Please critique my Sales Page

by Eduard 18 replies
Hey Warriors,

I'd appreciate your feedback on my sales page (including the video). I just launched an audio guide for improving conversation confidence. The sales page is actually a combination between free video content and a sales page.

Some visitors get to it by opting-in on the homepage to get a free video (which is at the top of the sales page), others get to it directly via links from affiliates.

Thanks in advance

Eduard
#copywriting #critique #page #sales
Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author IceIceBaby
    Hi Eduard. Here are some pointers that can make your site even better. Please, take them as positive criticism

    1. Headline is a little vague. Try to make pre-headline a bit smaller to make visual contrast.

    2. Also, headline content is not the best in the world. I don't really think that people are craving to be "good conversationalists", but they want to "get more girls at the pub" or "You will have the confidence to talk to the most beautiful girl in the club..." etc. Don't sell the product, sell the effects of your product.

    3. Video presentation is not really compelling. Its too long. Try to make a shorter video for above fold with key features (1 minute or so) and then link to full length video.

    4. Body of your site is too plain to read. Try to use different formatting for your lists. Title of a list could be bigger and maybe red. List could be a bit narrower. Not a major change, just make some visual anchors in the main content, so the visitors will have something to catch their eyes.

    5. You don't have enough call to action elements. Try to put an order link after every paragraph. Don't use "Order now" but repeat the main benefit of your product in CTA links.

    6. Use P.S. and P.P.S. at the end of your copy. Bottom of your page is one of the most read parts. Be sure to put all the benefits of your product on the bottom. Its almost as important as the main headline.

    7. Product images sell. You can use something like this: Blank white case with DVD, PSD web template | psdGraphics and make a virtual product.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4678828].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author butters
      Im not going to review the whole sales page but just pick up on one little thing... You said:

      "After countless requests"

      This may be true, it may not, why are you leaving social proof off of your sales page? If 100 people asked you to make a product, why aren't you showing them 100 people? If they said it to you face to face, why not ask for testimonials, get a bit of social proof going .
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679076].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Sarevok
    Off to a great start.

    As someone said, implement testimonials / quotations / requests / proof.

    Also, I'd love to promote this to my list and I think it's actually a valuable service.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679091].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Sarevok
    If you want me to leave a testimonial, hit me with a PM.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679097].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Warrior X
    To warm up the page a bit: why not add some photos of people chatting with each other. People respond to that sort of thing, whether they know it or not.
    ________
    Jeremy
    Signature
    #1 In WHITEBOARD VIDEOS - Great Way To Tell Your Story!
    Available Here
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679122].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author butters
      Originally Posted by CopyInTheRaw View Post

      To warm up the page a bit: why not add some photos of people chatting with each other. People respond to that sort of thing, whether they know it or not.
      ________
      Jeremy
      This is complete and utter BS... You have no idea what his audience responds to without split testing his pages... So to the orignal poster, split test your sales pages, try one with some pictures if you want, don't assume that something works because we say it does. The only way you can say it works is if you have hard data to back it up!
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679160].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
        I know stock photos don't work for me.

        The first thing I see is that the page is screaming a lot of text. It definately needs some sort of graphics and variation to the text. It would have been nice for the video to display something other than more text too.

        Best of luck.

        Interesting topic!
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679180].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Warrior X
        Originally Posted by butters View Post

        This is complete and utter BS... You have no idea what his audience responds to without split testing his pages... So to the orignal poster, split test your sales pages, try one with some pictures if you want, don't assume that something works because we say it does. The only way you can say it works is if you have hard data to back it up!
        Um...ouch?

        I agree with Lee of course...no one knows for sure what's going to work without testing it. That's true for everything in a sales page.

        I'll stand by what I said, people do respond to seeing other human beings, as long as its done well. My first reaction was that the page felt a little bit stark with only text.

        Good luck, hope you make some sales Eduard.
        ________
        Jeremy
        Signature
        #1 In WHITEBOARD VIDEOS - Great Way To Tell Your Story!
        Available Here
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4680308].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Suthan M
    i just say.. If you plan to market it to the US-based markets, get a native US guy on the video and ditch yours.

    I am not hating or anything (i am non US as well) but i am just saying this purely from a marketing point of view, so Eduard no offense :-)

    There is others as well, but this is what stands out the most for me.
    Signature
    ~Limited 35% OFF Discount~ Yezzar- Email Marketing Redefined WSO
    Email Service and Autoresponder System with high deliverability and low cost pricing
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679134].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Eduard
      Originally Posted by Suthan M View Post

      i just say.. If you plan to market it to the US-based markets, get a native US guy on the video and ditch yours.

      I am not hating or anything (i am non US as well) but i am just saying this purely from a marketing point of view, so Eduard no offense :-)
      This is something I will definitely consider for a relaunch.

