What do you think of these headlines?

25 replies
Hello Warriors,

I am still studying on how to create good, eye catchy and effective headlines.

I will be making some banners for a particular site.

Now, please give me your honest thoughts about these headlines that I have just created:

1)
How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online
& Earning Money At The Same Time?


2)
You Can Now Protect And Educate Your Children Online And On Top Of That, You Can Earn As Well.

3)
Who Else Wants To Know How To Protect And Educate Children Online And Earn Money At The Same Time?

Am I doing the right thing? For these 3 headlines, which one do you think is better. Or these headlines are not appealing at all.

I have also a more specific one headline:

Finally! You Can Now Start Your Own Online Kids Club To Protect And Educate Kids Online and Make $$!

You may rephrase or rewords my headlines if it's okay with you.

Any information you may provide will be highly appreciated.

Thanks,
Louie
#headlines
  • Profile picture of the author Allan Rich
    I try to keep headlines as short possible... I like #2 but would word it like this "Protect And Educate Your Children Online While Earning Money"

    To me the word "Money" is the most powerful word in the headline, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your niche. Money just grabs attention.

    You could try "Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children"

    I try to not give away too much information in headlines, give them a reason to click/scroll down to find out more info.

    Hope this helps man
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    • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
      Originally Posted by Allan Rich View Post

      I try to keep headlines as short possible... I like #2 but would word it like this "Protect And Educate Your Children Online While Earning Money"

      To me the word "Money" is the most powerful word in the headline, even if it doesn't have anything to do with your niche. Money just grabs attention.

      You could try "Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children"

      I try to not give away too much information in headlines, give them a reason to click/scroll down to find out more info.

      Hope this helps man
      Thanks a lot Allan Rich for these wonderful inputs. Let me click the "Thanks" button for you.
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    • Profile picture of the author RubenJames
      MagicLouie,

      I agree with Allan that "Make Money" is the best part of your headline so far...that goes for the Greed Factor....

      BUT... I don't think that on it's own that it's Strong enough!

      Answer this: Protect and Educate your children...From WHAT? :confused:

      If you can use FEAR in your headline all the better.

      Scare the Pants off of them and you've REALLY got a chance!

      FEAR and GREED together will multiply your Headlines Strength if you can tie them together!

      "Your Children's Lives Are in DANGER! Protect Them And Make Money!"

      Ruben
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  • third one is good.
    question and answer in the same headline looks more attractive
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  • Profile picture of the author UMS
    Most of those titles are way too long.

    Also, they are quite passive.

    For example

    How would you like Protecting And Educating Your Children Online
    & Earning Money At The Same Time?

    isn't very challenging to the reader and could almost come across as someone asking the question when they really don't have their heart in it.

    I think Allan's suggestion of changing it to:

    Earn Money While Protecting And Educating Your Children

    is a very good one.
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  • Profile picture of the author Karen Barr
    As a parent, I'd say that the marriage of "child protection" and "make money" is an uneasy one. I would be looking for a headline that emphasized one without seeming like it was playing with fear.
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  • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
    Thanks a lot for all your inputs Warriors. Now I have received a follow-up instruction about focusing first on this concept:

    Start An Online Kids Club and Make $$

    For my longer headline, I came up with these:

    Finally! You Can Now Start Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online and Make $$!

    Finally! You Can Now Earn Money While Starting Your Online Kids Club To Protect and Educate Kids Online.

    For my shorter one:

    Earn Money While Starting An Online Kids Club.

    Thanks,
    Louie
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    • Profile picture of the author colinjoss
      Hey there,

      You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

      As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

      Colin
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      "You're exactly the kind of professional any business owner would be lucky to have writing his copy."

      John Carlton, the most ripped off, respected, and referred-to copywriter alive.

      Colin Joss, Direct Response Copywriter

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      • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
        Originally Posted by colinjoss View Post

        Hey there,

        You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

        As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

        Colin
        Nice point colinjoss! Thanks..
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      • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
        Originally Posted by colinjoss View Post

        Hey there,

        You gotta get straight on who is your prospect. Are they really looking to protect their kids AND make money. I doubt it.

        As a parent, protecting my children and making money from it sounds like exploitation.

