I Changed My Copy!

12 years ago

My first reaction?

"**** this guy."

Don't call your prospect stupid - especially don't say, "How could you be so ****ing stupid?" and then say, "Most Stupid Affiliates."

Don't.

Not even Rich Jerk called his reader stupid, or Halbert, or anyone who takes this "rough" position.

Say they've been misled, they've had the truth hidden, etc. But don't say they're stupid. You want to be their advocate, not their enemy. You've positioned yourself as the latter.

You haven't even made yourself the expert or offered proof - you've insulted me, made me feel like ****, and then you spit the kind of nonsense every snake-oil salesman on Clickbank uses.

Piece of advice: sell against the hype and credentialize yourself early on.

-Angel

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Ross Bowring 12 years ago

I share Angel's first reaction. And his fear of clowns.

The Rich Jerk was a marketing insult comic.

Your insults simply offend, without the comic sub-text.

--- Ross
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- ARSuarez 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Ross Bowring
  
  I share Angel's first reaction. And his fear of clowns.
  
  --- Ross
  
  Terror, sir. Terror.
  
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affiliatecopywriter

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ARSuarez

My first reaction?

"**** this guy."

Don't call your prospect stupid - especially don't say, "How could you be so ****ing stupid?" and then say, "Most Stupid Affiliates."

Don't.

Not even Rich Jerk called his reader stupid, or Halbert, or anyone who takes this "rough" position.

Say they've been misled, they've had the truth hidden, etc. But don't say they're stupid. You want to be their advocate, not their enemy. You've positioned yourself as the latter.

You haven't even made yourself the expert or offered proof - you've insulted me, made me feel like ****, and then you spit the kind of nonsense every snake-oil salesman on Clickbank uses.

Piece of advice: sell against the hype and credentialize yourself early on.

-Angel

I changed the headline to something less offensive. Improvement?

Thanks

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Way to go - insult your audience.

And yet again with the "bonuses". That just say - "This product is crap. But maybe if I load them up with some other junk I'll get away with it and they won't refund".

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affiliatecopywriter

12 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

Way to go - insult your audience.

And yet again with the "bonuses". That just say - "This product is crap. But maybe if I load them up with some other junk I'll get away with it and they won't refund".

I explain why I'm including the package. It's for one of the methods in the ebook. I also make it clear in the exit popup that the product isn't PLR.

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newebie

12 years ago

omg - you've got a whole library as "bonus"

never call your clients stupid because that's... stupid

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Phillips Pierce

12 years ago

I find the irony of your user name amusing. As someone who has sold short ad copy for upwards of $5000 I find your landing page almost insulting. Scratch almost.

While the stupidity of calling your audience stupid has already been beaten to death, I find it equally concerning that every word of your ad copy drips of insincerity. I am not speaking from a moral standpoint, it makes no difference to me. I'm speaking as a marketer. If you want to sell anything, from paper clips to Ferrari's, the most important element is establishing trust and rapport with the client. Your ad copy not only fails to do that, but it leaves the reader with a very poor impression and absolutely zero trust of the person that is trying to sell them.

I'll be frank...
You're not a copywriter, not even close. Yes, you can learn to a passable degree however a much better use of your time would be to outsource the process and focus on the elements you are good at. Being aware of your weaknesses and pursuing your strengths is the first rule of business.

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ThomasOMalley

12 years ago

If you call your prospects "stupid", you have lost them...right there.

Plus, you have so many bonuses that you lose any credibility at all.

In short, your copy lacks any shred of credibility.

Scrap this copy and hire a real copywriter to write some powerful copy.

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1 reply

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ARSuarez

12 years ago

A lot of folks say to hire a copywriter. I disagree.

If you don't have the cash to hire a writer, it's perfectly understandable that you want to write this yourself. That being said, learn to do it, first.

Read. Study good ads. Dissect those ads.

Your copy is a classic example of running before you can walk.

Learn the basics, master the fundamentals.

If you do have the cash, I would hire a writer. Hire one to write for you until you can write copy to support yourself (and even then, it's good to hire writers, since we can take an objective position).

Anyway, wanted to chime in.

Carry on.

-Angel

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Daniel Scott

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ARSuarez

A lot of folks say to hire a copywriter. I disagree.

If you don't have the cash to hire a writer, it's perfectly understandable that you want to write this yourself.l

If he's selling a "how to make money" product, I REALLY hope he has money.

If not, he should be a in a different market.

-Daniel

P.S. You know I love you, bro - this isn't a stab at you.

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Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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PandaPoacher

12 years ago

Yeah not a fan of it to be honest, it's quite offensive. With a bit or retooling you could have a decent page here. So far I like the idea of saying the user has been mislead and so on. Good luck!

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xedric

Banned 12 years ago

[DELETED]

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ARSuarez

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

If he's selling a "how to make money" product, I REALLY hope he has money.

If not, he should be a in a different market.

-Daniel

P.S. You know I love you, bro - this isn't a stab at you.

^^ Bro-treachery!

I kid.

You have a good point, Dan. I hadn't thought about it when I made the comment, but if he wants to see cash flood in now... hiring a writer is the best thing to do. Then again, he might be making enough money to afford to experiment and learn at his leisure.

But for the OP, Dan is right - if you don't even have the means to hire a writer, you should probably find something else.

As it stands, I noticed you actually make no profit potential promises or gains, and offer no proof as to why you even have the right to sell this to me.

Again - why do you have the right to sell this product? I hope it's because you have been very successful in the field.

Originally Posted by affiliatecopywriter

I changed the headline to something less offensive. Improvement?

The headline is still, as Dan Rosenthal would say, "limp-dick copy."

And you're still calling me a 'fool' in the eyebrow/prehead.

So you tell me.

A better headline might be, "Why 3 Out of Every 4 Affiliates Works 48 Hours A Week... and Still Can't Afford Groceries"

Honestly, a straight benefit-ish headline might be better than that. Or dominant emotion. But if you want a curiosity angle, the specificity there (which I bet is quite accurate) gives it momentum and validity.

Deck copy: But if you'll give me 5 minutes, I'll reveal the quick money-making strategies of 'elite affiliates,' who pull in as much $5,000 in a single day... And how you can put the same system to work within the next hour to build your fortune at breakneck speed!

Goddamn, I hate that kind of ****. But it's the kind of **** that works for your market.

You really need to study copy fundamentals. Your making very basic mistakes here that could be learned from reading 2 books.

Best of luck,

Angel

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I Changed My Copy!

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