Headline Writing Noob. Help please?

Here are a couple:

The 10 biggest reasons YOUR WEBSITE WILL FAIL to attract and convert your ideal customers - AND how to fix them in less than 30 minutes

Find Out Why YOUR BEAUTIFUL WEBSITE SUCKS and Exactly What To Do About It

I question your thought process a bit. If you teach do-it-yourselfers how to 'get by' without you, that's exactly what they'll do. I think you should focus on 10 reasons you shouldn't do it yourself.

#1 is that you're probably only going to need 1 or 2 websites for yourself. You can invest 100 hours to learn how to create a crappy one on your own and tweak it to death or you can spend $500 to get us to do it for you. If your time is worth more than $5 an hour to you, the solution is pretty easy. BTW it's going to look a lot more professional and actually do the job it's supposed to.

So, I would change the report and headline to be something like:

10 Keys to Save Yourself Hours of Frustration at Minimum Wage Creating a Website That Sucks

"FREE Report Reveals The 10 Steps To Making Your New Website A Success -- On a shoestring budget!"

Remember the power of FREE

Narrow it down

Think of your target (small businesses are very protective of their budgets, they'll want cost effective methods)

Use words that take the strain out of your prospect like "Reveals" or "Discover". . . as if these were secret gems they've been missing out on for no reason other than they don't have your report.

People hope for success, but their fear of failure may be even worse. You can play on that.

Notice the "To Making Your New Website A Success" in my headline recommendation is WEAK.

I don't know enough about what you're giving away or what it can do or what it has done. Define the success it will bring. Be specific.


One of my favourite lead ins for a headline that addresses a product with bullets or points is "Which of these ________ is __________"

It will leave them thinking, "I better check them to make sure I'm not missing anything"

*
(Important): I'm not a professional copywriter. Just an enthusiastic student.

What if you used a headline like:

If you're designing your own website, there's a good chance you're working for less than minimum wage to eventually get a site online that will confuse and repel your ideal customers

This taps directly into the do-it-yourselfers and 3 primary issues they're facing:
1. They are wasting a lot of valuable time to do something they could buy for a great price.

2. All of this time they're wasting is taking it a lot longer for them to get their site online.

3. After all this, they're still not going to get the results they're looking for.

If you'd like to have a phone conversation about this, let me know. I often find it valuable to have an actual discussion to brainstorm some of these things.

Have you ever wonder if you have something enough unique that trigger interest, it will do the best job? I personally don't believe in template because it cuts your own creativity. You can read your swipe files, your none-conscious mind will do the job for you after that you don't need to copy.

What you can do is brainstorm 15 mins each day by asking yourself: what can trigger enough interest to my ideal prospects that will make this offer irrisitible? Take multiple days and you'll know when you have a winner if you are a real perfectionist like me .

If you're trying to target companies, I recommend you to stay on "professional headlines", otherwise they might think you're not serious.

What about:

10 Tricks my Web designer knew and made me a ton of money!
(you can do your report testimonial style)

Hiring Web designer is dangerous...
(you can share a story with someone who though it was true and sneak your top 10, you can talk about those that charge a lot of money and give crappy Websites or scam you)

Why Steve Jobs don't hire Web designer
(again you can make a story, but something true don't lie )

Wish you best of luck

The best way to start off for headline ideas is just go to Amazon.com. Select books and enter the niche you are in. Click search and then the top selling books in that niche will come up.

These books are at the top because for the most part, the title is what attracted people to the book in the first place.

If you do this then you'll have a headline that has already been tested by your target market so you know from the start that it works.

Of course you can tweak it a bit, but it's a great place to start.

How about a twist in the headline's angle? Why not bring out the big guns straight away and talk about how their businesses will blossom under your web-design? Perhaps a service-differentiation from your competitors.

I don't really think the USP is about avoiding the 10 mistakes... Well, the prospect would be forced to play a "You sure?" challenge card while reading your headline. The role here the business might covet for is that of "recognition" (spreading their influence and market share worldwide) or "economy" (accelerating their profits).

Give Us A Small Business, And We'll Explode Your Business Across The Globe... 100% Guaranteed Or Your Investment Double-Back.

Who Else Wants To Supercharge Their Business Profits On The Internet Highway?

How To OverpowerYour Competitors And Increase Your Reach Over The Web.

I don't know enough about your business to give even a good headline... but try to place your single most important value towards your customer in the headline, and make them want to clamber all over the Himalayas just to get it.

