Can someone please Critique my first ever Sales Letter.
Hey everyone,
I am new to copywriting and at the moment I am just trying to learn and get good at this.
This is my first ever sales letter. So I admit the quality is not there compared to the professionals but please give me some honest advice on how I could improve it.
I dont care how tough the criticism (so long as it is constructive)... seriously it is all ok with me, I wont take it personally.
Now onwards...
NOTE THE IMAGES, BUTTONS AND SOME OF THE FORMATTING IS MISSING...
Dear Friend,
Choosing the right webhost is hard work. It can leave you with a REALLY, REALLY BAD headache. There are just too many web hosts to choose from.
THE WORST PART OF IT ALL IS THAT THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME AND THEY ALL ADVERTISE IN THE SAME EXACT WAY.
Most webhosts seem to speak in another language – an impregnable fortress of gobbledygook! You may not (or you may) give a damn whether your web server has X amount of RAM, Memory Capacity and Bandwidth. You may only be interested in results, e.g. will my website work and will I make money?
Web hosts try to bamboozle you with a new language and a lot will try to fob you off with a poor quality server that just DOES NOT WORK. Also don’t forget the awful customer support.
You can waste a lot of time and money.
Get this right and you will save money… Get this right and you will have more time to play golf (who doesn’t want more time to do the things we enjoy? COUNT ME IN!)
95% of websites fail. You do not want to fall at the first hurdle and get this wrong. You don’t want to be like the others (i.e. losers.)
Choosing your web hosting is the first major hurdle you will face in your new web venture.
Soon we are going to make you an offer you just cannot refuse but if you still need convincing…
Get your decision wrong and you will have to deal with…
Slow and unresponsive servers- Your visitors will get super frustrated and will leave your website. If you are a business you will lose money as your customers go elsewhere. Your rivals will get rich at your expense. The big companies are guilty of providing slow useless web servers to their customers. This is all because overselling of servers is epidemic in this industry. Overselling means the server becomes slow and unstable because it is overloaded with too many websites. Overselling is done to generate huge amounts of profit but the victim in the end is you the consumer who is stuck with low quality web hosting.
Insecure servers – Unprofessionally managed web servers are more likely to be hacked into resulting in fraud and loss of data. You can lose a lot of money if your customers start suing you for loss of credit card data - I hope you have a good lawyer!
Terrible outsourced technical support – Forget about decent support. A lot of web companies break promises of 24/7 support or do not provide support at all. If you are lucky and your Web host decides to provide support they will often outsource their problems to IT professionals in developing countries. Support standards will not be high. The support may only know a basic level of English. We all encounter problems with technology but we need the reassurance that top quality, friendly support is not far away. That our desperate cries for help are heard and understood and our problem is taken care of!
Non-existent or poor Business support - A lot of web hosts will provide the bare minimum for you and your website but after that you are on your own. This is bad business. If web hosts are not helping their customers to achieve success, then those customers are unlikely to become repeat customers. A successful website will require web hosting for the long term and will be more profitable to that web hosting company.
Good business support creates a win-win situation, the web host is happy, and best of all you are happy!
************************************************** ********************************
I hope I haven’t scared you away from getting a website. Remember with the right web host, owning your very own website is an extremely rewarding experience.
If your website is a success it will be a rewarding experience for your bank balance too!
You may be completely new to web hosting and haven’t had to deal with these problems or you may have already dealt with all this before…
But you can get your decision right…
You can choose the perfect web host that works for you…
Are you looking for a web host that provides fast and responsive servers with 99.9% uptime?
Are you looking for safe and secure servers that will not be broken into?
Are you looking for outstanding technical support that is quick, friendly and helpful?
Are you looking for a Web Host that provides additional business support to help you make your website a success?
I assume you answered yes to all those questions (if you didn’t then you will have to go elsewhere for your web hosting because we don’t offer rubbish!)… It is surprising how few web hosts tick all the boxes... You need a web host that provides you the best chance of success.
InvictaWebs are delighted to offer you, for a LIMITED TIME ONLY, a choice of four web hosting packages designed to be easy, convenient and stress free. Powerful but secure. Fast and responsive. Fully supported with excellent technical and business support.
