Critique Non Profit Sales Page?

Hi Copy Warriors!

As a worthless piece of garbage copywriter, I have produced a page (and a website actually) for a non profit who badly needs help. (They train service dogs to give to veterans and kids with severe emotional, physical and psychological challenges)

They can run a legal 501(C)(3) raffle, so I created a story line, made a video (all true BTW) and a sales page.

We have a google grant (only lets us bid $1) and we have sent about 85 people to the site with no conversions.

Here is my ask.

First is there anyone interested in donating time to help? Got no money. - yet. If I can make this work I can create enough income for payment. Not crazy payment but payment.

Or - can I have some ideas on how to go about this - how you would do it differently?

I could write the story line here but it might be easier to watch the video.

I know we are all busy - but I can tell you (after a year of doing it) - that there is a perverse pleasure in working for nothing knowing you are working for nothing!

(Not that any of us are working for nothing. )

Thanks for any help. And please don't hesitate to email or skype if you have questions.

Regards,

Miami