What do the small businesses want? Go and survey those small business owners and find out their thoughts, and bring out the single most important role that your product needs to play. It's all about the customer.

Are they resistant to marketing through the web? Do you offer assistance in that, or is it set-and-forget?

Do you recommend compatible services for further expansion and leverage? etc.

It's worth to think about it... because your headline is that fork-road of whether the business owner will continue reading the rest of the copy, or just close the window.

Headlines should be more attention-getting and colorful than the ones you provided there. For example,

"Learn THE Top Ten Ways to Start a Brand New, Mega-Successful, Sale-Sucking Website on a Bare-Minimum Budget"

(not saying you should use this, since this assumes the report is talking about starting a sales website, but it gets the idea across)

I am not sure what the purpose is here. Let me suggest one: Getting on the phone with the client. Getting in a client pitch meeting. And slitting the throat of cut rate competitors who lowball those clients.

A modest suggestion given the nature of the market and economy.

...It's not 1997 anymore. Most people have sites. You do not want to target new sites. Repeat: Do not sell web sites to Amish people. Do not (try to) sell web development services to people who are, in twenty-ought-eleven, still wondering if this internet fad is going to pass. Just because someone doesn't have a website doesn't mean it's a viable potential market.

Do not target potential buyers who might be interested in a first site. Maybe. Target dissatisfied clients. Don't sell a "new site," even if we're talking about a new version of an old site. Offer to fix what's wrong with an existing site.

...Clients are well aware of their budget. You are positioning yourself against the budget of the last person they hired -- the sister-in-law's kid. That's bare minimum ...plus whatever the client thought they could get away with.

The market for cheap commodities is saturated. Forget trying to out-template TemplateMonster. Forget trying to out-webmonkey Craigslist flunkies. (And no, I am not saying try Fiverr instead).

Give me two minutes to ask seven questions and I'll prove your web site is costing you a fortune ...day in, day out

...And the body and gist of the thing would be something akin to "We Fix Six Dollar Haircuts" Do not use terms like Mega-Successful. Use terms like lowball competitors who charge hit-and-run billable.

A client fear here is having the site stop working and the kid who built it is gone.

Keen in mind, it's early. This is off the top of my head. And I haven't had my coffee yet.

... Oh coffee. I hear you calling me.

Apparently not.

Let your headlines have a combination of benefits and curiosity. In addition, use this link to read more about headlines.

Great Moments in Advertising Part 5 John Caples Explains it All | MakepeaceTotalPackage.com

To jump in at the tale end, I've been a freelancer for awhile, and after moving have decided to revamp my website and streamline my services into products. I've been working on copy that is more sales targeted over that last week and there is some great advice here.

Nick, hoping this brings you great success.

I just wrote this post on my blog, hope it helps.

Why Are Headlines So Important?

When your writing your content for you network marketing business you need to take the headlines into account. And the reason is a very important one.
Headlines are the attention getter for your content. When your dealing with all that hard SEO work you do you need to have a headline as your title tag in order to draw people to click on your link. This is the number one reason why people chose your site over all the others. Of course being number 1 in the search results doesn’t hurt, but if your like my you read the first three or four results before clicking on link to see which one interests you most.
The same applies to your emails. You take two roads with this one, which is to use the ones I suggest to you below. Or even better is get yourself Cosmopolitan magazine. They have a way of writing headlines that makes you just want to pick up their magazine. And that’s the same effect you want your headlines to have on your readers, just to open your emails.
Headline and subject lines are the most important factor in your copy. This is where the reader decides if they are going to stay and read the rest of your post, article, or email so put a lot of though into them.
Here Are Some Headlines To Get You Started

1) What Everybody Ought to Know About (blank)

These particular headlines draw a large amount of curiosity. They also act almost as a challenge to the reader to go ahead and see if they are missing something.

• What Everybody Ought To Know About The 100 Day Challenge
• What Everybody Ought To Know About MyLeadSystemPro
• What Everybody Ought To Know About Network Marketing

2) [Do something] like [example]

I know you remember the headlines “Be Like Mike” market campaign that featured Michael Jordan during the height of his career. This particular campaign made him and his sponsors tons of money and allowed Michael to take on that fantastic baseball career (insert sarcasm here lol).

• Party Like Kim Kardashian
• Dance Like A Rockstar
• Blog Like Seth Godin

3) Have a [or] Build a [blank] You Can Be Proud Of

These headlines take on a psychology tone. You need to use this headline to appeal to your readers vanity, dissatisfaction, or shame.

