What can i do to spice this page up

12 replies
Hey,

It was recommended to me to post here

So what can i do to this pages copy writing to spice

Whats wrong with the page you can be mean if you want

Website: Untitled Document

Eric
#page #spice
  • Profile picture of the author pavondunbar
    Hi there...

    In general, the page looks good...

    A few things..

    1) On my browser there are two x's where I think pictures or images should be. You may want to upload the image and use your HTML editor to change it...because I can't see it on my end.

    2) Make the headline bigger and more attractive...

    3) Your message is good...

    4) I like your testimonials...

    5) You may want to add a better background (just an option) and center the testimonials...it looks like it's "leaning" too far to the right...

    Other than that....great site, man!

    Keep up the good work and I wish you much success with this product!

    Pavon
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[331923].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Doug Simons
    Hey I personally think its awesome. However it was a little skinny on my screen compared to most sales pages I have seen. Great Job But don't take my word for it i don't do a lot of copy
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[331924].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Eric Land
      Yea i actually widened the middle by about 45 pixels and both side bars by 10 pixels to make everything better.

      But the main thing i am concerned about is that people will not understand the point of the website / want to continue reading.

      Did you read through the whole page or turn around after just a couple of seconds?

      Eric
      Signature

      I am looking for ad swaps pm me if you are too!

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[332210].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Boring headline:

    ""Stop Wasting Your Precious Time! Put My Hard Earned Lessons to Work For You With These Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products"

    Best Products For Newbies Below"


    tells me what not to do (waste my time). Tells me about
    you ("my hard earned lessons") but doesn't clue me
    in about what you will do for me. Then it throws
    puffery at me (" Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products") as
    if "certified" means anything.

    Put the BENEFIT it the headline. If you want to tell about
    your hard-earned lessons put it in the salesletter in context
    of what you are gonna do to PUT MONEY IN MY POCKET, NOW!

    see?

    Readers who buy are totally self-interested. You need to
    hit them with a SPECIFIC ADVANTAGE right in the headline.
    It's not the only way to capture interest... but if you can
    phrase your most powerful benefit in less than 7 words you
    have a start.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[332641].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Boring headline:

    ""Stop Wasting Your Precious Time! Put My Hard Earned Lessons to Work For You With These Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products"

    Best Products For Newbies Below"


    tells me what not to do (waste my time). Tells me about
    you ("my hard earned lessons") but doesn't clue me
    in about what you will do for me. Then it throws
    puffery at me (" Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products") as
    if "certified" means anything.

    Put the BENEFIT it the headline. If you want to tell about
    your hard-earned lessons put it in the salesletter in context
    of what you are gonna do to PUT MONEY IN MY POCKET, NOW!

    see?

    Readers who buy are totally self-interested. You need to
    hit them with a SPECIFIC ADVANTAGE right in the headline.
    It's not the only way to capture interest... but if you can
    phrase your most powerful benefit in less than 7 words you
    have a start.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[332659].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Eric Land
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      Boring headline:

      ""Stop Wasting Your Precious Time! Put My Hard Earned Lessons to Work For You With These Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products"

      Best Products For Newbies Below"


      tells me what not to do (waste my time). Tells me about
      you ("my hard earned lessons") but doesn't clue me
      in about what you will do for me. Then it throws
      puffery at me (" Certified Warrior Newbie Starter Products") as
      if "certified" means anything.

      Put the BENEFIT it the headline. If you want to tell about
      your hard-earned lessons put it in the salesletter in context
      of what you are gonna do to PUT MONEY IN MY POCKET, NOW!

      see?

      Readers who buy are totally self-interested. You need to
      hit them with a SPECIFIC ADVANTAGE right in the headline.
      It's not the only way to capture interest... but if you can
      phrase your most powerful benefit in less than 7 words you
      have a start.
      Thanks this is what i want to know cause i want to make this site right and i want to do a good job.

      Do you have any suggestions?

      Would something like "Newbies, Learn How to make Thousands of dollars online doing half the work your friends are doing"

      Be good?

      Thanks

      Eric
      Signature

      I am looking for ad swaps pm me if you are too!

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[334384].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author P_Cerrito
    Hi Eric, it feels a little cold and doesn't have a hook. Not saying it doesn't look good- I'm talking about feeling. Just me- I guess that's why we split test. haha

    Some people say to use a little gray to make your colors pop. Phil
    Signature

    "We are the architects of our own lives"
    Power to attract wealth, success, love, and romance ...

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[334543].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Malave
    Add a title tag to your website. That way it won't say Untitled Document at the top left.

    Also helps with SEO and adwords.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[339104].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author runr01
      Hi:

      Great domain name, but it doesn't tell me what WarriorNewbies.com does.

      I would reverse the font size of the two lines of text in the header. I'd also make the Guiding New Warriors To Success more of a benefit statement.

      I agree with Loren, the headline does not compel me to read on and learn more about your product.

      Just take a step back and try to remember how you felt when you first started out in Internet Marketing.

      Ask yourself:
      Was it very easy to get your first site up and running and making money? Spent days, then months, and almost a year "gently stepping into IM" - frustartion???

      Did you spend lots of time, even days, "learning" from every source your Googled? Wasted time -procrastination??

      Did you keep buying every e-book or course you thought would help you learn faster? Maxed out your credit cards??

      Now, take your answers and turn them into your headline, sub headline, first paragraph and so on.
      See, you have to put pain and gain in your head line, so you can get your readers attention. It's nto too difficult, just keep working on the copy.

      You have a much needed product, but just need to fine tune (focus) the sales page copy.

      If this helps, and you'd like more help with your copy, send me a pm.

      To your success.
      Donna
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[339633].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Eric Land
        Originally Posted by runr01 View Post

        Hi:

        Great domain name, but it doesn't tell me what WarriorNewbies.com does.

        I would reverse the font size of the two lines of text in the header. I'd also make the Guiding New Warriors To Success more of a benefit statement.

        I agree with Loren, the headline does not compel me to read on and learn more about your product.

        Just take a step back and try to remember how you felt when you first started out in Internet Marketing.

        Ask yourself:
        Was it very easy to get your first site up and running and making money? Spent days, then months, and almost a year "gently stepping into IM" - frustartion???

        Did you spend lots of time, even days, "learning" from every source your Googled? Wasted time -procrastination??

        Did you keep buying every e-book or course you thought would help you learn faster? Maxed out your credit cards??

        Now, take your answers and turn them into your headline, sub headline, first paragraph and so on.
        See, you have to put pain and gain in your head line, so you can get your readers attention. It's nto too difficult, just keep working on the copy.

        You have a much needed product, but just need to fine tune (focus) the sales page copy.

        If this helps, and you'd like more help with your copy, send me a pm.

        To your success.
        Donna
        Thank you for this

        This is what i need

        Signature

        I am looking for ad swaps pm me if you are too!

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[340867].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RedPhoenix
    Sales copy aside I would simplify the layout & improve the graphics. Something like this. Untitled Document

    Feel free to use this if you want to. I will delete it once you're seen it.

    All the best with your launch.
    Signature
    http://www.23rdwave.com/

    "Excellence is not an event it's a habit" - Aristotle 384 BC
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[346274].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Eric Land
      Hey thanks for the idea

      Do you think you could send me an original blank file of that i would really appreciate it.

      My email is eml2991@gmail.com

      Thanks again

      Eric
      Signature

      I am looking for ad swaps pm me if you are too!

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[346362].message }}

Trending Topics