New bolder bio - should I drop the conventional one? | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

13 years ago

Aye Chihuahua, I dislike it. I doubt I'd like whatever the other one was like.

Let's go back to a previous post of yours for some alternatives.

"People want things that are hard to find. Things that have romance, but a factual romance, about them.
I had this proven to me all over again when people actually stopped me in the street (in New York, in Tokyo, in London) to ask me where I got the coat I was wearing.
So many people tried to buy my coat off my back that I've started a small company to make them available. It seems like everybody (well, not everybody) has always wanted a classic horseman's duster but never knew exactly where to get one.
I ran a little ad in the New Yorker and the Wall Street Journal and in a few months sold this wonderful coat in cities all over the country and to celebrities and to a mysterious gentleman in Japan who ordered two thousand of them.
Well, the coat is magnificent. Simple, functional, handsome, extremely well made, affordable and, yes, romantic.
I think that giant American Corporations should start asking themselves if the things they make are really, I mean really, better than the ordinary.
Clearly, people want things that make their lives the way they wish they were."

That is an "About" page -- lots of "I" statements -- but on target.

My suggestion: Get a protégé, better yet a client, to do an interview of you. Perhaps video. Perhaps not. I want you to think half FAQ, half questions you wish people asked.

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Ken Strong 13 years ago

Looks like the conventional bio is already on there, about halfway down. I think I'd rather see that at the top, and then weave the other stuff in down below if you want. And then maybe a link to an interview of the type that John suggested.
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AdwordsMogul

13 years ago

When it comes to getting the word out, you need a guide who knows how to zip around obstacles and who understands the fear, uncertainty and stakes involved.

This is a bit too abstract... Personally, I would make this bit more benefit oriented and specific.

I feel that even in a bio it's important to constantly appeal to the readers self-interest.

The truth is the reader doesn't really want to know about you.

They want to be sure you have the goods, credibility and that they will feel comfortable working with you.

Of course, the "resume" bit is vital.

However, I think both versions would be more successful if you took the approach of "About us - as it relates to YOU"

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RickDuris 13 years ago

Hi Marcia,

Answer honestly and objectively as possible:

Would this be the "About Me" page that would:

* Land you an interview on the Donny Deutsch show?

* Get you a column on self-promotion or self-marketing in Inc., Fast Company, Oprah or Martha Stewart magazines?

* Have producers of business-oriented programs all over America calling you to request an interview with their talent?

I'm not saying it is, and I'm not saying it isn't.

Frankly, I can't tell which foot you're trying to put forward. Self-promotion? Marketing? Copywriting? Poems? (Just kidding about poems, but you know where I'm headed.)

But I can tell you for certain. Your opening is weak:

--------------
Your Guide to the Adventure of Marketing

When it comes to getting the word out, you need a guide who knows how to zip around obstacles and who understands the fear, uncertainty and stakes involved.

--------------

Here's my comments on just this part of the piece:

1. Imagine you've got three seconds. You fire off "Your Guide to the Adventure of Marketing" salvo. Does that make an entrepreneur want to read on?

As a personal opinion, no. Sounds like a "puff piece."

Now, if you were going to tell me anecdotal stories of adventures in marketingland, that's a perfect opening.

But if I, as an entrepreneur, want to build my my fledgling company? It's going to take a bit more to capture my attention and convince me to reach out to you as an expert.

Let's move on.

---------------

Let's say the reader gets past that and they're going to read your first sentence.

"When it comes to getting the word out, you need a guide who knows how to zip around obstacles and who understands the fear, uncertainty and stakes involved."

Do I care you know how to zip around obstacles?

Probably not. (Yes, I understand the connection you're trying to make with the picture. But entrepreneurs don't care.)

As an entrepreneur, do I care about the fear, uncertainty and stakes involved?

Hell NO! I live with those every frickn' day. I already know about those and I'm still here. And I'm stilling standing.

Fear, uncertainty and stakes involved? Big deal. So what? Who cares?

I have a dream. I'm on a mission. And I will succeed.
What I'm looking for is someone out there who sees the opportunities, the hidden assets, the intangible resources I don't see. Who knows how to leverage them fast, and for money.

Or who has marketing and promotion skills and resources I don't have.

Marcia, your page is boldly and uniquely different, but I don't think in the way you intend.