• Build a Blog You Can Be Proud Of
• Have a Body You Can Be Proud Of
• Build a Business You Can Be Proud Of

4) Who Else Wants [blank]

These headlines are a take on the classic social proof strategy that works to imply and already existing consensus desire. It tends to be overused in the internet marketing niche, but it does still work in other niche areas.

• Who Else Wants Hundreds of Prospects
• Who Else Wants Free Website Traffic
• Who Else Wants More Time With Their Family

5) The Secret of [blank]

I use these headlines a lot, and for a very good reason, they work. The headlines imply that you are sharing some insider knowledge about the subject and that knowing this knowledge will benefit the reader. This post used it, does it benefit you?

• The Secret of Search Engine Optimization
• The Secret of Lead Generation
• The Secret of Getting More People To Join Your Business

6) Here’s a Quick Way to [solve a problem]

Problem solving is the number one way to get customers with your headlines. Most people who are searching for a topic that relates to a problem are looking for a solution and these headlines help the searcher find yours. When using these headlines make sure that your actually solving the problem though. You can turn off a visitor if you draw them in without providing a solution.

• Here’s a Quick Way To Get More Fans
• Here’s a Quick Way To Get More Likes
• Here’s a Quick Way To Lose Weight

7) Now You Can Have [something desirable] [great circumstance]

These headlines are another way to answer people problems.

• Now You Can Quit Your Job and Make Even More Money
• Now You Can Spend More Time With Your Family and Work From Home
• Now You Can You Can Get More Traffic and Do It On Autopilot

8.) Get Rid of [problem] Once and For All

These headlines are used to identify a painful problem or some otherwise unfulfilled desire that your reader has and wants a fix for.

• Get Rid of Your Unproductive Work Habits Once and For All
• Get Rid of That Carpet Stain Once and For All
• Get Rid of That Acne Once and For All

9) Here is a Method That Is Helping [blank] and [blank]

Use these headlines to target your audience and the benefit that you will provide them.

• Here is a Method That is Helping Network Marketers Leverage Facebook
• Here is a Method That is Helping Blog Owners Write Better Headlines
• Here is a Method That is Helping Affiliates Dominate The Search Engines

10) Little Known Ways to [blank]

The use of these headlines are used less commonly then all the others. The headlines are more intriguing to your reader and accomplish the same thing as the “Secret of” headlines.

• Little Known Ways to Save on Your Advertising Bills
• Little Known Ways to Increase Your Converstions
• Little Known Ways to Research Keywords

Writing good headlines is about knowing good copywriting. But truly it doesn’t have to be that hard here are some more examples I have found on the net the convert well.

• Are You Sick and Tired Of….?
• Are You Ready To Get Serious About….?
• Shocking Developments In….
• New Product Shakes Up Market for…..
• Learn the Top Five Things that….
• Finally Experience the Benefits of….
• Change Your Life Overnight with….
• Explosive Secrets that are Guaranteed to….
• Learn the 10 Dangerous Secrets that Every Successful Person in Your Niche Knows, But You Don’t
• (Frank Kern special) Oh No You Didn’t

Do some research online, take a copywriting course, and get yourself a Cosmopolitan magazine subscription. Headlines are everywhere to be had for you to spin and make your own.

Regards,
Clint

If you went out, and did nothing but go after people without a site, who never developed web business, you did well. That's Amish people.

I suspect that business was people who were familiar with the web and had other web sites. There's a difference between doing the fifth site for for someone with a new IM Clickbank product launch, and getting bodega around the corner to put up a site when they've never had one.

One's a new site. The other's a site for someone who's new.

If you have millions to slide on the table, you can target people who are not yet in the market. If the market is new and trending, you'll have a lot of new people coming in.

Point being, many people treat the market like it's 1997. It's not. And, early adopters have a different psychology than the early majority, and both are different from late adopters.

Basic marketing. Nothing original.

Yes, you'll get clients who'll start new divisions, new projects, new spinoffs. The sites are new. The clients are not new to the web. The clients are not new to working with someone to develop a site. The clients are not unfamiliar with the web side of a business.

They are not outside the market. They are not new to the market. They are already in the market.

A Bridgestone spinoff selling a new line of rubber based roofing product -- with a marketing manager who has worked with web developers before -- wants a "new site." That's not what I'm talking about.

