My Seminar Headline is Crap. Help. Please.

Banned 12 years ago

Your main headline Chris without
fail must grab the prospects
attention.

How?

By means of your single biggest
benefit.

4 choices...

Make a promise.

Draw a picture.

State a fact.

Ask a question.

So with this in mind and the fact
that you want to stir up one core
emotion...

...what is your single BIGGEST
benefit?

Best regards,

Mark Andrews

Thanks

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Omar Khafagy

12 years ago

Get More Clients: How To Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site.

----------------
Here's how I came up with this:

1. I isolated the one thing that your prospects actually care about: getting more clients. Then I put it into the simplest words possible so that the prospects will recognize themselves in the words as quickly as possible.

2. Then I figured out what you were offering: increased internet traffic. What is that? The number of people that visit a website.

3. I decided to go with a "How to" headline because it feels right to me. No other reason.

4. My first iteration looked like this: "How to bring more visitors to your site."

Hm. This isn't quite right. Visitor count doesn't matter and doesn't mean that much to me if I care about getting more clients. What I want are leads, people with an actual interest in what I have to offer. How about "Leads" then?

"How to bring more leads to your site."

Still off. "Bring"? I don't want to "bring" anyone. That sounds like way too much work. I want to *pull* them in. I want that magnetic attraction.

"How to pull more leads to your site."

Only once? No, I'm running a business, I want the leads to be there consistently, reliably.

"How to reliably pull more leads to your site."

Yeah, but I don't want just any lead. I want leads that are already somewhat qualified. I want them to be past the "thinking about it" stage, and into the "actively searching for a solution" phase.

"How to Reliably Pull More Hungry Leads to Your Site."

Less is more.

"How to Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site."

5. Putting it together...
Get More Clients: How To Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site.
---------------------------------------------

Things that could improve this headline: specific numbers, such as in how many days,the number of leads you can expect to bring in, or how many different ways you're going to show them to improve their traffic.

Also, there are other ways to word this headline:

Getting More Clients: How to Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site.

How To Get More Clients: Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site.

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ASCW

12 years ago

Can you show the sales piece?

Thanks

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Site being revamped.

If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

Cool.

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Jennie Heckel

12 years ago

Hi Chris,

When I am working on a "brand" for a product or a "new catchy" name that will STICK and be remembered.... I think what is...

The biggest problem my product will SOLVE?

For Whom?

When?

How Fast?

What results will they get?

Focus on the BIG PROMISE -- that is usually the easiest one for new copywriters to do.

Generate Qualified Business Leads in ___ Days or Less!

Or...

Generate Qualified Business Leads in ___ Days or Less!

Or...

Generate Qualified Business Leads in ___ Hours or Less!

Now we're smokin'!

Generate Qualified Business Leads in ___ Minutes or Less!

Let's ramp it up a bit! Add some WONDER WORDS like "Instantly", "Quickly", "Overnight", etc.

Instantly Generate Profit Pulling Business Leads In 5 Minutes or Less!

Overnight Lead Generator - Get Profit Making Business Leads While You Sleep!

(just kidding there ... )

I think you just need to practice a little, and write a few out like this and you will get the hang of it.

Now we're RED HOT!

The template is this...

Action + Qualifier + Who + What + Time

That helps me a lot to nail down a decent headline or branding slogan right out of the gate!

The switch it around a little...

5 Minute Lead Generator - Unleash Your Business Lead Generating Power!

(See got the Unleash Idea in there...)

Now it gets a little more long winded.... To be honest the strongest headlines and slogans I find are 7 words or less are best.

It's simple after you have written a couple of gazillion headlines like I have in my 14 years...as a copywriter.

Then write about 100 versions of this out.... Nah just kidding...

But I WOULD write out a least 50 or so and then use a Thesaurus to swap around some of the words so you can see how different versions hit you.

Good luck with your seminars!

Thanks
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ewenmack 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Jennie Heckel

5 Minute Lead Generator - Unleash Your Business Lead Generating Power!

Hi Jennie,

To add even more selling power to a headline like it, 500% more
in a split test by Dan Kennedy, swap unleash to unleashes.

I observed at least half of all newspaper headlines have an action word ending with an s too.

Of course this will mean re-arranging it around.

An example...

