My first product - criticism desired!

19 replies
Hi guys, I'm new around here and new to internet marketing in general. I've created my first product and was hoping that you guys could take a look at it and let me know your thoughts. EDIT: I'm just looking for comments on my sales page, not the product itself. I wouldn't ask you to buy it just to give me criticism

My product:
battlefield3battlebook dot com

For reference, here are two competitors that are converting well:
bf3dominator dot com
relikguide dot com

(Sorry, my post count is too low to post links).
#criticism #desired #product
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Originally Posted by nickriva View Post

    Hi guys, I'm new around here and new to internet marketing in general. I've created my first product and was hoping that you guys could take a look at it and let me know your thoughts.

    My product:
    battlefield3battlebook dot com

    For reference, here are two competitors that are converting well:
    bf3dominator dot com
    relikguide dot com

    (Sorry, my post count is too low to post links).
    Create a signature file and put your link in there. You'll get a lot more feedback.
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    • Profile picture of the author nickriva
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Create a signature file and put your link in there. You'll get a lot more feedback.
      Duly noted! I've added it, so hopefully it shows up when I post this....

      EDIT: And indeed it is.
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      • Profile picture of the author Azarna
        I hope you don't mind my saying, but I doubt many people will buy this just to be able to give you criticism, and without buying it, we can't opine at all.
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        • Profile picture of the author nickriva
          Originally Posted by Azarna View Post

          I hope you don't mind my saying, but I doubt many people will buy this just to be able to give you criticism, and without buying it, we can't opine at all.
          I'm looking for criticism on my landing page, not the product.

          Sorry, I might have not made it clear that I'm talking about the sales copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author SinSimon
    For design, and graphic placement I'm giving 6/10. Does not look professional, but it's just fine.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
    Originally Posted by nickriva View Post

    I've created my first product and was hoping that you guys could take a look at it and let me know your thoughts.
    It needs a better headline:

    Signature

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    • Profile picture of the author nickriva
      Originally Posted by SinSimon View Post

      For design, and graphic placement I'm giving 6/10. Does not look professional, but it's just fine.
      Thanks for the feedback. Can you clarify the 6/10 rating and why you say it doesn't look professional?

      Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

      It needs a better headline.

      image.jpg
      Damn, that's good. Thanks!!!! One person I had showed the landing page to had mentioned that it needs more excitement in it, and I think you've hit the nail on the head.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    So Nick, did you join the warrior forum to get a critique on your product?
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    • Profile picture of the author nickriva
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      So Nick, did you join the warrior forum to get a critique on your product?
      I joined the Warrior Forums to learn about Internet Marketing. What better way than a hands-on approach?
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Axelrod
        Hey Nick,

        Welcome to the Warrior Forum! (And for the record, there's no better reason to join than to get help on your current projects you're taking action on.)

        I'd work on tapping the big WHY'S for your audience. Why do they want to get good at Battlefield?

        Well there's to WIN, but that's just scratching the surface.

        Do they want to brag to their friends?

        Do they get a rock-hard ego trip out of destroying an enemy?

        Do they want to impress their AOL girlfriends?

        (Ok, maybe not the last one, but you get my point) :-)

        Think about that and work those benefits into your headlines and copy. Also, talk about some measurable results for your product. Does it improve sniper accuracy by 20% Do your customers improve their winning percentage by three times?

        Best thing on the page is your testimonials. I really like the "Turns it into a science!" and "I thought I was advanced but..."

        Great job. By the way, I thought your original headline (snivelin' mama's boy)was grabbing and funny in a good way. It could probably be improved, but it did have a good hook to it, in my opinion.

        --Dan
        Signature
        How to Improve Your Sales Conversion Rate 50% to 283 %

        Start Making Sales NOW With My Help
        http://www.realsalescopy.com

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        • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
          Originally Posted by Dan Axelrod View Post

          Great job. By the way, I thought your original headline (snivelin' mama's boy)was grabbing and funny in a good way. It could probably be improved, but it did have a good hook to it, in my opinion.
          It's actually my headline. Nick's headline read:

          The first and only smart guide for Battlefield 3!
          Signature

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          • Profile picture of the author nickriva
            Originally Posted by Dan Axelrod View Post

            Hey Nick,

            Welcome to the Warrior Forum! (And for the record, there's no better reason to join than to get help on your current projects you're taking action on.)

            I'd work on tapping the big WHY'S for your audience. Why do they want to get good at Battlefield?

            Well there's to WIN, but that's just scratching the surface.

            Do they want to brag to their friends?

            Do they get a rock-hard ego trip out of destroying an enemy?

            Do they want to impress their AOL girlfriends?

            (Ok, maybe not the last one, but you get my point) :-)

            Think about that and work those benefits into your headlines and copy. Also, talk about some measurable results for your product. Does it improve sniper accuracy by 20% Do your customers improve their winning percentage by three times?

            Best thing on the page is your testimonials. I really like the "Turns it into a science!" and "I thought I was advanced but..."

            Great job. By the way, I thought your original headline (snivelin' mama's boy)was grabbing and funny in a good way. It could probably be improved, but it did have a good hook to it, in my opinion.

            --Dan
            Great stuff - I'm rewriting my copy today and I'll be sure to ask myself why my customer's want to get good. And I wish I could take credit for that headline, but Mr. Subtle came up with that one.

            Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

            It's actually my headline. Nick's headline read:

            The first and only smart guide for Battlefield 3!
            Mr. Subtle, what font did you use for that image?
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            • Profile picture of the author Centurian
              Originally Posted by nickriva View Post

              Great stuff - I'm rewriting my copy today and I'll be sure to ask myself why my customer's want to get good. And I wish I could take credit for that headline, but Mr. Subtle came up with that one.

              Mr. Subtle, what font did you use for that image?
              He'll let you buy it.

              Click on his sig.
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              • Profile picture of the author Content Creator
                needs more "pop". Since you are going after the gamer market, you need a sales page that is heavy with graphics, video, and sound.

                I would suggest you spend the extra money and get a professional web designer to make a really awesome sales page. It shouldn't cost more than $300.
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          • Profile picture of the author Centurian
            Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

            It's actually my headline. Nick's headline read:

            The first and only smart guide for Battlefield 3!
            Yeah. Well Mr. Subtle's headline has a flat out grabbing headline. My wording may be different, but his slammin' "subtle" headline takes the cake.

            I'd position the video directly under a headline like this.
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  • Profile picture of the author Absolute Logo
    Hey Nick! It looks good! I don't even play Battlefield 3 and I almost bought it Good job!
    Signature
    Absolute Logo Perfect for your small business!
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  • Profile picture of the author Brendanm
    I do play Battlefield and i love it
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Excell234
    think more graphics and pictures will do some good
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  • Profile picture of the author John Galt
    Congrats on the product launch Nick. A couple of things I'd change:

    1. Move the testimonials earlier into the copy. Like Dan said, they're pretty damn persuasive. Too persuasive to sit at the bottom of the page.

    2. In that vein, I'd work some more proof into the copy. Who exactly are you? Why should I trust you?

    Good luck with the offer, Nick.
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