Go try to land that bodega. Tell me how you made 3-7k from their site when they figure their receipts with a pencil and don't know what Quickbooks is. Convince them everybody needs a site.


Let me repeat. Do not assume "everybody needs a site" just because they do not have one.

Eskimos are not a natural market for refridgerators. Amish people are not a nartural market for Bill Myers video tape on How To Live Without Electricity. (But you go right ahead and make as much money as you want and prove me wrong). Bill didn't, by the way. Hindsight being 20/20 perhaps you see where he went wrong.

People new to the market might be rich early adopters flush with cash just burning a hole in their pre-dotcom-flameout wallet. That's not now.

And who's more likely to spend more? The newbie unsure about everything, but unwilling to show it save for using price as a safety net. Or the veteran who knows how costly it is to use low price as a substitute for sound judgement?

I hear what you're saying John, but I still think your view is...skewed. No disrespect meant.

Some of our most profitable clients have been the doctors, lawyers, dentists, real estate agents, old-school politicians and educators that had never had a website before. The figure I quoted you was indeed from beginners.

And while $32K might not seem like much for a company to make over a year on that one service, I'd estimate that we made an additional $96,000 from that original $32. Why? We develop their business. We build solutions that can be scaled. That "Amish" person who you might have struggled to coax into a $3,500 website then needs other services....content, SEO, article marketing, press releases, maintenance, hosting, emails, autoresponders, copy, print materials, PPC...need I go on?

Targeting brand new websites is actually very profitable. It's up to you to develop the client as well as the site.

Of the clients that we built completely new websites for this year, I'd wager that 80% of them will still be spending a significant amount of money with us 2 years from now.

And while this is only a peripheral service for us, I'd certainly not advise anyone to stay away from this market. (Excepting selfish reasons, of course. More $ for me!) It's all about vetting your clients and cultivating long term business relationships.

After all John, those veterans you referred to had to start somewhere. We like to capture them on the way up as well as when they're already grizzled.

First off, yes, I'm skewed.

Next, to evidence this skew further, I do not believe you're allowed to talk about sound business principles or wholistic web development on the web.

That's certainly not how newbie web designers (on average) approach this.

You're talking about an integrated agency approach. You're talking 37 Signals. I'm talking Little Rascals, the "hey gang, let's start up a web shop" approach.

Sorry, but that's how things skew.

Finally, if I'm doing print and marketing, with a grizzled business owner. And that person wants to start up their very first site? First, color me skeptical. Second, that person isn't Amish.

The people who think an "Open for Business" sign is marketing, that's Amish.

Yeah kid. Announce to your customer base -- the people you're running $100K in ad placements for -- the agency who shot their TV spots and print work is now doing web design.

That'll work.

Yeah. I'm all mad ... ? ...and ... some stuff.

Let's see ... um ...grrr? No. No. Wait. GRRR!!


Please.

My first thought is. Who is your customer? And you've answered that
Second , what do these businesses want from you ? Most people opening small businesses don't have the time or the knowledge to do what your company does.

Therefore , your company is providing a solution to the problem.

So, your prospect will want something done quickly and efficiently , but, of coarse at a competitive price.

Sell yourself to them , why should they hire you?

How will for your service benefit them? How are you going to solve their problems?


-Bill Jeffels


.

Hi
I think you have some great headlines there but you could also check out other sites in your niche and see if any of them appeal to you then adapt it to your business.Pwesonally I like
Find Out Why YOUR BEAUTIFUL WEBSITE SUCKS and Exactly What To Do About It
Regards
vivi62

Focus on the end result that they want. Obviously every website wants more sales. More sales means more conversions.

I know that a good design is important for increasing conversions.

So some headlines to consider are:

1) How to increase your conversions by as much as X% - use this if you have a proven client you've helped achieved a certain increase in conversion rate before.

2) Why you're leaving as much as X dollars on the table and what to do about it! - you can show them case studies of how a poorly designed site doesn't earn as well as a properly designed one. In the mean time, you're demonstrate the value of your company and the solution you can bring to them.

3) The "stupid" website tweak that resulted in X more dollars in revenue - this headline combines curiosity and a benefit. In your report you can show little design tweaks that seemed stupid but were proven to increase conversions. This way you can demonstrate your expertise as well. Demonstration is a GREAT way to establish PROOF and the fact that you know what you're doing.

These are just some suggestions for consideration. I don't know enough about your company or your USP. So take use them for ideas and where you see fit.