1. Invictawebs uses CPANEL (control panel) for our web hosting packages. CPANEL makes managing your website as easy as 1-2-3. CPANEL is intuitive and simple to use, CPANEL is powerful… We guarantee within a few hours of use you will become a CPANEL expert… After a few days you will LOVE CPANEL!
2. Powerful and easy to use file management systems. The file manager allows you to easily upload your website at the click of a button. NO TECHNICAL EXPERTISE REQUIRED.
3. Installatron and Softaculous make it easy to install all your favourite scripts at the click of a button. Now you have instant access to WordPress Blogs, Forums, Surveys, Forms, Polls, Content Management Systems and more! We cannot stress enough how easy complex installations can become due to these super programs added into CPANEL. Some web companies have been known to charge up to £10 to install scripts that only take a minute to install using Installatron. You can save a lot of time and money here.
4. Even if you do not have a website yet you can easily create one using our Sitebuilder Software. Never before has creating attractive, professional web design been so easy. NO KNOWLEDGE OF HTML OR CSS NEEDED. Your website can be created in MINUTES.
5. Another great feature is the AWSTATS Traffic Monitoring program. It is our secret intelligence gathering program. It allows you to track visitors to your website 24/7. You will know how many unique visitors are looking at your website each day, where they are from, what browser they are using and what pages they are visiting and how long they stay on each page. Such information is vital for web site owners.
6. WebMail is included as standard. Easily create and manage new email accounts. It is also incredibly simple to set up complex auto-responders and email forwarding at the click of a button.
7. For our more advanced users they will be pleased to know that our web hosting packages fully support PHP5, unlimited MYSQL databases and cron jobs. These features allow you to run all types of scripts from simple mailing forms to highly complex ecommerce solutions with no problems at all. Cron Jobs allow you to automate tasks and are vital for getting the best out of complex ecommerce solutions.
8. There are automatic daily off site back-ups. Your website is secure with InvictaWebs. Your data will not be lost. We have also provided an inbuilt instant backup system that allows you to back up your website when you need to.
9. Kind, friendly support is only a click away. Whatever the problem do not hesitate to ask our support team. They have over 5 years’ experience within the IT industry and will only be too happy to help. Simply send a customer support ticket within the client billing system or send an email and you will have a response guaranteed within 24 hours, often much sooner.
10. 99.9% UPTIME, GUARANTEED, OR YOUR MONEY BACK. Things do go wrong with servers; no server will ever be up 100% of the time however our servers are in the top 1% for reliability. We are so confident in our servers that we will offer a full months refund if our servers are not up 99.9% of the time.
Hang on a second why aren’t you offering UNLIMITED web hosting like company X?
Unlimited hosting is a cheap marketing gimmick designed to draw in a lot of customers very quickly. These companies however certainly have no intentions of really offering unlimited hosting. Unlimited hosting is impossible. The reality is that if your website proves popular and uses up more system resources than other websites on the server then you will be promptly kicked off because you are not a profitable customer for them. The reality is these same web servers are grossly oversold. Oversold servers quickly find system resources are stretched to the limit creating instability and slowness.
Sure, the big companies make a LOT OF MONEY from these practices. However it just creates a very frustrating experience for their clients.
In the end it is the customer that loses out because they certainly do not get what they paid for.
THUS, OUR OFFER IS LIMITED ONLY TO THE FIRST 20 PEOPLE THAT RESPOND
InvictaWebs are committed to providing only the very best quality web experience for our clients.
We do not oversell our servers. Each server has a set limited capacity to ensure that it runs smoothly and quickly at all times. Sure, we could put more websites on our servers and sure they may still run just as well and we would make a whole lot more money on each of our server… but then our servers would be just as rubbish as our rivals…
Invictawebs is all about a quality web hosting experience…
Thus this offer is exclusive and is limited to ONLY the first 20 customers. If your order is too late you will receive a full refund. You will then have to wait for either room on one of our current servers to come available or wait for us to build a new server.
Namely: UN-BEATABLE value for money. Prices start from the cost of a starbucks coffee each month and for that you are getting an unrivalled managed shared web hosting experience.
There is the choice of 4 different web hosting packages. They offer performance, reliability, security and generous system allowances.