----------------------------------------------
5 Minute Lead Generator Unleashes 61% More Hot
Leads And Slashes Costs by 165%
---------------------------------------------

You could replace "unleashes" with "gets".

My point for chiming in, is use an action word with an s
on the end because just that alone
increased response 500% in a split test.

Best,
Ewen
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wrench

12 years ago

take your top 3-4 headlines, throw 100 dollars at PPC testing a simple squeeze page with headlines.

DO NOT listen to anyone when they say "this headline is the best" unless they've tested if not YOU will have to test it.

Thanks
1 reply

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ewenmack 12 years ago

Howdy Chris,

Here's a headline that offline business owners understand,
is specific and has action words to break them out of
their slumber.

Changing a word from singular to plural jumped a headline test by 500%,
according to Dan Kennedy.

So we use that in your headline.

First point of entry is what they already know,
and that is advertising.

They spend money on it, they have ad reps call on them.

Often a love hate relationship with the whole advertising world.

So we stir up the emotion.

We call it a new media which opens up curiosity,
and we kill off any negative thoughts by saying they don't
need a website.

We tell them a real ROI figure to add credibility
and hit their greed button.

So here's what it looks like...

--------------------------------------------------------------
"New Media Slashes Advertising Costs And Drives More Sales...

Grabs 438% ROI...

Even If You Don't Have A Website...
--------------------------------------------------------------

Jim Cockrum [is that how you spell it?] says email marketing gives
returns on investment like that.
I just came with that figure, which is in the range he has said.

Anyway, we've jarred open their mind with this one idea.

Talking about websites, Adwords, social media, Google
only confuses the hell out of them.

Go in with what they already know, and that is advertising.

Getting them to collect email address's and sending out auto responder
messages will have them thinking you are a freaking genius geek!

If your target audience is more males, then you can call it Ad Attack.

Ad Attack works because it is what they know and have a turbulent relationship with,
plus it is memorable due to both words starting with the same letter and the last letter
is k which sticks in the memory. Big brands, Coke and Kodak use them.

Very descriptive too.

I haven't got one for the gentler sex.

There you go.

Best,
Ewen
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- perryny 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by ewenmack
  
  Changing a word from singular to plural jumped a headline test by 500%,
  according to Dan Kennedy.
  
  I just heard David Garfinkel explain this using an example/story where a printer mistakenly changed a headline from
  
  "Put music in your life" to "Puts music in your life"
  
  The theory given for why "Puts" pulled much more effectively is because the singular indicates there's a level of effort involved.
  
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  ewenmack 12 years ago
  
  Howdy Rob,
  
  Whatever reason behind the massive bump that one change makes,
  split testing has shown it to work.
  
  It seems like a big darn secret because it's rarely
  used in direct response copywriting.
  
  It's free money, from adding 1 letter on the end of a word.
  
  Thanks for confirming it from David Garfinkel.
  
  Best,
  Ewen
  
  Thanks
  
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RickDuris

12 years ago

Originally Posted by iamchrisgreen

How do I go about crafting a great headline??

I suspect the reason why your title isn't working is most business owners don't understand what the word "traffic" means in this context.

Like five years ago, I was a creature offline direct mail and sales presentations. But I wanted to dip my toe into the online waters and I was referred in to an entrepreneur. And when he saw my work said "I need someone with your talent."

He told me his business was buying and selling "clicks." It was like click arbitrage.

What was a "click?" How do you buy them? How do you sell them? Why would you want them? I had ZERO idea at the time.

It was a long time before I "got it."

Today's another matter. But the reason I relay the story is because the word "traffic" may be a source of confusion. When folks outside of online marketing hear the word, they think of cars on the highway.

Another reason there may be a lack of seminar attendees signups is few brick and mortar business owners understand how getting someone to their website leads to someone coming in their doors.

Hope this helps. I think some of the other comments have been helpful.

- Rick Duris

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Omar Khafagy

12 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

I suspect the reason why your title isn't working is most business owners don't understand what the word "traffic" means in this context.

I'm glad Rick pointed this out, because I may not have been so clear on that point. What he wrote there is the reason why I didn't put "Traffic" into the headline. It's not really relevant to the prospect, who is looking for 'clients' not 'traffic'.

Consider: if your prospect is looking for traffic, then they are at a different stage in their business and are already well aware of the benefits more traffic can provide for them. Knowing what 'traffic' means implies that they also understand that not all traffic is made equal. This is why you need to be particular about the sort of traffic you'd be teaching them to generate.

