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Critiques From A Pre-Sales Page made by 15 Years Old Copywriter, Who doesn't Speak English Fluently

by robertmathis1026
8 replies
Hello
As you can see that, I'm a newbie. I'm only 15 years old and English is not my first language. I'm very new in Copywriting.
Now my first project is working as an affiliate and promoting Rock*t Spanish.

Here's my Pre-Sales page

my presales page

hxxp://spanish-fluently.com/letter/miracle/

PS: pleas change xx to : tt

Please give me critique from that page,
I have a question Should I direct the order to sales page so the customers have to read Rock*t Spanish default sales page or
Should I direct to the order page so they can order without reading the default Sales Page?

Please Give me Critique, I'm newbie and there are lot of things to learn. Please forgive my bad English, if you discover a grammar error in my pre-sales page please let me know. As you know that English is not my first language.

Please give me critique

Best Regards
#copywriter #critiques #english #fluently #made #page #presales #speak #years
  • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
    To be honest with you, and I am aware of your age but have to say this, there is no point giving you a critique because English is not your language.

    So any feedback would involve what? You making thousands of tweaks in a language you cannot speak?

    The whole thing from start to finish is appallingly bad.

    I don't know which country you live in but surely it makes sense to start writing things in your mother language for practice with local products and services - or even stuff you like from TV.

    I couldn't even begin to write a letter of any description in Swedish for example so it really would be pointless of me to do so.

    Dan

    PS: There are not 70 billion people living on the planet it is 7 billion.
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    • Profile picture of the author robertmathis1026
      Originally Posted by jimbo13 View Post

      To be honest with you, and I am aware of your age but have to say this, there is no point giving you a critique because English is not your language.

      So any feedback would involve what? You making thousands of tweaks in a language you cannot speak?

      The whole thing from start to finish is appallingly bad.

      I don't know which country you live in but surely it makes sense to start writing things in your mother language for practice with local products and services - or even stuff you like from TV.

      I couldn't even begin to write a letter of any description in Swedish for example so it really would be pointless of me to do so.

      Dan

      PS: There are not 70 billion people living on the planet it is 7 billion.
      thank you very much. I know, your advice is really open my eyes.
      so,do you think that my copy is very bad?
      Do I write a whole thing badly?
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  • Profile picture of the author Darion
    I have a similar sentiment as the above poster, but my advice is to try practicing in your primary language first. English wasn't my first language either, and I didn't even attempt to write a sales pitch in it until I mastered it in my mother tongue. Copywriting in another language takes more than just a literal translation. You also have to observe the cultural differences and varying norms that often gets lost in the translation.

    Plus, it's very important to build a strong foundation, especially at an early age. It's difficult to understand the intrincacies behind advanced copywriting until you've learned the basics!
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    • Profile picture of the author robertmathis1026
      Originally Posted by Darion View Post

      I have a similar sentiment as the above poster, but my advice is to try practicing in your primary language first. English wasn't my first language either, and I didn't even attempt to write a sales pitch in it until I mastered it in my mother tongue. Copywriting in another language takes more than just a literal translation. You also have to observe the cultural differences and varying norms that often gets lost in the translation.

      Plus, it's very important to build a strong foundation, especially at an early age. It's difficult to understand the intrincacies behind advanced copywriting until you've learned the basics!

      Yeah I know, I speak English everyday. I learn the language everyday.
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      • Profile picture of the author Azarna
        Why are you (John Matthis?) saying you created this, when this product seems to be the one that was created by Mauricio Evlampieff. There was a review of it in a PC magazine a few weeks ago, same box, same product name. If you are an affiliate for it are you supposed to be claiming you created it? This seems very unwise when it is a well known piece of software.

        I know you are young, and I greatly admire your having a go at this, but your credibility is everything.

        Plus you say you are married - at 15? Really? Or is this all just fibs? If you need to lie to sell something then either the product is not very good, or you need to revise your techniques. A good product does not need lies to shift it, ever.
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        • Profile picture of the author JeromeS
          Maybe you should read his post again...

          Now my first project is working as an affiliate and promoting Rock*t Spanish.
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          • Profile picture of the author Azarna
            OK, so he is an affiliate. That doesn't explain why the author of that sale's letter is claiming he created this product, when he didn't - why use a different name to the real creator?
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  • Profile picture of the author Charley Brown
    Honestly, I would continue to perfect your English writing and speaking skills in other avenues. As a non-native English speaker, you probably would be better off writing articles for people to improve your linguistic abilities. You can always venture into copywriting at another point in time in the future.
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