Sales and Squeeze Page Review

25 replies
Hi guys, I recently re-launched my site and was hoping a few of you would be kind enough to take a look at the squeeze and sales page and give me any feedback on what it is like or what may need changing?

The sales page is at: Join RA Pro Member | Race Advisor
The squeeze page is at: Join Race Advisor | Race Advisor

I currently have the squeeze page setup so that you setup an account on the site which automatically adds to the mailing list but was wondering if it is better to send people to that after they have confirmed with Aweber?

Thanks

Michael
#page #review #sales #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author Landis
    too much text; use more bulletpoints to highlight the benefits to the user. some pictures next to testimonials would be nice too. pretty nice page though.
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  • Profile picture of the author michaelwilding
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    • Profile picture of the author blueraykhazana
      width is too much
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      • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
        Hi Michael,

        I think your sales page is basically very good.

        You could slim down and make the break in the headline at a better place, so it reads like this ...

        Are You Ready To Learn The Secrets The Top Betters
        Rely On To Cash In Consistently, Race After Race?

        And you could take your best testimonial and place it right under the headline to instantly prove your claim. Also the testimonials would have far more credability with the full name and location of the author (better yet - add a mugshot).

        The main problem is lack of personal feeling.

        As this is a letter to the prospect on a one to one basis, you really need an opening salutation and a signature at the bottom. Your photo would also help you to bond with the reader.

        But the most glaring ommission is the lack of personal credibility about YOU.

        As a general rule, sales letters need to be focused on the prospect and what they want. But here is where the single exception comes, because the prospect will want to know why they should listen to you.

        So, if you own a string of race horses ... or you train horses ... or you created the system personally (or you found it in the attic of your millionaire betting grandfather) ... or whatever, you must put your story in the narrative early on to build credibility. Best place: right after the sub-headline: "There's a system ..."

        You see, the first part of your letter should be to build trust, empathy and credibility. That's why you should start off with a salutation and photo and why you should then sympathize (as you do) to their frustrations at constantly losing. And then you need to bring in WHY you are the guy who is going to transform their 'luck'.

        Regarding the squeeze page: again the headline is pretty good, but you want to try and get everything 'above the fold', so the prospect can see everything without scrolling down. To do that I think you should drop the 'What's the Catch' section. It's a valid 'objection' in the prospect's mind that needs answering - but in far fewer words.

        You probably still won't have room for a screenshot of the newsletter, but try and squeeze (no pun intended!) one in.

        Here's an example of what I mean ...



        Warmest regards,

        Paul
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Three quick hits on your squeeze page (since that's all the free time I've got this AM).

    1) Although your graphic is cool, and well designed, it's a bit of a turn off for me. Why? Well, I'm not sure how most people arrive there, but I arrived there cold. And when I get there, the first things I notice are your name/logo and your header graphic.

    Your name is, of course, "Race Advisor." Complete with logo of horse in full gallop. Okay, cool. You're some kind of handicapping eggspurt for the ponies. Assuming I've got the racetrack itch, I might read a bit more.

    But then what's this? Rafael Nadal? Is he moonlighting as a jockey these days? Golf clubs? It's a...it's a...

    Well, what it is, is a mixed, unfocused message right off the bat. *IF* I happen to be the dream prospect for something called Race Advisors and advertised with a horse, I'm going to be a horse racing junkie. When I see all this other barely-related sports stuff, I'm thinking immediately..."Well, this isn't an expert on racing. This is some jack of all trades sports gambling hobby guy."

    Conversely, if I *AM* in the market for comprehensive, full spectrum sports gambling analysis, I doubt very much that I'm going to navigate to something called Race Advisor to begin with.

    You have a specialist image and a generalist product. This is a recipe for disappointed readers.

    2) Second thing I notice, assuming I'm still interested, is the headline telling me you're going to give me stuff FREE! Yay. I want free stuff. So let me just navigate over here to my right and...uh oh...wait a minute...is this where I sign up for the free stuff? I see a teensy little button that tells me to sign up, but another one that tells me to log in...log in to what? Is this some kind of member's area? Am I in the wrong place? I need direction! AAAAAAHHHHHH! And with no other labels to guide me, I maybe take that opportunity to navigate away and check out other, more obviously put-together sites.

    The point being, get a signup place WAY up there, above the fold...and if that actually IS one, make it WAY more obvious with some kind of graphic, or at least some text telling us in dummies-level language EXACTLY what it is, and EXACTLY what to do.

