Which copy is better?

To be a true A/B split test, the target market must be the same. Not different.

Alex

Alex is right, different audiences will give you different feedback, but which won't be comparable.

Like split testing tampons with a male audience and a female audience...

However I'll tell you now without even reading the copy all the way through, myballoonbiz is better purely by merit of being easier to read.

You gotta break it up more than with easilydoable.

In agreement with the first 2 posts. but for me personally i do like myballoonbiz.. it is easier to read as toniy stated above. good luck

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I actually didn't mean to write 'targeting different audience' what I meant was that I was targeting the audiences differently. Easilydoable is meant to drive people to the site through clickbank and myballoonbiz is meant to drive traffic via mailing lists and other methods.

Oh I get it... so essentially the same market, just different traffic methods, that seems fair enough.

One 50 year old male using clickbank.
One 50 year old male using email.

I think you'll be fine

Having said that, I didn't even MENTION the concept itself...

A guy I just finished a course with kept using 'bouncy castle secrets' as his go-to example of a product... turned out to be real.

I think you might be the same guy

Ok now I've actually taken the time to read through the copy (sorry I didn't do it earlier :p) I have a few other pointers you might be able to make use of:

I like the vibe of myballoonbiz better, because it's more upbeat. I wouldn't dwell too much on the accident because the more empathetic prospects might feel a little bad, which while at least you're making them feel 'something', it's not really what you need.

So the intro paragraph to myballoonbiz is better in my opinion.

My next point... I don't actually know what your product is. In one case I get the obvious impression it's about selling balloons... but then with the 'make it easy bit' in easilydoable, I think it's more like a general business concept on how to simplify processes or something with the light-hearted example of balloon distribution.

What I would suggest is a simple 'What you get' section... and bullet point that bad boy

e.g.

What you get with ETHADWBD:

• Introduction to selling balloons - This will build you the rock solid foundation YOU need to set you straight on the path the massive balloon riches
• 6 Tips to improve your balloon animal skills - So you can wow the kids, impress the adults and get more repeat business than you can handle!

You could basically just list each chapter, turn it into a bullet point and say WHY that's good for the customer.

Remember benefits man

So ALL in ALL:

• Stucture - Go with myballoonbiz style
• Clarity - Make sure the reader knows exactly what the report covers, an overview, and tell them why they should be interested
• Reason for the Product - Just go with something closer to 'I got hurt, couldn't work, decided to make the most of my time by writing a report that would teach others how to replicate my successful business!'

Note: Don't say you wrote it for extra cash because you couldn't work :p But do keep in the lemon thing, that's good

• Include bullet points following the structure of 'Feature (product element) -> Benefit (why that's good for the customer)
• Include the bullet points before the guarantee, but after 'the idea'

Hope that helps you out a little sir,

All the very best,

Adam

(Toniy) Adam's great assessment above is spot on...

I couldn't have said it better myself...(I didn't have to! )

(thanks for saving me all that time, Adam! )

Both of them are very amateurishly done.. If I must choose, I'll choose How I Earn $300 A Day Distributing Balloons.

Though honestly, don't be lazy. Having a good copy means the difference between success and failure, so take your time, read copy of other people in similar niches (money making, leisure) and just copy what works.

And add some more content, it is very short ...

Hi Adam...I've updated the copy at myballoonbiz.com based on your suggestions: How I Earn $300 A Day Distributing Balloons

As a token of my appreciation, I would like to give you a free copy of my report if it's something that interests you. My business model is probably something you've never seen or heard of and as soon as you read the report, you'll come to know that it's very doable and requires negligible investment to get started. Only thing is, this is an offline business...not something you can do sitting in front of a computer.

Let me know.
Thanks
-Samir

That's much better Samir

Just one more point to make... with the report break down, add just a tad more on the benefits... e.g.

That's not bad advice if I do say so myself

Having the chance to look inside the product itself, with thanks to Samir... the system is actually incredible!

Honestly (and Samir won't mind me saying this) I looked at the report almost as a kind of joke, or morbid curiosity... and to my utter disbelief it was an excellent business model that will bring about everyone's dreams of 'offline gold' so to speak... great money, very little work.... opportunity spotting in its purest form.

However the bonuses are included within the ebook itself, as opposed to separate reports (which I would recommend he does)... those methods aren't as high impact as the main report, but do act as... well... nice bonuses

The package itself is a nice, simple, short, sharp, crisp & clean business model / offline method that delivers on its promise.

