What can I do to improve?

by cnr
16 replies
Hey Warriors,

I'm not selling info products but I do have a company that offers both software and mobile development.

I was wondering how I could improve the copy on the homepage to encourage people to do business with us. Right now I just feel like it is the typical corporate babble. I want to make it so people are excited to do business with us.

All the business we've gotten so far has been through word of mouth but I want to get more people through our website.

The link is in my signature.

Should I have a sales copy?

Any help is greatly appreciated.

-Chanel
#improve
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    Should I have a sales copy?
    Only if you want sales.

    Looking at the site, I'd work on the logo and jumpy navigation. Welcome is a waste of space, replace it with an effective headline which propels the reader into the site.

    You are right, it's technobabble. Online apps are usually clunky, misdesigned, user oblivious ....but don't require a per seat license fee. And that's it.

    Figure out the benefits. Articulate them in a compelling way.

    Every benefit is going to be about people using the applet. You should have reams of material to draw on ....from all the user testing you've done to ensure the app works effectively. There's one starting point.

    Get out of the business of shoving code out the door. That's a commodity business. Start the business of developing apps people use.

    Your goal is copy which communicates your unique selling proposition. Replacing the generic technobabble with generic copywriting hucksterisms is only going to make a bad situation worse.

    So develop your Unique Selling Proposition. Develop a headline. Prepare the site for use. Read up on copywriting. Then hire a copywriter. Augment the youtubes of the apps with vignettes of the users saying the apps play an important part in meeting some goal. Develop case history style explanations of what actually happened after code was delivered -- including a testimonial from the client.

    Related Reading:

    The Hellocode portfolio is more informative by explaining some goal for the app. And if you're thinking I'm recommending Flash, then you're too far gone to be helped.

    Content-Free Buzzword-Compliant Vocabulary List for translating geek to English. What you don't want to do is hire a copywriter who -- without knowing a single thing about technology -- fills the site with meaningless techno-drivel.

    How To Write White Papers With Maximum "Pass Around Factor" White papers can be dry as dust ...or powerful marketing pieces. Your choice.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[350025].message }}
    • Originally Posted by John_S View Post

      Only if you want sales.
      • Figure out the benefits. Articulate them in a compelling way.
      • Your goal is copy which communicates your unique selling proposition. Replacing the generic technobabble with generic copywriting hucksterisms is only going to make a bad situation worse.
      • So develop your Unique Selling Proposition. Develop a headline. Prepare the site for use. Read up on copywriting. Then hire a copywriter...Develop case history style explanations of what actually happened after code was delivered -- including a testimonial from the client.

      John--

      Thank you very much for your post. I'm in an unrelated discipline, but the PRINCIPLES you've proposed are CLASSIC, and I NEEDED to see that this day as I've taken the day off just to visualize how I want to change my own website into something less 'Sales Letter' oriented, into a legitimate Product-Oriented Website.

      It's amazing how we sometimes have to be nudged to remember things we already know. I've been in Sales for five years, and your post has just delivered me a kick right square in my creative nether regions.

      It just all fell together in my mind after reading your advice.

      Stand by world! I'm going on a roll!
      Signature

      T. Lavon Lawrence
      Author, NEURO-SCULPTING!© and Mental Trainer
      http:www.neuro-sculpting.com
      trainer@neuro-sculpting.com

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[356653].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Hesaidblissfully
        Aside from most of the other suggestions, I'd change the headline again. "Regular Boring Software" is kind of confusing. (like as opposed to what, "heart-stoppingly exciting software?" )

        If your business specializes in creating custom applications and software, I'd lead with that in the headline so that as soon as somebody hits the page, they know what's in it for them and want to find out more.

        Your headline should basically be answering two questions right away:

        1. "What is this site about?"

        2. "How does that help me?"

        Think about what problems your customers have and what they want, and write your headline around that. Is their main problem that the software out there is "boring" or that it doesn't fit the specific needs of their business?
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[356729].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
    Well I think John has said pretty much what needed to be said.

    One thing I STRONGLY agree with. Your logo... ugh!

    If you want/need help with logo design, PM me. Graphic design is my part time hobby and I have reasonable rates. There's no time limits... I'll work till you're happy with your logo.

    some of my work:
    Flawless Fitness Book-Free Health & Fitness Report
    Nexus Europe, Entertainment Agency ,Professional Freerunners, Capoeiristas, Breakdancers, Football Freestylers, BMX, Urban Acrobats, Pro Jumpers, Hip Hop and Jazz Dancers.
    Twitter / fitslug

    let me know.
    Signature
    [FJ's Hidden Gem] - This Transforms Warriors Into Assassins!
    [FitJerk's Blog] - Fitness Tips So Effective, They Should Be Illegal!
    [Opt-In Manual] - How I Exploded My Opt-Ins by 200%! FREE Report, No Email Needed!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[350254].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    There is NO SALES LETTER on the page, so there is no sense critiquing
    the page. You need a sales letter if you want to persuade people
    to take action.