If you want to make a splash, make a bold, tangible promise right up front in your "about" page. One that captures the entrepreneur's imagination, stimulates their greed glands and is in integrity with who you are.

- Rick Duris
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Bruce NewMedia

13 years ago

Marcia, I've always liked your positioning in the copy world as 'no hype' and total integrity.

...and I've always thought your USP sort of reflected a high-achieving academic who bravely ventured into the 'no-safety-nets' world of marketing ....and proved you can produce stunning results for clients without compromising their integrity (or yours).....I'm not seeing that so much in the new bio, ..but I'm sure you'll come up with a good one!
_____
Bruce

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marciayudkin

13 years ago

Thanks, guys, for all your feedback. It's really, really helpful, as it enables me to get clearer about why I rewrote my bio this way.

First, keep in mind that almost no one is going to see this page first. Typically people turn to an About page when they want to know more about who they're dealing with. I don't think a bio is the place to make an offer or a promise. I do that where I am promoting a specific program.

If you want to make a splash, make a bold, tangible promise right up front in your "about" page. One that captures the entrepreneur's imagination and stimulates their greed glands.

Rick, I do not get along well with greedy people and I do not want them as clients. At this stage in my life, I am not burning with ambition. My financial needs for the distant future are pretty well taken care of, from what I've done in the past. I do want to be working with nice, interesting people on challenging projects, and I want to mentor people who want to achieve the kind of balanced success I have.

The purpose of this page is to attract the kind of people I want to have as clients and to give them a sense of my values - and just as importantly, the values I do not hold. It's vital to me to have a low-stress lifestyle, and the more I can turn away the kinds of clients who are going to demand or expect what I don't want to give or put up with, the healthier and happier I will be.

Someone who wants me to be wearing the latest fashion, sipping cappucino with a cell phone glued to my ear while jotting marketing jargon down on a napkin for two impatient clients across the table can just skip on by me and I'll be better off for that.

I've shown the new bio to some of my best clients - people who have paid me thousands of dollars over the course of many years - and they love it. I want more people like them. And if the bio helps pull them in and weed out the mismatches, then it will have achieved its purpose.

...and I've always thought your USP sort of reflected a high-achieving academic who bravely ventured into the 'no-safety-nets' world of marketing ....and proved you can produce stunning results for clients without compromising their integrity (or yours)

Bruce, thanks for that characterization. The part about integrity is indeed very important to me, but that's something best conveyed by other people, not by myself.

I've always liked the self-effacing persona you project. No hype. Just quality and talent.

Thank you, Ken. I take that as a huge compliment.

Marcia Yudkin

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RickDuris

13 years ago

Originally Posted by marciayudkin

I do not get along well with greedy people and I do not want them as clients. At this stage in my life, I am not burning with ambition. My financial needs for the distant future are pretty well taken care of, from what I've done in the past. I do want to be working with nice, interesting people on challenging projects, and I want to mentor people who want to achieve the kind of balanced success I have.

The purpose of this page is to attract the kind of people I want to have as clients and to give them a sense of my values - and just as importantly, the values I do not hold. It's vital to me to have a low-stress lifestyle, and the more I can turn away the kinds of clients who are going to demand or expect what I don't want to give or put up with, the healthier and happier I will be.

Someone who wants me to be wearing the latest fashion, sipping cappucino with a cell phone glued to my ear while jotting marketing jargon down on a napkin for two impatient clients across the table can just skip on by me and I'll be better off for that.

I've shown the new bio to some of my best clients - people who have paid me thousands of dollars over the course of many years - and they love it. I want more people like them. And if the bio helps pull them in and weed out the mismatches, then it will have achieved its purpose.

If those are the clients you want, if those are your "best" clients", put THAT copy on your about page.

Don't hold back. And furthermore, I'd say elaborate on it.

- Rick Duris

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Stephen Dean

13 years ago

Originally Posted by marciayudkin

The purpose of this page is to attract the kind of people I want to have as clients and to give them a sense of my values - and just as importantly, the values I do not hold. It's vital to me to have a low-stress lifestyle, and the more I can turn away the kinds of clients who are going to demand or expect what I don't want to give or put up with, the healthier and happier I will be.

I've been reading your services pages for 10 years and I thought the page fit you perfectly - even though it is quite different.