It doesn't need hype, so I think Mr. D certainly has a point here.

Just hit them over and over with benefits, let them find the bonuses as nice surprises (or make small mention to them in the copy, but don't make them the centrepiece).

Your product is good enough to sell on its own, it doesn't need marketing 'tactics'. Keep it simple... benefits, benefits, benefits, imagine the possibilites, ask for the sale

Oh Boy where do we start?
The copy is terrible, there is nothing compelling to keep anyone reading. It is flat and lifeless
Get hold of some internet offers that make you want to buy and handwrite them a few times, then get some direct mail pieces or swipe files read some of them and hand write them….
DON’T TYPE THEM, although typing uses both hands it will not activate your imagination and stimulate you.

By handwriting a few great offers you should get in a frame of mind that will serve you better.
You will learn how great writers formulate their words.

Get a swipe file, start re-writing some of these letters to fit your product, you will learn a lot from this and may end up with some great copy.

Invest in a copy of words that sell.

Add some images and a video if possible, pay someone on fiverr to write you a sales letter, It won’t cost much, and it probably won’t be that good, BUT, it may give you a hook or a style you can adapt.

There are to many I, me my.

It’s talking to “workable for anyone” but really no one. Do some research and find your market.
If I could fill New York Stadium with your best buyers, Who would they be? Write to them and no one else.

Hope some of this helps.

The acid proof, Have you lauched them? Has anyone bought them? No one opinion on this or any other forum is really that valid, we are all experts until no one buys. It takes time to write a great sales letter. I'm sorry to tell you but you should be tweaking and testing this offer for years to come. If you do you will end up with somehting that has life and value and will sell at high conversions. But it is the real paying customers you should really be asking. Get them in the real world and start tweaking one thing at a time.

best wishes with it.

Thanks again for all the feedback.

I have incorporated much of what Adam has suggested and would appreciate more such feedback where I am made aware of specific problems with my copy. On my easilydoable.com site, I've tried to use the following rules suggested by Adam:

• Present the problem (make them feel it)
• Suggest the solution (make them feel it)
• Introduce your product
• Tell them what's in it (and why it's good for them)
• Ask for the sale

In the last 3 days, I've received 5 orders from easilydoable.com and 3 orders from myballoonbiz.com. That tells me that the copy is not horrible but it can certainly use improvement.

Thanks
-Samir

What's the conversion rate Samir?

Conversion rate is the be all and end all in measuring copy effectiveness after all

If it's 8 sales for 15 people, the copy as it stands is excellent

If it's 8 sales in 400... it's still not actually that bad... but could certainly be tweaked.

So EasilyDoable had a conversion rate of 3.5%

And MyBalloonBiz had a conversion rate of 3.4%

There are some circles that would say this kind of conversion rate for untargetd traffic was pretty good, and that you should focus more heavily on traffic generation.

Others would say keep tweaking your copy to increase the conversions.

Only thing I could think of off of the top of my head is to really focus on the benefits of your system, and not balloons. Just throw balloons in as a minor sidenote, to make the 'myballoonbiz' domain name and report name relevant.

In fact, it might be a good idea to simply say:

"LET ME BE CLEAR: This report is NOT about balloons... this is simply the offline business model I use to earn $300 per day, that eliminates all risk for my clients, meaning I get a LOT of business... I just happen to do it with balloons! But you can try it with anything as I'll show you inside the report."

So the best points of your system are:

• Massive targetted offline traffic for your product (meaning higher exposure and in turn sales)
• Risk Free for the client / partner (making client getting easier and enhancing your opportunities)
• Concept can be applied to other businesses and similar ideas (no chance the method will become saturated, the prospect will always be able to profit).
• Minimal cost to test the market (you don't need to spend anymore than $10 to find out if a market is viable)

You can say 'I do this with balloons, but inside I show you how you can take this simple idea and apply it anywhere!... you may find something that'll earn you far beyond the $300 per day I show you in this report"

You know... something like that

In the last 3 days, I've received 5 orders from easilydoable.com and 3 orders from myballoonbiz.com. That tells me that the copy is not horrible but it can certainly use improvement.
That’s fantastic.
As I said the acid test is are they buying. If they are buying you have a starting place.

