I Need A Serious Critique With My Main Product - Not Converting...

11 replies
Hi guys,

I need your critiques on one of my sales pages...

I believe it is a great product and
can be very beneficial to many...

Please take a look:
Learn How To Install PHP Scripts

Give me every little piece of BRUTAL or NICE
advice, comments and suggestions on it...


#converting #critique #main #php #php script #php scripts #product #script #scripts #serious
  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Only since you asked please

    Your headline sucks.

    Who wants to learn how to install PHP scripts?

    You NEED a *benefit* driven headline that will tell people how your product can help them in terms of dollars and sense or maybe saving time.

    So a rewritten headline with this in mind might read:

    "Now You Can Save Yourself Precious Time & Also Stuff Extra Wads Of Cash Into Your Paypal Account By Installing Ingenious Snippets of PHP Code Right Into Your Website!"

    This translates into the PHP scripts actually doing something beneficial for the person reading the sales letter and keeps their attention on it since they know they can get some killer stuff out of it.

    Best of luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author Jamie Iaconis
      Thanks Justin... I've made the suggested change!

      Is the header alright then?
      (Usually without works better, for me anyways)

      How about the copy?

      I'm wondering if bringing up the product image and
      also maybe the size of it should be a bit smaller?

      (I tried using a bigger one to test)


      I hope that makes sense, geez!
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Sorry Jamie I usually only make 1 suggestion per post I find with an interesting website because I am not being paid for my time if ya know what I mean

    But, if your headline was written like that I would imagine the rest of the copy needs to be rewritten IF that is possible or redone completely.

    Your site didn't pass my headline radar so it didn't earn a scroll down past your fold.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I think you may need to understand your market
    better. Where in the level-of-awareness of what
    scripts are, how they work, and what they do
    are you targeting this?

    In all advertising you need to tap into the internal
    monolog in the reader and guide him to your way
    of thinking, ie...

    "Give Me 3 Minutes And I'll Show You How You
    Can Increase Your Website Profits And Get
    A Competitive Advantage" (not a good headline,
    but the desire is addressed here - the desire to
    increase profits).

    Then you go on to show and tell how adding
    a PHP (like Plank's popular new pop-up) increased
    opt-ins by xxx%.

    Then you tell about what PHP scripts do for
    you, what the problems are (it's hard to figure
    out how to install them if you've never had
    anybody show you the ropes), and how
    your course shows how to do it in a jiffy...
    and also how you've put together a primo
    collection of killer scripts for you to try out,

    See? You guide the reader who has a boring
    website which isn't making much money into
    seeing your point of view - which is that adding
    exciting, interactive scripts make a site "stickier",
    get leads, save lost sales, and lots of other

    When you lead with the technology you'll lose
    a lot of people. Lead with the desire and guide
    the reader into the technology as a solution
    to the problem he has an unfocused desire to

    It's called leading - or controlling the conversation.
    You steer the prospect from his pain to your
    solution. You may want to intensify the feeling
    of pain (lost sales, no list) and describe the
    implications of continuing to not solve those
    problems. Then you say "this solution is easy
    to learn and the course is such a bargain you have
    nothing to lose."
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    • Profile picture of the author Jamie Iaconis
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      "Give Me 3 Minutes And I'll Show You How You
      Can Increase Your Website Profits And Get
      A Competitive Advantage" (not a good headline,
      but the desire is addressed here - the desire to
      increase profits).
      Thank you Loren... great critique...

      What you said in the quote may not be so good of a
      headline (like you stated) but a good sub-head maybe.

      I will go over it and see what I can do.

      The elements that stump me are stupid little things like:

      Is it the header?
      Is it the image?

      But that is because... it seems everytime I change something
      so minute, I get sales and then they seem to stop.

      Thanks Loren!

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  • Profile picture of the author TracyNeedham
    Hi Jamie,

    Two things jumped out at me.

    1. You talk about php adding things that make your site look and feel like a million dollars. Now I may not be your target market, but it is unclear to me exactly what these features or upgrades are.

    2. And how do these additions bring more money? That may need to be clarified too. Some of the sites you name (like FB) are having a notoriously bad time actually making money.

    Just my 2 cents.

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    • Profile picture of the author Kyle Tully
      Personally I think the product/market is a dog.

      But if you want to spend more time on it here are a few things you've got to sort out:

      Figure out who your market is -- write only to them. At the moment it's all over the place and hits no nerve with anyone. Who are they? What pain are they in? What are they searching for?

      Top banner is a cheesy make money rip. Lose it.

      Add some level of believability. Current headline is completely unbelievable and has questionable relevance to the product. Lots of big promises and claims, none of which are backed up by anything.

      Your example sites look like rubbish.

      You've not overcome any objections -- such as... why aren't the instructions that come with the php scripts enough? what about fantastico? what about this particular script I want to install, can you help? why not just outsource it for $10? how does installing a script really do anything to make me more money?

      That's just a small sample of what's wrong. I could go on

      The big glaring problem of course is that your site looks like a cheesy make money site... and the BIG slice of the market that would possibly be interested in your product (webmasters and work-at-home types -- people who buy "dummies" books) generally don't want anything to do with this market.
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  • Profile picture of the author FitJerk
    I'd say that I'm one of your target markets dude and a while back I had to install some php crap to get my auto responder working and could have used info like this.

    But even tho im your target market, your head line did NOT grab at me. Keep doing re-writes till it works. Are you tracking your conversions?
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  • Profile picture of the author Neil Ashworth
    Hey Jamie,

    Looks like you're getting some good advice and putting it into practise. As someone who doesn't use php you'd have to tell me a little more in your sub heading what this would do for me..

    It's leaving too many questions for too long buddy!

    Good luck

    Neil Ashworth
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    Since you've already gotten some good copy advice, I'm focusing on the graphics.

    My question is, why do you have the bottom half of the page (almost every line of copy) UNDERLINED???.....I realize it all links to your order page, but it makes it very difficult to read. (was this a mistake?) Anyway, I would remove ALL of it.

    The ebook graphic looks very scammy and does not help at all.

    I'd agree with Kyle's comments above. The whole site SCREAMS 'BS' when what you want is something more professional and backed up with some informative testimonials/case studies.
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