26 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
26 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

I would appreciate a review if you are not busy.

by DianaHeuser
20 replies
Hi again,

If you have the time, I would really appreciate a critique of this sales page. I delibrately pushed the product, the website setup and sales copy out fast because I wanted to see how quickly I could go from the inception of an idea to implementation.

Nitty Gritty for Non Geeks - Home

You may be honest as usual

Thank you,
Di
#busy #review
  • Profile picture of the author Robert Michael
    Basic, but basic can be a good thing.

    The only thing that I can think of (keep in mind, I'm no copywriter nor do I claim to be one) would be to center the other stuff that isn't already centered, like the bulletin points & all that.

    Other than that, not bad D!

    At least you're doing SOMETHING. The only bad way to take action is by not taking action at all.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5280475].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Thank you,

    I know it needs work but I work on a principle that John Taylor taught me: "Ready, Fire, Aim".

    Get it done and then go back and fix it
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5280510].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Di,

    [As I typed this I realized this is your second critique I've responded to by not offering a critique, but the idea here is more important than the words you're using]

    Noted copywriter Robert Collier said something like "you want to enter the conversation already going on in the reader's head".

    So for this ad to work your reader needs to already know about and have decided to use Digiresults. Also, they need to be thinking that it's so complicated for them to use they need more help than Digiresults provide. Finally, they need to believe that you and your product can help them.

    If your reader matches up to that, then you'll make sales (although I'd either tone down, move, or scrap that first buy button - it's pulling attention away from your headline).

    But if your traffic's not that targeted, and your reader's maybe not that sure about some (or all) of the above, they won't buy.

    Hope that gives you something to think about.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5280642].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author saleswriter101
    For your headline... is there something UNIQUE you can say about the manual?

    Is it the only one of its kind?

    If not, in what way is it different from other DigiResults manuals? (Shortest setup time, perhaps?)

    I think your headline must in some way state you're offering something here that cannot be found anywhere else.

    Good luck!
    Scott
    Signature

    Easiest Way to BOOST Your Sales?
    Pump Up Your Ad's PERSUASIVE POWER with a COPY CRITIQUE!

    82% Off for Warrior Forum Members. (Reg. $97. WF members: $17.)
    You get a FREE CUSTOM SAMPLE first. Testimonial and details here...

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5281249].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Sarah Harvey
    My initial thought was: read and had to re-read. At first glance I was not sure what you were trying to sell me until I took the time to assimilate the information... not sure why, but the title had me confused at first.

    A reader shouldn't ask what you mean by your title. And I am not for cheesy titles either (meaning I don't need overhyped titles to understand them), but I had to read that title twice and then read the rest of the text just to understand what you were trying to sell. If I 'chanced' on the page by accident, it would not have captured my attention.

    But there again I may not be your target market. Write for your target market in mind and just present information that is easy to understand. That is the best advice I can give from a non-professional writer's point of view. I just happen to love writing in general so I go with gut instinct. It's how I approach everything in life.

    Signature
    "Find the problem and provide the solution."
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5281307].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RefundHost
    Your page and offer is clean and concise but ...

    It might be a good idea to put your first GIGANTIC "pay me give me your money" button AFTER ( below ) where you tell them at least a bit about what they get. lol

    On many computers, your current page may only show down to that big buy button
    and they may not scroll beyond it ... so best use that real estate to give the first
    set of bullets to compel them to scroll down further.

    At the moment, your site looks like "Hi ... pay me".
    Signature
    A Great Xmas ClickBank Product - Highest Commission Rate & Low Refund Rate - Email it or use a Banner christmastrivia.ca
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5281462].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author agc
    Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

    Hi again,

    If you have the time, I would really appreciate a critique of this sales page. I delibrately pushed the product, the website setup and sales copy out fast because I wanted to see how quickly I could go from the inception of an idea to implementation.

    Nitty Gritty for Non Geeks - Home

    You may be honest as usual

    Thank you,
    Di
    What is digi results and why would I want to set up with them?

    If you can get THAT into your headline then I might actually care about the rest of your copy.

    No, seriously, that really was my initial reaction, and after skimming down a bit it was also my final reaction. To me = nothing to see here, move it along. Didn't bother looking any closer.

    Maybe something like this:

    DigiResults + your XXX + 15 minutes = $2,500 / month. Here's How.

    (whatever XXX is, because I still don't know).
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5281821].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bikramksingh
    Diana, to me, the call to action button looked staring into my face and headline looked less prominent than $9 because of its color and size.

    It appears to me that you are more keen on selling on price than communicating benefits to the users, which is not an approach I am a fan of. I believe a person is not going to put in even a single dime if her or she fails to see what in it for him/her.

    I liked the design of the box holding "Call to Action button" except for the drop shadows behind payment processors logos.

    Work on the font: color, style, and size
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5282053].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author nova37
    I would place the bullet (green check) points to the left of the Add to Cart box. This way the user doesn't have to scroll as much.

    I would also use the Belcher button instead of the button that's currently there. The Belcher button has been tested many times and it just works for selling stuff online.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5282113].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Thank you all. I appreciate it.

    I have removed the first big a$$ buy button and added some benifits. This is for a targeted market.

    Will work on it this afternoon.

    Di
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5282546].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    What a targeted niche. I'm showing about 1,000 searches a month for that phrase. Small market. At $9 a copy and converting at 1-2%, you're looking at 2-3 sales/day max. Are you really interested in making $18/day? Seriously?

    Forget the critique, pick a new niche. And don't forget, most of your market doesn't need any help like you're offering.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5283013].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Thanks Bruce,

    It's all part of a bigger plan. This is just the first in a series of tutorials that I am aiming at a specific market. I wanted to test the water. I've had one sale already

    Appreciate the time

    Di
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5283038].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
      Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

      Thanks Bruce,

      It's all part of a bigger plan. This is just the first in a series of tutorials that I am aiming at a specific market. I wanted to test the water. I've had one sale already

      Appreciate the time

      Di
      Ok, I'm sure you know what you're doing and I'm just missing something. Good luck with it.
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5283084].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Lori Kelly
    It looks good.

    The phrase that stands out is "sales on automatic pilot". Not knowing your target market, this point may not be that important. If your target market is the newbie who believes they can make money when they are sleeping...

    Good luck, Diana.
    Signature
    Learn Website Tips, How to Do Keyword Research, & How to Write Killer Content.
    Stop Wasting Time.
    Start Living Your Dream.
    Click Here NOW to Get Your Hands on
    One of the Most Valuable Ebooks Ever!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5284086].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Thanks Lori.

    I would have hit the "Thanks" but I am out again today
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5286068].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author SlowlyMan
      I am a firm believer in White space. Simple and to the point. Good job.

      My attention was drawn to the ebook graphic. I started reading down from there. I totally missed the headline until I went back over it again.

      One thing that tickled my BS meter was "The ONLY Step by step guide" I would consider using something different there. You use "one of a kind" later on in the text. Just my two cents.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5286216].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Emotia
    The features overshadow the benefits. It's the benefits that make the sale happen.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5286283].message }}

Trending Topics