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Best Way To Phrase This...

by Steve The Copywriter
20 replies
It's a very hot day here in Blighty.

And I am doing my 1078th promo.

I should know what to do - but my mind has gone blank - I'm blaming the blistering heat.

The client offers a money back guarantee to their customers if they don't get the results as promised.

However, the customers do pay first.


I want to phrase this is the best possible way.

"We Guarantee Results - Or You Get Your Money Back"

Or could I say -

"We Guarantee Results - Or You Pay Nothing"


Any other ideas how I can make the "guarantee" irresistible?

Your help as always is greatly appreciated.
#phrase
  • Profile picture of the author JoniWBeadle
    Hey Steve,

    What about something like;

    No Profitable Results - No Payment. . . Guaranteed!


    Joni
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    • Profile picture of the author Kim Phoenix
      This may be a bit long, but how about something along the lines of:
      "Put my instructions to action and if you don't see results within X days, you get a full refund" (we just ask that you show us proof that you did, in fact, put the instructions into action).
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  • Profile picture of the author DustonMcGroarty
    "Results Guaranteed or Your Money Back... No Questions Asked!"
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  • Profile picture of the author geegel
    How about this?

    "It either works or you don't pay a dime."

    ... or a longer version

    "This is the real deal folks. If you're not satisfied you'll get your money back. YES! Down to the last cent."

    Hope this helps.

    Best regards,
    George Cozma
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    The Persuasion Expert: Capture. Solve. Create. Persuade
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Carlton has a line I like... "Try it for free". Haven't seen him use it in a while though.

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author GlobalMedia
    "We take guarantee of results and your money".
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    SEO VA for Hire! starting $250 per month.
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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    What's it for? What is the product?

    For instance, "Lose Two Inches Off Your Waistline Within The First Ten Days ..."

    You can go so far as to say you include the tape measure (or any yardstick of proof) with the product. It really depends on what "it" is, but the basic way you improve the guarantee without altering terms is custom tailor it.

    It can also work with services. Checklists, for example.

    Your goal is to make the guarantee a seamless fit, custom tailored to the product -- not tacked onto the sales letter. Ideally, the reader should feel nobody else could offer such a guarantee.

    Stop playing with words. Start reversing risk.
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
      Thanks for all the replies everyone - great advice.

      I should have said, the "product" is a legal service.

      And the copy with have to be approved by all the compliance people.

      So I have to be very careful in "phrasing" the guarantee.

      But of course I do want it to have a massive impact.

      Because it is essentially the USP of the service.
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  • Profile picture of the author Russell Barnstein
    Steve,

    I think you were closest in your own post, but shorter is the key for forceful effect:

    "Guaranteed Results or You Pay Nothing"

    Most compliance officers will like this because "results" are subjective in most cases.
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

    If you say guaranteed results, that could be questionable as to what the definition of results actually is in the client's mind.
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    Cheers, Laurence.
    Writer/Editor/Proofreader.

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  • Profile picture of the author mrdomains
    Originally Posted by Steve Copywriter View Post

    It's a very hot day here in Blighty.

    I want to phrase this is the best possible way.

    "We Guarantee Results - Or You Get Your Money Back"

    Or could I say -

    "We Guarantee Results - Or You Pay Nothing"
    I would keep the word "nothing" out of this. I taints the message with negativity.

    I like your version
    "We Guarantee Results - Or You Get Your Money Back"
    or you might go for
    Guaranteed Results - Or Your Money Back

    Guaranteed Results - Or We Pay You Back

    I would pick the last one.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Results Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!

    But not knowing your offer, I would say the word "results" is weak. It would be better if you could denominate the results.

    You could also go down the road of a "7-Day Risk Free Trial"

    - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author jewel3000
    I wouldn't stray too far from the first way you wrote it: “We Guarantee Results – Or You Get Your Money Back.”

    The only tweak I might make is putting "60 Days" or whatever in the 'results' part of the sentence.

    The point is, you have be very careful and CLEAR when writing a money-back statement. Sometimes people misread and think they don't have to PAY you until the 60 days has elapsed. They might think you're giving out a free trial for a while, then get to decide later whether it's worth actually paying for.

    I say keep it simple. Don't use many words to formulate this sentence. Don't try to say it so fancy. This way, nobody gets ticked off, thinking you tried to fool them or were too vague to be trusted.

    Best!
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  • Profile picture of the author eguynth
    "You Don' See Results? You Don't Pay a Dime!"
    I think i heard this on a tv commercial.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Allen
    I thought that "No Win, No Fee" was the norm for legal services???
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  • Profile picture of the author A790
    What is the context of the guarantee? Is it for weight loss, home business, etc. etc.?

    Different niches tend to respond to different verbiage. The generic "Your Satisfaction Guaranteed, or Your Money Back" tends to do the trick in non-specialized niches.
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  • Profile picture of the author chris_f
    No (result here)? We'll Reimburse!
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    • Profile picture of the author TriWin
      I like Summertime Dress's "make you happy" but I'm concerned there isn't a definitive line that makes someone happy.

      I will say this you need to keep it short. Get "x" or we don't get "x"
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