        Colin
        It's all about Starting An Online Kids Club that could protect and educate their kids and other kids out there. In that way they can earn money with our help and services offered.
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  • Profile picture of the author hansherdel
    The third one.
    I was looking forward to that headlines.
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    • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
      Originally Posted by hansherdel View Post

      The third one.
      I was looking forward to that headlines.
      Thanks, I am considering the third one as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author wvcopywriter
    The first 3 didn't appeal to me much. Ruben had a great headline for this. It caught my attention. When writing headlines, just keep this in thought. Does it pass the 4 U's? Is it useful, unique, ultra specific and urgent?
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Louie...

      A simple question for you specifically...

      What is the purpose of the main headline?

      Best,


      Pete Walker
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      • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
        Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post

        Louie...

        A simple question for you specifically...

        What is the purpose of the main headline?

        Best,


        Pete Walker
        Actually, I am finalizing this headline for our banners with different sizes.

        The main purpose of this main headline is to attract and convince the viewers to click to our banners.
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
          Banned
          Originally Posted by magiclouie View Post

          Actually, I am finalizing this headline for our banners with different sizes.

          The main purpose of this main headline is to attract and convince the viewers to click to our banners.
          In copywriting Louie, what is the purpose of the main headline?

          What is it's function? Specifically?

          In general terms?
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          • Profile picture of the author Ricky Allen
            Your $500 A Day Profit Bonus With Child Protection Peace Of Mind


            Ricky Allen
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            • Do remember you don't have to stick with just a Headline.

              You can do deck copy as well - which can clarify so much more.
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              • Profile picture of the author RubenJames
                Again...Protect and Educate your children FROM/FOR WHAT??? :confused:

                I still have NO idea what you're trying to sell!

                Ruben
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                • Profile picture of the author magiclouie
                  Originally Posted by RubenJames View Post

                  Again...Protect and Educate your children FROM/FOR WHAT??? :confused:

                  I still have NO idea what you're trying to sell!

                  Ruben
                  Okay Ruben to answer that question, let me share you these:

                  Protect and educate children online.
                  We've spent the last 6 years building the ultimate kids internet.
                  And now for the fist time, you can share in our incredible educational gaming website kids, with over 100 games and adding more all the
                  time.

                  We are teaching your children about
                  Internet and technology safety,
                  Money and finance,
                  Health and nutrition,
                  Success principles and more.

                  In addition each child gets their very own
                  Kid safe email account and they have access
                  to our kid video sharing platform just like youtube,
                  but it's safe.

                  I really appreciate all the inputs that you have given Ruben.

                  I have fully understood your main points.
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  • Profile picture of the author RefundHost
    The golden rule of high-concept high-response advertising is

    ONE AD = ONE OFFER

    Pick ONE per page as the main offer

    - protect
    OR
    - educate

    and pick the other one as an ADDED BENEFIT
    ===============
    Build a page for each way
    Build a page for the combination ( like you have now )

    I assure you that you'll find that ONE of those one-offer
    pages will outperform the other 2 by a landslide.
    Only testing and time will tell you which one will work best.
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    • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
      I'm with Karen. The two benefits totally clash.

      Protecting your kids creates totally different emotions to making money.

      When I read your headlines I didn't know what to think or how to feel.

      Stick with protecting kids. Then work the money angle in later.
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  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    Is there actually a market here?

    Who else is doing something like this and winning big?
    Signature

    Site being revamped.

    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

    Cool.

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  • Profile picture of the author rkat55
    It sounds like you are very passionate about the product. So,
    rather than try to mix the business opportunity with it, I would
    offer that as a side-note. Just a blurb off somewhere "Help
    us spread the word about zzz.com and earn money doing it"

    Something along those lines.
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  • Profile picture of the author Blake King
    How about "Protect And Educate Your Children Online
    & Earning Money At The Same Time?"


    Leave the question mark in.
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    "Over 2 months ago Keith Baxter referred Blake King to me for some copywriting projects. Blake's copy skills are on another level. Our open rates and conversions have both doubled. I'll continue to use Blake on multiple projects in the near future." - Armando Alejandro
    blakeking.com

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