NEW TITLE: When Copywriters Write Love Letters...

by Toniy
44 replies
(Formerly this post was titled: The First Time I Truly Realised The Power Of Copywriting... adjustments made after post #4, #6 and obviously #10 and #11...)

The First Time I Truly Realised The Power Of Copywriting...

And I didn't write a word...


BACKGROUND: I was drinking a lot of wine with my best buddy, which would instantly lend the cynics to 'so you sold to your best friend while he was drunk... way to go doooooood...'

Well... shut up :p

We were talking about something deeply philosophical like 'what defines a good looking person'... which led onto something like 'men don't have to be good looking, they just need to make you feel a certain way and that makes them 'good looking', or at least people ignore your weird face'.

Might be the same for women, but we aren't women, so I couldn't say.

Anyway from there I told him 'you'd make a good copywriter man... not only do you know how important it is to inspire a feeling in someone, you know how to do it too'.

I then went on to explain:

'You can ask someone for anything... and whether they give it to you or not depends on how they feel about it...

If I were to ask you for £100 today with the promise I'd pay you back at some point and left it at that, you wouldn't give it to me."

He nodded. I continued...

"If I told asked you for £100 today and promised to give you £120 one month from now... you'd probably still say no"

He sat silent. I continued...

"You're more likely to say yes than with the first one, because it's a better offer... but you're still not feeling it and you'd probably try and duck out of it politely"

He said 'sure'. I continued...

"Now if I said to you, give me £100 today and in one month I'll give you £120 back, which means in a month you'll have in your hands £120 to spend on whatever you want... new clothes, new shoes... take your girl out for dinner... an expensive dinner at that and just think how appreciative she'd be of you for treating her like that..."

And he did one of those short, sharp, nasally exhalation type laughs... you know like when somone tells you a joke that you aren't really listening to, but you catch the end and it actually makes you laugh... and when you just 'get it' you go 'hfff' You know what I mean.

But it's at that point I realised... I just sold to my best friend without even trying

I asked "I noticed you just sort of snorted there... is that because you realised I'd just made you want me to ask to borrow £100".

And he said 'yeah'.

It was totally natural, I barely even had to think about what I was saying... and it was then I felt the true power of persuasion and influence that is copy.

So let's get a dialogue going... (asking for the sale)

When did you first realise you were persuasive and it was awesome?
#copywriting #power #realised #time
  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Way to go Alex

    There's something really special about getting a good response from something YOU'VE created yourself... unbeatable in many regards.

    Cheers



    Edit: 'Alex's' post seems to have disappeared... I swear I wasn't talking to myself... Damnit I should've quoted....
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Back in the days before the internet existed, I'd write
      small direct response newspaper ads and run them
      in the cities around me.

      Women would phone in, and I'd have my pitch sell them I had the
      best solution to lose weight.

      I'd get them to go to the bank and deposit the money.

      If they preferred to pay by credit card, I'd get an associate
      to process it for me. Sometimes it would take him 2 days or even longer.

      It can be likened to traffic and conversion.

      I had to get people to phone in and then make the sale.

      That's when I realized the power of a great sales message, in print
      and over the phone.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author Toniy
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Back in the days before the internet existed, I'd write
        small direct response newspaper ads and run them
        in the cities around me.

        Women would phone in, and I'd have my pitch sell them I had the
        best solution to lose weight.

        I'd get them to go to the bank and deposit the money.

        If they preferred to pay by credit card, I'd get an associate
        to process it for me. Sometimes it would take him 2 days or even longer.

        It can be likened to traffic and conversion.

        I had to get people to phone in and then make the sale.

        That's when I realized the power of a great sales message, in print
        and over the phone.

        Best,
        Ewen
        Nice... did you consider yourself a 'copywriter' back then or did it just fall into place?

        There doesn't seem to be any kind of focus on this method of marketing anymore... I have to wonder just how effective it might be nowadays... surely there's still some kick to it?
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Originally Posted by Toniy View Post

          Nice... did you consider yourself a 'copywriter' back then or did it just fall into place?

          There doesn't seem to be any kind of focus on this method of marketing anymore... I have to wonder just how effective it might be nowadays... surely there's still some kick to it?
          No never heard of the word copywriter back then.

          Just knew the difference between direct response ads and image advertising.

          I knew which side of the fence I wanted to be on.

          As far as it working today...nothing changes, having the right
          message in front of the right person at the right time will always
          work if you can do it profitably.

          Best,
          Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author EricMN
    I guess I just realized it now, but I think my first direct copywriting experience was my best campaign ever -- 100% conversion rate!

    I wrote a love letter in middle school.

    We were dating a week later!

    It was a limited time offer and there was only one product left. . .

    It was so effective, I was contacted IN PERSON.

    So I guess you could say that was my first direct response experience. :p


    P.S. The most important important part of the dating scene is the call to action. Especially on the 3rd date.
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    • Profile picture of the author Toniy
      Originally Posted by EricMN View Post

      I guess I just realized it now, but I think my first direct copywriting experience was my best campaign ever -- 100% conversion rate!

      I wrote a love letter in middle school.

      We were dating a week later!

      It was a limited time offer and there was only one product left. . .

      It was so effective, I was contacted IN PERSON.

      So I guess you could say that was my first direct response experience. :p


      P.S. The most important important part of the dating scene is the call to action. Especially on the 3rd date.
      You've just inspired me... give me a minute...
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  • Profile picture of the author Studio13
    My mom gave me a funny lesson, that sparked my interest in the power of persuasive speech (and writing!)

    She would say, "Would you rather do the dishes, or take out the trash first?"

    ..well obviously take out the trash, it took way longer to do the dishes.

    Wait a minute, she was giving me the idea that I had a choice in the matter, but either one I choose she was winning.

    So one day after being picked up late after school, just getting out of detention and I asked her, "Would you like to discipline me now, or wait till we get home?"

    Thank goodness she choose the later of the two, all my friends were watching. -_-
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Studio - You know man, I'm really starting to enjoy what you've got'ta say Smart move... I think I tried that once and said 'look... you can stand here for the next 20 minutes telling me what I already know, I messed up, and I'll apologise and so on so forth... or we can state for the record now that I realise my mistake and I won't do it again'.

    ... she went for the 20 minute option. My copy sucked back then :p

    Ewen - Really well said mate, cheers. And beautifully simple, to the point I think every young marketer should have that pinned next to his laptop... 'The right message in front of the right person at the right time...'

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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Originally Posted by Toniy

    You've just inspired me... give me a minute...
    OK... I've done it. I've finally done it.

    I know I said I'd just be a minute, and it's been more like three hours... but here it is.

    The Copywriter's Love Letter... Inspired by EricMN...

    And I was expecting to get an early night...

    Christ, what is wrong with me...


    Originally Posted by EricMN View Post

    I guess I just realized it now, but I think my first direct copywriting experience was my best campaign ever -- 100% conversion rate!

    I wrote a love letter in middle school.
    HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?


    To My Angel,

    Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you... but I've been asking myself the very same question for the past couple of nights...

    Personally, I sleep alone in a big, comfy... but empty bed... The cold half of the mattress, a stark reminder of what's missing. I've been thinking about that painfully absent feeling I treasured so dearly, of rolling over lazily and cuddling up close to another warm body...

    I'd wrap my arm round my bedmate, almost like an extra blanket, and squeeze just ever so gently. You remember that feeling don't you? That feeling of safety, security and affection...

    And that first hazy glance as the morning presents itself... your eyes open, a smile greets you, and you turn to embrace your lover with a soft passion only the two of you share.

    But before I go on... I need to make sure we're both on the same page:
    • Do you enjoy the feeling of an empty bed?
    • Do you like the fact your bed feels colder now in summer than it did in the winter?
    • Are you happy that you don't have anyone beside you to hold you close?
    I'm hoping your answer to all of those things is a resounding 'NO!'... because you deserve so much better than that...

    You Deserve So Much More...

    Wouldn't you prefer:
    • Someone to welcome you home when you get in from another exhausting day at the office, ready and waiting to listen to how your day went while giving you a massage?
    • Knowing that you've got nothing to do on a saturday morning except enjoy your freshly squeezed orange juice and breakfast in bed?
    • To lay in the arms of someone who cares about you so much, they'll run their fingers across your back and stroke your hair until you fall asleep?
    If you're now saying 'YES' as your heart flutters with desire and your mind races with all those seductive thoughts and dreamy sensations that await you... then we have something to discuss.

    I know, as well as you do, that life is just better when you have someone special to share it with. Food tastes better on your lips, the air feels fresher on your skin, and everything just seems right with the world... and it is, because you're in love.

