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What am I doing wrong?... Warriors For Hire Thread Copy Critique

by alexcercel
5 replies
Hi!

First of all I want to thank you for taking the time to read this and considering helping me!

Ok, so, I've updated my Warriors For Hire thread with a new "sales writing" (I suck at copywriting, I know... that's why I don't call it sales copy) and also got an increditble offer for new clients inthere (50% off for new time clients on prices that are already lower than on my website).

http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...-just-48h.html

However I bumped the thread 2 times and only got a few orders and a few PMs. That's way lower than what I was doing like a few months back...

Can you please take a look at my thread and let me know what am I doing wrong?

In exchange I will critique your site design if you want me to.

Thanks,
Alex
#sales copy critique #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Originally Posted by alexcercel View Post

    Hi!

    However I bumped the thread 2 times and only got a few orders and a few PMs. That's way lower than what I was doing like a few months back...

    Thanks,
    Alex
    The reason for your lack of sales isn't really that complicated.

    The copy could use some work -- but without even talking about that...

    I don't understand why you would bump a thread with so many negative comments.

    Most of the comments are from people wondering why they can't get an answer back from you...or wondering where their work is.

    One comment even says you disappear for weeks.

    The whole comment section scares people off.

    You do good work...it just sounds like you're usually unavailable.

    I would assume most people read the comments.

    Why don't you start a whole new thread?
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  • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
    I got lost way before the comments.

    Starting in the subject line:

    $18.7
    What kind of price is that? Probably you meant $18.70, but without the last 0 it's just weird. No one writes prices like that in the U.S. Are you from another country?

    Then within your copy, I got totally confused when you started talking about 50% off review copies.

    Review copies, as I know them, are free. So 50% off some paid price is no bargain.

    Also, review copies are always of some standard item for sale. It makes no sense to have a review copy of a custom service.

    Yet, your packages for sale, if I understand them at all, are custom design packages. How in the world do review copies relate to that?

    In short, I can't figure out what you're selling in a way that makes sense. And that's deadly.

    Marcia Yudkin
    Signature
    Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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  • Profile picture of the author alexcercel
    Got it, please keep them coming In the next few days I will update the thread to follow your advice.

    Marcia - yep, I'm not from the US I will add that zero to the end of the prices. So you're saying 18.70 is better than 18.7, right?

    I'm selling custom design, but the actual packs are standardized... And not all review copies are free... Some are free, usually the "lite" versions, some are are a few cents (like you would have for a membership and so on) and others are a certain percentage off (just to take part of the risk on the client).

    HOWEVER if this made you confused, do you think having title like: First Time Clients - Get 50% off the regular prices!

    Thanks,
    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author brianman
    I would avoid the .70 altogether. You don't need to have cents in your price, unless you are selling a product. If it was me ordering design work from you, I would want to see something more like "eCovers, Headers, and Mini-Sites From $19 and up!" But, that's just me.

    Also, change your signature too. In your signature, you have the $18.7. I would just make it $19...it's still dirt cheap.

    I agree with the other comments. In a service industry, you really need to be available. Perhaps you can setup a Skype or IM account so that people can contact you directly. Customer service is key!
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  • Profile picture of the author alexcercel
    I do have skype and I'm available on skype, but quess I need to make it more visible in my copy. At the bottom of first post I have this:
    Here's how to contact me:
    go to the contact page on my site at Minisite Design
    skype: eCoverZ
    PM me on the forum

    Great feedback! Love it! Thanks and please keep it coming!
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