Please Critique My Sales Page

Hi Will,

The reader sees no tangible benefit that hooks the reader.

You've got 3 seconds to do that, or you've lost them.

You do that with short stories of client results, citing numbers.

Not people saying "oh it's wonderful".

Use quick contrast, before and after.

Quantify with money the results.

Be specific.

Use verbs.

Bullet points are excellent for keeping you the writer on track,
instead of waffling on tangents which loose the readers.

Short sentences which make one point...get the point?

Keep in mind when you read what you have written that the reader is
about to click away...so you must keep the curiosity high.

Never reveal everything. Thats inside your paid knowledge.

Use this as your mental checklist.

Richard sends out short emails and gets 75% of them phoning back,
just by using these principals.

I used them to get an Amazon #1 book seller to email me back
and thanking me for it, just by using what I have told you.

I made a cold call to a international money manager using these principals
and had his money in my bank account the following week.

That's your encouragement that this works.

Now go put them to use for your profit too.

Best,
Ewen

Hi Will,

As is, it's well written. However, I suspect it isn't quite compelling enough.

I have four comments that might improve it.

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1. I think you can do a better job of future pacing.

Meaning, painting a future for the person that they see themselves living.

Assuming you know your prospects, pick out a few of the most likely goals and aspirations.

Then paint that future as vividly as you can. With future pacing, it's ok to be specific.

For instance:

"Once you make the decision and download "Your Heart's Desire", even though you haven't read it yet, something has already "shifted" inside for you.

You can't put your finger on it, but your *KNOW* without a doubt, the life you desire and deserve is at your fingertips. And small little act represents something of monumental importance in a person's life.

It that point where you've made a decision.

A decision not to look back... a decision not not only dream about what you want, but turn it into reality... A decision to live your life to fullest--the way it was meant to be lived.

Maybe your dream is to achieve financial independence, and if that's the case imagine living debt-free... being able to have what you want, do what you want, whenever you... Being able to help others who are in financial need...

[then you can even be more specific]

Or maybe your dream life is to..."

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2. The second thing that would improve the piece is a story.

Yes, you have testimonials.

But you may want to tell the story of how the book came to be written.

Or your own story.

Or maybe a students story.

If you remember the One Minute Millionaire book, you'll remember every other page was dedicated to the telling of a story of a woman who achieved her entrepreneurial dream.

What I'm saying is weave a story into the copy, one that would resonate with the prospect.

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3. The third thing is you really don't allude to your credentials in terms of an author writing this particular book.

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4. The goal setting software sounds cool. And maybe a Camtasia video describing what it is and does would bring it to life.

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- Rick Duris

You have too many bonuses. Too much stuff in your package.

It just looks like a pile of stuff thrown together.

Here's an example: I think info-marketing is at the point where when you see two zillion bonuses added to a book launch, it's a turn off. People are just adding bonuses that are crap.

Pick two or three high quality bonuses for your product...that dog will hunt.

In short, too much stuff now equals a bunch of poor quality stuff or crap in the eyes of your prospects. And the perception of your prospects and customers is all that counts.