Could you give me your opinion on this?

17 replies
Hi guys,

Can you give me your thoughts on this? I'm hoping to get some folks into a small afternoon class/seminar geared towards small business owners that spend money on advertising in local papers and such.


The "mini-seminar" would focus on direct-response ad principles and educate them on how to turn around "cute and clever" ads to ads that either attract qualified leads to enter into their marketing funnel or sell to existing customers in their marketplace.


I plan on taking existing ads that I find and clipping them to sheets that either are handwritten with the following message or typed out. (That's also one of the things I'd like your thoughts about--which to do.)


The following would then be sent to the prospects (for what it's worth, I've been thinking about this for some time and already have a measly, but interested three people that have expressed desire to pay and learn more from me in a setting like this):


Hello (name if I can get it)-

You paid good money for this ad...are you happy with the results?


Would you like to discover how to quickly and easily double (or even triple) your ad response on your very next ad? Do you want an immediate and measurable surge in business you know comes from your advertising? (
Note: that last bugs me, but I want something along those lines, I just can't word it right)

There are only a few spots left (
Note:should I feel guilty for saying this? I would love to get around 15-20, but I truly have no idea...is this wrong to imply it this way?) for my next ad-profits clinic in March and your special price is only good for the next seven days...

Go to "..." or call me at "..." to learn more right now... You have absolutely nothing to lose. Heck, it's less than most ads and my afternoon course comes with a 100% no-hassle love-it-or-pay-absolutely-nothing guarantee...can your ad rep do that?)


(
Note: I don't like the first part of that last sentence either. Can I say that another way? And by instinct and learning, I want to say "or your next ad is on me" as that's a better sounding guarantee that has more of a "hook" and isn't so bland but...fear of my wife thinking I'm crazy to gamble so.)

-Nathan

So what I'm looking to do obviously is send them to a longer letter on a page where it sells them on coming. Am I taking too many steps? Should I add more steps to sell them? I'm thinking $97 for the afternoon with the discount being that I want to record it and make a product for future use (giveaway maybe?) because they'll be "part of my making it a product" kind of thing.


Thoughts on the initial letter? Am I saying too little? Too much? Should I make it a one-step with the letter to sell it sent right up front with their ad instead? I suppose response might be less but conversion higher this way?


Am I hitting the right buttons in the note? It's obviously not blind as I'm telling them straight out I've got something to sell them. If I do so should I add some social proof? A headline? I originally wanted to go with just a scribbled note in red on a blank printer sheet...what do you think?


Thanks guys.
#give #opinion
  • Profile picture of the author aljones
    Hi Nathan,

    This is just my two cents...

    But as far as handwritten, or typed goes... definitely typed.(cleaner look)

    Also, if you say "There are only a few spots left"; and your prospects that do sign-up for your seminar, arrive and see there are plenty of spots left... well... that could be a problem.

    Ultimately, you would rather build your business on sound principles, then try to make a fast buck. Deception always hurts more than it helps.

    Another way to create urgency is by saying something like..."Hurry! Available seats will go fast". Or... "Act Now! Before you miss-out on this exclusive opportunity".

    Maybe you can offer an incentive. If you sign-up before (whatever date), you'll receive a free report or e-book. Or, even a discount on future clinics.

    Anyway,

    Good luck... i hope this helped.

    Al Jones
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Nathan,

      Why should they pay $97 and spend an afternoon listening to you?

      You can make all the claims you want, but until they're convinced YOU can deliver the goods, this will be a tough sell.

      Better would be to hold a free seminar. This gives you the opportunity to sell yourself while you're showing them how to double or triple their advertising results.

      By establishing a solid relationship first, some will be willing to pay a lot more than $97 for a business analysis, copy, etc.

      Alex

      P.S. To get business owners to your free seminar, give the title of your talk a "killer" name and load your invitation copy with plenty of curiosity-benefit bullets.
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      • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
        Alex is right, it might be a tough call to get busy business owners there.

        What's the overall strategy here? Is it to get them as clients? You might be better off pointing out the 3 biggest response killers in their ad. Then make them a great offer and away you go. This has worked well in the past.
        Signature

        Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Hi Nathan,

          I'm having great success with emails.

          Since last Monday, I have yet to get back to 66 voice messages
          and 75 emails.

          They came off a small benefit, curiosity laden message.

          I automated the process with Power Leads Pro.

          This is about having leads flow into your funnel,
          which is a bit ironic... you are wanting to teach them the same thing.

          Gotta go and organize them into a list for my new guy to follow up.

          Best,
          Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Brighton
    With all due respect Nathan, how can you charge local business owners to attend a seminar on writing better ads, when you can't write a basic ad to appeal to them?

    I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but this doesn't sit right with me.

    Anyway, my thoughts are:

    1. Business owners don't know how effective their ads are. They don't track them, or test them. So improving an ad isn't necessarily their #1 priority. Proving their ad doesn't work, is a far better way to go. Or better still, offering results up front.

