How can I improve my Slaes Page?

by humbledmarket Banned
11 replies
I know it; my copywriting sucks. This is why I usually outsource my salescopy.

I had this Warrior who did it very well; usually 10% conversion rate.

This time he seems to drop the ball; I'm getting 2% conversion. Sad part is I think this is one of the best value course I've provided till date! Also took a good couple weeks; I don't want to waste it.

Because i'm bad at copywriting I can't pinpoint what the issue is; I tried spicing it up myself but I don't think it's making much of a difference.

What's wrong with this Sales Page?

We Even have Great reviews... and it's still 2-3%; disappointing.

Thanks in advance warriors
#improve #page #slaes
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Sure, he "dropped the ball". Couldn't be a crappy offer, right?

    So what "spice" did you add... the two lame sentences at the very top?
    Looking to Make Money or Expand your Business?... Then Check this OUT First:
    In my opinion the offer sucks, and that's why it's not converting.

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    • Profile picture of the author humbledmarket
      Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

      Sure, he "dropped the ball". Couldn't be a crappy offer, right?

      So what "spice" did you add... the two lame sentences at the very top?

      In my opinion the offer sucks, and that's why it's not converting.

      Thanks for your response; could you be so kind to give me some tips on how I could improve the sales page for better performance. The product I know is great! (of course I'm bias; i wrote it )
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Come on Benjamin, the offer is hopeless. What, where is the benefit here?

        Let me make this very simple for you...

        As Alex stated, it could just be that the offer itself is a load of cobblers.

        Look at your sales letter. You're trying to sell your target market on the prospect of getting 'golden suppliers' of basic Internet marketing services at an ultra low price whilst delivering (you state) very high quality.

        Tell me, this being the case (supposedly), I don't suppose one of these 'high quality cheaper than chips' suppliers was the person you chose to write this excuse for a sales letter?

        I mean come on man, the sales copy is appallingly bad. Just look at it. I mean LOOK AT IT!

        It's RIDDLED with mistakes throughout. Many sentences don't even make sense.

        And what is this doing? It's hurting your credibility.

        How on earth can you expect your target audience to take you on your word when the sales copy you're employing to sell this product, IS ITSELF so bloody awful?

        Great choice of 'copywriter' there Benjamin, great choice. :rolleyes:

        Good grief man, what's wrong with this sales letter and offer? Pretty much everything. It's represents precisely what the most awful copywriting is all about. Yet here you are trying to present a convincing argument / case that your product is high quality? I mean, something is seriously amiss here.

        The very notion that you're offering this at all in this manner is just ridiculous. This offer according to the very low quality sales letter basically is saying to your target market, "This offer is a crock of BS." Think about it Benjamin.

        And who needs this information anyway? Your 10 suppliers... big deal. With a bit of fluff around the edges and some fake reviews to make it look good, come onnnnn. What do you think, you're target prospects are that bloomin' stupid? :rolleyes:

        Good on you for trying mate but whatever it was that made you between $5k-7k in one month, I'd stick with that job whatever it is because the fact that you're concerned that this isn't making any sales at just over $7 a pop, makes that previous claim look very suspect indeed.

        Wouldn't most people simply use the search function on the Warrior Forum to find these cheaper suppliers in the first place?

        It's a terrible offer with hopeless positioning and utterly dreadful sales copy - go back to the drawing board and start again.

        Mark Andrews
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        Originally Posted by humbledmarket View Post

        The product I know is great! (of course I'm bias; i wrote it )
        Being too emotionally attached to an offer is one of the biggest mistakes a marketer can make.

        Sure, you want to see it succeed. And if it doesn't, quite naturally you're disappointed.

        But sometimes you just gotta throw your cards on the table and say "fold". Tough to do if you're too emotionally attached.

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  • Profile picture of the author RazvanRogoz
    Mmm ...

