Please Tear Apart My Sales Page

Jesse there's not much to tear apart.

I suggest you go grab a basic book on copywriting -- Dan Kennedy's Ultimate Salesletter is a decent place to start -- and work your way through it.

Make sure your copy has all the basic elements of a salesletter and then we can give you a proper crit.

All I can really say about what you've got is the approach is all wrong and you haven't even begun to sell me on your product.

I've never written a sales page myself, so I don't have any specific assistance to offer nor can I judge your sales page because I honestly don't know enough about this topic.

But in a general sense, what I can offer is general advice about when, as a writer, you feel doubt about which direction you should be heading in.

One of the most empowering things you can do is to spend time reading, dissecting, and analyzing other popular (and, thus, successful) sales pages. Identify some commonalities between them. I'm sure that if you spend a few hours analyzing some major sales pages, you'll be able to recognize a formula. Once you've started to recognize the formula, then you can start to mimic it yourself.

Of course, reading "how tos" is always useful too, but sometimes I find it's quicker to simply go to the source and analyze examples myself. I've wasted too many hours trying to find answers in google; I've learned that sometimes I just need to dig in and do the research myself.

I'm sure sales page experts will weigh in on your specifics shortly. Good luck!

Like Kyle said, there's nothing to improve on because most if not all of the elements are wrong.

A good idea for you is to go to Clickbank and find a top selling product in your niche and emulate that layout/style.

If it is a top selling product then there's a pretty good reason why it became that way.

Best of luck!

Personally I would be a little wary of using the first 2 negative headlines to start your sales letter off with as they will arouse suspicion rather than excitement. Plus you don't have a headline based on the major benefit from having your product.

Your first bullet benefit "Get Others To Instantly Build You A Substantial, Responsive List" is not substantially different from the first negative headline "...Army Of Affiliates Instantly Build You A Substantial, Responsive List... "

Recommend that you drop all negative headlines and rather exphasize the postive benefits of having your product. Here is a general summary of the web sales page formula.

1) Headline - the most read part of any sales letter - 90% success or failure of your sales depends on it.
2) Subheadlines - expand headline(main benefit of product)
3) Body Benefit(s) - bullet points useful
4) Reason(s) (to buy)
5) Free bonuses - adds value
6) Guarantee - demonstrates confidence in the product & makes it risk free by offering money back if not satisfied
7) Summary - (press those emotive buttons one more time)
8) Offer/Price
9) Your Name & Photo. Plus postscripts (the second most read part of a sales letter.)

In the style of PPP - personal, passionate & pointed (clarity)
Layout should be simple & well spaced with paragraphs about 3 - 5 lines.

Take care & good fortune.

PS if you would like a free book on the sales page formula just PM me and I shall provide you a download link. (don't worry no sign up or any other catch - just helping a fellow warrior on the journey of life)