Please Review My Headlines and Copywriting

by harrel

Posted: 13 years ago 14 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi, I'm working on a few sales letters and my niche is personal growth and self improvement. Can You leave review and suggestions about some headlines?

"To Know How Much Potential You Have, You Need to Learn How to Give Your Best,
And I'm Going to Show You How Exactly You Can Do That."

"If You Don't Know These productivity, Persuasion, Psychology and Physiological Techniques Then You Are Screwed"

Here is why and how you can learn how to become more productive and persuasive by using some simple but intensive techniques that I'm gonna show you.

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Then we deliver the stuff we promised in above headline and opening and copy goes on.

What do you think? How can I make it better?

#copywriting #headlines #review

Steve The Copywriter 13 years ago

If your research shows your headline is highly likely to resonate very strongly with your audience - almost knowing they'll respond.

I would just edit it - making it a little easier to read.

And try as much as possible to put everything into the present tense - as if it is already happening.

It might be good to use the "power of 3" - "Persuasion, Psychology and Physiological" - it reads better, rather than the 4 you used on the second last line.

If "productivity" is vital then put it back in.

“Know How Much Potential You Have

Learn How to Give Your Best

I’ll Show You How Exactly How To Do It

If You Don’t Know These Persuasion, Psychology and Physiological Techniques

You're Screwed”

BTW you could just concentrate on the curiosity benefits -

"If You Don’t Know These Persuasion, Psychology and Physiological Techniques

You're Screwed"

And leave out the rest.

Or put it into the deck copy.
- Thanks
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ThomasOMalley

13 years ago

Hi Harrel,

There's no power in your headline. It doesn't offer any major benefit to the reader. No one wants to know how to give their best. In fact, no one knows what that even means.

Offer real benefits in your headline that stir the reader's emotions and compels them to read your first sentence.

The offer to become more productive and persuasive in your subheading again is too vague and general...It will only draw a yawn.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Thanks
1 reply

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harrel

13 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

Thanks, Can you suggest some headlines that can help with it? How can we draw attention and drive an emotional trigger at the same time?

Thanks
1 reply

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ThomasOMalley

13 years ago

Hi Harrell,

Here's one possible headline:

"How To Get Health, Wealth, and Happiness In 15 Minutes A Day. Enjoy More Energy, A Better Job and Raise, and Spend More Time Playing Golf Even If Everything Else You Have Tried Failed."

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Thanks
1 reply

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harrel

13 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

Thanks!, actually I have a book, its name is 15 minutes a day. lol

Thanks
1 reply

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Shadowflux

13 years ago

Your headline needs to be short and compelling. The reason for this is that people make the decision to read or ignore a piece of copy very quickly. if you headline is very short, such as a few words, they won't even have to actively read it to absorb the entire headline.

What you've posted would work better as a subheading.

1. Achieve Your Full Potential Now!
Living up to your full potential is a matter of always putting forth your best effort. You will learn how simple that can be in this report.

2. Discover the Secrets to Success
There are a few closely guarded secrets that the most successful people in the world have discovered. Find out what they don't want you to know!

The purpose of the headline is to get people to read the subheading which is designed to build enough interest that people will read the rest of the article, report, or whatever it may be.

Thanks
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harrel

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Shadowflux

Thanks for the help. Let me test some headlines and see what works and what doesn't.

Thanks
1 reply

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ThomasOMalley

13 years ago

Hi Harrell,

Your headline does not have to be short. You can test the length. There is no magic number of words in a headline. John Carlton's headlines are very long...so are some of Dan Kennedy's headline.

Joe Sugarman's headlines are usually short.

There is no one right answer re. length of a headline.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Thanks
1 reply

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harrel

13 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomasOMalley

Thanks for help

, Last night I bought John Carlton's Simple Writing System course recommended by one of my friend. Looks good, lets see if it can help.

This forum is amazing.

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack

13 years ago

It's not attractive to the lazy brain.

It doesn't shake it out of its boredom.

It wants excitement, suspense and intrigue.

If not given after 2.7 seconds...its gone.

Contrast, money and intwined into a story, that has no middle...now you have brain candy.

Example..."Sally was broke and desperate when she came to me. She only had $90 to her name. Within 9 months she had $91,288 banked".

Somewhere in your client files there's gold waiting to be mined...we just need to dig a bit.

Lazy brains are desperate to be yanked out of their boring day.

A great hook gets their attention.

And attention is the currency of today.

Best,
Ewen

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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harrel

13 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

Thank you for advice. I'm thinking how can I do that in personal growth niche.

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 13 years ago

Originally Posted by harrel

Thank you for advice. I'm thinking how can I do that in personal growth niche.

Do you have client/customer results from your help?

If so, then the gold is there.

Best,
Ewen

P.S. If you have client/customer comments, and would like me to find the gold
in amongst them, let me know by PM.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- thedealmaker 13 years ago
  
  I would suggest that you simply start your headline off with where the mind of your market is.
  
  By that I mean...let's say for example that you're selling a product aimed at mother's with newborn babies.
  
  Well, what's going to be one of the things frequently on her mind?
  
  You're right...her newborn.
  
  So that's where you would start your headline.
  
  That same is true for your current market.
  
  Start with what's on there mind.
  
  That will grab their attention.
  
  From there you would continue on with that conversation that they're having in their mind and bring it around to what it is you're offering.
  
  Shouldn't have to be much more difficult than that.
  
  Good luck
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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Naimath 13 years ago

Headline is persuasive enough, you don't have to make any changes. Everything looks perfect.
- Thanks
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Please Review My Headlines and Copywriting

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