does anyone know how to correct this statement?

by 18 replies
21
Sounds bit funny. Do you reckon?
#copywriting #correct #statement
  • No.

    It's complete gibberish. I'd venture a guess but it is far more than a bit funny. It is incomprehensible. This is not a bad headline in the regular sense. The headline isn't merely weak or awkwardly worded. The problem is bad English sentence construction.

    Fire your ESL teacher. Then buy a course on English as a Second Language.

    And then check out this thread.
  • it really bad english sentence..
    if i try to correct the sentence
    They are equal to 50 times more controlling than a sprayer, connection on a grounds and use fewer water...
    what's it mean "they" ?
    i dun even know it...
    • [1] reply
    • No, no, no. That's not proper English grammar at all. "50 times GREATER control" Huh? "in washing grounds" What? Who would use a pressure sprayer to wash the ground?

      Non-native English speakers correcting other non-native English speakers isn't a wise idea.

      And either way the sentence is complete crap. Scrap it and start over- get a new writer. Any person who writes like that is just cluttering the internet with bull@#$%.
  • Possibly, for a statement. Doubtful, for basic communication purposes. (Still don't know what in the heck "it" is well enough to guess what the sprayer might be used for.)

    This is chewed up and spit out like scraper software was applied to a real statement.

    Not corrected enough for a headline in a copywriting forum.
    • [1] reply
    • i think like this too for the sentence the word "they" and "it" doesn't contain any meaningful word...
      for such a headline i thinks its imposibble , whos probably want to read such headline like this ?
  • No I hired an article writer which gave me this sentence. They referred to "pressure washers".

    Thanks for indihow your suggestion. I guess that guy is an Indian so you know how to correct this!

    By the way just a side note, I found Google index this site very fast!
  • Lol!

    I think you need to figure out what he means by "" first.

    Is he referrring to a grass sprinkler or what?

    Or maybe he means one of these?

    Whisper Wash Ground Force Rotary Surface Cleaner for Pressure Washer and Power Washer

    The first thing anyone needs to do before writing about something is to research the subject.

    You can't just guess at what to write.
  • I think that the entire sentence has to be revamped. It should sound like this:

    [Whatever product you're talking about] is so much easier to control - up to 50 times easier compared to [the other thing you're talking about]! On top of that, [your product] saves water; you'll never groan at your utility bills again!

    I can't really help you rephrase the entire sentence. Frankly speaking, no one knows what's the product you're trying to advertise.
    • [1] reply
    • washing grounds - makes no sense

      ground washing doesn't either


      I think he's trying to say it's more powerful and the spray covers more area - thus saving water....but maybe not. A reader will way "whaaaaat"?
  • It really sounds like a riddle, albeit from someone whose first language isn't English
  • Hey Zoobie, great question. The statement is wrong at it's base... Though, you're right that it doesn't sound entirely "smooth", you have to remember that the end-users buy benefits not features. So, you would definitely want to say something like:



    Hope that helps, if you have any questions, just ask, and I'll try to answer them below.
    • [2] replies
    • Doesn't matter if Google lists a site like that first in the SERPs when I see a site like that I leave it FAST. And I start thinking that Google should not have listed it there and maybe I should be using Bing (same in reverse if I found it on Bing).
    • I thought that was the best answer - to a very difficult question.

      Maybe just a slight tweak -


  • Is that from a spun content? LOL

    -Andrew
  • First off, you need to get your money back from that guy and never hire him again. I'm always amazed at the low quality of content that people will pay for. There is usually a reason why something is so cheap.

    As for your request, I would write it more like this:

    Offering far greater control and using much less water than a common sprayer connection, pressure washers are the ideal solution for keeping your property pristine and beautiful.

    Of course, I'm not sure where this sentence is in the overall content, that might make a difference. The writing should have a different tone and aim if it is the beginning, middle or end of the article.
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