Im really not happy with my new sales page

You have no real headline, or subheads...

...so website visitor has to work to hard to find out what's going on...

...and they take the path of least resistance, click away.

And even if they try to read your sales letter, it's way to wide, again asking the reader to work too hard.

I'm not a fan of video/audio autostarting.

There's some inconsistency with left / center justified paragraphs. There are also some lowercase letters that need to be capped at beginning of the sentences. Do an overall proofread.

Good luck!

Hey!

Great start to your sales page, and great looking product ... here is what I would do...

You need a GREAT headline, somthing to suck me in "Stop being an internet marketing slave" is not a headline, you need to tell me what the biggest feature of your product is. You need to tell me what I am going to get out of this software, WIIFM all the way!!!!

You did not sign off - who are you??? People buy from people, the more personable you make this sales page the better - its fantastic you have the facebook comments down the bottom as this shows interaction and builds trust.

When I click out of the page there is not "Stop, where are you going????"

I am going to disagree with sandrasims (sorry) but I am a big fan of auto start, us humans are visual creatures and the more you can be visually stimulating the better in your sales letter.

Bet of luck and if you need any more help, just pm me

Emma =)

I am not a copy writer however I would make the following suggestions

1. Like everyone else the headline needs to grab attention
2. I scan pages a lot so your headlines need to tell me what this is about
3. The formatting makes the sales page hard to read. I suggest maybe using tables and keeping it around maybe 600 -700 pixels (I would not go more than 800)
4. Use some bold text and underlines to but not to much
5. Use a better guarantee image.. almost did not see the one you have... there are plenty for free
6. Your close needs to be stronger in both wording and in formatting. I get the feeling from the current formatting (not saying you are) you are not confident in your own product
6. In your testimonial section use real people pictures

Hi John - I'm looking at it now...(and I'm not going to tell you to start again )
There's a lot of copy there to go through...

But for starters - (to me the title header reads/looks better (as we see lines 1,2,3,4 - see how you feel if it was laid out with line 2 and 3 switched around..)

Below arrow - shorten "Simply enter your details on the form below to receive your free link building software today" to "Enter your details in the form below and receive your free IMSlave Link Building Software today!"

and here's my take on the first part (I left the pen/masseuse analogy in, but I'm not sure it really works...this is just a quick draft to give an idea...I left the basics...)

From The Desk Of John Wilson:

Dear Fellow Internet Marketers,

Are you tired of shelling out hundreds of dollars on the “worlds greatest money making machine”...when its only a small piece of the real money making machine ?

It's time you realized...you are the money making machine - and your time is money!

Like you, I was spending all this money, wasting hour after hour trying to get my websites highly ranked, in order to get some of the wealth bringing traffic, and after spending thousands of dollars on mediocre software, I realized I would only ever achieve mediocre results.

So I studied what the number one sites were doing in my niches...at first I used a handy little program that told me who was in the top ten...how many back links they had - and from where...and started to realize...

It's not the quantity of back links they had...but the quality - that got them to page ONE!

I also understand, that not everyone has the time or experience, to sit there and work out what their competitors have done to get ahead in the game - reverse engineer it - and have the time to start over - doing the same thing they do to gain google’s respect...and even if they did...they were always going to be one step behind...trying to catch up.

So I committed to make the IMSlave software for myself - and my customers - giving them the time to concentrate on their business - while knowing their websites are being expertly ranked. This became a very lucrative business - I had clients cuing up at the door, but there was only just me!

Put it this way...if you supplied pens, and you had a client ring up asking for 50k pens - you would call up your supplier, and order 50k pens - job done!

But - say you were a masseuse, and word got out how good you were...then you had 50k people wanting their massage from YOU alone - and you couldn't handle all of them - they might get rubbed the wrong way... and you would be rubbed out - right ?

My Solution ?

Put a system in place that removes you from the machine - and still does the same job!

I created a piece of software that would not only do the work for me, but also made sure every aspect of SEO was done - and done well.

It Was My Eureka Moment!

I’m no longer a slave to internet marketing...my software does it all...and saves me hours of work at my desk.

Introducing...‘IMSlave’ -

Cheers,
3M

It's easy to step it up from this, very good start. In my oppnion:
1) http://www.imslave.com/new/wp-conten...1/09/Step1.png
these little things.. Delete them. Drop the shadow and the font.

Change it to something bigger and more "standard" (fontwise).

2) The fonts here and there on your salesletter (such as headlines, sublines) need to get refreshed. A clean text in Photoshop will do.

3) Not sure about the videoplayer. Think that have to be changed to something else aswell. Perhaps a license for EasyVideoPlayer will do (EVP)?

4) There is some unnecessary spacing on lots of places.

5) "Home | Earnings Disclaimer | Terms & Conditions | Affiliates
Support | Contact | Privacy Policy" (bottom) need to get a new design. That doesn't look sexy. Sexyness sells in every category.

Even if no. 5 probably doesn't say a jack sh*t about the product itself, it's still the overall impression .

As I said, very good start. Now, give the salesletter some love. And earn those benjamins.


~Alex Nash

thank you all so much, I will take your advice and make the changes, then come back to see what you think.
have any off you thought about offering a sales page creation service ? you would make a fortune.

Heading should be properly discribe and picture should be in large size..

AREAS OF IMPROVEMENT:

• Seems to have multiple calls to action - there's an optin form and a download button. Try to have just one CTA.
• Text is left justified and then center justified and runs too long. Please make the sentences shorter and left justified.
• SIDENOTE: If this software does what it says, than it means you can dominate the search engines easily which means you've made tons of cash, please get a proper copywriter.
• Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't seem to have any screen shots/video proof of taking over the search engines.
• This looks like a great software but one of the annoyances with SEO softwares is the success rate for submission of items. If you've got a fabulous success rate, I suggest display that information.
• Why are you different from other softwares like this?
• Too many errors. Too many missing pieces.

You do have great graphics and a great product name.