    In this video seminar I share some powerful ways to make your website
    one that sells ...

    http://www.webcopy-writing.com/blog/...rsion-tactics/

    Hope that helps,

    Ray L.,
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[350779].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author TheRichVillain
      Most visitors to websites leave as soon as they get there, that's just the nature of the beast. One of the things that keeps them there is that they have found what their looking for. Look at where the traffic is coming from and try to determine the mind set of the visitor, if you can convince them they have found what it is they are searching, then you may have a chance to keep their attention for longer. Remember, most people scan a website and don't actually read every thing on the page. Another way to look at it is answering the question "What's in it for me?" have a compelling answer for that question and make sure it gets conveyed in the first 3 seconds, you'll certainly have an advantage in converting customers from visitors.
      Signature
      "Move over Rich Jerk, here comes the Rich Villain!

      Daily Paypal Payouts, 70% Commission, Best Conversions Ever!"


      www.RichVillain.com
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[396411].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    All the advice you see here is accurate Chanel. You need to
    really dive-in and learn how to sell if you are going to run
    your own business.

    You should be reading the classics of direct-response advertising
    like "Scientific Advertising" and "Tested Advertising Methods" and
    also read some books on salesmanship like Bryan Tracy's
    "Advanced Selling Strategies" - This material will get your brain
    going in the right direction, focusing on how to help prospects
    understand and GET the benefits of your valuable products
    and services.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[350886].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rob Canyon
    Chanel,

    I'd highly recommend you think about some type of free info product you
    could give them for free in exchange for their first name and email address.

    If you can sell free then you can sell anything...

    In your case maybe a free game (see below)

    Also make sure you get as many testimonials into this free digital download
    as possible...

    Cheers,

    Rob
    P.S. Maybe give them a free mobile game they can play with other mobile
    users, that when they want to play with someone else their friend
    has to download the same software to their mobile device... to get into
    the game

    Remember not to give it to them unless they give you first name and emails.

    A free game like this could go viral pretty dam quick...
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[350964].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author warriorkevin
      John said a lot, and others had good points as well.

      Hate to be kicking a dead horse, but I would go 2 steps further...?

      A whole new site design is probably in order. If you write applications and games, I would expect somewhere in your team is a graphic guy.
      Nothing too wild, just a good, clean, but fun looking site.
      A bit of that web2.0 look will give you more credibility, if done right.

      Don't forget the good sales copy as well

      Also, it would sound better if you were more leading edge (or something spectacular) rather than the humble ' upcoming US software development company'. Try something that sounds like you mean business.

      Also Define who your customer most likely is and talk to them, but not in jargon - in benefits.

      - Affordable team with the ability to take your project beyond your expectations.
      (not very good, but would catch my eye if I was looking...)

      Good luck, let us know when you have revised it...

      k-
      Signature
      Google Suggest Domain Name Tool * find natural search domains
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[352197].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author gcjmarkets
    I would add what has already been said plus a F.A.Q to answer some top questions your customers may have.
    Signature

    Customized One on One Offline Marketing Business Training! Only 10 Spots available Learn More At Local Marketing Agents | Free Online Reputation Analysis Template Visit Rep Medic

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[353261].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author cnr
    I changed the website design today and the homepage copy.

    I got caught up on the headline and feel like I can add a bit more to the copy but my creative juices are not flowing right now.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[355044].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author UnityinAustralia
    I know i'm saying the same as above, but you need to change your headline ASAP.

    'boring software' could mean anything (microsoft, anyone?)

    I have an online software application dept in my business, and I kinda know what you are trying to say. But when selling to decision makers (who are probably not 'right into' software, they wouldn't really know what you mean.

    Particularly if some other competitor of yours is saying "Software custom-built, within 30 days (or your money back), according to a strict set of 32 specifications developed with your input... and all for under $100,000" (or whatever).

    Specifics wins over general statements.

    and speak 'business speak' because I believe you would be selling to business people most of the time - talk their language wherever possible.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[395999].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bambi211
    I suggest that you need to write a good marketing copy and syndicate it. Product reviews and testimonials can also help.
    Signature

    I am interested in learning more on the Philippine remittance industry.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[396130].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Incorporate several short (300 - 400 words) stories about clients that had a particular need for your custom software. It's a simple format: Cilent has problem. Your excellent design and service solves the problem. The client is happy. Follow each of these stories with actual testimonials and you'll have a sales page that will kick butt. Good Luck
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[396881].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author cd928
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Incorporate several short (300 - 400 words) stories about clients that had a particular need for your custom software. It's a simple format: Cilent has problem. Your excellent design and service solves the problem. The client is happy. Follow each of these stories with actual testimonials and you'll have a sales page that will kick butt. Good Luck
      I agree with this one. Inserting testimonials into your copy does these things: 1) supports your claims of being able to do such-and-such, and 2) gives prospects an idea of what exactly you can do for them.

      The headline too has several areas for improvement. One thing is that you have to make your customers' problems more concrete. What makes them go crazy? Surely it's not just because of the boring software they're using. It could be that they have special needs that aren't addressed by typical software.

      Hope that helps.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[397740].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author barnsng
    your site didn't really give me enough reasons to call you for estimation...you didn't grab my attention...i am thinking to myself, is this person seriously selling something?

    i am not sure if your video will help your site...you are selling a software system but your video is about people debating on textguard...

    I would suggest , if possible, show a video of the web applications that you have created and how happy are your clients using your service.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[401640].message }}

Trending Topics