Detailed below you will find diskspace storage on your web server (basically how many files can be stored) and Bandwidth (basically how many times your website can be viewed each month.)
************************************************** ********************************
Basic Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 5GB
Bandwidth: 50GB
Price per Month: Only £2.99
Extra Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 10GB
Bandwidth: 100GB
Price per Month: Only £3.99
Advanced Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 15GB
Bandwidth: 150GB
Price per Month: Only £4.99
Premium Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 20GB
Bandwidth: 200GB
Price per Month: Only £5.99
************************************************** ********************************
These 4 packages are designed to give you room to expand. As you become more successful you can upgrade at any time to the more advanced package. On the Premium package, if you require more storage space or more bandwidth beyond what is allocated then we can secure this for you at discounted rates.
If you are unsure then we recommend you get the cheapest basic web hosting package and then only upgrade as and when you need to. The basic web hosting package is certainly powerful enough for any starting business. Or if you feel you need extra bang for your buck, go for the more powerful web hosting packages.
YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY STARTING YOUR OWN WEB HOSTING COMPANY
Want to create extra income for your business?
Ever fancied starting your own web hosting business?
This is now easy to do. For ONLY a ONE TIME £4.99 SET UP FEE we will upgrade your web hosting package so you have access to your very own WEB HOST MANAGEMENT CONTROL PANEL.
From this control panel you can easily create new web host packages. You can easily manage your customers and create/delete/suspend user accounts.
Reselling web hosting is easy and a great way to earn extra income and can be the start of a whole new business adventure for you. Many of the large web hosts started out as resellers, now the owners of these web hosts have their own private jets!
Here is a quick recap of some of the other BRILLIANT features of our web hosting:
Automatic Daily Off-site Backups
Basic Support Package
Instant Backups
Simple and Easy Blog Hosting
Site Builder
99.9% Uptime
Instant and Free Setup
IP Deny Manager
Installatron/Softaculous
Instant WordPress
Instant Forums
Instant Surveys
Traffic Monitoring
Cron Jobs
PHP 5
Unlimited MYSQL Databases
************************************************** ********************************
We want you to get only the very best out of your web hosting. We want you and your website to become a GREAT success. Remember when we said that the average web hosting company does not help you and provide business support, marketing expertise or web design help….
Well we will provide all this absolutely FREE.
The value of the free bonus is waaaaaay in excess of £1000 if purchased separately!
You will have access to all the resources needed to become a member of the 5% club. You know - the 5% of websites that succeed!!! This is a brilliant bargain. Not to be missed. Even if you weren’t interested in the web hosting, most people would buy just for this content alone that we are giving away to you!
You cannot afford to miss out on this; we give you what you need to get ahead of the competition.
We are really considering selling this entire bonus package separately… so act now to take advantage of this brilliant offer!
Included in your AMAZING FREE BONUS PACKAGE:
100 Web Templates – Get a great looking website created in minutes with our great choice of web templates, free for you to use.
114 Flash Web Banners – Flash banners are interactive, attractive and great for advertising.
100 Internet Marketing Ebooks – Get ahead of your competition; find out how to send so many visitors to your website that you will just not know what to do with them all!
If you are not DELIGHTED with our web hosting then cancel within 30 days and receive a full refund – no hassles, no hard feelings.
You also still get to keep whatever ebooks, web templates and scripts that you have been given by us for absolutely FREE.
We are also SO CONFIDENT that you will be pleased with our web hosting package that if you are not happy we will not only refund you your web hosting BUT ALSO PAY BACK 1 MONTHS HOSTING ON TOP OF YOUR REFUND!!! That means if you get the basic package you get a £2.99 bonus added on to your refund as a way of saying thank you for considering us.
Either way you make a profit out of us.
This offer is SOOOOOOOOO good it should be made illegal!!!
We are not worried about making a loss because we are SUPER confident you will just love us.
REMEMBER THIS OFFER IS ONLY AVAILABLE WHILST STOCKS LAST AND WE ARE EXPECTING A LOT OF DEMAND
To order this INCREDIBLE web hosting package deal, simply HEAD OVER TO [LINK GOES HERE] or click the buy now buttons, the order is as easy as 1-2-3…
I am new to copywriting and at the moment I am just trying to learn and get good at this.
