Landing Page thoughts?

by 13 replies
15
This is my first attempt to "pre-sell" an affiliate product. I'm interested to see where I can improve my copy.
Does it make you WANT to buy or at least see some more?
Do you understand what I'm selling?
Do the fonts and colors work?

I'm looking to improve, and I know the warrior forum never lets me down.

How To Make Solar Panels
#copywriting #landing #page #thoughts
  • Banned
    Domain trademark infringement first. (eHow)

    Header is far too large, taking up what valuable real estate you want to be using to best effect above the fold.

    Weak as gnats piss the headline. Where, what is the benefit in this?... "This is the SECRET that YOU have been looking for." What does this say? Diddly fat squat that's what.

    Far too much text below.

    Needs to be reworked completely from scratch Michael. It's a non converter.

    What more needs to be said?

    Out of 10? -10
    • [2] replies
    • Sigh...another bland one.

      What's happened to the good old tease...you know the stuff
      that pumps endorphines into the brain.

      Go study this tease page Crypto Marketing Newsletter

      See how he starts off each bullet, then dials up the tension.

      He's merciless in tickling your hot buttons.

      I say we need to start up a campaign for "Bring Back The Tease".

      Best,
      Ewen
      • [1] reply
    • Here's a great example of including a benefit in the headline. It also helps to have a quantifiable figure.

      Since I'm still new, you'll need to search this one on your own:

      Search: Inversion Table
      The result that has "Lose the back pain" in its URL is the one you want.

      With your fonts, make a few key phrases and words in bold. When you have long copy, you need to mix it up so it doesn't look so intimidating to the reader.

      You have some great options with the product. "Green" can be a huge selling point but I don't see it emphasized elsewhere in your copy other than your website header.

      You did a good job with your eBook title. That interested me more.
  • It looks "cheap". I didn't even bother to read it because the look of it alone didn't catch my attention.
  • This looks familiar, didn't you have this up for critiques before? ..anyway, I'd agree with Ewen, it doesn't show any passion. Boring. Also, his advice to study Ben Settle is worth heeding....knows (and shows) how to build anticipation.
    _____
    Bruce
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Landing page is known an lead capture page . It is used for online marketing basically it is display as a directed sales copy that is a logical extension. Landing pages are often linked to from social media email campaigns or search Engine marketting
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    Landing Page thoughts?

    This is my first attempt to "pre-sell" an affiliate product. I'm interested to see where I can improve my copy. Does it make you WANT to buy or at least see some more? Do you understand what I'm selling?