Review my sales letter please!

Landon,

You would be better to post these questions in The Copywriting Forum

Cheers,
Colin Palfrey

For myself, no. And that's without even scrolling down at all, to be honest.

Simply because of the "As seen on ..." line across the top. That's implying an imprimatur of authenticity in a not-too-legitimate way, and very sadly in a way which the reader can see is implying something not-quite-jusitified.

That understandably makes people suspicious of you before they even read the page.

When I'm trying to sell something to someone, the last thing I want them suspecting is that I'm trying to fool them in any way. It's not something I want plastered across the top of the sales page.

Many internet marketers use this sort of stuff simply because they see so many others using it, and many are gullible and naive enough to imagine that "it's only there because it works", so they copy it. :rolleyes: :p :rolleyes:

The reality, of course, is very different. If you split-test two otherwise identical versions of that sales page, one with that stuff there and one without it, the one without it will convert more. In my opinion (that's my opinion because it's been the result every time I've seen that tested).

(Are you glad I didn't scroll down at all? ).

OK, personally I think you are approaching the customer wrong with the headline but then again, my "save money" headline is 10x the sales of the benefit headline.

To me, I hate brushing my dog, she doesnt sit still and her fur looks like crap even after I brush her. Upon scrolling the site quick I do not see you addressing that problem. I would pay maybe $20 if you could tell me how to make her look amazing at the dog park, sit still for me to do it.

The other problem you can address savings wise is my dog has to be 100% up with her shots to take her to be groomed anywhere. Thats like $200 itself!

Best on the site.

PS: Without even lookin at the testimonials, i can tell they do not apply and were likely bought on fivrr. You need a dog in the background and not done on blank backdrops. Looks too contrived. Even your pic above should be brushing a dog.

this forum is great...nice work guys.

Your text is a little bit boring. You should write your sales letter as if you had a magical solution, something really special. The way you wrote it, it seems that you have a kind of solution that perhaps would help the user somehow. This is the impression I have when I read it. You don’t seem to be really confident.

I also don’t like videos because you have to waste your time watching them, while when you can simply read something, you can skip many things you don’t want to follow.

I personally don’t like any testimonials in sales letters, but this is my personal opinion. Whenever I see them, I feel that the seller wants to make me believe that these people are not his/her friends, but ‘real customers’… what is quite offensive to my intelligence.

Testimonials are very good when you present authorities in your field, and they approve your products. In other words, known people, important people who recommend your products. This is convincing. Otherwise, nobody knows who are the people who pretend to be your customers…

I think that average internet users are intelligent enough in order to understand that if all sellers would really annoy their real customers this way, and expose them in their sales letters only in order to make more sales, their customers would ask for a certain compensation for accepting being exposed like that…

I never bother my customers to ask for their testimonial. I think that this is ridiculous.

Hey Landon

Its a tough crowd here and that can be good but I dont agree with everyone since you are marketing to the layperson, you have to remember most here know about marketing and have there own feeling on whats right and wrong and what works and what does not work and the only way your going to be able to see for yourself is test.

Now there is one well known marketer that I see his ads all over the Internet and they are excellent, and I admire them many times knowing the inside scoop in IM and seeing thru the ads but they are excellent as he is marketing to people who dont now the tircks of the trade so to speak.

He has AS SEEN ON on a lot of his ads and he is a Multi Millionaire so I know who I am going to listen to first and try to emulate.

TEST TEST TEST and see what works for you , lots of great advice here but its not all right you have to sift thru it and see what you agree with then TEST

regards

Gaz Cooper

the testimonials look fake to me... i don't know if there real, but i get the impression

the email text box (form) looks so different and unique for me...

thx

My ebook is original content, not plr but you bring up some good points about asking the market instead of the WF.

thanks!

I actually like the overall layout and look of the sales page.

But yah, I don't see the purpose of putting, "As seen on Twitter, Facebook, Wordpress, etc."

That's about as impressive as saying, "As seen on the Internets."

The testimonials don't really say anything. Can you really buy fake video testimonials on fiverr now?

I agree with the other points already mentioned, such as the copy missing the mark overall.

I am a dog lover. I even have a dog that needs to be groomed (a poodle), but your copy didn't grab me. You need to GRAB me with a great headline. Then you need to suck me in with a powerful opener.