This is my first ever sales letter. So I admit the quality is not there compared to the professionals but please give me some honest advice on how I could improve it.
I dont care how tough the criticism (so long as it is constructive)... seriously it is all ok with me, I wont take it personally.
Now onwards...
NOTE THE IMAGES, BUTTONS AND SOME OF THE FORMATTING IS MISSING...
Dear Friend,
************************************************** **************WARNING!
YOU REALLY MUST READ THIS BEFORE YOU BUY ANY WEB HOSTING
************************************************** **************
THE WORST PART OF IT ALL IS THAT THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME AND THEY ALL ADVERTISE IN THE SAME EXACT WAY.
Most webhosts seem to speak in another language – an impregnable fortress of gobbledygook! You may not (or you may) give a damn whether your web server has X amount of RAM, Memory Capacity and Bandwidth. You may only be interested in results, e.g. will my website work and will I make money?
Web hosts try to bamboozle you with a new language and a lot will try to fob you off with a poor quality server that just DOES NOT WORK. Also don’t forget the awful customer support.
You can waste a lot of time and money.
Get this right and you will save money… Get this right and you will have more time to play golf (who doesn’t want more time to do the things we enjoy? COUNT ME IN!)
95% of websites fail. You do not want to fall at the first hurdle and get this wrong. You don’t want to be like the others (i.e. losers.)
Choosing your web hosting is the first major hurdle you will face in your new web venture.
Soon we are going to make you an offer you just cannot refuse but if you still need convincing…
Why choosing the wrong web host can be disastrous for your website
Slow and unresponsive servers- Your visitors will get super frustrated and will leave your website. If you are a business you will lose money as your customers go elsewhere. Your rivals will get rich at your expense. The big companies are guilty of providing slow useless web servers to their customers. This is all because overselling of servers is epidemic in this industry. Overselling means the server becomes slow and unstable because it is overloaded with too many websites. Overselling is done to generate huge amounts of profit but the victim in the end is you the consumer who is stuck with low quality web hosting.
Insecure servers – Unprofessionally managed web servers are more likely to be hacked into resulting in fraud and loss of data. You can lose a lot of money if your customers start suing you for loss of credit card data - I hope you have a good lawyer!
Terrible outsourced technical support – Forget about decent support. A lot of web companies break promises of 24/7 support or do not provide support at all. If you are lucky and your Web host decides to provide support they will often outsource their problems to IT professionals in developing countries. Support standards will not be high. The support may only know a basic level of English. We all encounter problems with technology but we need the reassurance that top quality, friendly support is not far away. That our desperate cries for help are heard and understood and our problem is taken care of!
Non-existent or poor Business support - A lot of web hosts will provide the bare minimum for you and your website but after that you are on your own. This is bad business. If web hosts are not helping their customers to achieve success, then those customers are unlikely to become repeat customers. A successful website will require web hosting for the long term and will be more profitable to that web hosting company.
Good business support creates a win-win situation, the web host is happy, and best of all you are happy!
************************************************** ********************************
I hope I haven’t scared you away from getting a website. Remember with the right web host, owning your very own website is an extremely rewarding experience.
If your website is a success it will be a rewarding experience for your bank balance too!
You may be completely new to web hosting and haven’t had to deal with these problems or you may have already dealt with all this before…
But you can get your decision right…
You can choose the perfect web host that works for you…
Are you looking for a web host that provides fast and responsive servers with 99.9% uptime?
Are you looking for safe and secure servers that will not be broken into?
Are you looking for outstanding technical support that is quick, friendly and helpful?
Are you looking for a Web Host that provides additional business support to help you make your website a success?
I assume you answered yes to all those questions (if you didn’t then you will have to go elsewhere for your web hosting because we don’t offer rubbish!)… It is surprising how few web hosts tick all the boxes... You need a web host that provides you the best chance of success.
InvictaWebs are delighted to offer you, for a LIMITED TIME ONLY, a choice of four web hosting packages designed to be easy, convenient and stress free. Powerful but secure. Fast and responsive. Fully supported with excellent technical and business support.
