My first Opt-In Copy page

30 replies
Hi there

Would it be possible for a few of you to critique my first opt-in copy page? It's the first one I have actually written based on what I have learnt here at the forum. The site is www.di-namicdesign.com

Ok, now I am nervous

Thank you
Di
#copy #opin #page
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

    Hi there

    Would it be possible for a few of you to critique my first opt-in copy page? It's the first one I have actually written based on what I have learnt here at the forum. The site is www.di-namicdesign.com

    Ok, now I am nervous

    Thank you
    Di
    Di,

    White text on a background of any color is a known conversion killer. (It's harder to read.)

    Also, question headlines generally don't work as well as benefit headlines.

    Try something like this,

    "Finally: You Can Create Graphic Headers Yourself
    in Five Minutes or Less... Absolutely Free!"

    (The headline should be larger than the rest of the text on the page.)

    Alex
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920311].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author packerfan
    I'd prefer a stronger headline. Maybe something like...

    Free Report: Fire Your Designer Today And NEVER Wait On A Design Again

    Then I'd put in a put in a sub heading...

    The days of overpriced, late, unreliable designers are over. Never pay for design work again.

    In the FREE REPORT I teach you industry secrets that will let you...

    - Save you money by showing how you can design your own headers
    - Eliminate time sucking communication with incompetent designers allowing you to create headers in less than 5 minutes

    ps... If you still think my price is too high, let me throw in the following bonuses for signing up for this FREE REPORT...

    - 10 professionally designed headers that are plug and play simple for all your needs.
    - 10 professionally designed header backgrounds that do all the "creative" stuff for you.

    Enter your email address in the form over there ----->
    and you'll get access to all this for FREE!


    I'd put all that on the left of a page - Opt-in form on the right, Arrows pointing to the opt-in box.

    Put it all on a page that requires no scrolling.
    Signature

    Nothing to see here

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920346].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author packerfan
      LOL, Alex's headline is only about 10,000% better than what I recommended. Guess that's why he gets paid for this and I don't.
      Signature

      Nothing to see here

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920358].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
    I would be more concerned that you are promoting graphics yet the site looks like a 90's angelfire site!

    Maybe I am just seeing the site in a state of flux! I hope so.

    As I dont think even a headline 1,000,000% better will help until you sort out the design, being that this is for graphics.

    Ashley
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920421].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
      Originally Posted by Ashley Gable View Post

      I would be more concerned that you are promoting graphics yet the site looks like a 90's angelfire site!

      Maybe I am just seeing the site in a state of flux! I hope so.

      As I dont think even a headline 1,000,000% better will help until you sort out the design, being that this is for graphics.

      Ashley
      "90's AngelFire site? Not sure what you mean.

      My challenge is that I have designed the site myself and my html website designs skills are very poor, to say the least.

      I think I am just going to switch to a white background and keep it simple.

      It's a good point. Thank you Ashley.

      Di
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920430].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
        Diana,

        1. I'm not sure these points should be centred - it makes it that little bit harder for me to read them.
        Still Waiting for your order?
        Quality not great?
        etc...

        Then you do the same with the bullet points further down the page

        • This tutorial will teach you . . .
        2. Your popup is uncloseable and it doesn't follow the mouse/scroll button so I can't read a part of your squeeze page unless I subscribe.


        3. You say "Design your own!"

        If you read back through the preceding text, it seems that "Design your own!" means design your own graphic designer

        A little disconnect like that can be offputting.


        Martin
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920590].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
        Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

        "90's AngelFire site? Not sure what you mean.

        My challenge is that I have designed the site myself and my html website designs skills are very poor, to say the least.

        I think I am just going to switch to a white background and keep it simple.

        It's a good point. Thank you Ashley.

        Di
        Have you thought about going with wordpress? That is what I, and most everyone else, uses. Especially those of us with poor design skills. I can barely change the font size! So I would say go with wordpress. It makes it a whole lot easier, just upload a theme and you have a beautiful looking site.

        Check out Premium WordPress Themes | Elegant Themes. That is where I get mine, but there are also tons of other sites that sell them for a one time fee, and there are PLENTY of free themes around. Plus wordpress is free so it wont cost you a dime.

        Good luck.

        Ashley

        P.S. Angelfire sites were free webpages that were being built (they still might be) that looked like your site. Very grungy and dark looking (at least how I remember them).
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4922293].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
    This is going to come off as mean, and I'm not trying to be, but there is no other way of saying this.

    You are selling a graphic design course, but the design on your website looks very bad. Aside from the white text looking bad, my eyes instantly skip over the text, I had to push myself to read it, and I'm only doing it for the critique. The body is not centered (at least on my browser, which is Safari), and it is awkwardly on the left. You tell people they will be able to make great and stunning headers, and your header design looks rather bland.

