Kind of an Awkward Copy Review Request

by rlhurst

Posted: 13 years ago 11 replies

COPY WRITING

"Awkward" because my site is a service aimed at YOU!!
I'm planning on posting in "Warriors For Hire" section soon, but first wanted to get things as tight as possible. Would you please review my site (in sig), and share any suggestions you might have for improvement? Thanks!

#awkward #copy #kind #request #review

travlinguy 13 years ago

I feel the video is very good. I listened first, because I wanted to hear your voice. You come across very well. I stayed for only about one third of the presentation because I'm not really a prospect and I got enough to comment to you. You might consider condensing the message. I'd have watched the whole thing if it were shorter, maybe half of what it is now.

Where you're falling a bit short is with the written call to action. I think you could explain more. You might have done that in the video but I didn't get that far. Again, maybe make it a little shorter and incorporate your call to action there. Since your pitch is to copywriters, that would be an excellent way to show them you've got the stuff. Good luck.
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Avery Berman

13 years ago

Your squeeze doesn't look clean enough. There is web design issues. Here look.. I made you a video:

text2mp3review - Avenator's library

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rlhurst

13 years ago

Thanks Travlinguy, I appreciate your feedback! My strong point (from what others have told me) is my voice. Now, I'm in the process of learning how to market it, and my offer, effectively. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Avery..... WOW! Thanks for taking the time to present the video feedback. That was terrific. You don't have to apologize for your directness. It is GREATLY appreciated as I want to improve. And, it looks like I have a lot to improve on. One hears, "you get what you pay for". My squeeze design is a Fiverr product. In my zeal to "take action", I wanted to do just that...take action. Fortunately the lesson only cost me $5!!

I'll have to do some looking around for an effective squeeze design, or someone who can provide one..... any recommendations, Avery?

And then, improve on the copy.......... so I'm sure I'll be back here for that!

Thanks
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Avery Berman

13 years ago

Originally Posted by rlhurst

I'm glad you appreciated it. Sometimes it's hard to be TOO blunt with people because you just think you are attacking them when that is not the case.

I actually do have some pretty good recommendations about squeeze pages...

I'll send you a PM.

Thanks

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Bruce NewMedia 13 years ago

Ronnie, I think for an initial effort it's not bad at all.

I'd agree with the earlier suggestions, and Avery's video does point out some areas for improvement...

I'm raising something else here though: Since this is all about voice/sound quality, I detect just a bit of a dialect...maybe southern, Texas or something like that.

For those wanting a very straight midwestern sound for their recording, (say they are from the northeast, or midwest, for instance) you might try to demonstrate that you can speak with virtually no regional sound, if possible.

Don't take offense, as regional sounds go, southern is the best you can have, imo. :-)
....but I think displaying some versatility might also improve the offer.
_____
Bruce
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- rlhurst 13 years ago
  
  Thanks Bruce. Well, I'm not a Southerner, but I write and record country music! So, I'll keep your advice in mind. I did get an order from a guy in NY though. So, I must be on the right track, LOL. Ronnie
  
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UniqueMind

13 years ago

Hi Rlhurst,

Its impressive, and persuasive. The copywriting is awesome.

A personal suggestion would be to replace the 'DONT DELAY' to some other like 'Take Action NOW', its because I've studied NLP and negative suggestions such as dont, cant, etc actually aren't helpful in influencing and being persuasive, especially in marketing. A simple example of 'dont think of a black cat' ..explains it :-)

Overall, your sincere efforts are being shown and its a 10 on 10, so I wish you reach great heights with it.

Best,

Thanks
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rlhurst

13 years ago

Originally Posted by UniqueMind

Thanks for the encouraging words!

Thanks
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Mark Andrews Banned 13 years ago

It needs tightening up - you have a tendency to waffle, just present the problem, share the benefit and close / direct the listener into the course of action required for the next step - all in 2 minutes or less.

Any longer and you've lost my attention. If you can get it below 1 minute even better.

Your domain name btw is hopeless, no offense. Nobody by text or audio is going to remember that one period. Letters, hyphens, numbers all mixed in together, everything there is to go wrong is wrong with the domain name. If you're going to brand yourself with this service, keep it simple, short and memorable. Five or six letters will do the trick, something pronounceable.

Best,

Pete
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Alex Cohen 13 years ago

Hi Ronnie,

I don't believe the big idea of your sales pitch hits the sweet spot of your market. Marketers are not particularly concerned with the retention rate of the information communicated. Rather, they want to make sales.

I understand the 60% instead of 12% thing. However, you need to prove your claim... why the increased retention rate increases sales.

Instead of "retention rate" could you use "comprehension rate" or "conversion rate"? They would be more meaningful to marketers. Of course you'd still need to prove your claim.

Alex
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- rlhurst 13 years ago
  
  Thanks for the honest replies Pete and Alex! I've made some changes to the copy on the site. I will continue to improve it. As long as I keep learning and moving forward, I'm satisfied.
  
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Kind of an Awkward Copy Review Request

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