    2. Double or triple my response? How would you know? How can you prove it? How can you say that with conviction? (I'm talking as if I'm the business owner reading this here.)

    3. Limited spots. Fine, but back it up with a reason why. How many seats have you booked? It might seem obvious to you, but don't just tell them there's limited spots... tell them WHY there is limited spots.

    Apart from that, I think you need more juice. More pain, more benefits, more everything. It's a bit bland, right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nathan Alexander
    Thanks you guys...exactly what I'm looking for, and great points. A lot of names that I really respect threw their thoughts in here, so I appreciate that.

    aljones - You're spot on about the sound business principles. That's what I was feeling as well. Thank you... And of course awesome tips about urgency.

    Alex - I'm really loving your thoughts and comments. Those are some things I suspected myself. That might be the route I'll go and I really appreciate your input. Probably much smarter in the long run anyway? Thank you.

    Hugh - Thanks for the feedback as well. I love your idea about illuminating the response killers, that was my first impression. But then something got a hold of me an I went "light" and held off on criticizing. I gotta rethink it now. Thank you...

    Ewen - That's cool to know. Of course, you're in a bit of a different league than myself. I suspect my results might be a bit different. Might be worth adding email into part of the strategy? I planned on calling as well...Thanks Ewen.

    Nick - Thank you. I appreciate your candor, no offense taken at all. I really value your input and honesty as that's why I asked. The sales letter I had originally planned on sending covered the why-choose-me, the how, the how come, the why they should care even a smidgen, and in a round-about way the actual proof and credibility--some borrowed, some pretty good personal experience with two other businesses.

    I just figured it might be better to "warm" them up as their attention is obviously short, and they have little patience for fools (me maybe? ). So getting them to see their ad clipped to a note (to get them to go online...but it sounds like it's pretty weak then) and going to the online version of the actual sales letter might get better results? Awesome input, much appreciated Nick.

    So overall, the strategy might not be the best...and even if I go that route the note needs improving as a strategy to get them to go online for more (the sales letter)...

    Man...You guys mean I have to work more? Fair enough. (That's why I asked right?)
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Nathan,

      I'm not sure where you are getting your leads from,
      or what method you are using to contact them...

      but you can find them and send your offer by email
      all within Power Leads Pro.

      Although my results weren't local, they didn't have
      the persons name in the email either.

      Also it was a no cost offer clearly pointed out.

      All the best,
      Ewen

      P.S I don't know about you, but I want to fill my front end lead funnel
      so that it overflows. This allows me to know that when I wake up in the morning
      there are people waiting to do business with me. Software and systems
      in place makes it all happen.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nathan Alexander
    Ewen, that software looks very impressive. Very useful. Checking it out…
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Nathan Alexander View Post

      Ewen, that software looks very impressive. Very useful. Checking it out...
      According to the Mathew, I've been the biggest pain in his arse.

      Since I'm a tech dummy, it's been hard, I mean really hard getting it
      up and running.

      But with his support, my persistence, and my local tech guy, we got there.

      Since I'm all for scaling things up beyond local, it plugs into my business model
      perfectly.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Hi Nathan,

        I'm going to give you the exact words to use in your emails
        to your prospects, to create leads calling you.
        --------------------------------------------------------

        spa shop needed [email Title names the business]

        Hello,

        If you want a better return on your advertising dollar,
        then I can be reached at xxx xxx xxxx.
        [There's no cost to you]

        Yours Sincerely,
        Nathan Alexander
        Westminster Castle
        KingNathan.com
        ph xxx xxx xxxx
        --------------------------------------------------------

        Always start off with "If", then go in with the one big pain or desire...
        or combination.
        Next, use "I can be reached at xxx xxx xxxx"

        The rest, you use the exact words.

        You've got the software, Power Leads Pro to collect business emails,
        from types, like spa pool shops...you now know what message to send...
        you now know to send the message through Power Leads Pro.

        That's your lead generation system set up.

        It's now up to you to convert those callers to clients.

        Those callers go to a recorded message which asks them to leave
        their contact details as well as a repeat of the email message.

        You will get ph callers as well as returned email messages.

        First time I've seen anybody on this forum divulge a/their lead generation method.

        Always seems so hit and miss by folks.

        Needn't be for you Nathan.

        Best,
        Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author Collette
          Re: PLPro:

          The software appears to harvest emails.

          How is this not spam? I ask, because the website doesn't answer.

          Re: Nathan: Go to the end of your sales funnel. Why do you want these business owners to spend an hour or two of their time with you? What do you expect to get out of it?

          Determine your goal, then set your objectives.

          If you want to sell your services, then a free seminar or direct mail are probably your best bets.

          If you go the seminar route, you should either have a back-of-the-room service package or product ready to sell ready to sell.

          If you're trying to sell the business on you, as a service provider, you're better off targeting bizs w/direct mail, and doing the followup phone calls.

