Feedback: Your site is down.

Um, I don't believe you.

You're a "specialist"? I don't see any proof.

Frankly, I see no substance at all.

Now, I could give you a point by point critique, lose about an hour of my time, and then probably have to come back again later to fix it s'more. In the end, you'll have had me write the copy for you for free.

And I get... good karma?

Maybe that's not your goal, but it happens.

So instead of feeding you for the day, let me give a quick guide to catching fish...

Read...

1) Scientific Advertising
2) Secrets of Power Persuasion by Roger Dawson
3) How To Write A Good Advertisement by Vic Schwab
4) How To Make You advertising Make Money by John Caples (superior to Tested Advertising Method, IMO)
5) Either The Robert Collier Letter Book by Robert Collier... or How To Write Letters That Win by The System Company. The latter is almost a hyper-condensed version of the former.

Take the time to read those books and learn copy, or hire a copywriter. There is no other option.

Do some market research. Study what happens in other good ads.

And good luck.

-Angel

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Hello,

My first thought after entering your very long URL was that you are using way too many colors. This is a little confusing on the eye. It makes thing a little hard to read.

My second thought was that your menu-bar is crowded. Way too crowded. The TOS should be in the footer. I should not be required to think what to click next.

Anyway, these are small errors.

One of my first sales letter ever was about how to get pregnant. It was an info-product on what you should do if you've tried "hard" with no results. The approach was a little different.

First of all, your first lines should qualify your target market. Who is this for and who isn't this for? It is to women who are too stressed out (because of work) to have a child? It is because this may be a natural cause? It is because they are fat? Eat too little?

Qualify them.

Second, it's to understand them. You are talking to women. Taking a logical stand-point is not the best idea. No offense to the women on this board (or anywhere for that matter) but using logical arguments in a sales letter for women does not work. Women are "wired" to use feelings and emotions. So start using visual images, show that you understand what she feels, the frustration, the disappointed, the fact that she thinks ...

"What if I'll never be able to have kids? What if I will never feel the miracle of holding that small amazing being in my arm? Watch him grow, go to school? Nurture and care for him?"

Third is to empathize. I believe ... I strongly believe (I'm not a doctor, I'm using common sense and past data) that the first reaction is to try harder. When that fails, any sane women would visit a doctor or ask women in similar situations what they've done.

Next it's to stimulate. What would it be if you could provide an actual solution for this? If you could help them get pregnant? If you would give them a chance to be a mother? Present what you've got (solution), present the actual system.

Also feel free to insert your guarantee, scarcity, apple to oranges comparison.

Finally, the transition. Sell the product. Repeat what you've got so far. Repeat why they need it. Repeat the outcome. Add the scarcity again. Close.

I think that's all. Feel free to PM me or if you can't, email me at razvan.rogoz at gmail.com to further see what we can do.

Best regards,
Razvan