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Critique Please :)

by richpeck
5 replies
Hey Warriors,

Please can you cast your wise eyes over my latest creation:

Free Power 4 U - Generate Your Own Free Electricity And Eliminate Your Energy Bills!

It's taken me a while to do and I would love to hear what someone more experienced in copywriting has to say about it.

Thanks

Rich
#critique
  • Profile picture of the author CharlieBabbage
    ... here are a few comments for what they are worth.

    I think that the page is too long - most folks can't be bothered to read through all those testimonials, no matter how good they are.

    I realise that you have your hyperlinks in blue type. However, you also have lots of underlined single words which are NOT hyperlinks. This may cause confusion.

    Do you really need the PS PPS and PPS?? They come after the 'Buy Now' button so, hopefully no one will read them as they will have already bought your product!
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  • Profile picture of the author ReachOneMedia
    This is a good looking sales copy.

    You covered all the basis

    What I got
    What It will do for me
    What to do next

    Personally I would have written them as part of the sales pitch rather than inside a table.

    My own opinion
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    • Profile picture of the author Gurupoints
      Hey Rich,

      Not bad at all. FIrst off, don't listen to Charlie, cause he seriously needs to read up on copywriting before giving out advice.

      You need to make the copy LONGER.

      You're hitting the right points but to get 30$ from a decent percentage of people hitting the page, you will need to "tell more".

      Do you have stats? Can you find some?

      Can you do anything else to convince potential buyers they will be ABLE to pull it off?

      Can you add pdf bonuses to bulk up the purchase? (I'm sure you can, very easily)

      Can you add some videos on "how to" (not really part of sales copy, but would help your message and salability)

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
        Rich I think its a decent start. BUT, I think it will probably miss the mark.

        Who are you specifically targeting? Home do-it-yourselfers?- handymen? small contractors? I ask because its not clear. Or, do you want to attract anybody who is just fed up with high energy prices?

        I would definitely try to get more SPECIFIC testimonials about actual dollar/pound savings over specific time frames. You're mentioning lots about how much things COST, but little about what folks can SAVE in hard numbers.

        I'm not sure the videos on top are very helpful. The solar panel one starts out describing the solar panels as 'odd looking' which may reinforce peoples aestetic concerns as well.
        The windmill one, has no narration at all - I don't see the point?

        Another feeling I get is that you are talking about powering a SPECIFIC APPLIANCE with a solar system or wind turbine?? So, here;s the picture I have: I set up this elaborate solar panel after climbing on my roof and purchasing all this stuff so.....I can power my toaster! (i'll assume thats incorrect, but that message seem to be conveyed in some of the copy.)

        I think what most people/customers would be looking for is a TOTAL SOLUTION that removes ALL their need for a specific energy utility (electric, nat gas, fuel oil etc).

        At least reading your page I'm not getting the sense that this is what the ultimate benefit would be.
        I also like Alex's idea of a video or something that might help to convince potential buyers they can actually pull this off (if your target is all energy savings seekers.)

        (Before I forget, you also describe your price somewhere on the page as "staggering" - which is not a good choice of words.)

        I'm all for energy-saving devices so I read your page not just as a copywriter. but as a potential customer. Best, Bruce
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        • Profile picture of the author ArTsYwRiTeR
          Who
          What
          When
          Where
          Why and
          How much

          You pretty much covered that BUT I agree....integrate the PS-PPS (and it should have gone up to PPPS. haha) into the body.

          Do show the more than just the windmill in the other video.

          Honestly.... if you can put all those text into a video and have someone with a mic that does not pick up breathing...then it would probably sell a lot more? I am not that mechanically-electrically savvy but I would like to SEE what something can do.

          But your question was regarding the copywriting...so my first suggestion should be enough.
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