          Either way, you're talking multi-step sales process.
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          • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
            [QUOTE=Collette;3388706]Re: PLPro:

            The software appears to harvest emails.

            How is this not spam? I ask, because the website doesn't answer.

            QUOTE]

            Hi Collette,

            I haven't seen anywhere that collecting business emails
            that are in the public domain is illegal.

            Secondly your ISP monitors how many emails go out per hour.
            They have to with the Can Spam law.

            Spoken with mine, and they are happy with under 200 per hour going out.
            They definitely don't call it spam.

            Of course the recipient can ask to be removed and expects to have it happen.

            Which of course I do. Only had one out of thousands.

            Best,
            Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author Matthew Iannotti
            Originally Posted by Collette View Post

            Re: PLPro:

            The software appears to harvest emails.

            How is this not spam? I ask, because the website doesn't answer.

            Re: Nathan: Go to the end of your sales funnel. Why do you want these business owners to spend an hour or two of their time with you? What do you expect to get out of it?

            Determine your goal, then set your objectives.

            If you want to sell your services, then a free seminar or direct mail are probably your best bets.

            If you go the seminar route, you should either have a back-of-the-room service package or product ready to sell ready to sell.

            If you're trying to sell the business on you, as a service provider, you're better off targeting bizs w/direct mail, and doing the followup phone calls.

            Either way, you're talking multi-step sales process.

            It does so much more than just gather emails - I suggest reading over the feature list and whats planned to be added

            To add to what Ewen noted, collecting data that is on public domain is A -OK....Sending them a legitimate offer for your service or product is A-OK...

            Blasting 100000 business owners with a viagra offer is NOT A-ok..

            It can be used for good or evil....I'm hoping most exercise common sense and use the tool as intended..
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            • Profile picture of the author Summertime Dress
              Nathan, what if you offered to do the 2 or 3 prospects that you have already lined up a complimentary test run on their direct response ads? Then take the results and market your seminar... You may uncover ideas you had not considered before OR you may find you need to fine tune your own methods.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nathan Alexander
    Thanks Collette, I think I've been wavering on my end goal. I had a few in mind. But I need to be more clear and make the objective, an obvious, one-objective goal. Then I can focus on making that happen to the exclusion of all else.

    At this point, I'm going to go free and present myself as an authority on a few very specific things (things I can tangibly demonstrate)...the "hard" part is obviously getting them there. A mutli-step approach for sure. I've pitched from the stage before, although it was usually high school kids (they can be rough, but I learned a lot--and quickly) and it wasn't exactly business related...but this is still a different beast and I'm "instructing" far more than pitching (I hope the latter happens without any overt attempt so it's "above board", at least in their eyes.)

    However...I'd rather get no's, some "you suck"'s, or fall flat on my face than do nothing and theorize forever.

    Anyhow, I'm working on another version of my "introduction" letter with some great suggestions from above. (Not that you guys are holding your breath on it...just thought I'd share that I'm listening.)

    Thanks again...
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    • Profile picture of the author lometogo
      Originally Posted by Nathan Alexander View Post

      I'd rather get no's, some "you suck"'s, or fall flat on my face than do nothing and theorize forever.
      Absolutely welcome the "no's".

      What too few people realize, especially those who haven't sold long, is that a NO is worth just as much as a YES.

      Maybe not in dollars in the bank, but in terms of information.

      In fact, I love this tactic recommended by David Sandler, which you might use:

      "Listen, I know what I'm presenting here today will not be right for all of you; in fact, maybe not even most of you. And that's alright."

      "At the end of our time together, I'm going to ask each of you a straight question: "Do you see any reason for us to take a next step (and clearly define that next step, maybe a 30-minute consultation, etc)? If not, no problem. I'm not here to sell you something you don't want or need."

      "But if you do sense my [product/service] would save or make you money or make your life easier, I'm going to ask you to [make appointment or whatever your next step is].

      "In other words, it's OK to say NO".

      I'm abbreviating the process but the coffee in the cup is that you let them know you won't pressure them [and don't!] but you will be asking them at the end of the presentation for their decision.

      I hope that helps. And, never forget: every act, every look, every word is either heading toward a sale, or away from it.

      AND BOTH ARE OK. The biggest waste of your time is ALWAYS "trying" to make a sale. Instead, concentrate on putting together a value-packed presentation that talks to their problems/needs/pain and let them buy in or opt out.

      Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Len Bailey
    Hi Nathan,

    There are certainly plenty of businesses who could benefit from the type of class you're talking about. So I wish you the best of luck!

    One thing to keep in mind is not to piss off your prospects by bluntly telling them their ads suck. You never know whether they created the ad themselves. Also, sometimes they do track the results -- just not as efficiently or accurately as you or I would as direct response marketers.
    Signature

    Len Bailey
    Copywriter/Consultant
    Feel free to connect on LinkedIn or Twitter

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