    You've almost got it all... you've got the amazing career, you're in fantastic shape, you've got your whole life ahead of you... now you just need someone to share it with, so you can take your life from a 10... to an 11.

    With someone special in your life, you'll have:
    • A partner in crime - so there's always someone to support you with all your dreams and aspirations, and you'll always know that 'baby... you're doin' great'
    • Someone to come home to - they're eager to hear every little detail you have to share, while making you dinner and laying out the scented oils for the back rub you so desperately crave... will it be grapeseed, or coconut tonight? You deserve it...
    • Someone who will always have your best interests at heart - so you can relax, have some fun and go make a mistake or two... don't worry, it's cool... "I accept you, and I love you"
    • A world of endless possibility to enjoy - so you can find the secrets of what 'two heads are better than one' really means (hint: It's what happens when the other head's existence is dedicated purely to making you smile)
    • Every night to look forward to - be it passion, lust or just gentle cuddling as you both drift away into each other's dreams... always warm, always safe, always loved, adored and admired...

    You've read this far, so you must agree... your life can only get better with someone to share it with...

    Avoid The Same Mistakes 95% Of Women Make When Choosing Their Lover...

    But some girls make the mistake of settling for second best... Some girls go for:
    • Bad Boys - Exciting, sure, but only for a while. The act gets old quickly and sooner or later you realise, you can't save him, you can't make him better, because he's a born loser and he REALLY doesn't deserve you... stop the charity and start looking out for number one.
    • Losers - They're whimsical charm stops being charming real fast... then all you're left with is a leech and a drag... same advice darlin'... find yourself a man that KNOWS how special you are, and wants to GIVE BACK to you everything you give, and more...
    • Closet Homosexuals - Sure he dressed really well, and was really in tune with your emotions... but he was going through an experimental stage? Honey are you a science lab... Or a proud woman deserving of love, romance and passion?
    • Lesbians - Because men are 'dirt' and lesbians know 'just' the right way to use their own equipment ? Well I'm sorry to say you've just never been with a Man who cares enough to do a little homework. And that kind of man has mastery over something that a lesbian will NEVER be able to compete with... you know what I'm talking about.

    So what's the alternative?

    You might be asking right now... so what's left?

    Clingy guys? Poor guys? Ugly Guys? Boring Guys?

    No, no... far from it. Something better. Something much, much better. Something good. Something that'll ignite the wanton lust and desire you've kept extinguished for so long...

    We've both agreed already that everything gets better with a special someone...

    Now what if that 'special someone' could turn out to be 'Your Perfect Guy?'

    How To Find Your Perfect Guy... (and keep him forever)

    You remember... that Man you dreamed of being with ever since you were a little girl... your knight in shining armour... your beloved.

    The man who lives, breathes, works and bleeds for you, and the honour of calling your heart his own.

    You probably decided he didn't exist a long time ago... to save yourself from hopeless disappointment. Well it's time to start dreaming again...

    Because here's a little secret...

    He's real. He's very real... He's right here... and He's been waiting for you...

    ... and you're reading his letter.

    The missing piece of the puzzle is now yours to be had, forever and always.

    This man is ready to take you, love you, and give you the life you desire.

    I know your dreams, I know your desires... and I can bring them all to your feet.

    Let's Take It Slow...

    But I don't want you to get ahead of yourself... this is a serious choice you have to make, so I want to make you clear on a few things:
    • I will never stray, never cheat, never even glance at another woman because I don't need to, and I don't want to... You tick every box for me. If I could have created my perfect women, she wouldn't have held a candle to you. You're amazing.
    • I have my own business that doesn't require me to be at an office at all hours... It's mostly on autopilot so we have plenty of time and money to go away on vacation, shop til we drop and eat at the fanciest restaurants (in the most glorious evening wear!)
    • I'm handsome, I'll stay that way... my health and vitality is almost as important to me as you are so you can rest assured that I'll be around to love you and please you for a LONG time to come.
    • I'm big and strong, so you'll always feel small in my arms, and I can throw you playfully around the bedroom, or the park, whichever...
    • My only aim in bed is to make you feel good... I expect nothing from you, I only want to know your body better than I know my own.
    • I will always be honest and I always expect open communication. If you've got a problem, tell me... if I've done something to piss you off, tell me, and we'll get past it before it ever becomes a problem and we can stay happy, bright... and we'll never be able to help smiling at each other.
    • I want a family of beautiful, healthy children that I know you're the only one who could provide. I want to grow old with you and see our children have children. I want to watch them play in our garden and call us over to play piggy-back and swingball.

    By The Lake... And Then Coffee

    So I'm asking you, today, meet me at the park, by the lake so we can talk some more... I'll be there at 1pm and I'll wait until 2pm... and then I'll be gone. Forever.

    As much as I adore you, I have love and respect for myself as well. I know better than to be with someone who doesn't appreciate how happy I could make them, and just how rare it is to find someone like me.

    If they don't see the benefits, if they don't want what I have to offer.. then I will move on. I have too much self-respect to be treated any less than I deserve.

    Of course you could say no...

    You could ignore this letter, spend the rest of your day doing... whatever, by yourself... and go to sleep tonight once again, cold and lonely.

    Then maybe in six months time, you'll find yourself just as alone, just as tired, asking yourself 'why aren't I happy now? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?'...

    Or maybe even worse... you've started a new relationship with the WRONG person... they don't appreciate you, they ignore you most of the time, or maybe they're just really clingly and you feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time.

    Let's fast forward 60 years or so... you're sitting alone one day on a bench in the same park I've asked you to meet me at today... a string of failed relationships behind you... and you see me walk by, arm in arm with another woman... you see us smiling, laughing, and just so clearly in love with one another even after all these years, never needing another person to complete us.

    We walk past you, you're ignored completely. That's no big deal... you never knew what it was like to be truly loved anyway... but you have to ask yourself... "What would my life have been like if I'd just gone to meet him at the park that one afternoon?"

    WELL, SNAP OUT OF IT!

    Put a smile on your face... I've got good news.

    Because Baby... we're not gonna let that happen! I'm still here, and you can still have me.

    I'm not expecting you to rush into this... that would be nuts, even for crazy romantics like us... so here's the thing...

    You meet me at the lake. We'll go grab some coffee, and we'll talk things out...

    You decide if I'm handsome enough for you...
    You decide if I make you laugh enough...
    You decide if the way I look into your eyes makes you lose your mind...

    ... and if you like what you see, and you like what you feel... only THEN we'll take it further.

    There's nothing to lose... except your chance at happiness.

    So Where Do We Go From Here...

    Here's what's going to happen:

    - You're going to finish reading this letter.

    - You're going to go and take a nice hot bath.

    - You're going to put on your best underwear, your cutest dress and you might even decide to put on a little make up too... even though you don't need it.

    - You're going to head out the door with butterflies in your stomach and a grin on your face that you just can't shake...

    - You're going to walk to the park, stroll down to the lake, sit beside me and look deeply into my eyes and I'll say to you...

    "Baby... I want you... I yearn for you... I think I might just ****ing love you"

    ... And the rest, we'll make history.

    You and me baby... partners in crime... lovers in paradise.

    I'll see you soon...

    Yours,

    Toniy

    p.s. I know this is kind of an unusual way to get your attention but the fact is I really dig you. I think you're cool, I think your fun (and funny) and I love being around you. I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, I love the feeling you give me when you're around and I want to give the same back to you.

    So if you want to finally tell your parents 'I've met someone really special... I think you'll like him'... if you want to start planning your dream vacation, if you want to climb into bed tonight and feel the warmth of my skin against yours, and get goosebumps as my breath dances across your neck... then come meet me at the lake today at 1pm...

    There's nothing to lose... everything to gain... and after all, it's just coffee.
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    • Profile picture of the author Louis Di Bianco
      Originally Posted by Toniy View Post

      OK... I've done it. I've finally done it.

      I know I said I'd just be a minute, and it's been more like three hours... but here it is.

      The Copywriter's Love Letter... Inspired by EricMN...

      And I was expecting to get an early night...

      Christ, what is wrong with me...




      HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?


      To My Angel,

      Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you... but I've been asking myself the very same question for the past couple of nights...

      Personally, I sleep alone in a big, comfy... but empty bed... The cold half of the mattress, a stark reminder of what's missing. I've been thinking about that painfully absent feeling I treasured so dearly, of rolling over lazily and cuddling up close to another warm body...

      I'd wrap my arm round my bedmate, almost like an extra blanket, and squeeze just ever so gently. You remember that feeling don't you? That feeling of safety, security and affection...