10 Reasons why InvictaWebs make web hosting easy…
2. Powerful and easy to use file management systems. The file manager allows you to easily upload your website at the click of a button. NO TECHNICAL EXPERTISE REQUIRED.
3. Installatron and Softaculous make it easy to install all your favourite scripts at the click of a button. Now you have instant access to WordPress Blogs, Forums, Surveys, Forms, Polls, Content Management Systems and more! We cannot stress enough how easy complex installations can become due to these super programs added into CPANEL. Some web companies have been known to charge up to £10 to install scripts that only take a minute to install using Installatron. You can save a lot of time and money here.
4. Even if you do not have a website yet you can easily create one using our Sitebuilder Software. Never before has creating attractive, professional web design been so easy. NO KNOWLEDGE OF HTML OR CSS NEEDED. Your website can be created in MINUTES.
5. Another great feature is the AWSTATS Traffic Monitoring program. It is our secret intelligence gathering program. It allows you to track visitors to your website 24/7. You will know how many unique visitors are looking at your website each day, where they are from, what browser they are using and what pages they are visiting and how long they stay on each page. Such information is vital for web site owners.
6. WebMail is included as standard. Easily create and manage new email accounts. It is also incredibly simple to set up complex auto-responders and email forwarding at the click of a button.
7. For our more advanced users they will be pleased to know that our web hosting packages fully support PHP5, unlimited MYSQL databases and cron jobs. These features allow you to run all types of scripts from simple mailing forms to highly complex ecommerce solutions with no problems at all. Cron Jobs allow you to automate tasks and are vital for getting the best out of complex ecommerce solutions.
8. There are automatic daily off site back-ups. Your website is secure with InvictaWebs. Your data will not be lost. We have also provided an inbuilt instant backup system that allows you to back up your website when you need to.
9. Kind, friendly support is only a click away. Whatever the problem do not hesitate to ask our support team. They have over 5 years’ experience within the IT industry and will only be too happy to help. Simply send a customer support ticket within the client billing system or send an email and you will have a response guaranteed within 24 hours, often much sooner.
10. 99.9% UPTIME, GUARANTEED, OR YOUR MONEY BACK. Things do go wrong with servers; no server will ever be up 100% of the time however our servers are in the top 1% for reliability. We are so confident in our servers that we will offer a full months refund if our servers are not up 99.9% of the time.
Hang on a second why aren’t you offering UNLIMITED web hosting like company X?
Unlimited hosting is a cheap marketing gimmick designed to draw in a lot of customers very quickly. These companies however certainly have no intentions of really offering unlimited hosting. Unlimited hosting is impossible. The reality is that if your website proves popular and uses up more system resources than other websites on the server then you will be promptly kicked off because you are not a profitable customer for them. The reality is these same web servers are grossly oversold. Oversold servers quickly find system resources are stretched to the limit creating instability and slowness.
Sure, the big companies make a LOT OF MONEY from these practices. However it just creates a very frustrating experience for their clients.
In the end it is the customer that loses out because they certainly do not get what they paid for.
THUS, OUR OFFER IS LIMITED ONLY TO THE FIRST 20 PEOPLE THAT RESPOND
InvictaWebs are committed to providing only the very best quality web experience for our clients.
We do not oversell our servers. Each server has a set limited capacity to ensure that it runs smoothly and quickly at all times. Sure, we could put more websites on our servers and sure they may still run just as well and we would make a whole lot more money on each of our server… but then our servers would be just as rubbish as our rivals…
Invictawebs is all about a quality web hosting experience…
Thus this offer is exclusive and is limited to ONLY the first 20 customers. If your order is too late you will receive a full refund. You will then have to wait for either room on one of our current servers to come available or wait for us to build a new server.
What am I getting exactly?
There is the choice of 4 different web hosting packages. They offer performance, reliability, security and generous system allowances.
Detailed below you will find diskspace storage on your web server (basically how many files can be stored) and Bandwidth (basically how many times your website can be viewed each month.)