    "SIGN UP HERE FOR FREE INSTANT ACCESS", sort of thing.

    A LOT of your prospects probably *won't* arrive totally cold, after all. They'll end up there because, for instance, they read something else you wrote, and they'll be pre-sold and ready to act right away. You need to make it CRIMINALLY easy for them to do so, or you risk losing a lot of them.

    3) Your bullets, as they are currently written, are features...not benefits. Although the case is not entirely black and white, in a very general sense, this is bad.

    There is absolutely nothing in any of them that is going to drive me *emotionally*. I'm ready to be sold, but instead of selling me, you hand me a spec sheet. Don't focus on WHAT I'm getting, focus on WHY I'm getting it. Focus on WHAT it will do for me. Why do I want hundreds of articles on stats and analysis? Why do I need videos on selection methods and rating methods? What kind of in-crowd will I become a part of once I know how to analyze properly? How will learning to be more selective improve my bottom line? If I'm NOT practicing selectivity, am I hurting myself somehow?

    There are some products for which giving specifics like this actually *is* important. But even then, tell me what AND tell me why. Never just tell me what unless you're 100% certain I already attach my own emotions to a particular feature.

    4) Here I can speak only for myself, but I'm not compelled by your headline. So frankly, if I'm a cold prospect, I probably never even get to your bullet points.

    It reads generic. Like something I've seen a trillion times, and which doesn't ring true. It lacks *specificity*. I'd be a lot more impressed and ready to read on if you were giving me the secrets of one particular handicapper, with something noteworthy about his track record. Or if I were following the exact system used by some specific bettor that did X for him, or got him banned from sportsbooks all over the Vegas strip, or something. Or if there were something really and truly *unique* about your little membership that set it apart from everything else in the marketplace.



    You can build a really, truly exceptional squeeze page with nothing but a compelling headline, good, solid, emotional bullets, and a nice, simple call to action. Right now, you're hemorrhaging leads through huge leaks in all those places.
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelwilding
      Oxbloom, thank you for the detailed advice it is excellent and I can see exactly what you are saying. Would you recommend anybody for re-writing the squeeze for me?

      I see exactly what you mean about the specific/generalist conflict, I am going to look at the best way to resolve this.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by Oxbloom View Post

      ...
      1) Although your graphic is cool, and well designed, it's a bit of a turn off for me. Why? Well, I'm not sure how most people arrive there, but I arrived there cold. And when I get there, the first things I notice are your name/logo and your header graphic.

      Your name is, of course, "Race Advisor." Complete with logo of horse in full gallop. Okay, cool. You're some kind of handicapping eggspurt for the ponies. Assuming I've got the racetrack itch, I might read a bit more.

      But then what's this? Rafael Nadal? Is he moonlighting as a jockey these days? Golf clubs? It's a...it's a...

      Well, what it is, is a mixed, unfocused message right off the bat. *IF* I happen to be the dream prospect for something called Race Advisors and advertised with a horse, I'm going to be a horse racing junkie. When I see all this other barely-related sports stuff, I'm thinking immediately..."Well, this isn't an expert on racing. This is some jack of all trades sports gambling hobby guy."

      Conversely, if I *AM* in the market for comprehensive, full spectrum sports gambling analysis, I doubt very much that I'm going to navigate to something called Race Advisor to begin with.

      You have a specialist image and a generalist product. This is a recipe for disappointed readers.
      ...
      This is the first thing that walloped me as soon as I hit the site. The header graphics are incongruent with the copy.

      This causes cognitive dissonance in the reader, as he tries to figure out how the header and the lead-in copy are related (they're not). Now, instead of whisking the reader briskly down towards the order button, you've got him stalled at the top of the page, scratching his head.

      My second big impression, is that the copy is bland to the point of being boring. I know you're in the U.K., but still...

      Serious bettors love the emotional aspect of betting - it's WHY they bet. But there's little emotion here. Instead, there's a sort of recitation of features which, frankly, sound like the sort of thing a competent 5th Former could carry out on their own.

      Same thing applies to the squeeze page. Nothing here to get the blood flowing. Nothing that makes me think you're offering something I couldn't get from discussing the day's form over a pint with my mates.

      The whole thing lacks sizzle. And appears to be a very small steak.

      Suggestions:

      - Change out the header for one that properly reflects horse racing as the focus.

      - Determine exactly what you're offering here. (For example: is it the software? The community of track experts? The comprehensive information laid out in an easy-to-digest fashion? What?)

