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I'm Back-How are people marketing their own products? and Website and copy review

by paulmackie
26 replies
Hi Everyone,
I am back after a break in my online marketing.

Even though this thread is asking for a review for my sales page at:
Child Development From Years 1-4

I was wondering if anybody is still trying to promote their own product, and still struggling to get sales; like me?

I tried changing my website to include monetization and list building tactics such as adsense, videos, a forum etc; and while traffic has increased, I still get no sales of my storybooks. So, my plan now is to just have a sales page focused on my storybooks, with a market of parents and preschool teachers; and use linking and articles with keywords for my niche related markets.

Any comments on my page copy, what you are doing to market your own products and how you are finding markets for your products would be appreciated.

Have a great day.

Paul in Calgary.
The Child Development Guy.
#backhow #copy #marketing #people #products #review #website
  • Profile picture of the author theshkay89
    oh my...where shall i began bro...
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Theshkay89,
      How about a quick review of my site copy.

      As a quick tip: make sure you add your signature to your posts; if you have a site, or offers etc. I have had lots of traffic from the Warrior Forum over the years.

      Thanks for your reply.

      Have a great day.

      Paul In Calgary
      The Child Development Guy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Offbase - I cannot even tell, above the fold, that
    your site means to sell something.

    The layout doesn't invite me to read. This looks
    like a site for a charity or something. Bolded
    text all over the place.

    Your problems are in both layout and copywriting.
    The layout is static, without "eye-gravity" drawing
    my eye down the page. There is no space in the
    wall of text you hit me with, making my comprehension
    drop to zero.

    I have to know INSTANTLY what your basic message
    is, ie:

    "Your Kid Is Twice As Smart As You Think!"

    So make a big promise and then show me how you back it
    up in your body copy.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Marcus and Loren,
      Thanks for the comments.

      I made a few tweaks to the title by using Loren's suggested title; I like it.

      As for eye gravity I reduced the wall of text and added this "A simple storybook gives your preschool child an unprecedented, LIFELONG advantage:" plus Marcus's copy

      Marcus:
      I have another header located here:
      http://www.storybooksthatteach.com/p...storybooks.jpg

      I can change it out for the current one?
      I like Loren's headline and the new tweaks may answer the 3 criteria you mentioned.

      As for an enticing solution how about:
      stop worrying, the answer is right on this page; and it has nothing to do with your child's level of intelligence.


      Any more comments and tips appreciated.

      Thanks so much for your help.
      If either of you have preschool children let me know and I will give you a link to download my storybooks.

      Thanks again.

      Paul In Calgary
      The Child Development Guy
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  • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
    Hi Everyone,
    I have made some small adjustments by adding a time delayed popup and removing some text from the top of the page.

    Any further comments would be appreciated.

    Have a great day.

    Paul in Calgary
    The Child Development Guy
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  • Profile picture of the author trevortaylor
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author maximus242
      You gotta be kidding me right? Your talking about EXPANDING your demographics in a highly competitive market when he has no sales to begin with?

      What da f*ck are you smoking?

      I thought it was too wide. Personally I think you should just target one age group, then call out the demographic like...

      "To Parents With 4 Year Old Sons... Heres How To Make Them Smarter Than Einstein In A Way You'll Both Enjoy!"

      Dear Parent,

      If you have a 4 year old son... and you would like to make him into a genius... then... this is going to be the most exciting message you have read all day!

      Here is why: There is this guy named Paul in Calgary who has developed the most remarkable books i've ever seen. He has created a system so easy... that anyone can use it to transform their child into a prodigy... and so effective... that its going to start working the very first time you use it!

      Heres what this is all about. Story time is probably one of your sons favorite times. Now what if he could be hearing exciting, interesting stories, while also becoming a modern genius?

      What if you could teach him all the important skills and abilities to succeed in life... just by reading him a story?

      I know it sounds too good to be true. I thought so too -- but just listen to what these people are saying.

      "My little Danny started to stump the 6 year olds on the playground, hes so smart, all the other parents cant believe my little boy is so much smarter than theirs... and so much younger -- they ask me "whats your secret" but only me and you know its the story time"

      --Jessica, Seattle, Washington

      "I can't believe how effective these are! My child LOVES these stories and hes LEARNING at the same time... I never imagined it could be this easy!"