I don't disagree with some of the comments that might help you revise further, but I like the concept. Especially if your goal is to attract clients that work well with you rather than a goal of maximum clients.

Cheers,
Stephen Dean

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gjabiz

13 years ago

Marcia,

I would like to see more of the "if I choose you", that is, if we are a good match...then I'll work with you...type thing up front.

Perhaps, something like; "here is what an ideal client is like", since you've had so many of them.

I've done ok using a "semi takeaway" strategy (and even with a lot of inch marks and parantheses)...only accepting about 20% or less of the people who request my services. Being picky, uh, judicious, about the people you work with is a REWARD of all the hard work you've done over the years. Your bio speaks volumes...

NOW, let them know you can both AFFORD to be choosy about whom you work with and you want to work with other people with values, not greed glands.

You're established. You don't need to sell yourself or put a USP in your about page...what I think you do need is to let people know you want a "match", a good fit, a client who is in harmony, synch and in rapport with your bigger picture, and not just about the moolah.

Your clients are more educated, more worldly and less materialistic (whose success is reflected in lifestyle vs. lavishishness) than the just want to get rich crowd...

so tell them right away they may not qualify to work with you.

I liked the old bio, but I get this one and it reflects the success you've enjoyed and your success has been built on the success of many other "similar minded people" who have taken advantage of your talents and services over the years.

You want a client who wants to share the jungle adventure, the globe trotting lifestyle, the FUN adventures that come with success. So, you want to tell them (and I feel you have) to "come along for the adventure, and if you use my services, I can help you get here"...sort of thing.

Gordon Alexander

PS. Actually, I now reject over 90% of the people who want to hire me, I too, don't want to work with greedy people. TIME and my control of it, has always been more important to me than the comfort which comes from storing monetary success.

NOW, I put a high price tag on my time, not in terms of money (although that comes into play) but in terms of how much pleasure I get from the work and the PERSON I'm WILLING and EAGER to be working with.

Originally Posted by marciayudkin

Thanks, guys, for all your feedback. It's really, really helpful, as it enables me to get clearer about why I rewrote my bio this way.

First, keep in mind that almost no one is going to see this page first. Typically people turn to an About page when they want to know more about who they're dealing with. I don't think a bio is the place to make an offer or a promise. I do that where I am promoting a specific program.

Rick, I do not get along well with greedy people and I do not want them as clients. At this stage in my life, I am not burning with ambition. My financial needs for the distant future are pretty well taken care of, from what I've done in the past. I do want to be working with nice, interesting people on challenging projects, and I want to mentor people who want to achieve the kind of balanced success I have.

The purpose of this page is to attract the kind of people I want to have as clients and to give them a sense of my values - and just as importantly, the values I do not hold. It's vital to me to have a low-stress lifestyle, and the more I can turn away the kinds of clients who are going to demand or expect what I don't want to give or put up with, the healthier and happier I will be.

Someone who wants me to be wearing the latest fashion, sipping cappucino with a cell phone glued to my ear while jotting marketing jargon down on a napkin for two impatient clients across the table can just skip on by me and I'll be better off for that.

I've shown the new bio to some of my best clients - people who have paid me thousands of dollars over the course of many years - and they love it. I want more people like them. And if the bio helps pull them in and weed out the mismatches, then it will have achieved its purpose.

Bruce, thanks for that characterization. The part about integrity is indeed very important to me, but that's something best conveyed by other people, not by myself.

Thank you, Ken. I take that as a huge compliment.

Marcia Yudkin

Thanks

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jewel3000

13 years ago

I like your About Us page. I might tweak a few things, but I find the story engaging enough. My specific impressions / suggestions:

* You do a great job of involving your potential customer in the very beginning. But as they read further down, they'll still want to know "What's In It for Me?" You dropped that ball after the first section. It might be worth looking for 2 or 3 more places to get back to how your experiences enable you to help the customer who's reading.

* You might add a few more sub-headings sooner than you do. Felt like too many paragraph chunks up top before you got to you next sub-head. As a result, I ignored the graphs beginning with "... mid-1980s University of Massachusetts ..."

* You've done a lot, and it's all impressive. But it feels too long to me (possibly because your content area is very narrow). I didn't want to do all of that reading down toward the bottom. Felt like too much work / time. Any way to maybe use bullet points to highlight and shorten some of these sundry experiences?

