Need help with headline

by Mantero Cantrow

Posted: 15 years ago 9 replies

COPY WRITING

I have a brand new graphics product called "Minisite Graphics Pro" . This product is a collection of graphics for minisites design, which includes minisite templates, order button, opt-in design templates, ecover templates, and many more in minisite graphics related.

Currently I already have a headline which is made by my copywriter, but I'm not much satisfied with it. I would really appreciate if anyone can help me out with the headline

here's the current headline:

Attention: Niche marketers, information product sellers, affiliate marketers, internet marketing specialists, and others needing mini-sites...

"Discover How To Master Mini-Site Designs, The exact same Way That The Gurus Do It With Experts Tools To Launch Your Own Sites with Ease..."

This New Mini-Site Tool Kit Provides YOU With Professional Designs to Get Your Mini-Sites Built In Minutes, GUARANTEED!

Thanks so much in advanced,
Mantero

#headline

stanwyck 15 years ago

what do you think about:
Discover the secrets to minisite design.
Learn how the gurus do it.

also the attention part may be too long. people might not want to scroll through looking for themselves.

how about:
this tool kit gives you everything you need to get your minisite up and running in minutes... guaranteed!
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Loren Woirhaye 15 years ago

Stanwyck has the right idea. Cut out the extraneous
words and get ONE STRONG IDEA in your headline.
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RedPhoenix 15 years ago

Attention Webmasters: Are 'tired' boring graphics effecting your sales & profits?

Headline
"Skyrocket Your Website Conversion Rate Now With This Quality Minisite Graphics Package ... Watch Your Profits Erupt"
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write-stuff 15 years ago

Waaaay too long for my liking and too vague. But that's just my opinion...
- Russ
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mikecowles 15 years ago

I think it's way too long as well. I would look at some of the salespages that have caused you to buy and pick out the two main benefits that you can swap out (that make sense) with you example.

Rember, the main headlne should be the strongest hook, in this case making more sales. The sub headline is the second biggest benefit/feature, (quality grapics to increase value).

Use power words, but make sure the context fits. More isn't always better.

~Mike Cowles. <><
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UnityinAustralia 15 years ago

I thought it was OK, actually.
Didn't *quite* grab me enough to want to go to your site to read about it, but it didn't make me roll my eyes in disgust like other headlines tend to do.

Still needs work, but on the right track, perhaps?
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- spressnell 15 years ago
  
  I agree that fewer words would be better. People seem to like quick bullet-point type headlines.
  
  Shirley
  
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  Deji 15 years ago
  
  The headline is too long and not benefit oriented in my opinion.Always remember that the purpose of the headline,amongst other things,is to get the prospect to read the first sentence...and the purpose of the first sentence is to get her to read the second sentence...you get the point.That means if you fail to grab the prospects attention with your headline,then the prospect gets bored and clicks the back button of her browser.And that means lost sales for you.Here are 2 ways you could create your headline:
  1.From your list of bulletsick the one that lists benefits that you know your target audience would really be interested in
  2.Go to Great Headlines Writing Secrets site is owned by the legendary Ted Nicholas,a very successful direct mail and direct response copywriter.He gives different methods by which you can create your headlines.
  There are many other ways but these should help you.
  
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cd928 15 years ago

I think I can see the message your headline wants to get across, and that's the problem since it's still vague. I suggest you have a central idea for your headline and try to simplify your sentence.

I hope that helps.
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