Please Critique This Ad Copy
I’ve just finished putting together a flyer for my Brother’s weight loss report. We’re thinking of delivering it to every house in our Town. (Then the County … If it’s successful.) It’s an A4 page flyer that will be folded in half with “From Erny” written on the opposite side in hand-writing font.
(I’ve blocked out our name and address.)
This is the first copywriting “project” I’ve ever completed so I’m anxious about hearing your suggestions. I’ve linked to the flyer at the end of this post (in PDF) and I have a few questions I hope you won’t mind answering. : )
1. How’s the headline?
2. Intro: Could it be improved/Is it a bit strange?Also, what do you think about the strategy of delivering flyers? Is it too much of a “shot gun” approach? And, what conversion would we be looking at?
3. Are weight loss myths accurate and/or could they be improved? Do they go on too much?
4. Is The J-Box relevant?
5. Are the weight loss benefits “flabby” … Are They compelling/persuasive?
6. Is the call to action compelling?
7. And, generally, how could the whole flyer be improved?
Anything you can suggest would be awesome. : )
Many Thanks.
Barry A Densa - Freelance Marketing & Sales Copywriter - WritingWithPersonality.com
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