Any thoughts on my sales page?

6 replies
Hi, I've just finished polishing and redesigning my sales page, and am getting ready to test it.

I have goal tracking properly set up, and I'm also measuring attention and scrolling with heatmaps - to see how users read it...

Please have a look at:

Internet Marketing Mindset Optimizer

..and let me know what you think...

Is the message congruent throughout and clear enough?
Does the graphic design help or hinder?

Any thoughts you might have are welcome!

Thank you so much! - in advance
#page #sales #thoughts
  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Graphic design helps not hinders.

    Biggest thing required in this copy is more belief. The prospect must believe, with feeling, that this is the missing key to their success. Look at how the same thing is sold in the dating market and discover how they do it, then add this into your sales letter.

    I would also say its missing a good story and it just lacks spice. Doesnt have an edge of controversy to it.

    Just a little boring for me when I read it.

    Your copy is better than most but can still use a lot of polishing. It needs to flow smoother still. Like I said good job so far, your off to a good start. You need to get it to flow like a slippery slope from one sentence to the next. I just scanned your letter because

    a. it was boring, the copy isnt okay but it needs to wake the reader up from a dull sleep and get them excited
    b. it didnt hook me and draw me into the body copy

    You need both of those things to get the whole letter read. I think you will get sales off this letter but the conversion rate will probably be so-so.

    To get it up higher you need to engage your reader, get their heart pounding, have them find your copy irresistible and build that belief that your product is the missing key they have been searching for all along.

    xResponsive Advertising Agency | Direct Marketing | Online Advertising | Create Breakthrough Campaigns for Your Business

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131089].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author stevenalowe
    The headline does not grab my attention.

    The purpose of the headline is to get the reader's attention, and compel them to read the sub-head

    the sub-head should immediately address a benefit to the reader, identify the reader, engage the reader

    I think your headline is too complicated.

    Perhaps something like -

    How to Accomplish More - Without Really Trying

    Let This Brain-Science Breakthrough Turbocharge Your Productivity in MINUTES

    Caveat: I did not read the entire sales letter - because I think I'm already massively productive

    You might want to focus on the reader's fears and insecurities a bit more before introducing the solution - hypnosis has an...underwhelming reputation, deserved or not.

    You might even retain the mystery for a few more paragraphs, never mentioning hypnosis or self-hypnosis at all, just focusing on the benefits. Then pitch the reader to opt in to get a free lesson. Deliver the lesson on the thank-you page, and have a "Give Me More!" button at the bottom that takes them to the rest of the sales page

    (This is the so-called "sandwich page" tactic; can be quite effective)

    good luck!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131135].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author strangest
      My tuppence worth (or 2 cents for you yanks) . . for what it's worth:

      Graphics ok

      Header needs sharpening

      Lacks initial punch

      Too long
      a wonderland of curiosities . . . you never knew existed
      > > > > > > > > SEEING IS BELIEVING < < < < < < < <
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131175].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author AlfieBoy
        I would lose the weird stare in your pic. It looks as if you're trying to hard to look intense and hypnotic. You can't hypnotize people from a photo... Woof woof I'm a dog, I'm a dog tickle my tum, tickle my tum, I worked hard today.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131434].message }}
  • Agree with the other comments that this is a little bland and doesn't really grab the attention.

    One of your problems is that "mindset" might have been a new thing for Internet Marketers a couple of years ago, but now it's a bit more mainstream. So, you need to come up with an angle to show why this product is different and "better" than the competition.

    The headline really is pretty bland and gives the game away too soon "...mostly it just takes the right mental strategies". Headline deck needs to a) grab attention and b) be mainly focused on the benefits. I know the John Carlton "One Legged Golfer" headline has become something of a cliche and much mis-used in IM circles, but take a look at the structure and notice how it grabs you.

    Agree with Maximus that a story would help here. Yes, it's a bit of cliche but the classic "I was a miserable IM loser, I'd tried everything and then discovered IM Mindset" should work. I'm assuming that you do have results and some success stories (I note that you've got some testimonials).

    On the credibility front, you've put a lot of effort into "proving" the power of hypnosis. Nothing wrong with this as supporting material but I'd suggest that explaining how and why YOU can help them (as the trusted authority) would be more effective.

    BTW, I wouldn't use terms like this...

    "I know what you’re thinking… “oh great another BS hypnosis product”… If you’ve ever thought hypnosis was a ‘sham’ and that is doesn’t work…

    YOU’RE WRONG. (well, you’re partially right, I’ll tell you why in a sec!)"

    ...because you don't know what they're thinking! This may never have occurred to them and you risk losing them here. If you're going to cover off this "objection" suggest you use more ambiguous language like...

    "Now if you're thinking that this is simply another bland hypnosis course...let me explain why it's like nothing you've ever come across before..."

    The program / system itself seems to get a little lost in the copy. I'd introduce it sooner and spell out what the system involves.

    On the design, personally I don't like it. Too much clutter for me and looks a little hypey. Using graphics is fine, I use them a lot to illustrate the key sections as you've done. But the overall layout doesn't appeal to me.

    You've got the right basic elements of a sales letter here, but as others have said they don't really flow together to make a compelling case.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131522].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Nicks Iglesias
    Hmm... Its good to some extent. But i suggest you to add more realistic testimonials..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5131549].message }}

Trending Topics