      --George, New York, New York

      "WOW... just wow, I was so skeptical at first but I decided to give it a try anyways... and I am FLOORED. I used these on my 4 year old son and my 3 year old daughter and I cant even believe how much faster they pick up things now."

      --Miranda, Miami, Florida


      Blah blah blah, bla bla bla, buy the books now or else doomsday is coming, your childs going to be stupid, other people will laugh at you, hes going to turn into a bum and a failure, etc.

      Also as a side note I would put in a bunch of credibility elements at the start but I dont know what your credibility elements are so its kind of hard.

      Obviously those are fake testimonials, you need to use real ones.
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      • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
        Hi Trevor and Maximus,
        The age group for my storybooks is birth to seven years.


        The problem I have not been able to figure out is who my market is?
        I thought it was parents of up to seven year old children; or parents who wanted their children to get a great start in life; or teachers of preschool children who need lesson plan material.
        Obviously having only a few sales tells me my copy sucks, or I am not yet focused on the correct market.

        Science is saying that about 80% of the brain is developed before the age of seven, and that certain movements and activities promote that growth.

        So here is the real story:
        Buy your kid a movie and a pizza instead of these storybooks; when they pass the age of seven it may be to late.
        Teachers, your friends and even you wonder why your child cannot sit still; why are they unable to focus; why do they need drugs to help them do their school work; why do they lack thinking and social skills; and the list goes on.
        I have dealt with these kids in both daycare and the school system; great kids, but the bottom line is they lack the brain matter, because it wasn't created when the opportunity to do so was there.
        It has nothing to do with intellect, or being a genius, it has to do with having a multi-faceted brain that has a sufficient amount of connections to help a child cope with and manage the stresses of growing up; a child who can think and act for themselves; a child who is drug free and able to cope with all life throws at him; which child do you want?

        Sorry for the rant, but people are just not getting how important and critical the age up to seven is for a child's brain development. I know what I am talking about, but I just do not know how to put it into good copy that does not use fear, or promises of a genius child.

        My other question is: do people want the sugar coated approach, or the kick in the gut copy?

        Thanks for your comments, definitely food for thought and material I could use.

        Have a great day.
        Paul in Calgary
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Theres a number of ways you can approach the copy, but you have to get their attention and be dramatic.

    The worst thing you can do is be boring. Most people think they are too dramatic when they are not dramatic enough.

    And your market is wayy to ****ing big. Do you know how many parents of children aged 0-7 are in America? Let alone Western Civilization?

    The more SPECIFIC your marketing, the higher the results. The more general you are -- the lower your results. There is a balancing act between specificity and expansion.

    HERES PROOF:

    Given the choice between these two ebooks, which one would you choose?

    How to make a fortune online

    OR

    How to make a fortune online selling storybooks to parents

    Obviously you want the one about selling story books... because thats what you sell!

    If you wanted to go on vacation to Hawaii and you read an ad that said...

    How To Save On Vacations To Hawaii!

    That would have a lot more IMPACT and get a lot more ATTENTION than...

    How To Save On Vacations!

    General claims mean nothing to skeptical prospects -- and ive got news for you, all of your prospects are skeptical.

    When in doubt, go deeper and narrower. Your trying to be something to everyone and end up being nothing to no one.

    You need to SHOCK THEM, light an INFERNO under their ass and put deep gut level fear into them. Honestly try to go as extreme as you can because the reality is your not going to be extreme and if you do anything less than that itll be boring.

    If you get the feeling that what your writing is edgy and controversial, thats when your in the sweet spot. At that exact point in time, you have their undivided attention.

    ALSO remember who your prospects are, are they the ones who are bad parents? Doubt it. Theyre the ones who WANT to help their child and are actively taking responsibility for their childrens well being.

    Go buy the book "The Adweek Copywriting Handbook" and sign up for Gary Bencivengas Bullets and read all of his bullets tonight www.bencivengabullets.com you need to learn the fundamentals of copywriting and marketing.

    And since you were wondering -- let me clear this up for you... your copy sucks AND your market choice was poor!

    You need to focus on a exact age group of children, then find a way to target those specific parents. I would even target further by gender and age -- then set up customized salesletters for each demographic.
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Maximus,
      Thanks for the comments.

      I will pick up a copy of the copywriting handbook.

      Each age group of children do have specific problems, such as the "Terrible Two's", walking, talking, eating, socializing, three year old boy problems, girl problems etc; would that mean my site landing page would link to the sales letters for each age group?

