Quick Feedback on My Copy

by 17 replies
20
Hey Warriors

Just wanted to see if I could get some feedback on my copy for my new product...

GetAsianGirlfriend.com


I didn't write this to be sold, it was a project I've been working on for years and its actually really solid. Then my freind who does a lot of Internet marketing reccamended I try and sell it.


I'm brand new at this and Looking to network with anyone in my niche. Send me a PM if you'd like to do something.

Best Regards,

Fade
#copywriting #asian #copy #feedback #girls #quick #seduction
  • anyone? especially persons from get girls niche is appreciated.
    • [1] reply
    • Add more sub headlines in red like your original head line.

      you have plenty of pictures. still need more variation in text color, size and more to grab attention to that.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
      • [1] reply
  • Only had time for a quick look:

    Your differentiation and hook is your FRS. I'd feature it above the fold, build the headline around it and ask the reader which is the Japanese face and which is the Chinese (then go on to give them the answer and explain why it matters so much).

    You could even have it on its own page, ask the reader to tick which one they think is the Chinese or Japanese face, and then take them to a different page depending on their answer.
  • This is just me but the second I read that you've been living the life of an international playboy I exited the page. Maybe that work with your target market, I'm not sure. If it does, great, ignore what I'm saying. To me, though, it sounds canned and hokey.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
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    • I am an international playboy, but i see what you mean.

      the horizon.. how can i give you that i can't send a PM
  • I'm quite experienced in the Asian relationships/dating/seduction niche (especially Asian)... I can help you with tweaking the copy for free if you have an email.
  • Hi, here's a newly created email for the purpose: conversion101-at-hotmail-dot-com. Might have to do some changes to the selling angle as well.
  • Only had time for a quick look:

    Your differentiation and hook is your FRS. I'd feature it above the fold, build the headline around it and ask the reader which is the Japanese face and which is the Chinese (then go on to give them the answer and explain why it matters so much).

    You could even have it on its own page, ask the reader to tick which one they think is the Chinese or Japanese face, and then take them to a different page depending on their answer.






  • You need to hit the hot button of your prospect right at the very start. Differentiating the two at the start is interactive, but not necessarily converting towards the end. You have to justify heavily why differentiation is just that important if you're going to do that, and early in the copy. Scarcity is injected in the wrong place, some are off placement. The closing of the sale can be stronger. Send me a mail at conversion101@hotmail and I'll try to help the copy reach better organization and angles.
    • [1] reply
    • There are a lot of typos and grammatical errors, especially with apostrophes.
  • I have things:

    No 1: Delete your current headline and subheadline and come up with 15-20 new one. Choose the one that sounds the best.

    No 2: Your first sentence says :Today you will learn that Dating Asian women is different from other women, But once you learn know HOW it’s different…

    I know it sounds weird, but never use the word "learn." People don't want to "learn" anything because it sounds like work. Many people tend to be lazy and don't want to get involved in things that seem like a lot is involved.

    Instead, use a better word like "discover."
    • [1] reply
    • "In fact, I used to be completely clueless with ALL women"

      By the way you objectify Asian women with your "how to game Asian women" angle, you still are. Yeah, I know if your market buys it, that's what matters to you. I just had to say it. I think it's repulsive.

      Also, the girl you have pictured in the brown top looks all of 12. I hope she isn't 12.
      • [1] reply
  • I don't have much time now so I could only take a quick look.

    1) Your off to a great start, you started off with a question which actually encouraged me too keep reading.

    2) Consider all the advice given above.
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