      And that first hazy glance as the morning presents itself... your eyes open, a smile greets you, and you turn to embrace your lover with a soft passion only the two of you share.

      But before I go on... I need to make sure we're both on the same page:
      • Do you enjoy the feeling of an empty bed?
      • Do you like the fact your bed feels colder now in summer than it did in the winter?
      • Are you happy that you don't have anyone beside you to hold you close?
      I'm hoping your answer to all of those things is a resounding 'NO!'... because you deserve so much better than that...

      You Deserve So Much More...

      Wouldn't you prefer:
      • Someone to welcome you home when you get in from another exhausting day at the office, ready and waiting to listen to how your day went while giving you a massage?
      • Knowing that you've got nothing to do on a saturday morning except enjoy your freshly squeezed orange juice and breakfast in bed?
      • To lay in the arms of someone who cares about you so much, they'll run their fingers across your back and stroke your hair until you fall asleep?
      If you're now saying 'YES' as your heart flutters with desire and your mind races with all those seductive thoughts and dreamy sensations that await you... then we have something to discuss.

      I know, as well as you do, that life is just better when you have someone special to share it with. Food tastes better on your lips, the air feels fresher on your skin, and everything just seems right with the world... and it is, because you're in love.

      You've almost got it all... you've got the amazing career, you're in fantastic shape, you've got your whole life ahead of you... now you just need someone to share it with, so you can take your life from a 10... to an 11.

      With someone special in your life, you'll have:
      • A partner in crime - so there's always someone to support you with all your dreams and aspirations, and you'll always know that 'baby... you're doin' great'
      • Someone to come home to - they're eager to hear every little detail you have to share, while making you dinner and laying out the scented oils for the back rub you so desperately crave... will it be grapeseed, or coconut tonight? You deserve it...
      • Someone who will always have your best interests at heart - so you can relax, have some fun and go make a mistake or two... don't worry, it's cool... "I accept you, and I love you"
      • A world of endless possibility to enjoy - so you can find the secrets of what 'two heads are better than one' really means (hint: It's what happens when the other head's existence is dedicated purely to making you smile)
      • Every night to look forward to - be it passion, lust or just gentle cuddling as you both drift away into each other's dreams... always warm, always safe, always loved, adored and admired...

      You've read this far, so you must agree... your life can only get better with someone to share it with...

      Avoid The Same Mistakes 95% Of Women Make When Choosing Their Lover...

      But some girls make the mistake of settling for second best... Some girls go for:
      • Bad Boys - Exciting, sure, but only for a while. The act gets old quickly and sooner or later you realise, you can't save him, you can't make him better, because he's a born loser and he REALLY doesn't deserve you... stop the charity and start looking out for number one.
      • Losers - They're whimsical charm stops being charming real fast... then all you're left with is a leech and a drag... same advice darlin'... find yourself a man that KNOWS how special you are, and wants to GIVE BACK to you everything you give, and more...
      • Closet Homosexuals - Sure he dressed really well, and was really in tune with your emotions... but he was going through an experimental stage? Honey are you a science lab... Or a proud woman deserving of love, romance and passion?
      • Lesbians - Because men are 'dirt' and lesbians know 'just' the right way to use their own equipment ? Well I'm sorry to say you've just never been with a Man who cares enough to do a little homework. And that kind of man has mastery over something that a lesbian will NEVER be able to compete with... you know what I'm talking about.

      So what's the alternative?

      You might be asking right now... so what's left?

      Clingy guys? Poor guys? Ugly Guys? Boring Guys?

      No, no... far from it. Something better. Something much, much better. Something good. Something that'll ignite the wanton lust and desire you've kept extinguished for so long...

      We've both agreed already that everything gets better with a special someone...

      Now what if that 'special someone' could turn out to be 'Your Perfect Guy?'

      How To Find Your Perfect Guy... (and keep him forever)

      You remember... that Man you dreamed of being with ever since you were a little girl... your knight in shining armour... your beloved.

      The man who lives, breathes, works and bleeds for you, and the honour of calling your heart his own.

      You probably decided he didn't exist a long time ago... to save yourself from hopeless disappointment. Well it's time to start dreaming again...

      Because here's a little secret...

      He's real. He's very real... He's right here... and He's been waiting for you...

      ... and you're reading his letter.

      The missing piece of the puzzle is now yours to be had, forever and always.

      This man is ready to take you, love you, and give you the life you desire.

      I know your dreams, I know your desires... and I can bring them all to your feet.

      Let's Take It Slow...

      But I don't want you to get ahead of yourself... this is a serious choice you have to make, so I want to make you clear on a few things:
      • I will never stray, never cheat, never even glance at another woman because I don't need to, and I don't want to... You tick every box for me. If I could have created my perfect women, she wouldn't have held a candle to you. You're amazing.
      • I have my own business that doesn't require me to be at an office at all hours... It's mostly on autopilot so we have plenty of time and money to go away on vacation, shop til we drop and eat at the fanciest restaurants (in the most glorious evening wear!)
      • I'm handsome, I'll stay that way... my health and vitality is almost as important to me as you are so you can rest assured that I'll be around to love you and please you for a LONG time to come.
      • I'm big and strong, so you'll always feel small in my arms, and I can throw you playfully around the bedroom, or the park, whichever...
      • My only aim in bed is to make you feel good... I expect nothing from you, I only want to know your body better than I know my own.
      • I will always be honest and I always expect open communication. If you've got a problem, tell me... if I've done something to piss you off, tell me, and we'll get past it before it ever becomes a problem and we can stay happy, bright... and we'll never be able to help smiling at each other.
      • I want a family of beautiful, healthy children that I know you're the only one who could provide. I want to grow old with you and see our children have children. I want to watch them play in our garden and call us over to play piggy-back and swingball.

      By The Lake... And Then Coffee

      So I'm asking you, today, meet me at the park, by the lake so we can talk some more... I'll be there at 1pm and I'll wait until 2pm... and then I'll be gone. Forever.

      As much as I adore you, I have love and respect for myself as well. I know better than to be with someone who doesn't appreciate how happy I could make them, and just how rare it is to find someone like me.

      If they don't see the benefits, if they don't want what I have to offer.. then I will move on. I have too much self-respect to be treated any less than I deserve.

      Of course you could say no...

      You could ignore this letter, spend the rest of your day doing... whatever, by yourself... and go to sleep tonight once again, cold and lonely.

      Then maybe in six months time, you'll find yourself just as alone, just as tired, asking yourself 'why aren't I happy now? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?'...

      Or maybe even worse... you've started a new relationship with the WRONG person... they don't appreciate you, they ignore you most of the time, or maybe they're just really clingly and you feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time.

      Let's fast forward 60 years or so... you're sitting alone one day on a bench in the same park I've asked you to meet me at today... a string of failed relationships behind you... and you see me walk by, arm in arm with another woman... you see us smiling, laughing, and just so clearly in love with one another even after all these years, never needing another person to complete us.

      We walk past you, you're ignored completely. That's no big deal... you never knew what it was like to be truly loved anyway... but you have to ask yourself... "What would my life have been like if I'd just gone to meet him at the park that one afternoon?"

      WELL, SNAP OUT OF IT!

      Put a smile on your face... I've got good news.

      Because Baby... we're not gonna let that happen! I'm still here, and you can still have me.

      I'm not expecting you to rush into this... that would be nuts, even for crazy romantics like us... so here's the thing...

      You meet me at the lake. We'll go grab some coffee, and we'll talk things out...

      You decide if I'm handsome enough for you...
      You decide if I make you laugh enough...
      You decide if the way I look into your eyes makes you lose your mind...

      ... and if you like what you see, and you like what you feel... only THEN we'll take it further.

      There's nothing to lose... except your chance at happiness.

      So Where Do We Go From Here...

      Here's what's going to happen:

      - You're going to finish reading this letter.

      - You're going to go and take a nice hot bath.

      - You're going to put on your best underwear, your cutest dress and you might even decide to put on a little make up too... even though you don't need it.

      - You're going to head out the door with butterflies in your stomach and a grin on your face that you just can't shake...

      - You're going to walk to the park, stroll down to the lake, sit beside me and look deeply into my eyes and I'll say to you...

      "Baby... I want you... I yearn for you... I think I might just ****ing love you"

      ... And the rest, we'll make history.

      You and me baby... partners in crime... lovers in paradise.

      I'll see you soon...

      Yours,

      Toniy

      p.s. I know this is kind of an unusual way to get your attention but the fact is I really dig you. I think you're cool, I think your fun (and funny) and I love being around you. I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, I love the feeling you give me when you're around and I want to give the same back to you.

