The market will have the final say, but what I read really impressed me.

--- Ross

Alex, yes, (and Vin) that's me.

Boz: You are so very welcome.

I'm glad Gordon (and you!) gave me the opportunity to write copy for your product through Gordon's "challenge" and I'm looking forward to seeing "what the market thinks" myself.

Ross, thank you (again).

Nick, the "conversational tone" comes from having a brother who would absolutely talk to his buddies about a product like this in the exact way I wrote the copy in the letter.

I drew from images in my head of him having such a chat ... and I wrote down what I imagined he'd say as fast as I could.

So anyway, thanks guys, to all of you. I've had a blast with this copy and hope it does well for you, Boz.

Tina

It's always great to see a piece of good work. :-)

Ya know, I was reading that copy and I started getting the itch. It was pretty compelling stuff. I thought it was going to continue on as a blind orrer. Then when I saw what the business was, I knew it wasn't for me.

But still the copy did what it's supposed to do. Nice work.

Have you guys considered testing against a blind offer? I'll bet it converts way better that way.

It is a 1000% improvement over the original. I think the video is going to kill the sales though. You're teaching them too much.

I really think this needs to be a blind offer to sell well. Take a look at this:

Let me google that for you

The copy is indeed compelling and the products fits the time
when people are looking for an "easy" way to make some
extra bucks.

At the same time I think that you needed to justify the
$97 price more by playing on the "mystery cleaners"
(I wanted to know what the ingredients were in the
bottles) and also the work and research that was
involved in coming up with the system.

Bottom line, this is a great letter.

-Ray Edwards

I should also say, the copy is very well written, though I agree with Ray about the lack of price justification. And where is the order form? Its really got a weak close.

What I wonder, and think I know the answer now after seeing Boz's reply, is, did Tinkerbell advise him that this isn't the best way to sell the product? That's really part of the copywriters job.

Yep that "Less than $300" in the box at top right needs to go. A cordless drill, a toolbox and the other stuff shouldn't run even half that. But whatever it is - it shouldn't be there.

And yeah...if you have half a brain you'll Google "How to clean a yellowy headlight" or something. But the people this is pitched at probably won't do that.

I also think it's weak on exactly what's in the manual - that could be souped up. Tinkerbell says - You could beef it up -

Finally. Ditch the video - you're giving the game away. Include that in the PDF. Plus you need to spell it out that this is a downloadable PDF that they'll be able to get their mitts on instantly. I just went back and re-read the copy. Nowhere do you spell it out that its a DOWNLOADABLE product - not a physical manual that you send by snail-mail.



You also need a Guarantee, Refund Policy and contact details. What you have there is far too small and looks like you have something to hide.

Forgot to add - nice job on the copy Tinkerbell!

Headlight cleaning????

I don't recall ever seeing a car that needed it's headlights cleaned.

Tina has always done really great work for me and I count her as a great friend as well.

Not only is she an amazing copywriter but she has helped me through a lot of business strategy and personal situations in the past.

Love her to death

Cheers,

Brad