started! As you're taking action, here's what to watch for to determine if it's working, here's what to watch for that tells you it's not working."

    Eben even goes through this process when putting together a 30 second video. He considers it that important.
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  • Profile picture of the author wayfoward
    Thanks for the writing advice inbetween the general chit chat. I've requested a sub forum in Articles for article reviews via a support ticket. Included a link to this thread as a reason why.

    I've read the 3 'Articles' stickys. Whats needed is a basic all in one guide to writing an article. Obviously I wouldn't be able to tell a good guide from a bad one so if you know of a post that could be used as a sticky that would be great.

    RE: Comedy.... I'm still a big fan of Robin Williams live, seen 2 shows from the 80's years ago & he could easily give the current UK comedians a good run for their money. Also wish HBO would release more of great 90's comedy Dream On on dvd. OK then! I'll leave you all to your copywriting discussion!
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  • Profile picture of the author Johnny12345
    What?! An article writer got in here? Again? How in the wide, wide world of sports did THAT happen?

    We're lucky an event like that didn't disrupt the space-time continuum or cause armageddon!

    For cryin' out loud, will you people please keep the door locked? And, whatever you do, keep those guys away from the flux capacitor!

    John

    P.S. Can't we all just get along?
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    P.S. Can't we all just get along?
    So much battling! Maybe that's the real reason this is called the warrior's forum

    All the same, I agree with ya Johnny.
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