Which Headline Would You Use?

29 replies
I've written several paragraphs for an insurance agent flyer. The theme of the flyer is that the agent will cut the cost of your company's group health insurance without reducing the benefits.

Here are a several of the better headlines that I've created:

1 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20-40% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

2 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

3 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not Your Benefits

4 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not The Benefits

5 - My Clients Are Cutting Their Group Health Insurance Premiums by 20 - 40%

Do any of the above headlines stand out as creating more interest than the others?
Thanks for your feedback.
#headline
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Well hmm. I like numbers (which means #3 & #4 don't make the cut).

    Now do people understand "20%"? How much does this come out to in **real dollars**? What are we talking about that the customer could buy themselves instead?

    A "free" specialty coffee bevvie every day?

    Movies at the theater for the whole family once a month (popcorn included)?

    I suggest working on turning those numbers into a mental picture everybody will understand at the gut level.

    Hope this helps!
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    • Profile picture of the author Prouddad
      Great feedback, Guys. I appreciate it.

      Ewenmack, if I replace "slash" with "slashes", the headline would read "Slashes Your Company's Health Care Premiums...." Was that your intention or is there a different headline that goes with "slashes?"

      Kaniganj, I understand your comment "Now do people understand "20%"? How much does this come out to in **real dollars**? What are we talking about that the customer could buy themselves instead?" Since owners of businesses of MANY sizes will read the flyer, I can't add real dollar quantifiers until I get into the text of the flyer....which I've done.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Prouddad View Post

        Great feedback, Guys. I appreciate it.

        Ewenmack, if I replace "slash" with "slashes", the headline would read "Slashes Your Company's Health Care Premiums...."
        Your 'Company Name' Slashes Your...
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        • Profile picture of the author ASCW
          How To Eliminate Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20-40%.
          Without Losing Any Benefits.

          Changed the language a bit. Made it overall more succinct.


          Eliminate might not be the best word.
          Cut, or slash could be better.

          Giving up might be better than losing. But I don't think it is.

          -Andy

          If possible it might be best to do this.(I can't say for sure because I don't know your market. And even more importantly I don't know the headspace of your prospect when they read your letter.)

          How To Eliminate Health Insurance Premiums by 20-40%.
          Without Losing Any Benefits.
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  • Profile picture of the author sam m
    I like 1
    no.1 gives the best details
    no.5 leaves out the fact of the benefits remaining
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  • I would change the word "Cut" to "Slash" - it's more of a power verb and should get more attention.

    And be very specific on the savings.

    Rather then say 20-40%.

    If you can - say "over 32%" (or whatever the average is - you might need to "qualify" this in the "pitch" but it gets people to read it).

    I think No 1 is the best and would change it to -


    "Slash Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by over 32%

    Without Giving Up Any Of The Benefits"


    Centre it on 2 lines - so it's easier to read.

    And use inverted comma's because it increases the readership.

    Hope this helps,

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Steve's on the money, I'd adjust it very slightly though...

      "Slash Your
      Company's Health Insurance Premiums
      By a Typical 39%+"

      (WITHOUT Giving Up
      Any
      of the Benefits)

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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Steve Copywriter View Post



      "Slash Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by over 32%

      Without Giving Up Any Of The Benefits"

      To add even more proven selling power to what Steve wrote,
      replace "Slash" with "Slashes".

      This change has resulted in a 300% surge in sales because
      of that simple change...nothing else.

      We can guess it's due to the readers assumption that it
      has proven to achieve the stated result...not may.

      Best,
      Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author SandraBlakk
    Keep your headline positive, maybe something like;

    Keep your benefits, reduce your fee.
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  • Profile picture of the author jrlsage
    I am favoriting Number 1.

    but then again I can admit this isnt really an expert skill of mine.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Few options.

      1) If you can sash "slash 40%," you might try something like, "How To Get 4 Free Months of Health Insurance!"

      'Course, you have to mess with legal stuff. And I would only use that in a long term test.

