Critique Sales Copy

Hi Mike,

What you will find with blockbuster sales of products,
is they have a process working behind the scenes.

This takes the form of many parts,
and each part is measured.

Another Mike at How to Lose Stubborn Belly Fat, Get Flat Sexy Six Pack Abs the Right Way
has a fine tuned process.

See how he caters to both sexes,
which has lifted response rates.

Also the main sales pitch is done with video.
Just 3 reasons why the reader should go watch the video.

Last I heard he is cranking out 8 figures in sales,
so very worthwhile studying his methods.

If you really want to get on the inside of what he and
"The Fat Burning Furnace" do, for killer insights,
sign up to their affiliate program.

They will teach you.

All the best,
Ewen

Thanks for the advice guys, I'm going to make some changes and do some studying.

The headline is very "milk toast". It really needs a stronger curiosity factor, a hook, a bolder promise. It has glimpses of decent copy but never quite gets there. Answers some objections, but the bullets are too low and don't stand out. The transitions need to be tightened up.

Here is mostly why you aren't getting sales:

Your USP sucks, you basically don't have one.

A USP Does: Fights competition, lets you be heard, you stand out in the mind of the consumer.

Basically your market is just blocking you out. They are tired of being fed the same rebranded repackaged soultions. You need to do something different.

This is sort of a USP but you added it in your bonus. A unique sales position will fight the readers resistance that's causing them to stop reading, try to create a better USP. I doub't they are even making it past the fold before clicking off your offer.

-Ross

The cartoon image at the top is pretty weak, and I would say kinda devalues the look and professionalism of the page.

Other then that I think your headlines in red could be a little larger so they are easier to read.

I seem to be mentioning this a lot but the font choice for testimonials I feel is really important, to give off that hand submitted individual look. I like the font handwriting - dakota or even, a script is nice. Another technique I like is using a couple different fonts so it gives the impression that different people wrote them and they were practically cut and paste strait in.

Also is that picture at the bottom you ? If so omfg ! Excuse my french ! That picture is phenomenal and definitely should be at the top and be a major focus point for your sales. I work out 4 - 5 times a week, and as amateur trying to reach 200lbs from 186lbs that picture speaks to me. Screaming " Hey I know my crap, results like these don't come easy, but I am here to help, I have been there, and can show you how to do it too ! "

Blow it up make it huge put it at the top by your intro ! Hey my name is Ryan, I am pro body builder this is my back in the day. With a couple pictures of you present day to establish credibility, absolute gold. Who wouldn't want this product ?

If not then spin it that way.