A Great First Line For Some Copy

by MissLauraCatella

Posted: 13 years ago 8 replies

COPY WRITING

"The first thing I want you to do is close your eyes."

Yup. I peeped this in a sales letter. It made me laugh and sad at the same time. Am I over-thinking that? Might such an odd command actually work?

#copy #great #line

Drez 13 years ago

'ya what ... I think it would work (depending on the market).

Of course, if they close their eyes they can't read the rest of your letter
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- MissLauraCatella 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Drez
  
  Of course, if they close their eyes they can't read the rest of your letter
  
  Yeah, exactly, so why would you tell them to do it?
  
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  DanielleLynnCopy 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by bambii
  
  Yeah, exactly, so why would you tell them to do it?
  
  It's a good command to issue incase you forgot to write the rest of the sales letter
  
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  MissLauraCatella 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy
  
  It's a good command to issue incase you forgot to write the rest of the sales letter
  
  This!!! Hahaha, oh, thank you for that!~
  
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  The Content King 13 years ago
  
  At least it wasn't: "The first thing I want you to do is hold your breath."
  
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  GlobalMedia 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by The Content King
  
  At least it wasn't: "The first thing I want you to do is hold your breath."
  
  I just hope that I am not in a hospital ward.
  
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WebRank1 13 years ago

This could actually be a great ice breaker when writing copy intended to be published in braille.
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John_S 13 years ago

This approach isn't very good. Forget the wording, it's like "breaking the fourth wall."

It establishes that this scenario, story, situation, or whatever comes next, is fiction. That is not a good thing to telegraph. It is a setup for failure of what comes next, because there is a very good chance the reader will regard what comes next as incredible fiction.

Not a story that could happen in real life.

Have a story? Then get to it. If you're any good at storytelling, the reader will know it is indeed a story or dream or idealized scenario. Your aim is turning the dream or whatever into reality through action.

That becomes increasingly difficult when moved a level of abstraction away with "dream," or "imagine." There are better techniques which avoid the pitfalls.
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