    Actually, most of the text is bland. You should check out other opt-in pages and see the type of fonts they use, because those fonts really sell you. Your fonts, I find it difficult to take you seriously. I also do not like how the opt-in section is a large white box that completely clashes with the website design itself.

    I haven't even gotten on the copy yet, but you really need to spruce up this design. This is especially important, because this is for graphic designing. It would be like me saying I am a copyeditor, but using awkward sentences and obvious spelling errors on my website.

    I would correct a few of the first sentences you have, I would also make them into a list with X's near them. For example, "Quality not great?" sounds a little awkward, as does "Paid Your Money and They Vanished?"

    When you mention "Design Your Own! Quickly! Easily!" there is a problem. Prior to this section, you never tell me what I will be designing. I only find out about a paragraph later that you mean headers. At the very least, make it "Design Your Own Headers!"

    I also find the what your report section a little weak. Tighten it up and really give me some benefits that will make be cry with joy, that will make me understand exactly why I need your ebook now.
    Signature
    Ready for some great content at a low cost?
    PresentPLR Newest Pack: LED Grow Lights
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920657].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Thank you so much Martin and KimboJim.

    I appreciate you taking the time to evaluate it for me.

    You are not mean KimboJim. It is exactly the type of constructive critisism I was looking for. I know that this is just the beginning and the only way I can learn is to put it out there and get the feedback.

    Will be working on the design as discussed above with Ashley

    Thanks again.

    Di
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920708].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Martin Luxton
      Diana,

      It seems to me that your market might be newbies rather than people who already have experience hiring graphic designers.

      I took Alex's headline and did a simple reworking of your ideas.

      When I wrote my first squeeze page I got into an awful mess trying to emulate the big guns, so I decided to keep it simple: headline, bullet points, graphics showing the product, a call to action, lots of white space, little variation in formatting and fonts.

      That's the formula I've applied below. Not the world's greatest sales page but something you can do yourself, tweak and learn from.



      Finally: You Can Create Graphic Headers Yourself in Five Minutes or Less... Absolutely Free!


      Yes, it's true.


      Using a simple software that you ALREADY HAVE ON YOUR COMPUTER, you'll learn how to create stunning headers like this . . .



      (sample header)



      . . . and this



      (sample header)




      . . . and this



      (sample header)


      • You don't have to shop around for backgrounds and stock photos!
      • You don't need to learn Photoshop!
      • You don't have to spend money on a graphic designer!

      My free tutorial shows you step by step how to make a professional-looking header in a matter of minutes.


      Just sign up below to get started right NOW!!



      © Do It Yourself Headers, 2011
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920812].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Oh my Martin.

    That is so simple and yet so effective. Thank you! Back to the drawing board.

    It's an interesting comment you made about targeting newbies. I had not actually clarified that in my head, but it is exactly who I am aiming at. The more experienced IM's have the money to outsource their graphics. Us 'cash-strapped' newbies don't.

    Thanks
    Di
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4920990].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Hi

    I have updated it with some of the suggestions mentioned above. I know it still needs work but I will work on it again tomorrow.

    Thank you all once again for the time you took to help me.

    Di
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4921457].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Hans Klein
    Hi Diana,

    Ashley is right. The sample headers you have are pretty bad.

    So... first thing I'd do is remove them.

    The second thing is you need to spend some money to get better background templates from a graphic designer.

    Make results comparable... or even better than what you get with a competing paid header generator.

    -Hans
    Signature
    The Montello Group
    Copywriting | Publishing | Training
    Your Premier Conversion Collaborative
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4921570].message }}
  • {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4921594].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Azarna
      There are a few inconsisitencies.

      "You have all the backgrounds and clipart you will ever need"

      but..

      As a Bonus, I have added the following:
      • 10 textured backgrounds
      Why when they have all the backgrounds they will ever need? Undermined your own argument there

      You really need a "gorgeous header" on it :-)

      A few examples of 'Look what you could create!' would be great.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4921819].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
    Just looked at the revised page, looking a lot better

    Good job.

    If you are targeting newbies I would probably add that
    the bonuses you are giving them will allow them to shortcut
    the process even further (if that is what they can do).

    I think all that is left is to center the whole page,
    then center the headline and you will be doing fine.

    Ashley
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4922321].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author EricMN
    I caught this a bit late so it looks like the changes that have been recommended were implemented already.

    1. You're trying to sell graphic headers. . . but you don't have one in the opt in page. Not even for a heading on the page itself let alone a screen shots of multiple templates/options to choose from.

    2. How long is the tutorial? If it's not too long, don't just say "in this tutorial" say in this " 6 minute tutorial". Convenience your prospects by giving them the power to create headers for free on their own for the rest of their lives.