* Bottom line: It's good; there's just too much. Give the eye more breaks. Keep bringing the reader back into the mix, subtly reminding them throughout how your knowledge relates to the info products you've created. Think and write *benefits* -- even on an About Us page!

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John_S

13 years ago

don't want to work with greedy people.

Wouldn't that be people so unsatisfied with the amount they have that they'd do anything to get more?

Cheap, on the other hand, goes well with the "cutting my nose off to spite my face" thing where you end up spending three to five times more than you planned with false economy. Low price does not guarantee sound judgement.

People have lost more "being safe" with the lowest price than greed ever did. Greed demands intelligence, study, and a willingness to do anything to get more. Sloth mixed with fear based on unwillingness to find out what competence costs ...on the other hand...

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BrianMcLeod

13 years ago

Hey Marcia,

I think your reply to Rick's advice (which I'll co-sign) was MUCH more visceral and engaging than you realize.

And it expresses exactly what you WANT.

Noodle on that a little bit!

I do not get along well with greedy people and I do not want them as clients.

At this stage in my life, I am not burning with ambition.

My financial needs for the distant future are pretty well taken care of, from what I've done in the past.

I do want to be working with nice, interesting people on challenging projects, and I want to mentor people who want to achieve the kind of balanced success I have.

The purpose of this page is to attract the kind of people I want to have as clients and to give them a sense of my values - and just as importantly, the values I do not hold.

It's vital to me to have a low-stress lifestyle, and the more I can turn away the kinds of clients who are going to demand or expect what I don't want to give or put up with, the healthier and happier I will be.

Someone who wants me to be wearing the latest fashion, sipping cappucino with a cell phone glued to my ear while jotting marketing jargon down on a napkin for two impatient clients across the table can just skip on by me and I'll be better off for that.

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marciayudkin

13 years ago

I would like to see more of the "if I choose you", that is, if we are a good match...then I'll work with you...type thing up front.

Hi Gordon and everyone else,

I actually have that sort of thing on another page, where my consulting services are described. (I believe someone thinking of hiring me as a consultant would look there first, then go to the About page.) Here is the relevant portion:

+++++++++++++

What's It Like to Work With Marcia?

She's perceptive, precise, to the point and practical.

Perceptive: Don't be surprised if she suggests insights or solutions that you hadn't considered but seem right.

Precise: Expect specific advice and recommendations rather than fuzzy ideas or platitudes.

To the point: Marcia gets right to work without a lot of schmoozing or small talk. She says what's what.

Practical: Her advice is grounded in what works and geared to better outcomes for your business.

Marcia prefers working with clients who are the decision-makers (not a team or committee) and who are not counting pennies as they pursue creative marketing strategies and clearer messages.

For a no-cost, no-obligation quote on your project, email Marcia or call (413)582-4052.

+++++++++++++

That also helps signal to people what they'll get out of working with me. The About page is meant as a closer look at the person behind the advice.

Marcia

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marciayudkin

13 years ago

I think your reply to Rick's advice (which I'll co-sign) was MUCH more visceral and engaging than you realize.

And it expresses exactly what you WANT.

Noodle on that a little bit!

Brian,

Yes, I know that I said bluntly what I want and don't want. But it doesn't fit the business image I want to be that blunt. For example, I would not normally use the word "greedy" - I used the word only in response to what Rick said. And I don't want to come out and say in my bio that I feel like I'm at the stage of semi-retirement because that may be a passing feeling. I've seen too many people announce their retirement only to spring back into action again with both feet. And that, to me, is showboating.

And by the way, this discussion (while interesting) has gotten derailed from the question I originally asked: whether or not you like or agree with my approach in my new bio, do you think I should also include the conventional bio on this page?

Thank you for your comments,

Marcia Yudkin

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MusicHottie 13 years ago

I like the standard bio. My gut says it would hit the tone your're looking for if you sauced up the standard version with the creativity and zest for life of the new version.

The standard version left me asking fewer questions about "why is this in here?" while the newer version was somewhat distracting. As a prospective customer, I didn't click with the newer version as I read it because of the "why" distraction. I wanted business steak with a great zeal sauce. That may be a combination of the two versions.
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livepsycle

13 years ago

I agree with Rick and Brian. The quote Rick highlighted is a perfect About page.

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New bolder bio - should I drop the conventional one?

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