yet another squeeze page critique request :)

by 31 replies
36
Hello fellows,

I recently started a squeeze page that I use for a PPC campaign. It did already give some results, but I want to ask you before we spend more money on testing it. What do you think and what could be improved?

Approach Anxiety Annihilator Audio

THANKS
Ivan
#copywriting #critique #page #request #squeeze
  • Howdy Doc,

    I'd better stay away from this critique because 2 of my friends
    are in the dating, approach women, market.

    Best,
    Ewen
    • [1] reply
    • you have only two friends?

      no worries. I'm sure there will be another generous soul on this forum that will be so kind to say a few words about this page.

      Ivan
  • Ivan,

    As it stands...it might work...and for all I know, could be working right now, it depends on where the traffic is coming from.

    Read the upsell after sign up. Masculine Freedom...Really?? But, if it is working...not much to say.

    I'm not the market...but, do they want to approach women...or take them home?

    I guess, first things first. I mean, and again, not being the market...

    do I want to easily approach women. charm the dickens out of them and watch them leave with some other dude?

    Where's the PAYOFF for my conquering my fear of approaching?

    I don't want to be surrounded by womEn...rather be embraced by ONE.

    But, again, and as always for me...online promotions depend as much on traffic source as copywriting content...

    I like the pic...can you start from there and eliminate about 90 percent of what you have there now??

    gjabiz
    • [1] reply

    • Good points!!! Thkans.

      I guess I was too much taken away by the "global picture" (where you become attractive to women and then the right one come along, which is how it works in reality), however it might be more beneficial for the customer to emphasize that you can actually also GET those women

      Approaching women is a very big topic in this industry, so in that context it's the right product to offer.

      Masculine Freedom is my brand, which I stand behind 100%, as I know that this is what really works for attracting the right women. But as you say, I need to work on my positioning, USP and copywriting. This is work in progress!


      Ivan
  • how the hell are you using a squeeze page on a ppc campaign?

    thought you can't get them approved?
    • [2] replies
    • Of course you can. It has to be properly optimized of course for your keyword etc

    • well, we are actually using ads on Plenty of Fish (dating site), so that might be different from standard PPC (I'm not an expert).
  • I might try focusing the copy on specifically what they're getting, by making it concrete as to exactly what they're signing up for.

    In other words, lead with the bribe. (And the bribe also has the benefit embedded.)

    FREE Hypnosis MP3 Annihilates "Approach Anxiety"

    Also, change the word 'submit' in the form to something like "Instant Access"

    And maybe emphasize how EASY it all is. It takes less than 20 minutes to transform your life forever...(All from this one short hypnosis download).
    • [1] reply
    • I have changed the page a bit. Any new critique is highly appreciated
  • I think your sales page is too wide, and have a header that is less attractive and very dark.

    what if you make smaller and simple. Your sales page is too wide.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • Take heed of advice above, and also, less is more when it comes to yellow highlighting.

      A skilled hairdresser once said to me, "Highlight everything and you highlight nothing."

      --- Ross
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
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    • [1] reply
    • Ok, I changed my design yet again. This time to something completely different.
  • First make your site looks more professional to get your visitors trust..
    • [1] reply
    • Oh, which site are you talking about?? The one in my signature?
      • [1] reply
  • To be honest, I think the design looks a little too amateurish, and it doesn't seem confident. The design looks timid, which is not a good message for a website about gaining confidence. I also agree that it looks a little too wide. I also think the header text takes up too much of the screen. I would make the font just a point smaller, single-spaced, and would also keep it from looking so centered.

    I also think a few high-quality graphics (you should be able to get them from any stock image site for a small fee) would really help spice up the offer. As for the website's background, I would say get a good graphic for this, or make it a gradient background. Solid color backgrounds aren't bad for all websites, but with a squeeze page, you want to make something that is really visually appealing.
    • [1] reply
    • thanks, as I said, this is a completely new design that you saw. Before I had something else that was more colorful and sophisticated, but after the comments above I decided to change it. The current version was kinda inspired by another squeeze page by a guru in the field. although I do agree that I can make it look more professional. Damn, I need to work on my designer skills

      To be honest, I'm learning A LOt on this forum. Thanks every one for contributing.

      Ivan

  • Banned
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  • Your squeeze page is more interesting than yesterday. good luck.
    • [1] reply
    • LOL, I was JUST modifying it in this moment. . anyway. It's back to the first version that I had (with some minor changes). It should be better now. Any new remarks?

      http://www.cureapproachanxiety.com

      thanks!
      Ivan
      • [1] reply
  • Just want to share a few thoughts on the aesthetics:

    1. That testimonial is just too long - I'd consider paraphrasing.
    2. Your opt in box is too narrow - should be a simple fix

    And you may have gone a little overboard with the highlighting.

    Simple and clean seem to work best these days, your page is a little busy, so it makes me feel like I can't "trust" you (not personally - just the offer.)

    The copy is great.

    Oh yeah, and maybe you don't need the bottom arrows pointing up - seems like overkill.

    With that said, what's you're conversion rate - nothing else matters if your conversions are great.

    I generally like at least 35%.
    • [1] reply
    • There is one thing I will comment on, but please don't be offended. You asked for opinions, and this is mine.

      You sign the copy with "Dr. Ivan Dyn, Transformational Dating Coach"

      Obviously you are fully entitled to use your legitimate title when you write your name. The title 'Dr.' is commonly preceived as being medically realted by many people. And in this case that perception is very much in your favour as it sounds like you are perhaps qualified in psychological matters. This is a 'hypnosis' product, your being a 'Dr' makes it sound more like this process has a sound medical basis to it.

      You are a doctor of mathematics. Which doesn't seem to have any relevance to this product, really.

      It took me literally seconds to find out what your doctorate was in, and once I had I immediately felt your mentioning it in your add was a little bit manipulative (sorry).

      "Ivan is a trained EFT coach and an NLP practitioner." Why aren't you saying that on this copy? Those are RELEVANT and will reassure a potential buyer that your product is sound. Shout out about these qualifications!

      I know you are going to continue using your title. You really are a doctor and doing nothing in the least bit wrong, technically. And sure, most people will never look to find out what your doctorate is in.

      But if I were a potential customer, once I realised you were in fact a maths expert, I would doubt the validity of this product.

      PS - it looks much nicer now it has lost the highlighting and arrows, btw
      • [1] reply
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  • Hi Doc,

    A couple of thoughts. First, you have a typo in the heading, you say 'approach any woman your desire'.

    Next, the testimonial box does not quite look right, you need more grey space at the bottom of the text. Maybe make the text a bit bigger or reduce the amount. It looks less elegant than the rest of it.

    Lastly, the 'enter your e-mail address' at the bottom left is a bit redundant in it's current position. You might want to experiment with the position of it, or make the text bolder.

    Aside from those points I am looking forward to all the lurv - good job
  • It looks really good. I would not change anything.
    • [1] reply
    • Yeah! After receiving amazing help from some people on this forum, it is now in a state that can get me a good conversion rate. Thanks every one. I'll keep you updated on how well it does.

      Ivan
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