      So if you want to finally tell your parents 'I've met someone really special... I think you'll like him'... if you want to start planning your dream vacation, if you want to climb into bed tonight and feel the warmth of my skin against yours, and get goosebumps as my breath dances across your neck... then come meet me at the lake today at 1pm...

      There's nothing to lose... everything to gain... and after all, it's just coffee.
      Love the letter, Toniy. It's an engaging movie. It has a protagonist I care about. He's funny, vulnerable, and strong. He awakens my empathy. He's original, sensitive, and bold. What's not to like?
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    This time... with notes



    HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
    (Attention Grabbing Headline)

    To My Angel, (assumptive language)

    Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you... but I've been asking myself the very same question for the past couple of nights... (relating)

    (Story to build rapport and interest) Personally, I sleep alone in a big, comfy... but empty bed... The cold half of the mattress, a stark reminder of what's missing. (priming emotional triggers) I've been thinking about that painfully absent feeling I treasured so dearly (adding value), of rolling over lazily and cuddling up close to another warm body (vivid imagery)...

    I'd wrap my arm round my bedmate (vague, but still vivid), almost like an extra blanket (mindreading the prospect's associations, demonstrating authority and expertise), and squeeze just ever so gently. You remember that feeling don't you? (asking questions to engage the reader) That feeling of safety, security and affection... (further pulling at desires using emotional imagery)

    And that first hazy glance as the morning presents itself... your eyes open, a smile greets you, and you turn to embrace your lover with a soft passion only the two of you share.

    But before I go on... I need to make sure we're both on the same page: (qualifying the prospect)
    • Do you enjoy the feeling of an empty bed?
    • Do you like the fact your bed feels colder now in summer than it did in the winter?
    • Are you happy that you don't have anyone beside you to hold you close? (obvious answers to all is No... making them aware of the pain of their problem, while highlighting positive words to avoid too depressing an atmosphere)
    I'm hoping your answer to all of those things is a resounding 'NO!'... because you deserve so much better than that...

    You Deserve So Much More...

    (Subheadlines to break up the text, make it appear more readable)

    Wouldn't you prefer:
    • Someone to welcome you home when you get in from another exhausting day at the office, ready and waiting to listen to how your day went while giving you a massage?
    • Knowing that you've got nothing to do on a saturday morning except enjoy your freshly squeezed orange juice and breakfast in bed?
    • To lay in the arms of someone who cares about you so much, they'll run their fingers across your back and stroke your hair until you fall asleep? (getting a 'Yes' ladder going)
    If you're now saying 'YES' as your heart flutters with desire and your mind races with all those seductive thoughts and dreamy sensations that await you... then we have something to discuss. (leading statement)

    I know, as well as you do, that life is just better when you have someone special to share it with. Food tastes better on your lips, the air feels fresher on your skin, and everything just seems right with the world... and it is, because you're in love. (relating, stimulating desire by addressing unspoken wants)

    You've almost got it all... you've got the amazing career, you're in fantastic shape, you've got your whole life ahead of you... now you just need someone to share it with, so you can take your life from a 10... to an 11. (make the prospect feel good, while creating a 'need' rather than a want... also a vague Spinal Tap reference, knowledge of Spinal Tap is required for the prospect)

    With someone special in your life, you'll have: (again, associating wants and desires with impending offer, framing it as a need as opposed to just a luxury)
    • A partner in crime - so there's always someone to support you with all your dreams and aspirations, and you'll always know that 'baby... you're doin' great'
    • Someone to come home to - they're eager to hear every little detail you have to share, while making you dinner and laying out the scented oils for the back rub you so desperately crave... will it be grapeseed, or coconut tonight? You deserve it...
    • Someone who will always have your best interests at heart - so you can relax, have some fun and go make a mistake or two... don't worry, it's cool... "I accept you, and I love you"
    • A world of endless possibility to enjoy - so you can find the secrets of what 'two heads are better than one' really means (hint: It's what happens when the other head's existence is dedicated purely to making you smile)
    • Every night to look forward to - be it passion, lust or just gentle cuddling as you both drift away into each other's dreams... always warm, always safe, always loved, adored and admired...
    Avoid The Same Mistakes 95% Of Women Make When Choosing Their Lover...

    You've read this far, so you must agree... (assumptive language) your life can only get better with someone to share it with...

    But some girls make the mistake of settling for second best (eliminating alternatives)... Some girls go for:
    • Bad Boys - Exciting, sure, but only for a while. The act gets old quickly and sooner or later you realise, you can't save him, you can't make him better, because he's a born loser and he REALLY doesn't deserve you... stop the charity and start looking out for number one.
    • Losers - They're whimsical charm stops being charming real fast... then all you're left with is a leech and a drag... same advice darlin'... find yourself a man that KNOWS how special you are, and wants to GIVE BACK to you everything you give, and more...
    • Closet Homosexuals - Sure he dressed really well, and was really in tune with your emotions... but he was going through an experimental stage? Honey are you a science lab... Or a proud woman deserving of love, romance and passion?
    • Lesbians - Because men are 'dirt' and lesbians know 'just' the right way to use their own equipment ? Well I'm sorry to say you've just never been with a Man who cares enough to do a little homework. And that kind of man has mastery over something that a lesbian will NEVER be able to compete with... you know what I'm talking about.

    So what's the alternative? (presenting offer)

    You might be asking right now... so what's left?

    Clingy guys? Poor guys? Ugly Guys? Boring Guys?

    No, no... far from it. Something better. Something much, much better. Something good. Something that'll ignite the wanton lust and desire you've kept extinguished for so long... (stepping up desire)

    We've both agreed already that everything gets better with a special someone... (logic to tie in with emotion)

    Now what if that 'special someone' could turn out to be 'Your Perfect Guy?' (ultimate desire, possessive as though 'it was made just for you')

    How To Find Your Perfect Guy... (and keep him forever)

    You remember... that Man you dreamed of being with ever since you were a little girl... your knight in shining armour... your beloved. (want)

    The man who lives, breathes, works and bleeds for you, and the honour of calling your heart his own. (want)

    You probably decided he didn't exist a long time ago... to save yourself from hopeless disappointment. Well it's time to start dreaming again...

    Because here's a little secret... (presenting offer with leading language, building anticipation)

    He's real. He's very real... He's right here... and He's been waiting for you... (putting prospect in the mindset of having already taken the offer, it belonging to them)

    ... and you're reading his letter.

    The missing piece of the puzzle is now yours to be had, forever and always.

    This man is ready to take you, love you, and give you the life you desire. (want)

    I know your dreams, I know your desires... and I can bring them all to your feet. (want)

    Let's Take It Slow...

    But I don't want you to get ahead of yourself... this is a serious choice you have to make, so I want to make you clear on a few things: (more qualification, making them realise THIS is the perfect offer for them)
    • I will never stray, never cheat, never even glance at another woman because I don't need to, and I don't want to... You tick every box for me. If I could have created my perfect women, she wouldn't have held a candle to you. You're amazing.
    • I have my own business that doesn't require me to be at an office at all hours... It's mostly on autopilot so we have plenty of time and money to go away on vacation, shop til we drop and eat at the fanciest restaurants (in the most glorious evening wear!)
    • I'm handsome, I'll stay that way... my health and vitality is almost as important to me as you are so you can rest assured that I'll be around to love you and please you for a LONG time to come.
    • I'm big and strong, so you'll always feel small in my arms, and I can throw you playfully around the bedroom, or the park, whichever...
    • My only aim in bed is to make you feel good... I expect nothing from you, I only want to know your body better than I know my own.
    • I will always be honest and I always expect open communication. If you've got a problem, tell me... if I've done something to piss you off, tell me, and we'll get past it before it ever becomes a problem and we can stay happy, bright... and we'll never be able to help smiling at each other.
    • I want a family of beautiful, healthy children that I know you're the only one who could provide. I want to grow old with you and see our children have children. I want to watch them play in our garden and call us over to play piggy-back and swingball.
    (emotive language, ultimate long-term benefits, reassurance)

    By The Lake... And Then Coffee

    So I'm asking you, today, meet me at the park, by the lake so we can talk some more... I'll be there at 1pm and I'll wait until 2pm... and then I'll be gone. Forever.

    As much as I adore you, I have love and respect for myself as well. I know better than to be with someone who doesn't appreciate how happy I could make them, and just how rare it is to find someone like me.

