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I need yours opinions...

by Souldja
14 replies
Hi. This is my first Landing page.
What do you think about text? Is it good or bad?
What can I improve?
#opinions
  • Profile picture of the author ronywilliam
    The landing page is fine but you have not used your websites name at the top.
    you need to show the users, as what website they are actually visiting to that will create an impression in mind of the visitors..
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    Are you selling to men or women?

    It looks like you are targeting the female audience.

    To be honest, the offer is not very compelling. It looks like a site for harvesting emails, not a legitimate product site.

    What exactly are you trying to accomplish?
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  • Profile picture of the author LaunchBrain.com
    I'm with AdwordsMogul,

    It's looks like you haven't a very clear specific idea of who your trying to target
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  • Profile picture of the author Souldja
    I'm trying to target men and women. This is free guides with resell rights. I want to build the list to send an affiliate links to subscribers.
    Any ideas?
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  • Profile picture of the author Rose Anderson
    If it's for men and women I'd get rid of the pink. It's a little overwhelming to me and I'm a woman.

    You might be better off picking just one guide per page and telling more about it in detail. Plus targeting a more specific group.
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    • Profile picture of the author Souldja
      Originally Posted by Rose Anderson View Post

      If it's for men and women I'd get rid of the pink. It's a little overwhelming to me and I'm a woman.

      You might be better off picking just one guide per page and telling more about it in detail. Plus targeting a more specific group.
      I've tried so many colours.. Maybe you can give me an anvice about background colour?
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  • Profile picture of the author Quality Copywriter
    Hi there

    I would change the capture form to make it bigger and I would change the design too

    Work Samples | Creative copy that converts
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  • Profile picture of the author nigelburke
    I'd agree with the earlier comments - does seem like a email harvesting site - and ditch the pink
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      You're all over the map.

      Telling people they can become a relationship expert? At the same time, telling people they can improve their love life?

      Amateurish graphics and layout.

      Weak, boring copy.

      No credibility, or proof you are who you say you are.

      The way you present yourself, you're just another guy at the diner.

      However, there's hope...

      ----------------------

      That said, I'll give you one idea. And you were onto it before I wrote this post.

      Pick up a copy of Mel Martin's swipe file. Mel Martin mastered the art of writing "fascinations". You can probably find them on eBay. They're brilliant.

      Go through your books and figure out how to position the information as information you can bullet with massive intrigue or curiousity. Ramp up the mystery. For instance, this is boring:

      "The ABCs of Relationships". Give it some life. Make it real.

      The other thing you can do, is take a look at the Cosmo magazine headlines on the cover. Somebody's probably got a swipe file around here filled with those. Like this:

      "Men Uncensored: 4 Secret Signs a Guy's into You"

      "Sh*t Your Boyfriend Says... And How to Deal with It"

      "50 Fun Things to Do with Your Breasts"

      Have 20 to 50 fascinations per book. Make the book sound irresistible. Like they gotta have it. And rename the titles of the books. Spice them up.

      - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author Rose Anderson
    I'm not a graphic designer, but I think almost anything would be better than the pink...except maybe orange. Even a calm blue.

    My thought is you're going to have trouble targeting both men and women. Since we look for different things in a relationship it's hard to find a message that appeals to both. Not impossible maybe, but harder.
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  • Profile picture of the author Hiresh
    Im not a designer,,,,,and im also a newbee i would like to share with u guys that is better to target both men and women so that it aneutal thing ang many will relate to it
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  • Profile picture of the author DougHughes
    You lost me at "Just once leave the toilet seat down."

    You'll get good advice and conjecture in this forum. Spend a few minutes, put up another page, login to Google Website Optimizer through your analytics dashboard and setup a test. It'll take you five minutes and give more accurate advice than any of us can here.

    Even the most experienced people get it wrong...a lot. Testing is 20/20.

    Good luck
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    I write copy. Learn More.>>

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  • Profile picture of the author wordydiva
    Try to establish your authority on the topic. Convince readers that your experience and advice is useful and will help them. Spice up the advice to make readers curious about how much having your ebook would benefit them. Also, there doesn't seem to be any call to action or encouragement to download. The copy ends abruptly and doesn't prompt the reader to do anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Weak call to action - the copy has little to do with the offer at the top.
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