    Common wisdom says that not even John Carlton can sell a crappy product. I don't know if it's crappy (yet), so let's review your sales page.

    First thing I've noticed. Promise after promise without proof is called hype. You are making several of them before you start your letter. So I would add some proof there, direct or indirect.

    Second, the testimonials are not high quality. "Oh, you rock" testimonials are better than nothing but are not the best fit. Consider finding some precise testimonials, revealing the exact results your client got.

    Interesting headline. A little strange, but interesting. I don't know if it works or not. But I would move to the benefit sooner. I don't have time to find out what "that great gift" is.

    The first two lines of the sales letter are cute, but they don't work. If you would say "My intention is to help you achieve XYZ. Of course, this will require an investment from you ..."

    Ok. I've stopped reading the copy.

    I've moved into the comments section. From what I can see, warriors don't actually realize what you are selling. This is strike one.

    Second, it's an outsourcing package. Many people will be concerned on how much this will cost. Most people won't have a budget to implement these techniques. This may be strike two.

    From what I've saw, these are your only two flaws. First of all, you need to be clearer in what you sell. Second, you must assure them that they won't spend a lot of money implementing this.

    Good luck,
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  • Profile picture of the author laurenceh
    Hey Humbled,

    For me like others have said the offer itself doesn't seem particularly strong.

    Your copywriter also uses a ton of what I call "Blah" and "Etc" type words. Quality suppliers and Great suppliers.

    Well, why are they "quality", and why are they "great"?

    What makes them any better than the outsourcers I could find myself, other than the ones you offer us in your list are very "cheap"?

    You also fail to answer one of the biggest questions your prospects will have. "If your suppliers are at the "top of their game" how comes they are offering their services so inexpensively?

    Incidentally use of the word cheap when describing a service can throw up very negative associations in people's minds. Cheap often suggests tatty, shabby, and below par.

    You also say your guide is "Chock full" of these suppliers. You suggest earlier in the offer that there are 10 suppliers handed to us. Can you really describe a manifesto or directory of anything with 10 names as "Chock full"?

    These are just a few little observations.
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    • Profile picture of the author Azarna
      "Here are some screens of monthly report during the time we were using this (we have another one at $7000+, $6000+ and another one at $ WORKS):"

      I can't see the screen shots.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    Your copy isn't good... but that's not why it's bombing.

    It's converting poorly because the title is about $5k - $7k per month...

    And the WSO is about outsourcing.

    You're attracting people who just want a push button solution or a step-by-step method... in other words, "shiny object chasers".

    Then you drop on them something about outsourcing where the majority of them probably haven't made a single dollar.

    I'd say it's a massive disconnect... and why you're seeing such crappy conversions.


    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author profitmaster7
    I agree with Daniel. Looks like you are luring in the wrong audience. They read your offer, hoping to find a pot of gold, only to be told to look elsewhere. Good copy works for good offers, but even good copy can't make up for a lousy offer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Samrath Gupta

    Here is my quick view on your sales page......


    1- Man first of all your " Looking to Make Money or Expand your Business?... Then Check this OUT First: "

    2- The way you posted testimonials was even wrong....

    3- when i went through your page I even haven't read it and left the page by just scrolling it with a quick read, you know why???

    Because the sales page was saying that " I WANT TO SELL YOU SOMETHING WHICH YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND !! "


    1- " Looking to Make Money or Expand your Business?... Then Check this OUT First: " change it to something else and get a graphics designer to write it on an image like other sales page uses Doing this will make a visitor to take a watch....

    2- Put it in some good and healthy way !! like best will be to take the screen shot of the testimonial remove extra space and post it

    3- Give your sales page a pro touch and if possible then get someone to do it for you...

    4- use some images too which keeps your visitors busy in reading the page

    5- Dont start your sales page directly selling them something which they even dont know what they will buy...........

    To be to the point I will recommend you to HIRE A COPYWRITER to do your stuff.

    Best Regards
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