Could you give me your opinion on this?

Hi Nathan,

This is just my two cents...

But as far as handwritten, or typed goes... definitely typed.(cleaner look)

Also, if you say "There are only a few spots left"; and your prospects that do sign-up for your seminar, arrive and see there are plenty of spots left... well... that could be a problem.

Ultimately, you would rather build your business on sound principles, then try to make a fast buck. Deception always hurts more than it helps.

Another way to create urgency is by saying something like..."Hurry! Available seats will go fast". Or... "Act Now! Before you miss-out on this exclusive opportunity".

Maybe you can offer an incentive. If you sign-up before (whatever date), you'll receive a free report or e-book. Or, even a discount on future clinics.

Anyway,

Good luck... i hope this helped.

Al Jones

With all due respect Nathan, how can you charge local business owners to attend a seminar on writing better ads, when you can't write a basic ad to appeal to them?

I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but this doesn't sit right with me.

Anyway, my thoughts are:

1. Business owners don't know how effective their ads are. They don't track them, or test them. So improving an ad isn't necessarily their #1 priority. Proving their ad doesn't work, is a far better way to go. Or better still, offering results up front.

2. Double or triple my response? How would you know? How can you prove it? How can you say that with conviction? (I'm talking as if I'm the business owner reading this here.)

3. Limited spots. Fine, but back it up with a reason why. How many seats have you booked? It might seem obvious to you, but don't just tell them there's limited spots... tell them WHY there is limited spots.

Apart from that, I think you need more juice. More pain, more benefits, more everything. It's a bit bland, right now.

Thanks you guys...exactly what I'm looking for, and great points. A lot of names that I really respect threw their thoughts in here, so I appreciate that.

aljones - You're spot on about the sound business principles. That's what I was feeling as well. Thank you... And of course awesome tips about urgency.

Alex - I'm really loving your thoughts and comments. Those are some things I suspected myself. That might be the route I'll go and I really appreciate your input. Probably much smarter in the long run anyway? Thank you.

Hugh - Thanks for the feedback as well. I love your idea about illuminating the response killers, that was my first impression. But then something got a hold of me an I went "light" and held off on criticizing. I gotta rethink it now. Thank you...

Ewen - That's cool to know. Of course, you're in a bit of a different league than myself. I suspect my results might be a bit different. Might be worth adding email into part of the strategy? I planned on calling as well...Thanks Ewen.

Nick - Thank you. I appreciate your candor, no offense taken at all. I really value your input and honesty as that's why I asked. The sales letter I had originally planned on sending covered the why-choose-me, the how, the how come, the why they should care even a smidgen, and in a round-about way the actual proof and credibility--some borrowed, some pretty good personal experience with two other businesses.

I just figured it might be better to "warm" them up as their attention is obviously short, and they have little patience for fools (me maybe? ). So getting them to see their ad clipped to a note (to get them to go online...but it sounds like it's pretty weak then) and going to the online version of the actual sales letter might get better results? Awesome input, much appreciated Nick.

So overall, the strategy might not be the best...and even if I go that route the note needs improving as a strategy to get them to go online for more (the sales letter)...

Man...You guys mean I have to work more? Fair enough. (That's why I asked right?)

Ewen, that software looks very impressive. Very useful. Checking it out…

Thanks Collette, I think I've been wavering on my end goal. I had a few in mind. But I need to be more clear and make the objective, an obvious, one-objective goal. Then I can focus on making that happen to the exclusion of all else.

At this point, I'm going to go free and present myself as an authority on a few very specific things (things I can tangibly demonstrate)...the "hard" part is obviously getting them there. A mutli-step approach for sure. I've pitched from the stage before, although it was usually high school kids (they can be rough, but I learned a lot--and quickly) and it wasn't exactly business related...but this is still a different beast and I'm "instructing" far more than pitching (I hope the latter happens without any overt attempt so it's "above board", at least in their eyes.)

However...I'd rather get no's, some "you suck"'s, or fall flat on my face than do nothing and theorize forever.

Anyhow, I'm working on another version of my "introduction" letter with some great suggestions from above. (Not that you guys are holding your breath on it...just thought I'd share that I'm listening.)

Thanks again...

Hi Nathan,

There are certainly plenty of businesses who could benefit from the type of class you're talking about. So I wish you the best of luck!

One thing to keep in mind is not to piss off your prospects by bluntly telling them their ads suck. You never know whether they created the ad themselves. Also, sometimes they do track the results -- just not as efficiently or accurately as you or I would as direct response marketers.