I have a control add I tweaked for ten years. It booked me out every time I sent it. I don’t run that business any more, but I still have thousands in storage in my garage, I printed that many because it was a money maker.
Some changes were purely cosmetic. Others were seasonal, there was the Xmas version, the Easter version, the school holiday version etc…I still get calls several years later. The letter was so good only the season was changed, and the product modified slightly to deliver on the promise.

This letter was tweaked for years and went out 50 /50 with a control that got 50%+ conversion. But here is the real key. I knew the market and I spoke directly to them.

From a copy perspective your copy is not good, but if it is converting then, nothing else matters.
What you, I or anyone else thinks about the copy is irrelevant. People are voting for it.You need to find out why and improve on it.

On a second note consider this**** This is a fundamental copy error
Your post was misunderstood, so your copy and intent was not clear. No great copy should make that mistake.

I think your copy on the sites makes the same mistake.

If people accept 1-2% return as normal, that’s their problem.
The internet is full of so called copy experts now. Ask some of these experts for their controls and the results their controls get.

I am talking about copy that converts much higher.
Buy any good course on copywriting and they will tell you the same.


Find copy that inspires you to buy and emulate not copy, but start from something that is already good.

My no non-sense report gives you step-by-step
This no non-sense or you get a non-nonsense etc.

The acid test is if they are buying tweak, but tweak from great and not 1-2% results.

Thanks again for your feedback Adam and Kiteg2. I am still new to this forum and I am not use to receiving so much useful feedback and critique from people who don't expect anything in return so I am truly grateful to both of you for taking time to respond.

I think the reason myballoonbiz.com is getting a 3.4% conversion rate is because I am driving traffic to that site by forming a relationship with them in this and other forums. This probably makes the copy on my site less relevant.

The EasilyDoable website is on clickbank so it's the affiliates that are doing all the promoting.

I will continue to tweak my copy and hope that some day it does reach a 50% conversion rate because what I am offering is truly a unique opportunity that I've personally used and continue to profit from.

Thanks
-Samir

Good man

Gotta say as well, Kite... thought you were being kind of an arsehole in the beginning when you just slammed the copy (:p) but you turned out to be giving some really thoughtful advice, so my apologies for misjudging you the first time around.

It's times like this Samir that making minor tweaks may or may not be enough, no one can tell.

I would think though, that minor tweaks would only find minor improvements... although there are stories that contradict that entirely.

So I'd say you have three options:

1) Continue tweaking it yourself and hope for improvements here and there

2) Have a legitimate copywriter revamp the whole sales letter and start from scratch

3) Learn copywriting yourself, then make improvements or do a revamp.

Or... of course you can just leave it as it is and pump out more traffic

It's entirely your choice sir but I hope whatever you choose to do brings you success.

Glad we could help mate, take it easy

Adam

Lifes to short to waste like that.
I don't pull punches as that would not help,
Personally I hope this project comes good.

The first site's domain name is catchy and easy to remember. And maybe you could put some color into your background? Its all too white and somewhat clinical for a site distributing balloons, that is.

As a person who bought your report, actually tried it and endorsed your product as EASILY DOABLE,

I'd like to see you use a "vendo-matic" type page and put it into the rotation to test, my best educated guess is it will outpull what you have now.

On your current promotions, I'd move the testys up, it looks like at least four of your endorsements came from SowPub. I'd be glad to endorse it too, but as for the copy, it is my opinion, you don't need much help in the copy...

So, shoot me an email gjabiz@yahoo.com and I'll help you create a "vendo-matic" site which may be what you need.

gjabiz Gordon Alexander

PS. Just a side note, you might want to use paydotcom.com too, some prefer it for these smaller reports.

Hi Gordon...it's great to see you on WF. I am glad you found me here and I would love to hear your "vendo-matic" idea. I am actually also looking forward to reading your old posts here as I am sure you've provided some valuable insights to WF just as you've done and continue to do on sowpub.

Will be sending you an email in a minute.

Thanks!
-Samir

Both are pretty good, though the first is more readable and more positive, which is normally a good thing.

Samir,
Just a quick graphic design concept that will make it much easier on the eye is to left-justify instead of centering it. The ragged left side is difficult for the eye to follow.

:-Don

Gordon,

I'll play stupid. What is a vendo-matic webpage? A quick Google search gave me a site about a software. The page was simple, very easy to read, about 500 pixels wide with an easy on the eye background area around the 500 pixel wide part with the sales letter.

Is that it?

Thanks

:-Don

Multivariate testing over a long period of time will be able to give you a better answer than anyone here as results speak for themselves.