The headline has already been addressed. So let's look at the opener...

You're not telling the dog lover anything new. It's just a blanket generalization that doesn't tell the prospect anything -- certainly it doesn't give the prospect any reason to keep reading.

Next, you say...

At this point the prospect is gone.

They already have a dog -- you don't need to sell them on ithe benefits of dog ownership. You need to remind them of their grooming problem and then sell them your solution. You need to get them to raise their eyebrows and start nodding as they read. You need to whack 'em with a benefit that will leave their mouth hanging open just a little.

This opener does none of that.

HTH

Becky

p.s. Yes, this does belong in the copywriting forum.

• What made you think I'll save me money and time if I stop taking my dog to the groomer?
• Am I saving money, time or learning how to groom my dog? :confused:
• Why should I buy YOUR e-book? What's special about it? I could get the same info somewhere else :rolleyes:
• I want to see testimonials

YOUR HEADLINE SUCKS! but don't you worry, here's a link where you could get some ideas for a winning headline, and it is totally free...by one of the greatest copywriter of all time, Eugene Schwartz


Hope it helps

i went into some forums and asked around about why people groom their dogs at home, the benefits, why they dont like to and questions like this... and i got a lot of common answers like "because im cheap and dont want to spend the money" and "because i like to spend time with my dog."

So i think I DID get my sales letter headline correct. I think you guys that have given me 'advice' just like to point out whats wrong with my sales letter in YOUR opinion. You gusy being other internet marketers, its easy to spot the faults in some other internet marketers work, but at the end of the day both IM's are still making money. I'm not saying I'm the best at what I do, or that i cant learn a thing or two, I'm just saying for my first product, I did a damn good job at market research and putting my product, website, sales letter and content together. A lot of the stuff you guys tell me to change are things I've heard other people say are good to have.. people a lot more successful than most of the IM's on these forums..

and AGO, my headline doesnt SUCK. youre a copywriter yourself... of course youre gonna try to make my sales letter look like **** because you don't want to admit that youre not the best out there.

R hagel... IDK about you but I dont really even read the first little sentences of a sales letter... I read the major bolded headlines, some checkpoints and if I'm interested then I'll read a little more.. and i think a lot of other people are like this too. I believe most people are lazy and dont care about the first couple sentences of my sales letter. The headline catches their attention, not my short two sentence greeting and opening.dog grooming isnt exactly interesting anyways.

like I said, im new at this, but I am not new to psychology and studying these concepts..

I agree with the ****ty testimonials, they are complete **** and I'm working on getting some real ones so im not concerned with those now. I took them off because I do agree they'd hurt more than help.



the 'as seen on' header graphic is staying for now. a lot of internet users dont even know wtf web 2.0 is. I have the amazon logo (which my book IS on), the youtube logo, facebook logo and a few others and those names are trusted. and i firmly believe that products associated with those names will gain more trust. you see it in infomercials all the time, and if it didnt work or have some sort of value, then there would be no reason why TONS of commercials have this "as seen on' **** on their commercial/website.

COLLETTE: no, People WILL buy this product. They groom their dogs at home because they WANT TO SAVE MONEY. they take their dogs to the groomers because they probably have too many pets to do it themselves, or they have such a busy schedule that they cant do it themselves... but those people arent the majority of dog owners.

GAZCOOPERONLINE: Youre pretty much the only one here who had some decent comments and advice and I thank you!!


GLCHANDLER: steve clayton uses the "offer ends soon" date on his websites and I'd rather believe what he says rather than what you say. you sound like an internet marketer giving advice, rather than the average joe looking to buy something that will help him who doesnt have a clue about ANY of the **** were talking about. AGAIN, another concept we see in so many different places, a sense of urgency.. so I don't care what you have to say about the time on my optin page. I've read a lot about how to create a good optin page and I believe my optin page is better than a whole ****load i've seen around here...


CHRISTIANLITTLE: I changed my footer links, good point and I will try to get my CSS on a seperate file so i dont confuse the big G when they send their minions to crawl. thanks for the advice!


anyways i left alot out but to all of you who just want to bash on my site or sales letter, this is my first one and im damn proud of it, no matter what your opinions of it are. I'll share my stats and profits and results when I launch.

later

Gotta love it when you have warriors post for critiques and then b*tch about having their work critiqued.