      2) "How You Could Save $XXX This Year On Health Insurance." If people are saving 20-40%, just get those numbers, add em, and divide it up. That mean number is your "average" savings and could probably fly in legalese. Or, you could even play it down.

      $$$ matter. The more you can say something like that instead of % (which are kind of bleh), the closer you'll get to them on a conscience level.

      Saying, "Slash $287.65 from you health insurance this year" is much more powerful than "Slash 20% of Your Health Insurance."

      Ya digg?

      -Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Craig Roberts
    Banned
    Although (3) and (4) sound almost identical to me, I have to go with number (4). I will use that if I were you..
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  • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
    Originally Posted by Prouddad View Post

    I've written several paragraphs for an insurance agent flyer. .
    A couple of questions:
    • What size firm is your target audience?
    • Who is the target buyer? ie biz owner?, hr director?
    • Do they keep the same network and current doctors? same plan?

    Plus, I think the headlines needs some reason why you can "cut" slash" or whatever the price down.

    In business, you don't get ANYTHING "slashed" "reduced" "cut" without some type of giveback or reason.

    For example, in the State of California where I live, there is California Law AB 1672 that allows small business owners to get group health at market rates and can only increase so much per year. Plus, you can have any type of preexisting condition.

    In many cases, I have seen companies reduce costs using this law. It works especially well when you have several employees that are "high-risk".

    So, if the target is an HR director, your ad could be more geared to, "Save Health Insurance At Your Firm (And look good doing it).

    To, a business owner, "What will YOU do with the extra $5,000.00 a year in health insurance premium savings?"

    Or, given the hatred to Obamacare, "ObamaCare Vaccination protects you against 40% healthcare premium increases."

    Again, once you answer those questions, you can really dial in the emotional hot buttons and get just enough credibility to make it seem real.
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  • Profile picture of the author SamKane
    Prouddad. I think those headlines all seem the same.
    For insurance products a "FEAR of loss" type headline
    might be more effective:


    TICKING TIMEBOMB THAT WILL
    BANKRUPT YOUR BUSINESS!


    Are Your Health Insurance Premiums
    Going to Put You Out Of Business?
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  • Profile picture of the author George Curtis
    #1 is my vote.

    Though, I really like Sam Kane's headline, too.

    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author 4udaces
    I like number 1, but I would go 10-20 or even 40% instead. I have no idea wtf I'm doing though, so take it with a grain of salt.
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  • Profile picture of the author apolwar
    Originally Posted by Prouddad View Post


    2 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

    I think this one is good. It still has the 20% off and without giving up the benefits.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chrismiksen
    I like 2 the best. I think it works well as a headline, because when people see "20%" their immediate reaction is likely going to be "Wow, that's a lot." After they get over that initial reaction and (hopefully) after they begin reading the article, they'll start thinking how much 20% means to them, but then you've already pulled them in.

    Not sure why I like 2 better than 1. I'm not really into the "20-40%." I think one solid number paints a better picture.
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  • Profile picture of the author Manoj V
    NEW TECHNIQUE SLASHES PREMIUMS BY OVER 30%!!!

    Retain all benefits on your company's insurance premiums

    A shorter first line is crisper and more effective. "New technique" raises more curiosity(what's new?). "Slashes premiums" in red holds eyeballs. Underlining "retain all benefits" puts emphasis on what's important in the second line.
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  • Profile picture of the author Danielle Lynn
    ARSuarez and Copyassasin are on target. People will process a dollar amount savings claim differently than a percentage savings claim.

    Unless the savings are petty, go for the dollar figures. Show them how much they'll save in 'real money.'


    The more tangible you make the claim for your readers, the better a response you'll get.
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  • Profile picture of the author abugah


    Headline 3,4,5 sound heavy especially after the comma for 3 and 4.