And on that last note... I have an opinion (and that is all that it is) on the word 'generate'. I feel that it's overused and paired too frequently with 'traffic'. Before anyone jumps on me about there being nothing wrong with using phrases that 'work', I'd like to suggest that these phrases are often used without ever testing if they do work.

The business-to-business sector is flooded with jargon, and in my experience many readers will simply skip over the prepackaged phrases to find the part that matters to them. Sometimes, the part that matters to them actually involves those little phrases, but that ought to come up in your initial research.

Ultimately, what matters most is to know what stage your customers are at. Without this vital piece of information, you cannot hope to write a good headline because you will be disconnected from the customer's frame of mind.

It's like wearing red when your blind date's looking for someone in a blue shirt.

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Chris is in the UK – so a word of caution.

This audience tends to be much more negative, sceptical and will look at the downside of any fast, quick and easy promise.

If the product/service has a 99% chance of success – the UK will inevitably focus, fret and moan about the 1% chance of it failing.

Over 25 years I’ve found - it’s safer not to make headlines seem “too good to be true”

I would start with Omar's headline.

“Get More Clients: How To Reliably Pull Hungry Leads to Your Site”

And although I hate to do it – I would take out “hungry”

But still try and “conservatively” pump it up a little.

Something like this.

“You Need More Paying Clients: How To Get Plenty of Reliable And Consistent Quality Leads To Your Website – Guaranteed”

Ideally I would want to use specific numbers and a time frame.

And I would put them in the deck copy under the headline.

In the UK with this type of promo - having got their attention with the headline - without seeming to be over the top - it's easier to get the believability on the big numbers of new clients and the quick and easy benefits.

Although you will need stacks of proof in the body copy.

Again from experience in the UK if you try and put massively huge benefits in the headline it usually reduces the response.

Steve

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Omar Khafagy

12 years ago

Steve,

Really interesting and insightful. I hadn't considered that he's writing for the UK. My experience within that market is limited, though it seems that the skepticism across the pond is not too far off from that found amongst us Canadians. I have found that business owners in Canada are also a highly skeptical lot.

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Hi Omar,

Yes, it probably is becoming much more universal - maybe the bad economies have an effect.

But the UK leads the field!

BTW - I'm British and have never seen it as a "problem" It's just something as a copywriter I have to be careful with.

My best example was a genuine "money - making" promo.

I used a "Get Rich Quick" type headline - it got an OK but not wonderful response.

I changed it to a "Get Rich Slow" type headline - and wham - the response sky - rocketed through the roof.

Steve

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perryny 12 years ago

And just like that, the most valuable website on the net continues to blossom.

Great thread, guys. Very helpful. Thanks!

-Rob
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iamchrisgreen

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Steve Copywriter

Hi Omar,

Yes, it probably is becoming much more universal - maybe the bad economies have an effect.

But the UK leads the field!

BTW - I'm British and have never seen it as a "problem" It's just something as a copywriter I have to be careful with.

My best example was a genuine "money - making" promo.

I used a "Get Rich Quick" type headline - it got an OK but not wonderful response.

I changed it to a "Get Rich Slow" type headline - and wham - the response sky - rocketed through the roof.

Steve

Yeah, this is one of the big issues in the UK. I'm not sure how many USers can get their head around just how cynical the UK crowd is.

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thehorizon 12 years ago

What benefit does your product bring your customer?
How specific can you go?
What role does your customer want to experience?
What bolts him up in the middle of the night if presented with a solution?
What are his unknown desires? The desires that he does not know he has?
Would your customer understand your headline?
Would your customer relate his problem to your headline?
Does your headline match your real offer?
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igrowyourbiz

12 years ago

hey Chris,

How's things on that side of the pond mate?

There are a ton of great ideas here, and you could use any of them.

but I bet you already know what I am going to say.

DID YOU MAKE A PLAN?

Your 7-sentence guerrilla marketing plan would filter all ideas to make sure it is "right"

Right for your target, right for your S.M.A.R.T. Goals, Rightly reflecting your identity etc.

Remember the Plan is also a filter for your advertising materials.

Spend a few minutes up front on the plan and the rest of your marketing materials effectiveness will be at least 10 fold