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How do you like my tasty and healthy copy?

by Hagitt
14 replies
Hello warriors,

I'm a newbie, I have been just reading the great posts here, and appreciating the help you are giving here.

I would love to get your experienced opinion on my sales copy.

(I read books and report about it, and I have just finished my new cookbook copy, will appreciate your feedback)

Here is the address

tastyandhealthycookbook.com

Thank you

Hagit T. Dayan
#copy #healthy #tasty
  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    Hagitt,

    It's a good first attempt, however, in order to be helpful I have to be honest.

    This copy is not yet ready to make sales.

    It may be best to spend some more time studying copywriting before you write your next draft.

    The things is, it's hard to make suggestions for copy that you will have to write again from scratch.
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  • Profile picture of the author tobyR
    Sorry I have to agree. Its not easy copywriting but certainly for me its about 'doing it' and over time it improves and gets easier
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    • Profile picture of the author Hagitt
      Hello again,
      Thank you for your honest feedback.

      Now here is my challenge - I have read so many books, got some copywriter to give me feedback whailw I was writing, I have read reports, listen to an audio course about it, and that is what I came up with.

      It's not my first copy, I have another book on another website, here it is
      lovehappyliving.com/HealthandHappinessbook.html

      I will appreciate if you could give me a place to start, because at the moment I honestly don't know what I should do! :confused:

      Thank you, thank you,thank you

      Hagit
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      • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
        Originally Posted by Hagitt View Post


        ...

        I will appreciate if you could give me a place to start, because at the moment I honestly don't know what I should do! :confused:

        Thank you, thank you,thank you

        Hagit
        The thing is, you have to start looking at your things from you customers point of view.

        Your first question to answer is "What does my customer want?"

        Once you've got that, you can then move on to "How can I give them what they want?"

        You can then think of ways that your product meets what they are looking for.

        It's a simple, yet significant mindshift that will make your copy much stronger.

        P.S. If you can, forget for 5-minutes that you have a book. Close your eyes and imagine that 3 of your customers have come to ask you to create a product for them.

        What are they asking you to put in it?

        That's what you should talk about in your sales copy.

        And if your product can't give them that, well, you know what to do....
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        "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
        Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
        PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

        ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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        • Profile picture of the author Hagitt
          Dear friends,
          Thank you all for the great feedback.

          Your feedback helped me realize that I need help, so I have decided to hire a pro. to write my copy :-), and I did.

          I wish you all massive success.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Okay, to start, create a sig file and put the link in it.

    You're trying to say way too much with the headline. Also, the copy is full of typos and errors. People will naturally assume the book itself is the same way and won't be interested. Get a proofreader to go through it.

    You're making a lot of fancy claims about healthy food being good for you. I don't doubt you but as it stands you can gain a lot of credibility by putting your money where your mouth is and give the readers a true-to-life example of a recipe that actually helped someone in the manner you're claiming.

    The picture of the family picnic up top is taking up a lot of valuable real estate. Either shrink it down a lot or move it down. There's more but I'll leave that for others. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author creativeandinnovative
    Yup It's good. But not perfect. Include more cost and benefit analysis.
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  • Profile picture of the author wrcato2
    I couldn't get past the first sentence. I suggest you print it out and read it in the morning. Your copy is actually all over the place.

    Take your cook book, look at it in whole, what's the theme of the book? Italian? American? Indian?
    Then condense it to two sentences.
    Condense that to one sentence.
    This will give you a better idea for a headline.

    P.S. Use your spell check.
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    • Profile picture of the author Hagitt
      Thank you guys for the feedback.
      Thank you,
      :-))
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      • Profile picture of the author Sultan of Swipe
        The headline has no impact... At first glance when I look at it all I get from it in a nutshell is COOKING MADE EASY AND FAST.

        That's certainly a nice benefit... but it's not strong enough to hold attention and won't set your cooking product apart from any others.

        You need to drill down to the strongest benefit or stories you have... try writing out what you feel are the strongest, most unique benefits in bullets.

        Be very specific. Then pull the strongest one and build a tight headline around it... good luck...
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  • Profile picture of the author morninjoi
    I liked the structure but not the use of words. I kind of felt like moving on to something else which means i was not captivated. One thing i know about copy is that each line or paragraph should lure you to the next. Remember the AIDA principle; I- interest, D-desire, you've got to use those.
    Maybe you should have told a story, people like stories.
    Anyway, i love the layout.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Barboza
    The headline is too long, like trying to say too many things at once.

    I like the design. I think it appeals to your target market
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  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    The first thing that pops out is you seem to be sort of talking to yourself there.

    It should be all about the reader: talk to the "you". Now it's kind of like following a discussion you're having in your head. When it should be about what you're willing to do for the reader so that they're better off. It simply takes too much effort to get to the point.

    Try to cut down your headline to 20 words or less. Then read the letter out loud and make a note of everything that doesn't sound natural. Then rewrite. It just doesn't flow very well I'm afraid, so you would probably benefit from some education on sales letter structure and more.
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