      On the other hand, I wanted people to hear my voice, as the guy who created the product, not somebody else.

      And I've read some stuff, including here, that suggested Americans don't really mind foreign accents as long as they can clearly understand the messages, and don't discredit people for them so...

      We shall see...
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4681534].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Sarevok
    "This doesn't mean you should turn into an asshole."

    Lol.

    This reminds me of my speech class.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4679136].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author midasmarketing
    I would spice up the headline. Like, the poster above said. Sell the benefits. "How to get any girl to give you her number", "How to sell anything to anyone with a few sentences", "How to get everyone to agree with you and like it", etc.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4682532].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    That is the most BORING salespage/video salesletter I think I've ever seen. And your accent - without seeing you in person - is a complete turnoff.

    Ignore all the previous advice you've seen here and just get a pro. This is a disaster.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4682925].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author EricMN
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      That is the most BORING salespage/video salesletter I think I've ever seen. And your accent - without seeing you in person - is a complete turnoff.

      Ignore all the previous advice you've seen here and just get a pro. This is a disaster.
      Unfortunately, Eduardo. . . CopyNazi is right.

      I very quickly exited the page. Nothing about the written copy grabs me.

      But I decided to come back and hit the play button. . . and the same thing happened.

      Writing out copy is hard. If you can't do it yourself, I'd highly suggest hiring a professional. Also, appealing to an English audience is difficult with a hard accent. You also deliver the lines with very little intonation, so you need someone else to do that, too.

      To make this good, you'll have to start from scratch.

      Sorry for the bad news, Eduardo. Hope it helps and good luck.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4685041].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        The copy is about as exciting as watching paint dry.

        It's stale.

        A commendable effort (for trying) but a contradiction in terms.

        You state this will help others to become better 'conversationalists'? (Blimey! That's one hell of a mouthful that word) breaking the number 1 rule of writing sales copy - to keep it simple for anyone to understand.

        And you've repeated this word quite often in this piece too. Why? What good is this accomplishing?

        If this is supposed to be about making social conversations easier - why are you not writing in a conversational style yourself?!

        It's a dead duck. Start again or employ a pro. As it is, this piece will go nowhere, not in a month or 12 of Sunday's.

        One final point - the very long winded video is simply another contradiction. Your voice doesn't exactly lend any credibility or trust to your offer.

        Best,


        Pete Walker
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4685382].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Azarna
          "How to become more witty, funny, interesting and attractive by unleashing your conversation confidence."

          There is nothing in there that was funny or made me smile. Isn't an advert a sort of conversation between the seller and the potential customer?

          Also your voice has no emotion during the video. I don't mind your accent at all (hey, I am a girl, I like a man with a sexy accent, thanks), but you sound bored, it really doesn't sound like you are having an exciting converstaion with me at all.

          I can't help thinking that it makes sense to practice what you preach, I suppose.
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4704238].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    A few observations:

    - What is this doing as the subhead: "Yes Edward, I'm ready to Become A Confident Conversationalist And Live My Life To The Fullest"? That reads like order form copy. Put it where it belongs: either on a separate order form or wherever you have your order form section.

    - As others have noted, you're most likely selling the wrong thing. Find out what being a conversationalist is a solution to, and sell to THAT. If you're an expert, you probably know what that need is already.

    - The most glaring flaw is that your letter (yes both the written word and the video) is almost entirely lacking in emotion. You can't really expect to sell someone remotely without a hint of emotion.

    Two ways to fix it: use select power words and word imagery to help the text come alive, and accentuate your most powerful benefits (you should know them) everywhere you can, especially in headlines, subheads, legends, etc.

    - The second fatal omission is anything about yourself. There's no story about you, how you became a conversation coach, what are your credentials, connections in the industry, any reason to believe you and trust you. Dig deep man, and hold back nothing! That's the price of making sales online. Get used to being transparent.

    - The letter itself seems to be lacking what you're selling: charm and conversation. A good sales letter is like a documented, engaging conversation between the seller and the buyer. Also, your program doesn't even have a name, or a graphical identity, or anything that would differentiate from any other offering in the same space. Be bold - show them what you got!

    Hope this helps. My advice: scratch this and do another one.

    -Juho Tunkelo
    Signature

    Need a quick, effective copy critique to boost your conversion? 24-hr turnaround:
    http://juhotunkelo.com/copy-critique/

    Want world class copy to sell your world class product? Get a free evaluation today:
    http://www.emergingonlinetrends.com/...-juho-tunkelo/

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4684050].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author trevorhickey
    it's actually not bad - I think you could use a few more font variations ie. large red bold font here and there - but it looks pretty good. Check out the link in my signature below to see mine - I had a professional coach train me on how to do it and it converts so I know it's done right.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4705655].message }}
Avatar of Unregistered

Trending Topics