    3. How much do graphic designers charge for a graphic header? Remind the readers they don't have to pay that amount here. Here they get it free, and they never have to hire another graphic designer again.

    4. Is simple the right word? Is that what people are looking for in their headers? Headers are often the first thing people see. . . what qualities do your prospects look for in something that is the gateway between browsing more on the page or not. Is it simplicity? It very well may be. I don't know, but it's worth doing a little research.

    5. The bonus section could be tightened up both with the lead in and the bullets. It's kind of like "Look at all the things you get!" and then "Here's two of them. . . couldn't think of a third bullet." Try and dig another benefit or bonus from your offer and insert it. Odd number of bullet points tend to do better. Then you can take the "All you do is change the title" and put it after the fact to highlight how easy it is.

    White space is good but it's better if you have something to frame it with. I feel that that if you do end up putting a header it could solve the problem, but a border of some type would help as well.

    Hope that helps!

    Good luck.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4922555].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
      Originally Posted by EricMN View Post

      I
      1. You're trying to sell graphic headers. . . but you don't have one in the opt in page. Not even for a heading on the page itself let alone a screen shots of multiple templates/options to choose from.
      Hi Eric,

      There were graphics in there but I took them out for now. Need to do some work on them. See comments from the others above.

      Great tips on the other points. Thank you! I will look at all the comments again tomorrow and rework this

      Thanks for the detailed advice. Really appreciate it.

      Di
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4922584].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author mgkimsal
        Couldn't sleep... I'm a bit late to this thread, but took a stab at reworking things based on some of the feedback here so far. The irony here is there's no actual graphics, but you could insert those in the middle somewhere as examples.

        Example: make free graphic headers fast and easy
        Signature

        Michael Kimsal
        http://heywords.com/ - for article writers

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4950245].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
          Originally Posted by mgkimsal View Post

          Couldn't sleep... I'm a bit late to this thread, but took a stab at reworking things based on some of the feedback here so far. The irony here is there's no actual graphics, but you could insert those in the middle somewhere as examples.
          Hi

          I know about the graphics. I took them out because the last lot were just awful. I can only work on this page over the weekend. My day job interferes with my empire building

          Di
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4950279].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author mgkimsal
            Looking at my logs, even without the graphics, it seems I got you to click the "get started" button (but wasn't capturing the email to see if you put that in)
            Signature

            Michael Kimsal
            http://heywords.com/ - for article writers

            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4950535].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
              Originally Posted by mgkimsal View Post

              Looking at my logs, even without the graphics, it seems I got you to click the "get started" button (but wasn't capturing the email to see if you put that in)
              HaHa I did not read your comment properly and just clicked. Then I saw an advert almost exactly like mine and I was thinking "This guy's trying to steal my idea". <Blushing big time here>. I clicked the get started to button to see what it did. Finally figured out that you had just done a sample for me. LOL.

              Ok .... It's good. Will work on mine this weekend.

              P.S. How did you know I had clicked? What logs are you referring to?
              You will have to excuse the really dumb questions here but I am a complete beginner at website designer. Normally I would use a WP blog but I wanted to learn the basics and I am using Net Objects Fusions.

              JimBetrue: That's because I am using ImnicaMail and I don't how to change the html coding to something else other than "subscribe" :confused:

              Thanks for all the great input. Really appreciate it.

              Di
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4951454].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author JimBetrue
    It looks like you've made great progress and there are some fantastic suggestions that I will review the next time I create an opt-in page.

    One thing that I haven't seen addressed is your button text. I don't think too many people want to 'Subscribe', however they would love 'FREE Instant Access'.

    That's a very subtle conversion influencer overlooked by many people that causes their would-be opt-ins to hesitate and leave.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4951055].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author JimBetrue
    JimBetrue: That's because I am using ImnicaMail and I don't how to change the html coding to something else other than "subscribe" :confused:
    The button text should be fairly obvious in the html. Just find where it says 'Subscribe' and replace it with 'FREE Instant Access!' and see what happens. You can always change it back if you change the wrong thing.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4951518].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RazvanRogoz
    Hi Diana,

    This is the second time I'm visiting your opt-in page.

    From a customer POV, your biggest flaw is the design. It looks unprofessional and it's hard to focus on any single element.

    From a copywriting POV, it's too "cute". I suggest going with a more classic approach.
    "How To Create Stunning Graphic Headers In Five Minutes Or Less".

    Also, the example / sample you gave is not very compelling.

    As far as the bullets, I suggest making them positive (You can do this without learning Photoshop or Gimp).

    Consider adding a reason why (why are you giving this away) and a more compelling call to action (you're not saying what is the ultimate benefit of creating headers for your website).

    Razvan
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[4964965].message }}

Trending Topics