      - Mine your core benefit for the emotional benefit. Whatever you decide your core benefit is, it needs to be something that will make your reader's life better/richer/faster/easier.

      - I really think you need to find your story hook. It's an approach that works well for this niche.

      - Testimonials: These are weak and incongruent with the promises you make in your copy. Your copy talks about winning at the track. Your testimonials talk about how welcoming and supportive your forum is. The testimonials should reinforce your copy points.

      - Squeeze page: Layout is terrible, and the signup button is squinched like you are paying for the sidebar by the centimeter. And in grey??? Who can even see the thing??

      All the same issues apply to graphics and copy points as in the sales letter. And... for a serious race fan... "hundreds of articles" is totally NOT a selling point. *click*

      The whole thing needs a copy rewrite and a redo on the layout. This is a niche with rabid buyers, and there's no reason why (assuming you've got the goods) you shouldn't do well. However, you're crippling yourself from the start with what you've got here.
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      • Profile picture of the author michaelwilding
        Thank you so much for all the help and advice. What I am thinking of doing now based on the feedback so far is to now split the site into two. Keep the membership site on the Race Advisor web address and move the free articles to another site with a domain name that better suits that.

        I can setup the current home page as a squeeze page with the Pro Members logo which is simple text, full page width with a big opt-in box. The squeeze offer can be the newsletter and a 7 day free access to the service, how does that sound?
        I will then change the logo on the sales page to remove the image and just keep the text formatting.
        Next I need to correct the points in the sales letter and get new squeeze page copy with emotional content.

        Finally I am considering setting up the free article site as a sports betting article directory as I have hundreds (not many I know in terms of article directories) of high quality articles written by people who know what they are doing. How does one use an article directory to build mailing lists?

        I was wondering if anybody who has replied would be interested in quoting to help me with adjusting this copy and layout to maximise conversions?
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    If you're interested in finding a writer here, I'd recommend posting -- either here or in a separate thread -- with your budget and the specifics of the work you want done. I'm sure you'll get PM's and replies. Make sure to ask for samples, and go with someone whose work grabs you.

    Alternatively, you can look in the warriors for hire section. There tend to be lots of offers in there in the $500/sales page, $200/squeeze page ballpark. Some lower, I'm sure. Or post a wanted ad in that same section.

    Or then again, you could look to the top of this forum, where there's a stickied list of WF working copywriters, most or all of which I'm sure will have links to samples or contact info.
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    • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
      Too much graphics. Pulls your eye away from the sales message and as Oxbloom said that's a turn off.

      Testimonials are not very believable. That has been mentioned as well.

      You need to put some testimonials on the squeeze page too.

      It's not really a good idea for you to ask for the user to create an account on your squeeze page. Too much detail, too soon.


      If you had a stronger copy maybe that would work.
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  • Profile picture of the author amo992
    One quick thing I noticed is that the page is too wide. You should have the width at around 800px

    It promotes readability by making it easier to skim and not loose their line.
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    • Profile picture of the author Joseph Simpleton
      Hi Michael,


      Awesome graphics and theme colors on both web and squeeze page layouts.
      Inasmuch as your focus appears to be on horse racing as it is apparent in your corporation's name brand & sales title, from just my 2 cents, if it was I, I wouldn't diversify on any other sports image which may generalize too much in a way that distracts from the *MAIN FOCUS* - "HORSE RACING". So it would be nice & simply more delicious merely to keep it at that theme with different angles of horses and jockeys if you wish.

      Another minor little hitch that would improve the smoothness of how the sub headings flow if tweaked would be to simply adhere to 1 neutral spelling of "bettor" as defined as "one who places bets", although both variants of "bettor" vs. "better" are equally acceptable in the dictionary, just to be sharply crisp & clear without leaving any room for misinterpretation as its adjective vs its noun - safe to say I'd go with "bettor" on its own.

      As aforementioned above about bullet points highlighting to a "horse-racing-dummy" as myself (hhhmmmm books on "Horse-Racing for Dummies" - Light Bulb?!), it would be even more clever to break each body paragraph down even to further sub-sectional bullets & have *SUPER-HERO BENEFITS* as to *SUPER-SIZE THE IMAGINATION* on WINNING IT BIG! Then follow each underlined Benefit up with facts sparingly. ;-)

      And I know it may sound redundant or even cliche, but the sites which promote the provocative theme of money, usually have Exploding-Money-in-Fists-People taking their BLISS through the ceiling - You can also illustrate this perhaps with chips & bills stacked perhaps on the corner of a betting table as in a Casino & Happy & Hugging Hopefuls clenching cash!... I mean to say, after all it is another form of gambling, 'tis not? And testimonials of real not models, in fine cars or holding up the Benjamins in smiles agape would also do wonders visually (but you don't have go con-like over-hypey).