      Something like navigation buttons:
      The Terrible Two's
      Three year Old Boy Problems
      Four Year Old Girl Issues
      I can search forums for more specific problem related keywords.

      My current market thinking is "preschool teachers" as they usually need resources with which to teach and keep children occupied.
      The other thing is this market is not trying to fix a problem with the kids and covers the wide range of children's age groups my products are for.

      I totally agree with what you are saying, my copy sucks for parents of up to seven year old children.
      As a past preschool teacher I understand the needs and desires of the preschool teachers group more than the parents group. So, that being the case how do I light a fire under them?

      Thanks again.

      Paul in Calgary.
      The Child Development Guy
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    You have to think about whats in it for them, your salespage is trying to sell parents, its a different approach for preschool teachers. I would talk about how your going to make their lives easier, you need to get inside their heads and think about whats in it for them if they buy your product. What is your product going to do for the preschool teachers.
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  • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
    Great tips were given... but the question still begs to be asked. WHY on earth does your copy have a headline that is in tiny lettering and ON a banner?

    As site optimization goes... what is you H1 headline? It should be your main head line... which should be BIG AND BLUE.

    Blue because you are going for the educational support. Blue works well, dark blue would work even better. Blue just has this "success" feel to it.

    Red will work too... you need to GRAB the attention. And second... I could not get through your whole copy... since I dont have a child it didnt hold my interest but i WILL tell you one thing.

    PROBLEM
    STORY
    SOLUTION

    THIS format is PERFECT for what you are trying to sell...
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Metalslug,
      I changed the header and the main intro headline.
      http://www.storybooksthatteach.com

      Can anyone come up with a better headline?

      How about these graphic headers?
      http://www.storybooksthatteach.com/p...okhairpull.jpg
      http://www.storybooksthatteach.com/p...khairpull2.jpg

      Have a great day.

      Paul in Calgary.
      The Child Development Guy.
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      • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
        Better... but there are a few more tweaks that jumped to my mind:

        1. You font size... It's a bit too big. That font size that you've used should be used for sub headings and such. You want a good, readable and consistent font size. Here's mine for a quick reference:

        men's fitness book for getting ripped--Flawless Fitness System

        2. DO you see that line where it says "your preschool child could become confident..."

        What's up with that? How UNSURE are you of your own product? If im paying money, I need to know that my child WILL be more confident.
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        • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
          Hi Metalslug,
          Are you talking about the header font text?

          I can reduce the size and remove the all caps in the header graphic.

          I am very confident about my products and what they will do. I cannot promise that a child will become a genius, or that a parents problems with their child will disappear; like your body development it takes time, effort and progress may be slow.
          I will rewrite the negatives.

          Which header do you think has more impact, the current one, or one of the hairpull ones?

          Thanks for your feedback.

          Paul in Calgary.
          The Child Development Guy.
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          • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
            Originally Posted by paulmackie View Post

            Hi Metalslug,
            Are you talking about the header font text?

            I can reduce the size and remove the all caps in the header graphic.

            I am very confident about my products and what they will do. I cannot promise that a child will become a genius, or that a parents problems with their child will disappear; like your body development it takes time, effort and progress may be slow.
            I will rewrite the negatives.

            Which header do you think has more impact, the current one, or one of the hairpull ones?

            Thanks for your feedback.
            I meant the font text. There is a reason why books are printed in smaller fonts... the perfect size should be easy to read and shouldn't take alot of scrolling every few seconds (such as in your case)

            If you cannot promise that a child will become a genius or confident then you will not see a lot of sales.

            As for my product, I DO promise that people will see the results they want, and then I back it up with the product. Time is a factor in anything but you must be straight forward and tell them when they can expect the desired result. If you can't... there's work to be done.

            You need to make more powerful and attractive claims... and if you feel your product cannot live up to them... then there's work to be done.

            You need to promise something concrete... not "coulda" "woulda" "shoulda"... IMO

            As for your header... the hair pull does not belong. That something you'd use if you were selling a product on Child behaviour problems. What does an unsuccessful child look like in school?

