An Ad Copy Letter for Review...

9 replies
This is a hypothetical practice ad copy I've written. I want to know if I'm on the right track. If some of you have the time, I'd appreciate you letting me know. Thanks.



GREAT FUEL IS SUPPOSED TO PROPEL YOUR ENGINE, NOT STALL IT


Are you the kind of person who wants the best out of life? Do you demand the best for your family, as well? Well, if you are putting any other fuel other than Chevron with Techron in your family car or truck, you are cheating yourself, your family, and your vehicle.

When it's time to clean and detail your car, you take it to the detailer with the best reputation in town, right? Why on earth would you not take your vehicle to the gas station with the best reputation in the entire United States when it's time to fill it with gas? Chevron with Techron details the inside of your engine like no other fuel. In fact, often, other fuels are working AGAINST you and your car.

But all gas is the same, isn't it?

If that statement were true, then when new cars and trucks roll off of America's assembly lines in the mid-west, why is Chevron with techron imported to fill up the cars when it's time to give them the emissions test?

BECAUSE THE AUTO MAKERS WANT TO GIVE THEIR AUTOS THE CLEANEST FUEL FOR THESE VITAL EMISSIONS TESTS

Mechanics insist on Chevron

I see it all the time. People I have never seen before come into the gas station with that slightly stressed, yet almost hopeful look on their face. They pull their beater car up to the pumps, hand me a fistful of one dollar bills and say, "My mechanic told me to only use Chevron gas from now on." I smile, but inside I'm shaking my head. If only these poor souls had been using Chevron with Techron since the time they first bought their car, the car wouldn't be in the shape it is in now.

Spending Thousands to Save Pennies

It boggles the mind how many people will spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on a brand new car, and then try to wring a few scraggly pennies into their budget by schlepping budget gas into the car. This is like waxing your car and then buffing it with sandpaper. It defies logic! These people may think they are saving money, but the money they add to their savings account is going straight back into a mechanic's pocket. Besides, since everybody knows that the cleanest gas gives you the best gas mileage, there is obviously no reason to try and save a few cents-per-gallon by playing russian roullet with your fuel.

Cheap Gas Leaves You Stranded

Not only will dirty gasoline cause your repair bill to rocket into the stratosphere, it can cause your engine to stall out, especially on dangerous, steep grades. Would you tell your daughter not to worry about wearing a seatbelt when she takes the family car out? Then don't let her drive the car with any other gasoline but Chevron with techron.

At Chevron we would like to see you at our gas stations for a long time to come, and we'd like to see you bringing the same car in for a long time to come. We only want to see you spending your money on our gasoline; not on car repair bills.
#copy #letter #review
  • Profile picture of the author Gijsbertus
    I am not a copywriter but found this a pleasant and informatif read. Clear and concise. Take care and good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      Not your night for responses (if you are in the UK, Everton?)

      I am not a copywriter either but I read the whole thing and found it interesting.

      In fact I recently stopped getting petrol from the supermarket and switched to Shell and the car goes 50 miles more on a full tank so there is something to what you have written.

      Not sure Shell would pay you though - more is the pity.

      Dan

      PS: Are you in the UK or US. You talk about gas and Chevron but you are called Everton and say the mind boggles - do Americans say that?
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      • Profile picture of the author Everton1
        Thanks Jimbo,

        Not sure how many responses I deserve, to be honest. I just know I have to start somewhere, and I know a piece of ad copy, real or not, is one of those places.

        I'm an American, so I may yet get a review. I'm also a mad Evertonian! I read, write and talk a lot of footy with brits, so some of those great expressions work their way into my own lexicon. We Americans need some more brit expressions and dining bang. What better insult that to call somebody a muppet, or an utter weapon?

        Oh, if you want to see me everton site it's school of science, dot eu

        Not a promotion, like...

        PS if you're the jimbo off the LASH forum, f*ck off.



        Cheers, mate
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        • Profile picture of the author Everton1
          Oops, I mean, "Dan"

          PS Shell is good, not as good as Chevron, but better than all the rest
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    One of the things I feel your piece needs is some sort of proof attached to each of the claims about gasoline, pro and con, that you make.

    The anecdotal proof you offer doesn't quite seem to hit the mark. Although it shouldn't be deleted.

    Good luck and I hope that helps,

    - Rick Duris
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      Thanks! I've been reading the stickied checklist and I thought that that box was checked off with the andecdote about the emmissions testing. I think what I need are professional quotes from car magazines, or something like that, yes, now I see it, thanks.
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  • Hi Everton1 -

    I read the copy, and I'm a car guy who has built and worked on several classic and race cars. I understand the mechanics, fuel octane, etc. - and honestly, I was not sold.

    Loyalty in fuel and gas stations is a rarity, but it can still be achieved. Many gearheads are extremely brand loyal - but they need to "feel the need for speed".

    Cleaner engines - better mileage - lower maintenance - longer life...that's what this is.