    If they don't see the benefits, if they don't want what I have to offer.. then I will move on. I have too much self-respect to be treated any less than I deserve. (scarcity, building value, time-sensitive offer)

    Of course you could say no... (immediate outcome of turning down the offer)

    You could ignore this letter, spend the rest of your day doing... whatever, by yourself... and go to sleep tonight once again, cold and lonely.

    Then maybe in six months time, (ultimate outcome of not taking the offer) you'll find yourself just as alone, just as tired, asking yourself 'why aren't I happy now? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?'...

    Or maybe even worse... you've started a new relationship with the WRONG person... they don't appreciate you, they ignore you most of the time, or maybe they're just really clingly and you feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time.

    Let's fast forward 60 years or so (eternal outcome of not taking the offer)... you're sitting alone one day on a bench in the same park I've asked you to meet me at today... a string of failed relationships behind you... and you see me walk by, arm in arm with another woman... you see us smiling, laughing, and just so clearly in love with one another even after all these years, never needing another person to complete us.

    We walk past you, you're ignored completely. That's no big deal... you never knew what it was like to be truly loved anyway... but you have to ask yourself... "What would my life have been like if I'd just gone to meet him at the park that one afternoon?"

    WELL, SNAP OUT OF IT!

    Put a smile on your face... I've got good news.

    Because Baby... we're not gonna let that happen! (pulling prospect out of the negative and back into the positive frame of mind... giving hope) I'm still here, and you can still have me.

    I'm not expecting you to rush into this... that would be nuts, (honesty, credibility) even for crazy romantics like us (relating, rapport)... so here's the thing...

    You meet me at the lake. We'll go grab some coffee, and we'll talk things out...

    You decide if I'm handsome enough for you...
    You decide if I make you laugh enough...
    You decide if the way I look into your eyes makes you lose your mind... (peaking desire)

    ... and if you like what you see, and you like what you feel... only THEN we'll take it further. (trial period, no obligation, no risk guarantee)

    There's nothing to lose... except your chance at happiness. (closing thought... 'soundbyte' to take away with them)

    So Where Do We Go From Here...

    So here's what's going to happen: (asking for the deal)

    - You're going to finish reading this letter. (explaining the process)

    - You're going to go and take a nice hot bath.

    - You're going to put on your best underwear, your cutest dress and you might even decide to put on a little make up too... even though you don't need it.

    - You're going to head out the door with butterflies in your stomach and a grin on your face that you just can't shake...

    - You're going to walk to the park, stroll down to the lake, sit beside me and look deeply into my eyes and I'll say to you...

    "Baby... I want you... I yearn for you... I think I might just ****ing love you" (creating anticipation and bold excitement)

    ... And the rest, we'll make history.

    You and me baby... partners in crime... lovers in paradise.

    I'll see you soon...

    Yours,

    Toniy

    p.s. I know this is kind of an unusual way to get your attention but the fact is I really dig you. I think you're cool, I think your fun (and funny) and I love being around you. I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, I love the feeling you give me when you're around and I want to give the same back to you. (summarising the offer)

    So if you want to finally tell your parents 'you've met someone really special... I think you'll like him'... (want) if you want to start planning your dream vacation (want), if you want to climb into bed tonight and feel the warmth of my skin against yours, and get goosebumps as my breath dances over your neck (want)... then come meet me at the lake today at 1pm...

    There's nothing to lose... everything to gain... and after all, it's just coffee (eliminating objections).
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    I'm afraid I haven't got anything quite as grand as Adam to share, but I do have a link to Gary Halbert's personal ad:

    http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/...ersonal_Ad.pdf
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
      Add a buy back in after the '60 years later' part and I think you're having "coffee" Toniy

      That was awesome.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    That's a love letter that reads like...
    a salesletter.

    A cheesy salesletter at that.

    Have another go.

    This time with the head -

    "Baby it's you"
    (sha la la la la la)
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  • Profile picture of the author TracyNeedham
    Honestly, I don't know how I'd react if I got a letter like that!

    You were doing great in the first part until the "Avoid the Same Mistakes..." and then I felt like I was reading a pitch for an info product. LOL And then for some reason, I started having flashbacks to the video of Eben's wedding vows... (that's not necessarily a good thing LOL)

    But for the right target market, it would probably be awesome.
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    Discover Easy Tweaks to Get Visitors to Buy NOW
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Andrew - That letter... It's bold, it's confident, it's refreshingly honest... I like it Anyone know the conversion rates?

    Ashley - A buy back... why didn't I think of that? Well it was late and blah, blah, blah... yeah alright... I'll use it on my next split test :p My next 60 year, illegal bigamist split test...

    Nazi - Yes Mal, sir, indeed it did But now you've put me in a tough position... Now I sound like the kid on the internet who's losing an argument and says "I TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THAT!!", which I did...

    So now I gotta write one that doesn't sound like a sales letter... which means I gotta write one that'll be taken seriously... just to prove I'm not another 2-bit copy-punk... thanks Mal :rolleyes:

    Tracy - Eben Pagan did wedding vows in copyspeak? Jesus...

    But again Tracy I really want to emphasise the point it was meant to sound like a sales letter... please believe me I wouldn't write a love letter like that :p

    Otherwise I'd have stuck it in the off-topic forum (or main forum for more views ) and titled it 'please read my cock-sucking letter!!'

    It's very sweet of you to compliment it regardless though

    Arfa - Right, that's it... that's three in a row and that's torn it. I'm hoping you all guys saw the hilarity and jest... but I can't take the risk.

    Now I'm laying it all on the line and I'm writing a legit love letter...

    Here's the job spec:

    I'm writing a love letter to a girl.
    She's a year younger, 24. (Beatles wouldn't work... MAL... :p)
    She's blonde (not that I have a preference one way or the other)
    She's German
    She studies at university and works really hard (marine biology?)
    She's not a wild party slut, she's a good, decent girl who doesn't mind a bit of wine.
    She's just come back from Germany after about three months
    I think she digs me
    She knows me, but doesn't know me well.
    We share mutual friends, who are a couple themselves.

    I think those are the standout details, and basically all I know about her.

    For those who are interested... this is a real girl I know, who I'll probably start sharking when things settle down.

    This is unlikely to be the letter I send her... because I'm unlikely to send a letter... I need my eyes for that 'heart-fluttering, lung-seizing, mind-exploding' thing girls get when I look at them ... you know, heart attack followed by some kind of violent seizure :p

    (I'm totally not as arrogant as that, I was totally playin' )

    Nah... but anyway, 'thanks' guys... I was gonna take a day off...
    Here goes...
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Toniy View Post

      Andrew - That letter... It's bold, it's confident, it's refreshingly honest... I like it Anyone know the conversions rates?
      According to Gary:

      1. It has been featured on L.A.'s largest radio station (KABC) five times.
      2. I have had two offers to write a book about the ad.
      3. I have had two offers to make a movie about the ad.
      4. I have, as a result of this ad, been introduced to and have dated the absolute hottest women in Los Angeles.
      5. And, after tiring of the activities mentioned in item #4, I have, because of this ad, settled down with a wonderful, gorgeous redhead who is the love of my life and, in my opinion, the finest woman on planet earth.
      6. As I write this, I have just been asked if I will agree to a TV interview about the ad here in L.A. on channel 9.
      7. And finally, I am now getting paid to write an ad about the ad!
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author EricMN
    LOL This thread is awesome.

    I was going to comment on the approach you used, but really it depends on your prospect. There are certain constants of attractiveness but how they are articulated varies too much. I mean. . . One may want the hopeless romantic while the other may want the boldface independent.

    BUT something else came to mind.

    Autoresponder series!

    Nothing helps along a sale like friendly reminders. What better way to get on your lady's side than to leave a note or two before you leave for work (or any circumstance where you wont be there but she will) reminding her of how great she is/the relationship is.

    And eventually you throw in a ring. . . for FREE!

    Man -- this dating thing is starting to make sense
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  • Profile picture of the author TracyNeedham
    Good, glad to hear that's not the actual letter you would send! It's got me thinking though of being more sales-y in my online dating profile. Hmmm....

    Think I could add an OTO when they try to leave my profile page?!

    LOL
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Alright, alright... I'm sorry guys but I've got to disappoint you.

    Tried putting together a 'legitimate' love letter last night with the specs I'd laid out above... but it all got a little bit too 'real' if I'm honest so thought it best to knock it on the head.

    I'm hoping we can just trust my romantic prowess is separate from my copywriting prowess...

    I hope I can be forgiven, I just felt like if and when I actually DO go after this girl... I wouldn't want to be quoting from a forum post I'd rather it be fresh and off the cuff, you know?

    But ANYWAY...



    Andy - If all goes tits up with this German girl... I'm gonna write me a personal ad The question is... which PAPER do I print it in?