************************************************** ********************************
Basic Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 5GB
Bandwidth: 50GB
Price per Month: Only £2.99
Extra Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 10GB
Bandwidth: 100GB
Price per Month: Only £3.99
Advanced Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 15GB
Bandwidth: 150GB
Price per Month: Only £4.99
Premium Web Hosting Package
CPANEL? Yes
Diskspace Storage: 20GB
Bandwidth: 200GB
Price per Month: Only £5.99
************************************************** ********************************
These 4 packages are designed to give you room to expand. As you become more successful you can upgrade at any time to the more advanced package. On the Premium package, if you require more storage space or more bandwidth beyond what is allocated then we can secure this for you at discounted rates.
If you are unsure then we recommend you get the cheapest basic web hosting package and then only upgrade as and when you need to. The basic web hosting package is certainly powerful enough for any starting business. Or if you feel you need extra bang for your buck, go for the more powerful web hosting packages.
YOU CAN ALSO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY STARTING YOUR OWN WEB HOSTING COMPANY
Want to create extra income for your business?
Ever fancied starting your own web hosting business?
This is now easy to do. For ONLY a ONE TIME £4.99 SET UP FEE we will upgrade your web hosting package so you have access to your very own WEB HOST MANAGEMENT CONTROL PANEL.
From this control panel you can easily create new web host packages. You can easily manage your customers and create/delete/suspend user accounts.
Reselling web hosting is easy and a great way to earn extra income and can be the start of a whole new business adventure for you. Many of the large web hosts started out as resellers, now the owners of these web hosts have their own private jets!
Here is a quick recap of some of the other BRILLIANT features of our web hosting:
Automatic Daily Off-site Backups
Basic Support Package
Instant Backups
Simple and Easy Blog Hosting
Site Builder
99.9% Uptime
Instant and Free Setup
IP Deny Manager
Installatron/Softaculous
Instant WordPress
Instant Forums
Instant Surveys
Traffic Monitoring
Cron Jobs
PHP 5
Unlimited MYSQL Databases
************************************************** ********************************
P.S Order now and you will get access to FREE BONUS MATERIAL WORTH £1000+
Well we will provide all this absolutely FREE.
The value of the free bonus is waaaaaay in excess of £1000 if purchased separately!
You will have access to all the resources needed to become a member of the 5% club. You know - the 5% of websites that succeed!!! This is a brilliant bargain. Not to be missed. Even if you weren’t interested in the web hosting, most people would buy just for this content alone that we are giving away to you!
You cannot afford to miss out on this; we give you what you need to get ahead of the competition.
We are really considering selling this entire bonus package separately… so act now to take advantage of this brilliant offer!
Included in your AMAZING FREE BONUS PACKAGE:
100 Web Templates – Get a great looking website created in minutes with our great choice of web templates, free for you to use.
114 Flash Web Banners – Flash banners are interactive, attractive and great for advertising.
100 Internet Marketing Ebooks – Get ahead of your competition; find out how to send so many visitors to your website that you will just not know what to do with them all!
************************************************** ********************************
Your Purchase is COMPLETELY GUARANTEED AND RISK FREE!
You also still get to keep whatever ebooks, web templates and scripts that you have been given by us for absolutely FREE.
We are also SO CONFIDENT that you will be pleased with our web hosting package that if you are not happy we will not only refund you your web hosting BUT ALSO PAY BACK 1 MONTHS HOSTING ON TOP OF YOUR REFUND!!! That means if you get the basic package you get a £2.99 bonus added on to your refund as a way of saying thank you for considering us.
Either way you make a profit out of us.
This offer is SOOOOOOOOO good it should be made illegal!!!
We are not worried about making a loss because we are SUPER confident you will just love us.
REMEMBER THIS OFFER IS ONLY AVAILABLE WHILST STOCKS LAST AND WE ARE EXPECTING A LOT OF DEMAND
To order this INCREDIBLE web hosting package deal, simply HEAD OVER TO [LINK GOES HERE] or click the buy now buttons, the order is as easy as 1-2-3…
We only accept Paypal for orders. Paypal is the safer, easier way to pay online. Paypal accept all major credit and debit cards.
----------------------- END OF SALES LETTER -----------------
Thanks for reading if you get this far. What do you think?
----------------------- END OF SALES LETTER -----------------
Thanks for reading if you get this far. What do you think?
>>> No Way! <<<