    Statistics and science, and the care they put in their product to make your life easier...

    They need to believe the product is better, and they will pay extra for it, but they need to see the value in the long run....if you can make the guy with the Toyota Camry buy it - all the better...but chances are he may not see it.

    Give the Camry guy statistics he will understand, but write to the gearhead...

    (that Camry guy could secretly be a Walter Mitty gearhead...)

    There are many positives in your copy, but I also saw it waning in and out...

    There was another thread in here recently: How Apple is brilliantly using a 100-year-old persuasion strategy | Conversion Rate Experts which points out the strengths of writing persuasively on the technical side -

    Have a look at how they pointed out the "scientific care and testing" they put into the product. (check out the thread 100-year-old-persuasion too.)

    You have the major ideas already...just briefly put it to them why they can't do without it.
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  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    There are some pretty good nuggets and good starting points within the copy.

    Nuggets that can be expanded on, and become strong foundations for a strong piece.

    For example the sub-head
    "Mechanics insist on Chevron"
    Is very strong. In fact I'd suggest making something along those lines the main headline. A spin on the classic "When Doctor's Feel Rotten..." headline.

    In fact if you opened with a "mechanics insist" headline. You could go straight into testimonials written by mechanics.

    Here is another golden nugget.
    "If that statement were true, then when new cars and trucks roll off of America's assembly lines in the mid-west, why is Chevron with techron imported to fill up the cars when it's time to give them the emissions test?

    BECAUSE THE AUTO MAKERS WANT TO GIVE THEIR AUTOS THE CLEANEST FUEL FOR THESE VITAL EMISSIONS TESTS"

    If you could provide actual data, perhaps a quote from some expert in the field who can testify to the fact that they only use Chevron with techron before testing their vehicles due to cleanliness. Then that would be a very strong argument.

    The real cost of bad fuel section of your copy is almost very strong. It is the boon of a very strong selling point, but I think you stumble through it. Some of your points are disconnected, and you have bad sentences.
    Side note: "Besides, since everybody knows that the cleanest gas gives you the best gas mileage, there is obviously no reason to try and save a few cents-per-gallon by playing russian roullet with your fuel."
    You could rephrase that as
    "According to Mr.Expertguy, the cleaner your gas, the more miles per gallon you get. While you may pay less at the pump, when you look at the data, you are losing money.
    (SHOW A CHART OR A GRAPH OR SOMETHING HERE. Something that can take a complicated math equation and make it easy to understand, with one glance)
    ---------------------------
    side note: See how I took your sentence of
    "esides, since everybody knows that the cleanest gas gives you the best gas mileage, there is obviously no reason to try and save a few cents-per-gallon by playing russian roullet with your fuel."
    and changed it too
    "According to Mr.Expertguy, the cleaner your gas, the more miles per gallon you get. While you may pay less at the pump, when you look at the data, you are losing money. "
    See how mine uses less words, and delivers a crisp, and straightforward message? Try and emulate that practice throughout the entire piece.
    Although admittedly the imagery of Russian roulette with your fuel is good form, but I don't think it is used best here.
    ---------------------------------------------

    Your opening paragraphs are weak, which is doubly bad because those need to be some of the strongest parts of the copy.

    I appreciate what you're trying to do when you say
    "Are you the kind of person who wants the best out of life? Do you demand the best for your family, as well? Well, if you are putting any other fuel other than Chevron with Techron in your family car or truck, you are cheating yourself, your family, and your vehicle."

    but I think you'd just be a lot better off if you just came out of the gates, said what you need to say with hard-hitting sentences. Don't beat around the bush. Get to it, say what you need to say. Make it have an impact and then move on.

    The "other fuels are working against your car" line is good.

    Moving on...

    "Cheap Gas Leaves You Stranded

    Not only will dirty gasoline cause your repair bill to rocket into the stratosphere, it can cause your engine to stall out, especially on dangerous, steep grades. Would you tell your daughter not to worry about wearing a seatbelt when she takes the family car out? Then don't let her drive the car with any other gasoline but Chevron with techron."

    This may be true, but this isn't very believable. I mean really how often do you hear.
    "I put bad gas in my car and then it stalled out and then some other horrible thing happened?"
    I don't think it is a real enough threat to have any real impact.

    I Hope your imaginary ad is a smashing success
    -Andy
    Signature

    Site being revamped.

    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

    Cool.

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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      Wow! That was really great feedback! Thanks so much. I'm still not a copywriter, I'm working on it, though. This isn't something I'm getting paid for, it's just a random item I thought I would use to practice. I hope it would be okay if I bone up some more and repost a rewrite. Lot's of great things to take away from this.

      Although I was thinking the russian roullette line would be a better headline than the one I have

      and yeah, I thought the daughter line was a little over the top adn almost cringe worthy. I was trying the emotional thing...

      Thanks again, a lot of work to do
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