    The Sun --- .... mmmm, no I don't have high hopes for that. I think I'd get an influx of gay builders.

    The Sport --- ... I don't think lesbians would dig my 'sales message' too much...

    This is embarrassing... I don't know enough about any other papers to make witty remarks. The Guardian... something about liberals? I don't know.

    I haven't read a paper since I was 14 and when I was 14 I liked looking at boobs for free so I'm a victim of my own ignorance. Once again I'm sorry to let you down...

    THE METRO!!!! - Commuters, Students, Work-shy cheapskates There's my target market...



    Eric - I'm glad we didn't delve into the 'constants of attractiveness'... I'm still recovering from my last hangover. And I know you're the reason behind this impromtu copy freestyle session... but where you saw 'autoresponder sequence' I saw 'stalker'

    Every morning, wake up, switch computer on "Hey honey... can't wait to see you later"

    3 days later "Hey baby... really enjoyed our evening together"
    (But we cancelled, she says to herself)

    2 days later "I've got some incredible news! ... I'm coming over this Saturday for one day only!"
    (I told you already I'm going to see my parents this Saturday, what are you DOING?)

    3 days later "I really love spending time with you"
    (I think I want to spend some time apart, this is getting a little bit much)

    2 days later "You look amazing today"
    (What? Where are you, How have you seen me? Did you get my last message?)

    1 day later "I've sent you some flowers - FTC says I DO need to tell you I make a commission though"
    (DID YOU GET MY LAST MESSAGE?)

    4 days later "I think it's time we take it up a notch"
    (I told you I wanted us to stop seeing each other!)

    2 days later "Let's get married... you've got 24 hours to decide"
    (Right, seriously now just... stop. This is getting weird, it was kinda funny to begin with but now it's getting creepy)

    1 day later "So how about it Mrs. ? - I've already told my parents"
    (STOP! STOP! STOP!)

    2 days later "You've made me the happiest man alive - Thankyou"
    (...)

    3 days later "How about 'Todd' for a boy and 'Gretel' for a girl?"

    ... but there's no unsubscribe link. Eerie.



    Tracy - Yeah honestly I think Malcolm ****ed it all up for us when he said it read like a sales letter :p... got people thinking "oh man... this guy was serious... he thought copyspeak worked for everything... "

    But yes it's true... I felt like writing a sales letter, decided to do a little parody, thought laughs and joy would be shared by all.

    Unfortunately as I mentioned, I can't prove the difference between Toniy copy and a Toniy love letter, so I'm just hoping for your trust

    Incidentally, what with those topless pictures of you floating around (saw the other thread :p bad luck missus, but have you ever done a search for 'Tristan Bull'?) and a One Time Offer as well?? I think you're onto a winner.

    By the way... OTO line was hilarious



    Steve - Tried it, letting you know how it went... she didn't get the reference because she's german, so I to sit her down and explain it...

    "Some people, when they have sex... afterwards they like to have a cigarette... so what I'm saying to you is that I'm SO good in bed and I'll have sex with you SO well... I'll do SO MUCH sex to you... that people 10 miles away will be having sex cigarettes, because the power of the sex I did to you will be that big. I'm saying I'm amazing in bed and you should let me have sex with you. Let me have sex with you and everybody will smoke because of it. Let me have sex with you."

    (I heard somewhere a person needs to be exposed to the offer three times before they make the decision to buy...)

    So she said no, then I politely asked 'why', and she said she wasn't into it, and then I explained it to her again, and then she said NO again and she wasn't really being her usual sweet self about it anymore... being kinda rude actually so I told her 'look Steve said you'd leap straight into bed with me if I told you that... why aren't you?'

    She asked 'who is Steve?' in her broken English

    I said 'he's a guy I know off the internet, a friend of mine, he's been giving me advice on how to have sex with you'

    She freaked out and went to tell her friend, who in turn told her boyfriend who happens to be MY best friend and they got upset and told me I wasn't supposed to be alone with her anyway...

    Now she's not speaking to me, my friend is embarrassed and quite annoyed at me and his girlfriend won't let me in the house.

    What do you think I did wrong Steve?

    ... I think maybe I should have sworn at her more. That's what they do in some of the movies I've seen and they always get the girl.

    Thoughts?
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    • Ahhh, so it didn't go exactly to plan then.

      I think the problem is - there's a "translation" difficulty between the British and German types of humour.

      Sorry the earth didn't move for her.

      Btw - thanks for mentioning my name (lol) - I've now got less chance than you have.

      Don't give up - but don't try too hard - it might be easier if you play "hard to get."


      Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Thanks Steve.

    Yes, the British sense of humour is quite unique... not many people seem to get it.

    And no it didn't go to plan exactly. I was hoping to gain a girlfriend to love, but I lost three friends in the process instead.

    Oh but don't worry, I didn't use your last name. I just said 'Steve', not 'Steve Copywriter'... she'll probably never make the connection.

    I've taken your advice and I wrote her the following email:


    "Hi.

    I'm sorry things turned out the way they have, but I've spoken to my friend Steve again and he said it's your fault you didn't get it because you're German.


    I've thought about things and actually, I realised I don't like you at all. You're not really that attractive and you're quite boring too. You don't take jokes well so you obviously have no sense of humour.


    I don't see why I even bothered to try and have sex with you anyway, because I don't think I would have enjoyed it much, in retrospect. So I guess I should thank you for not giving me one more thing in my life to regret... but I won't, because actually I was just drunk. Which I felt I had to be to spend more than two minutes in your company.

    Don't ever speak to me again you harpy, because I can assure you... I won't be speaking to you.


    **** you.


    Sincerely,


    Toniy."



    You're right, it was definitely easier, I think 'hard to get' is the way forward.

    I managed to swear at her too so that should get things back on track.

    Thanks again Steve.
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    • Originally Posted by Toniy View Post

      Thanks Steve.

      Yes, the British sense of humour is quite unique... not many people seem to get it.

      And no it didn't go to plan exactly. I was hoping to gain a girlfriend to love, but I lost three friends in the process instead.

      Oh but don't worry, I didn't use your last name. I just said 'Steve', not 'Steve Copywriter'... she'll probably never make the connection.

      I've taken your advice and I wrote her the following email:


      "Hi.

      I'm sorry things turned out the way they have, but I've spoken to my friend Steve again and he said it's your fault you didn't get it because you're German.


      I've thought about things and actually, I realised I don't like you at all. You're not really that attractive and you're quite boring too. You don't take jokes well so you obviously have no sense of humour.


      I don't see why I even bothered to try and have sex with you anyway, because I don't think I would have enjoyed it much, in retrospect. So I guess I should thank you for not giving me one more thing in my life to regret... but I won't, because actually I was just drunk. Which I felt I had to be to spend more than two minutes in your company.

      Don't ever speak to me again you harpy, because I can assure you... I won't be speaking to you.


      **** you.


      Sincerely,


      Toniy."



      You're right, it was definitely easier, I think 'hard to get' is the way forward.

      I managed to swear at her too so that should get things back on track.

      Thanks again Steve.

      Adam,

      Whatever you do - don't sit on the fence - give it to her straight (lol).

      Now seriously - that email is a bit too heavy.

      Hoping you haven't sent it.

      If not - write it again and tone it all down.

      For goodness sake don't "insult" her.

      Tease her a lot, joke a little but don't be nasty (even if you didn't mean to be - be careful - not to - woman understandably hate it if they feel you are being being callous, bitter or nasty).

      The best way to play "hard to get" is make it seem, not in an arrogant way, that you are in high demand with lots of other ladies.

      But you find her very intriguing, alluring and fascinating.

      A little bit different to all the others.

      And of course tell her you'll bring her everything she craves (by the way if she's ultra high maintenance - maybe move on and forget her lol).


      If you have sent the email - wait a bit - and see what happens.

      If you get a zilch response - write again use the above suggestions...

      And say you'll give it one more go - you promise to - and ask her to promise to - "compromise" a bit.

      Give all the reasons why "compromising" works and how you'll really make the relationship extra special - the way both you and she wants it to be.

      And close the deal for the next date.

      Steve

      (the above advice is given - with the total understanding that I am not a relationship specialist - when I meet a lady I like - I just lick my eyebrows - and everything usually goes extremely well)
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  • Profile picture of the author EricMN
    No way, Toniy!


    You can't be pushy. Once you get her to opt in for the date you win her over with the product. She gets a "Taste of Toniy" so to speak.

