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Critique My Squeeze Page

by MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
13 replies
Please critique my squeeze page. Thanks in advance.

My Squeeze Page
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Warriors
    Hey, I think you squeeze page looks good, but there's just a few things I'd change about it.

    1. The headline. Not particularly attention-grabbing or enticing. I'd change it to something that refers to your product while laying some bait in front of the customer. For example: "Marketers, Are You Sick Of Cranking Out Content That Doesn't Get Read? Sign Up Now For My FREE Report And Learn How To Get A 98% Open Rate Using Your Phone!" This headline doesn't refer to text messages DIRECTLY, but it does reference the 98% open rate, which will build interest.

    2. Bit of repetitiveness here:

    Read "Mobile Marketing BluePrint." Mobile Marketing BluePrint teaches you how to instantly
    Repetitiveness makes your stuff sound boring. Change it to something like "In my free report, Mobile Marketing Blueprint, you'll learn the seven secrets you need to instantly do x, y and x."

    3. Font. Use slightly bigger font with more space between each line.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tricerra
    I agree with the comments Andy made above.

    1) Work on the Headline to make it engage readers and offer a single big benefit.

    2) Rewrite you bullet points to all fit on one line

    3) Concerning the bottom of the page information. Change the text in your call to action by adding a sub headline that offers a little known fact. A little research lead to me to "87% of all cell phone users are never more than 36 inches from their phone. Learn how to take advantage of this amazing opportunity!" or something similar.

    4) From a personal view I do not like "subscribe notes" and "sign up" buttons. I prefer to use a "Get It Now" type message. I get a lot of email and the words sign up and subscribe means I will have more stuff to delete.
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  • Profile picture of the author ericbryant
    Work your font sizes and paragraph/line shapes and spacing to guide the reader's eye through it in the order you wish them to read it. Flow the eye through the copy and then to the opt-in box.

    Also, there's a reason all the big dogs use bobbing red arrows and hand-drawn lines, etc. They work!
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    • Profile picture of the author Azarna
      You lost me with the crossed out $97. What does that mean? You sold this for that figure? You just made the figure up to sound like this is a bargain?

      Thing is, I am instantly suspicious of something that is supposedly worth that much but now being given away free - why? Either that figure is a lie, or you couldn't shift it and got told it was rubbish so are giving it away.

      Of course neither of those may be true, probably not, but that is the feeling I get when I see this - and pretty sure other people would too.
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    • Profile picture of the author MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
      Originally Posted by ericbryant View Post

      Work your font sizes and paragraph/line shapes and spacing to guide the reader's eye through it in the order you wish them to read it. Flow the eye through the copy and then to the opt-in box.

      Also, there's a reason all the big dogs use bobbing red arrows and hand-drawn lines, etc. They work!
      I don't know how to make the hand drawn lines...Is that something you do with photoshop?:confused:
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  • Profile picture of the author Verisimilitude
    What Deborah said. We marketers have become conditioned against the anchoring effect.
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  • Profile picture of the author MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
    I made some changes... What do you think now?
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Its okay but if your life depended on it would you use it? I wouldnt

    Biggest thing missing in this is belief. Wheres the proof what your saying is true. Why should I believe you. How do I know I can really make money with this and that its really going to work for ME?

    Hmm? Wheres the answers to those questions in your copy... put em in. Youve done some great research now you need to rework it to make it more powerful.

    With this headline it will pull emails, I dono how many, I know you can do a lot better though. If I was up at 3 am woken from a sleepy slumber and read this headline id think cool, and go back to sleep.

    You need to JOLT your customers and get their attention. Then get them interested. Build desire. And ask for action.

    What I would do, if I were you, is test headlines now. Your going to gain more answers in one hour of testing than in 20 hours on the forum. The headline is okay, it will get subscribers, but it could be a lot better. Put the benefit in the forefront

    How To Get Up To 95% Of People In America To Read Your Advertising Message For Almost No Money

    Dont forget what kind of market this is, people in this market respond well to big claims. Doing something like

    Balding Loser Makes $50,000 Overnight Using A Cellphone

    I dono what kind of income claims you have to make but you've clearly done a little research and its helped. Do more and work harder.

    P.S. Your webpage design sucks, get a new one.
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    • Profile picture of the author MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
      Originally Posted by maximus242 View Post

      Its okay but if your life depended on it would you use it? I wouldnt

      Biggest thing missing in this is belief. Wheres the proof what your saying is true. Why should I believe you. How do I know I can really make money with this and that its really going to work for ME?

      Hmm? Wheres the answers to those questions in your copy... put em in. Youve done some great research now you need to rework it to make it more powerful.

      With this headline it will pull emails, I dono how many, I know you can do a lot better though. If I was up at 3 am woken from a sleepy slumber and read this headline id think cool, and go back to sleep.

      You need to JOLT your customers and get their attention. Then get them interested. Build desire. And ask for action.

      What I would do, if I were you, is test headlines now. Your going to gain more answers in one hour of testing than in 20 hours on the forum.
      Any suggestions for a headline, I got a few earlier and I'm planning on testing them however, you are kind of motivating me to change it now. I think that my headline being one of the only serious problem, is a good problem to have, because now I can just start testing headlines like you suggested.

      You also said something about having proof. Would you suggest adding a small testimonial, or do I need to make a claim in the headline. Saying that I've helped alot of people or that I have succeeded myself?

      edit: I have to admit this is only my second squeeze that I've ever built. So I'm really a blank slate when it comes to this and I'm open to suggestion.
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  • Profile picture of the author MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
    Some of the stuff I didn't change because I'm planning on using some of the suggestions on my next page as a split test. Such as the headline suggestions.
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Do your own work, write 100 headlines, pick what you think is best and test it. We are here to mentor you not work for free.

    Once again the weakest part of this besides lack of proof such as testimonials, third party comments, news, whatever - is your crappy website design which makes me think the product sucks

    Good design has a way of making the prospect think the product is also good. Hence why Apple is a superpower in so many fields now.
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    • Profile picture of the author MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
      Originally Posted by maximus242 View Post

      Do your own work, write 100 headlines, pick what you think is best and test it. We are here to mentor you not work for free.

      Once again the weakest part of this besides lack of proof such as testimonials, third party comments, news, whatever - is your crappy website design which makes me think the product sucks

      Good design has a way of making the prospect think the product is also good. Hence why Apple is a superpower in so many fields now.
      I never seen a squeeze with testimonials. I'll see what i can do about the testimonials, I'm not exactly sure where i should put them, though.

      There is only so much i can do about the layout and design of the site, i don't know html that well. I made it blank because that is how most squeezes seem to look.
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  • Profile picture of the author fosterandersen
    I think it is clean and catchy.
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