    I would for no 2. It is more specific than no 1. (Avoid round number like 40%. Say 39.82% or 39.95%)

    Anyway you didn’t ask it, but suppose you tried this also:
    ………………………………………………………………………………………..
    At Last!
    You Can Cut Up To 39.22% Of Your Company’s Health Insurance Premium.
    Without Forfeiting A Single Benefit
    ……………………………………………………………………………..
    Attention CEO:
    Here Is A Rare Opportunity To Cut Up to 38.22% of Your Company’s Health Insurance Premium.
    Without Forfeiting A Single Benefit
    …………………………………………………………………………………..
    Revealed At Last:
    A Breakthrough Strategy To Slash 38.22% Of Your Company’s Health Insurance Premium
    Without Forgoing A Single Benefit

    By the way, write 10 to 15 headlines before you choose the best.


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    • Profile picture of the author TopKat22
      Of the ones you wrote, I like #1, the best, of the suggested ones, I like the one below the best.

      Originally Posted by abugah View Post


      Revealed At Last:


      A Breakthrough Strategy To Slash 38.22% Of Your Company's Health Insurance Premium


      Without Forgoing A Single Benefit

      Then I might add a sub head that has an Act Know:

      Call Now To Get Your Free Quote And See
      Just How Much Money You Can Save

      Then add:

      Call 555-555-5555 Today to get your free no obligation quote from one of our friendly respresentatives.

      Header biggest, subhead just a bit bigger than the text and then normal text size.

      :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author OBaz
    I personally would change it to:

    "Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums up to 40%, Keeping All the Benefits"
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  • Profile picture of the author JayBlogMan83
    Headline 1 sounds best and I believe that changing to SLASH was and is the best FREE advice you could have gotten!
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  • Profile picture of the author IdrisSG
    To me firstly, I think there could be other strategies better than flyers.

    Flyers gives an air of extreme "un-target-ness" like shooting at fish in the ocean with a blow gun... instead of shooting at a gang of fish in a barrel.

    Perhaps the best way to go about being a success with Insurance, from my experience is to hit up your circle of influence.

    About your headlines... I like #5 the most.





    Originally Posted by Prouddad View Post

    I've written several paragraphs for an insurance agent flyer. The theme of the flyer is that the agent will cut the cost of your company's group health insurance without reducing the benefits.

    Here are a several of the better headlines that I've created:

    1 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20-40% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

    2 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

    3 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not Your Benefits

    4 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not The Benefits

    5 - My Clients Are Cutting Their Group Health Insurance Premiums by 20 - 40%

    Do any of the above headlines stand out as creating more interest than the others?
    Thanks for your feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author steve solo
    I will love it if you can Cut my Insurance Premiums by 20-40% Without Giving Up Any Benefits,..lol..getting a little older, self employed with no insurance,..any good place to start looking? dont mean to change the subject! thx

    Originally Posted by Prouddad View Post

    I've written several paragraphs for an insurance agent flyer. The theme of the flyer is that the agent will cut the cost of your company's group health insurance without reducing the benefits.

    Here are a several of the better headlines that I've created:

    1 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20-40% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

    2 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums by 20% Without Giving Up Any Benefits

    3 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not Your Benefits

    4 - Cut Your Company's Health Insurance Premiums, Not The Benefits

    5 - My Clients Are Cutting Their Group Health Insurance Premiums by 20 - 40%

    Do any of the above headlines stand out as creating more interest than the others?
    Thanks for your feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author BarryADensa
    First, define your market segment -- don't go after the entire phone book.

    Then pick a company in that niche -- that you've done it for (reduced their rates) -- preferably a company that has name recognition.

    Then, you've got a headline that's got appeal:

    Company Reduced Their Healthcare Costs by a Whopping 40% -- Without Reducing Benefits!

    And Your Company Can do the Same!


    And, it would be more powerful still, if you can personalize the post card further by mentioning the prospect company's name, instead of just saying your company
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  • Profile picture of the author lenlatimer
    I agree with both Steve Copywriter and Abugah. Strong Verbs add Power. Specifics sell better than generality. You might also test "How To..."
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