    Drop her a note to say how much a great time you had blah blah etc (txt msg most likely)

    Next message you send include something about what you're doing with your day that is a great selling point and bring up another date. It could be where you are or what time of day it is that sparks a particular memory of her and that you would want to share another great dating experience with her. Perhaps even at that location -- be it a park, a beach, a quaint coffee shop or a cottage.

    Eventually when the relationship is established, THEN you start the "autoresponder" notes. But you don't do them so frequently. Everything means less when it is in abundance. . . make it rare = make it special.

    Once every couple months usually following a trigger incident. Perhaps a small argument? Maybe you were working longer than usual for the past few weeks and you can tell she isn't as pleased? In a situation of doubt or unease, reassurance is essential. Remind them, but don't push them.


    You have to cater the selling process to the prospect and the product. It's situational and sometimes the same formula doesn't always apply. Any sales pitch will have a resounding insincerity to it that will prevent an initial date. . . but that doesn't mean a normally written letter with key elements is any less of a sales pitch (or more accurately a presell, since you're selling yourself in person)

    With the dating scenario though, you have to remember something. Normally as copywriters we focus on the third part of the chain

    Product - Traffic - Sale

    But if it's your own product (and it is, because it's you!) you have to take on all three -- which means if you had a great initial sale, but your product doesn't live up to the expectations. . . Well then that's where you've tripped up!

    Of course the final product is exclusive rights. But you wouldn't sell it as that. You sell the family, the picket fence, the dog, the beautiful daughter, Christmas by the fire, and the lakefront estate from which you raise your dream till the sun sets on your cloud.
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    • Profile picture of the author Toniy
      Ok Eric... ok, so it's kind of like what Steve was saying about being hard to get... don't make yourself too available, too accessible... got it.

      So now I've sent her that email, making it quite clear I'm not gonna be an easy get... I'll add her email address into my AWeber account.


      I'll send her a text through skype in a few days, which I'll try to sync up... saying:

      "Hey, I really had a great time the other night when I told you to let me have sex with you..."



      Then a few days later:

      "I was taking a stroll through the park today with the Pooch, taking him for a walk and it was gorgeous. The trees are so green at the moment and the acorns are starting to fall... there was a gentle breeze so you could see the lake rippling and then the dog took a dump on the side of the pavement... it made me think of you :-) I'd love for us both to take the dog for a walk one day"


      Because I know I still need to play hard to get, like you and Steve said. Also I can't go back on my first email too soon, she needs to feel like she's winning me over, right? Otherwise she'll lose respect for me.


      So by then, the relationship should be established and then comes the Autoresponder sequence...


      I'll send her another text message to start an argument, the trigger incident:

      "You're being such a ****ing bitch lately... I need to eat you know!"

      (Remembering to swear like the guys who get sex in those movies)


      Then two months later, the Autoresponder starts:

      "I know you're probably feeling doubtful, maybe even a little uneasy... so I'm here to reassure you. Remember I think you're a dick, but I still want to go for that walk... I'm not pushing you. Unless you ignore me, then I'll push you into the lake. Kidding. No, I'm not."


      Then after another two months another text:

      "You know I'm getting pretty tired of not being allowed into your house now... I don't know why you're so displeased but you better shape up"


      And the scheduled follow up Autoresponder message:

      "Hey, sorry for making you uneasy the other day with my message... I'd just broken into someone's cottage and I stopped to text you before I left with their cat and TV"


      Because girls really like bad boys... then to finish the 6 month plan, one more series... the text:

      "I was at the beach today and it was glorious... I've got one hell of a tan and I saw someone drown... I thought of you because that's how you make me feel"


      And the last Autoresponder message in the sequence:

      "I didn't really see someone drown, but I did get a nice tan. My mum said I look really sexy. You should see it some time... don't be uneasy, I'm a really good swimmer too"


      Ok... so now I need to focus on Product (Me), Traffic (Getting her to see me as much as possible and not often to prevent over-abundance and thus 'specialness')... and The Sale (Sex).

      For the product, well to be honest Eric I think I've made it clear to everybody here that I'm going to over-deliver, exceed expectations and leave a certain young lady feeling like a really satisfied customer.

      But for traffic... that's obviously a tough one. I need to be around her all the time to get the most impressions, but not be there at all so as to remain hard to get.

      I've got it!


      Every night I'll find a way into her house and plaster her bedroom with pictures of me... just scattered all over the bedroom floor, stuck on the wall... papering the ceiling. And I'll put a full size poster of me smiling, but giving her the middle finger, on the back of her door.

      So that's traffic taken care of.


      Finally the sale... I guess I'll just send her one more message.

      "I'm not selling you exclusive rights to me. You can't just have me, ever, and you never will. Instead, I'll get you pregnant so we can sell the kids to buy a lakefront estate, which I'll set fire to at christmas. We'll sell the fence, the dog, and if by some miracle you can produce a good looking daughter (I think my genes are dominant enough to make at least ONE kid that passes as good looking), then we'll sell her as well and then I'll put your lights out while you're asleep, dreaming."



      ... Wow... I can really see it all coming together.

      And to think just this morning I thought there was no hope!!

      Could I have been any further from the truth?

      Thanks so much guys, for all your help and advice. I honestly believe I'm going to get laid within the year now.

      Thanks again

      Toniy
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Even more excellent advice Steve, thanks again...

    Looks like I'll have to re-think things a bit though.

    Alright so, assuming she doesn't respond to that email, which is starting to look quite likely, I'll need to just send one more before launching the text / autoresponder sequence that Eric suggested.

    I gotta tease, but not insult...

    Play hard to get, but not in an arrogant way...

    Show I'm interested, but not too interested...

    And make sure she leaves as dissatisfied as I am... as Senator Henry Clay defines a good compromise.

    Ok here goes:



    "Hey there,

    I hope I didn't insult you with my last email... I know it was maybe a bit heavy. Steve actually said "I hope you didn't send it"... which is strange considering he's the one who gave me the advice, but no matter.

    When I said you were boring, I didn't mean that... I meant 'You just aren't that fun', in a teasing kind of way.

    And when I said I probably wouldn't enjoy having sex with you, I was playing around then as well. I only meant that you're obviously really focused and determined on your studies, so you're probably quite frigid.

    I wasn't being callous, bitter or nasty in any way. You should be able to see that, you idiot! :-D (teasing!)

    Truth be told, I get laid all the time, which should be pretty obvious to most people... I mean just look at me! And I'm really fun to be around too. That'd make most people arrogant, but not me.

    But the thing is... I'm still spending a lot of time thinking about you, but not. You just stick in my mind, like a car crash, or a childhood trauma.

    You're interesting, alluring and intriguing and fascinating... like a dog chasing its tail. You're a little bit different from most girls... it might be your hair. Anyway, I think it's time we negotiated.

    How about we spend one week having sex non-stop, then the next week we won't see each other at all? You gotta compromise... I'm trying real hard here. But not that hard.

    Compromising means we both get what we don't want just as much as the other person, so it will be equal. Think about all those relationships with a power balance that's all off tilt... The man's the woman, the woman's the man... sometime's they're both the woman.

    It'll make our relationship extra special... the way we both want it to be.

    We're going out next week. Stick it in your diary and you can come and pick me up... I had my motorbike license revoked, which wouldn't be a problem except I had to sell the bike because I ran out of money.

    See you soon.

    Toniy"




    ... I think it's going to work Steve

    I just licked my eyebrows too and it made me feel awesome... like I'm George Clooney or something

    Thanks again mate!
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  • Profile picture of the author pheonixrises
    I'm sorry for not posting something that contributes more... but I had to let you know that you guys have me actually laughing out loud right now! I'm at a Starbucks so I'm getting a few looks, but this is one of the funniest threads I've come across in a while!

    Thank you for the laughter!
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    Yes, "pheonix" is spelled incorrectly. There's a story behind this. If you're curious, just ask!
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Pheonix... that's all I ever wanted to hear

    Well it was something to do of a Sunday at least...
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  • Profile picture of the author pheonixrises
    Haha, happy to hear it!
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    Yes, "pheonix" is spelled incorrectly. There's a story behind this. If you're curious, just ask!
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  • Profile picture of the author MTVida
    Man, this really is great!

    It's entertaining to start, and think I learned a few things by reading the notes.

    Thanks for the quality post
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Hey 'Vida

    Really glad to hear it... it's what I'm here for after all :p


    You know I should definitely do a WSO on how to build your Thanks count by wasting your weekend....
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  • Profile picture of the author Marc Rodill
    Toniy...

    You are totally nuts! Funny, too. Good stuff.