            He's sad, unhappy, pondering... you need to find that kind of image. Unsuccessful children aren't aggressive and go pulling hair. (for the most part)

            Cheers
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            • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
              Hi Metalslug,
              Some good points; this is as close as I can get to concrete promise for a parent of a preschool child.
              Child Development From Years 1-4

              Your reasoning has made me see that I am in the wrong market; I have a product that can greatly increase a child's chances of a successful life, but it is not a guarantee, or magic pill.

              I am going to switch my market to home schoolers, or daycare teachers who need a curriculum and structured method to help children develop.

              I can guarantee preschool teachers a calmer more relaxed work environment; more settled and focused children; a way to deal with children's behaviors and emotions; a way to reduce stress and burnout in themselves; a way to teach preschool children morals, and values; how to teach preschool children how to read and write; how to increase a child's self-esteem and self-confidence; how to increase a child's thinking skills and much more.

              I am also confident I can teach any preschool teacher how to use my products to achieve the above guarantees; and I can guarantee that.

              Thanks for your input and comments.
              Any other comments always appreciated.

              Have a great day.

              Paul in Calgary.
              The Child Development Guy.
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  • Profile picture of the author GetStreetSmart
    There is a lot you can do:

    1 - All headlines need to be Tahoma Font - 3-5 point pitch
    2 - Copy should be arial no larger than 2-3 pitch
    3 - text is hard to read in some of your buttons
    4 - put add to cart or buy now buttons throughtout your page
    5 - video or audio testimonials would help as well
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  • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
    I have to put in a couple of cents here--I'm not a marketing genius but I think that, before you go all changey changey with your site and copy, you need to figure out EXACTLY who you are selling to and get inside their heads. When you do that, you'll have more ideas about how to market your product.

    I do not have kids myself yet, but I can tell you that I would be greatly offended by a sales pitch that told me my kid would be doomed to failure if or implied that I wasn't "worthy of being the parent such a wonderful child" if I didn't buy a specific product. It wouldn't scare me into buying your product, it would make me angry and I'd probably tell my friends about the offensive website I just found that tries to scare parents into buying something. Never underestimate the power of a "get a load of this guy" e-mail sent to a friend (who sends it to another friend, etc).

    Perhaps if you approach this issue in a more sensitive way--appeal to the parents' emotions, help them identify with who you are and what you have learned (talk with them, not at them) you will have better success than if you just try to scare them into buying your book.

    You want to encourage buyers and help them understand why your product is better than similar products that might be on the market, not bully, threaten, talk down to or condemn them if they decide to move on without making a purchase.
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Erin,
      It is certainly not my intent to scare people into buying my products.

      This whole post has made me realize that I am in the wrong market, and that I cannot please people with false promises, or hyped copy about my products.

      I have removed the fear copy; but will be rewriting the copy for homeschool and preschool teachers.

      Any ideas what would make good sales copy would be appreciated.

      Have a great day.

      Paul in Calgary
      The Child Development Guy.
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  • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
    It is possible to promote your products without resorting to "hype" Think about all of the things that make your products great--this is what should be in your copy. After all--your copy needs to show how much you believe in your product. When you believe in your product it will show in your copy.

    Also, while it's a forum and none of us are shy about giving our opinions, and we want to help, please don't feel like you have to take every single opinion to heart. If you try to do exactly as every one of us suggests pretty soon you'll only have a blank page!
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    • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
      Hi Erin,
      I changed the copy because I wanted people to see how important early education is, but not out of fear, or make people buy my product.
      I will stick with what I know, and that is that I have a great preschool teachers resource for helping children grow and be successful.

      I usually write the way I feel, but with an engineering background tend to get too technical; I'm also an Early Childhood Educator and have more passion for this and my storybooks; just need to get that into copy.

      The thing about using my story and activity books, in a daycare setting, is the joy you not only give to children, but to yourself as well. The benefits from the activities in my books work for adults as well as the children; no more going home burned out and tired after a days work in the daycare, but happy and satisfied that you have helped children succeed; and you got the same benefits as the children.

      Let's face it there are some tough kids in daycare, holy terrors who can burn out teachers, but using the right caring structured approach, and development activities, you can turn them around; my toughest challenges have turned out to be greatest and most unforgettable children; a reward in itself, to see that as a preschool teacher you can make a difference.
      Sorry kind of rambling here; just thinking back to my daycare teaching days.

      I will focus more on presenting my story and activity books to daycare teachers.

      Thanks again for your comments.

      Paul in Calgary.
      The Child Development Guy.
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