      And on a final note, if needed re-emphasizing, sharpen more clear-cutting your direct approach and calling for what you intend to lead your members to do --- that is to join your membership team or club of bettors & advisors. Throw that up at the start, let them know you want them to join your membership group of V.I.P. bettors, and then let them in on the "WHY's" & "W.I.I.F.T.", and ice the cake off with Promotional Rewards, Prizes and Time-Sensitive Discounts, exclusive to members if they JOIN NOW!


      And also, if you can, please ween off in your headings "WIN TOMMORROW" --- To "WIN RIGHT NOW"! "JOIN IN ON ALL THE FUN & WIN TODAY"! - haa, throw in coupons to a pair of bargain tickets for a day's outing or even Free tickets for the client and perhaps his date or close friend.

      Even go paparazzi footage of Stars & Celebs who attend Horse Racing themselves as a Past Time, so the public & media will be drawn to and follow your site on latest blogs & info sharing pool of avid horse bidders.
      Poll & Pool Up an incentive to join your team with a chance to win a car, etc.!




      - Let the Games & Genius Juices of the Winning Imagination Begin! ;-)
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  • Profile picture of the author success1618
    Wow, cool niche first off. Very different.

    Sales page looks good, very clean and smooth.

    One thing that did catch my eye at first glance was your testimonials font looked a little small and un-captivating. Maybe you could mix it up and try something different.
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  • Profile picture of the author charto911
    you should have an order now button higher up also put more $$$ figures ppl like that. let me know if you want to talk about doing more aff. marketing!
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  • Profile picture of the author alcymart
    Originally Posted by michaelwilding View Post

    Hi guys, I recently re-launched my site and was hoping a few of you would be kind enough to take a look at the squeeze and sales page and give me any feedback on what it is like or what may need changing?

    The sales page is at: Join RA Pro Member | Race Advisor
    The squeeze page is at: Join Race Advisor | Race Advisor

    I currently have the squeeze page setup so that you setup an account on the site which automatically adds to the mailing list but was wondering if it is better to send people to that after they have confirmed with Aweber?

    Thanks

    Michael

    You'll find me to be hard on you with my critique but you need to learn. I'll jump right in the body text:

    Are you tired of the frequent disappointment... Lets STOP right there!

    Very bad first line you got there with 2 no no words! Tired and disappointment. now lets make a much better first line positively worded instead:

    How Excited and Happy would you be seeing your horse come up a Winner race after race?

    your whole text needs some major work! People like reading positively worded Ads, keep that in mind! I won't comment on the colors used in your layout, that's within the color psychology field and my time is limited to do a critique now on your layout colors...

    The line I gave you can also be improved dramatically and we can even go hypnotic if we wanted and make them visualize being there on spot as they read! But the point is that your texts need work with several passes and you need to learn through it all...I dont mind giving you bits and pieces of tips like this, but reviewing your whole text, you would have to pay me...

    At least, you now have a good foundation to reword those texts and future ones!

    Take care,

    Bernard St-Pierre
    Marketing Consultant
    Copywriter/Teacher
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  • Profile picture of the author blueraykhazana
    It is really good but you can fix this in 1000px. width is too much.
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelwilding
      Thanks guys, please keep them coming this is absolutely brilliantly helpful. It is definitely clear now that I need to split the site into two, the membership site and the articles, keeping the membership site focused purely on that.

      The emphasis on the sales and squeeze pages needs to be positive and have an emotional story. Going to be contacting some of you guys to see what you would charge to help me with this.

      If I am changing the site into just focusing on the members should the home page be the sales page or the squeeze page? I was thinking that it should probably be the sales page. I actually own four other domains with horse racing niche url's which I could use as squeeze pages to split test different pages, does that sound like a good idea?
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  • I find the headline on the salespage hard to read with it being in all caps and in red color. If you like the red color, at least take off all caps and just cap the first letter of each word.
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  • Profile picture of the author Flareman
    Hey there, nice page. But not sure if it'll infringe any copyright or invite any lawsuits by putting up Rafael Nadal's pic for commercial purposes unless you have permission to use it.
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