    I'm pretty sure (hoping) you didn't send any of that.
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    Long Lost Warriors! The Secret Sales System! Act Now! Buy Now! Right Now!
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  • Profile picture of the author RobBritt
    I've always been much better at selling myself in person than in words and I had to have a think on that. Why was that? my conclusion was that I was listening to the person and making the "verbal copy" really unique, you know? So tailored copy. yes.

    Getting into the mind of your target market. I use NLP in person, but verbiage can accomplish the same task, I would think.

    I am (very recently) starting to apply "sales copy thinking" to everything I am writing. Who is reading this? Why are they reading this? what could they read here that would lead them to action that would be mutually beneficial to us both? How can I get inside their head to make them relate to me? How can I make them feel that we are on the same team, both looking to contribute to their success? It's all about them. they need to know that I am all about them.

    sorry if I got off on a slight tangent here, but that's what I am trying to get into my head as I write for any of my clients, or write a sales letter for a niche market.

    Most of my work is for the brick and mortar world, so I have the think like those folks. How is my writing online getting them more orders and customers? that's all they care about. Not SEO or google rank or whatever is going on between my ears, but what that stuff delivers for them..
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Marc - Yes... I am totally nuts. I don't even dispute it anymore, I just try to limit the damage I do to others :p

    As such no, I didn't send ANY of that

    Glad you liked it

    Rob - THAT was nuts

    I feel as though it was very much off tangent, but then I remembered the original post was 'the power of copywriting' :p So it was kind of me that went off on the tangent... and Steve... and Eric.

    But you make some fascinating points there man...

    I mean I'm a people person, and I've sold on the phone before and I'm reasonably good at that... I feel that selling myself in person would be even more effective, as you said.

    Eye contact, tonality, body language... they all play a big BIG part and can be a huge help if you can use it well. It can also kill you if you don't :rolleyes:

    But ultimately it's the content of what you say, verbally or written, that matters the most.

    I think it will do you well to incorporate some 'copy' into your presentation



    Although I gotta ask... How do you use NLP when you're talking to someone face to face?

    I know it can be done, I know people do it... the chances are I do it without realising.

    But the fact is I never actually really looked into NLP as it's own subject.

    So yeah... I'd like to hear a little more if you'd be so kind Rob
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  • Profile picture of the author RobBritt
    NLP is mostly about developing empathy. And you're right, you probably do most of these things without thinking about them. It's mirroring posture, behavior and speech flow. NOT mocking, but just becoming more alike with your prospect. example, if they sit on the edge of their seat, you sit on the edge. If they talk more slowly, you slow yourself down a bit. If you're doing it well, you can change your posture and they will start to mimic your behavior a bit. When you get that feedback you know you are in sync with the client/friend.

    It's about developing the relationship as much as anything else. Moving from strangers to acquaintences until they know you are sharing their vision, and they are sharing yours (to a degree anyway) one way to move away from an adversarial position is to not sit directly across from someone either. I try to set up meetings where people are positioned like three legs of a stool (even if there are only two people)

    If someone has one chair in front of their desk, I shake hands and while setting down my bag, I move the chair over to the "third" position so it's not directly confrontational. That little move can make everyone feel more at ease, even if they don't know why, and then when you start to mirror behavior and speech it turns into "just us folks" after a bit.

    those are just some of my thoughts and experiences. Like I said, I do more in-person stuff (or used to) so I am trying to figure out how to adapt those things to copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author 4udaces
    The thing is, I'm new to writing copy, but not 'love letters' so to speak. The reason I'm learning copy is because I plan on selling a Dating Advice E-book. Picking up women is a whole lot like writing copy and making a sale. You have to make them feel emotions that you want them to feel.
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  • Profile picture of the author RobBritt
    you want whoever is reading your copy to love what you are saying enough to buy your offering.

    "picking up women" seems not the right phrase for dating advice. (that's just my "top of the head" thought) A pickup artist isn't about dating, but about the score.

    One important thing to remember is to have a consistent message for a targeted audience. There's definitely an audience who want to learn pick up techniques and another audience that wants dating methodology to meet the partner for long term relationships.

    I hope that didn't come across wrong. Doesn't matter to me which audience you are targeting, just trying to say it's important to know who they are and what they are looking for. they need to love your copy whether it's for love or lust. ha.
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    • Profile picture of the author 4udaces
      I totally get what you're saying, it's simply hard to get out of an old.. phrase? I guess. To me picking up women and bettering yourself and learning how to be confident/being a social leader is the same as 'picking up women'. I certainly need to be more careful with my semantics, as they have very different connotations.

      It almost starts as lust, and ends with understanding. Kind of a weird field, with an even more weird body of knowledge. Thank you for the input though. I've asked for advice on other forums and I'm almost instantly attacked as a 'snake-oil salesman'. Thanks for being friendly!
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  • Profile picture of the author Toniy
    Rob - Thanks for that mate, I've got a much better idea of what's going on now

    I notice that when my buddy and I are drinking wine and watching a film... I'll take a sip, he'll take a sip directly after!

    Very strange, but I knew there was something to that

    I think I'm going to have to revisit NLP study at some point...

    And yes... there's an important distinction to be made between 'pickup' and 'dating'.

    Moving on to...

    4udaces - You raise an interesting point. And something you need to pay attention to and focus on in your eventual copy.

    Are you teaching guys to date i.e. Have fun and connect with a woman with a view to develop something lasting?

    Are you teaching guys to 'pickup' i.e. lead a soulless and empty existence jumping from one vagina to the next with no concept of honour and true masculinity?

    Are you teaching guys to be 'confident' i.e. Developing their core personality and beliefs so a point where they can find success in any endeavour, including the male-female dynamic

    The term 'snake oil salesman' is usually reserved for those rare individuals who can sell the **** out of a product that does nothing, or serves a purpose of no real value, if any at all.

    Snake Oil Salesmen are usually very good at what they do It's kind of a compliment, kind of an insult at the same time.

    Very good at what you do, but what you choose to do is be a dick :p

    Anyway, back to it.... if you're putting together a dating product, make sure it has something unique to offer. REALLY unique.

    Because anyone who's been around the market long enough has heard just about all of it before.

    Find your hook sir, and good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author Louis Di Bianco
    It's a dark night with hard rain falling. A scorching blonde thumbs a ride on a deserted street. A car comes out of nowhere; the guy stops to pick her up (duh!). They ride in total silence. She smokes and checks him out with a sideways glance.

    Who's the predator here?

    They approach an underpass. A small boulder shatters the windshield; the car swerves and crashes into a pole. The babe and driver are toast.

    Surprise, surprise. The predator is on the bridge above them staring down. He steps away, and the night swallows him before I can see his face.

    Lucky for me, I'm in a cozy seat watching this on a big screen. It's the opening scene from "Kalifornia." Brad Pitt plays the subhuman serial killer. His name is Early Grayce. Damn!

    I suddenly flash back to the very first time I hit the stage and have the audience in a trance. I'm playing a rat that senses danger in his space. I don't have to say a word. Just sniff the air. The audience is MINE! Curiosity is a drug.

    That's when I knew I was persuasive, and it was awesome, Toniy!
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    • Profile picture of the author Toniy
      Ahhhh Louis... it's too bad you aren't a local girl

      I very much appreciate the kind words though, always nice to know when you're work is appreciated (I've said that twice today now... I gotta come up with something new...)

      It's pretty nuts to me that you ACTUALLY replied to what the thread was originally intended for though :p Good on ya!

      As for what's not to like? .... hell, you got me there

      You're a good writer by the way, good stuff

      Originally Posted by Louis Di Bianco View Post

      It's a dark night with hard rain falling. A scorching blonde thumbs a ride on a deserted street. A car comes out of nowhere; the guy stops to pick her up (duh!). They ride in total silence. She smokes and checks him out with a sideways glance.

      Who's the predator here?

      They approach an underpass. A small boulder shatters the windshield; the car swerves and crashes into a pole. The babe and driver are toast.

      Surprise, surprise. The predator is on the bridge above them staring down. He steps away, and the night swallows him before I can see his face.

      Lucky for me, I'm in a cozy seat watching this on a big screen. It's the opening scene from "Kalifornia." Brad Pitt plays the subhuman serial killer. His name is Early Grayce. Damn!

      I suddenly flash back to the very first time I hit the stage and have the audience in a trance. I'm playing a rat that senses danger in his space. I don't have to say a word. Just sniff the air. The audience is MINE! Curiosity is a drug.

      That's when I knew I was persuasive, and it was awesome, Toniy!
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  • Profile picture of the author Louis Di Bianco
    Thanks for your reply and your humor.

    What is your exciting venture in the UK?
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